CSzem's Corner

(BOD - Stacey Dash)

Tewks' Picks: Vikings (-5.5), Browns (+4.5), Broncos (+9.5), Giants (-7), Bears (-4.5), Packers (-9.5), Saints (-6.5), Falcons (-2), Raiders (+13), Seahawks (-6), Colts (-5), Rams (-3.5), Ravens (-3), Jets (+3.5)

Last Week: 6-9
This Week: 1-0
Overall: 31-27

Congrats to Tewks for winning in his first ever NFL pick. That must have been quite exhilarating. I remember my first gambling win, as a wide-eyed 17 year old (18 as far as the Canadian government is concerned). I won $1,000 playing Pro-Line (seriously). Probably the worst thing that ever happened to me, since it basically guaranteed a lifetime of being a degenerate gambler.

Tewks, no doubt, has the itch now as well. After his beginner’s luck wears off, I look forward to the inevitable column on his new site, “The Why Me?!?!”. Indeed, a career as a professional baseball player is likely unattainable with two broken kneecaps.

On to the picks!!

Bills (+5.5) @ Vikings

Bills seem to be playing everyone tough. I am a little worried about God seeking some revenge on Steve Johnson for getting blamed for Johnson’s ridiculous drop in the endzone (in OT, no less) last week against the Steelers. But according to Johnson’s Twitter page, they seem to have reconciled their differences as the week went on. Still too much respect for the Vikings.

Browns (+4.5) @ Dolphins

As I correctly wrote last week, the Browns play up (or down) to their opponent, narrowly sneaking out a win (and cost Gretzpo $400 in our Survivor Pool, as well….that was fun). The Dolphins continue to be rock solid on the road, and horrid at home.

Broncos (+9.5) @ Chiefs

I am already terrified at the fact that I keep taking underdogs. Chiefs might be better than I think they are. Tough, old-school, AFC West rivalry though. If the Broncos have any pride, they’ll at least make this competitive.

Giants (-7) v. Redskins

In all honesty, I originally had the Redskins but changed it so I wasn’t picking another ‘dog. This is a good line. Giants are clearly the better team, and they should take care of business here.

Lions (+5) v. Bears

Classic letdown game for the Bears after their big win against the Eagles. I’m thinking they sleepwalk through the first bit of the game and then wake up enough to make sure they win (but don’t cover). Apparently the Lions haven’t won a division game since 2007. How is that even possible??

Packers (-9.5) v. 49ers

Packers in a walk.

Bengals (+6.5) v. Saints

You know what’s crazy about the fact that I’m taking all of these underdogs? In my “Straight Up” pool (no spread), I took literally all of the favourites to win. So pretty much the only way I can win money this week in both is if every single game is close, and ridiculously entertaining, but won by the favourite. Perfect, that always happens.

Falcons (-2) @ Bucs

This is the start of the three game road trip where we’re going to find out if Atlanta is actually the best team in the NFC (and maybe the NFL). If they’re as good as everyone thinks they are, they’ll get this done.

Chargers (-13) v. Raiders

This line absolutely blew me away when I saw it. Thought it was going to be maybe 9.5. Seems insanely high. But the Chargers just won by 22 AT Indy, in primetime. No one does that. They are destroying people right now.

Seahawks (-6) v. Panthers

I’m thinking last week was going to be the Panthers last shot to win a game this year. The Pacific Northwest is a tough place to travel to for a football game (but a great place to learn how to climb trees).

Colts (-5) v. Cowboys

This game is going to tell me whether or not the Colts are done. I think they’ve got enough in them to win this one and eventually win the division.

Cards (+3.5) v. Rams

I cannot wait for a 7-9 team to win the NFC West. I think Jon Gruden’s head might explode.

Jets (+3.5) @ Pats

What a great game this is going to be. I might actually stay up for the second half (dammit, I’m starting to sound like Tewks). In a game like this, I think you have to take the points. The Jets could win this game, and the Pats could win by a FG. Could the Pats cover? Sure, but I don’t think that’s any more likely than either of those other two things, and two out of three ain’t bad.

Ravens (-3) v. Steelers

Is Rogers the Saviour of MLSE?

(BOD - Jessica Rabbit)

Thursday NFL Picks: Tewks - Philly (-8.5), CSzem - Philly (-8.5)

In a word: No.

Ok, see you all next week.

Truthfully, I could end today’s column there and my thoughts on the Rogers Communication takeover bid of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment would be captured perfectly. But since I’m down to one column a week on this site (be sure to check out http://proballorbust.blogspot.com), I figured I owe it to my loyal readers to come up with some reasons why this merger is such a terrible idea.

I love how, when the story first broke, everyone was saying that this was the shot in the arm MLSE needed to start producing winning franchises.

Really? Rogers is the organization that will teach the Leafs, Raptors and TFC how to win? How many titles have the Blue Jays won under the stewardship of Rogers? Zero. How many times have they reached the playoffs? Zero.

This partnership would be more like the blind leading the blind.

The only thing his merger would guarantee is that the coverage of the putrid performances of Toronto’s sports teams would covered to such a pervasive degree that every fan watching in the GTA will be able to see and feel each loss like it’s a member of their own family producing such disappointment.

Can our teams win? Not a chance. But we’ll talk about them and spin rosy images about how we’re just on the cusp of breaking through on a myriad of sports channels all led by talking heads whose command of the English language is as underwhelming as their sports knowledge.

Is every Rogers customer going to receive a stake in the newly formed conglomerate since it’s the wildly overpriced and overvalued cable services Rogers charges for that has allowed the company to make the takeover bid in the first place?

The part I hate most about this story is that its being pitched as a business move pure and simple, with talks of ‘branding’, positioning’ and ‘marketplace.’ Way to take the fun and passion out of sports in Toronto. Why not talk about winning and bringing championships to the city?

I know I’ve said this before, but the biggest problem the Toronto sports scene has is that none of the teams have a billionaire owner at the helm. I’m convinced that you cannot win championships unless you have an owner whose only concern is winning and not the bottom line.

I’m sorry, but winning sports franchises cannot be treated as a business. They need to be treated as a billionaire’s plaything (analogous to a trophy wife). The owner’s desire to win has to trump everything, including the bottom line. Sports cannot be run thinking about profits and losses. They should only be measured in championships.

And until that happens in Toronto, we will be forced to deal with losing season after losing season, no matter what billion dollar company is at the helm.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Twitter and The Heat

The podcast is back after last week's unfortunate misstep. We covered CSzem's abhorrent gambling performance last weekend and disscussed our upcoming showdown on this week's slate of NFL games. CSzem also gave me a crash course on all things Twitter and suggested a few things to make I Dream of Long Bus Rides more pervasive on the web.

Then we dissected the 2010 Miami Heat and tried to figure just what is wrong with LeBron and company.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Twitter and The Heat

Enjoy.

CSzem's Corner

(BOD - Minka Kelly)

It's nice to see he actually showed up this time.

Last Week: 11-5
This Week: 3-0
Overall: 28-18

My recent hot streak could not have come a moment too soon, as Mrs. CSzem has detailed, the littlest member of our family (my son, not my penis....) has taken ill over the last few days. Baby meds are not cheap, so let's hope that the picks keep flowing. Last week was very successful, and this week is off to a flying start, as even my Cowboys managed to pull off a cover (despite the fact that they blew a very winnable game....). The amazing (or perhaps, not so surprising) thing about these picks is that I do absolutely no research. And I mean that. I am the kind of guy who spends hours pouring over stats and analysis to try to figure out what I'm going to do for fantasy teams, or for making "friendly" wagers (with my bookie), but for these picks, due to the journalistic time constraints Tewks places me under, I pull up the lines on my phone and I write down a pick. No wonder I'm doing much better.

On to the picks!

Washington (-1) v. Minnesota

This is a "green" pick, because I'm recycling the exact same thing I've said the past few weeks for Minnesota. They are horrible, and Vegas refuses to acknowledge it. Why is this virtually a pick'em?? Washington is clearly the better team (not that they're all that good), and they're at home.

Pittsburgh (-6) @ Buffalo

A weird line. Buffalo has become a bit of a "lovable loser" who keeps games close and is a tough out. I think the Steelers have turned it up a notch based on their man-handling (not the Big Ben kind....the football kind) of Oakland last week. They'll bury the Bills.

Tennessee (+6.5) @ Houston

If Houston was a good, well-coached, team, they'd easily handle this game. Tennessee is down to their third-string QB, who is someone that I have literally never heard of. He's a rookie, and I watch hours and hours of college football, plus the full NFL combine, plus the full NFL Draft. And I've never even heard his name mentioned. And yeah, I'm picking him on the road in his first career start. That's how little faith I have in the Houston secondary.

NY Giants (-7) v. Jacksonville

Amazingly, one of these teams is leading their division, and it's not the Giants. Jacksonville has to be the worst team in history to be leading their division after American Thanksgiving. They should get pummeled in this game, as they have in a few other road contests this year.

Carolina (+10) @ Cleveland

Carolina is horrendous, but I just don't think Cleveland should be laying 10 to anyone. They play up or down to their competition and will probably win a really ugly game that no one will watch.

Tampa Bay (+9) @ Baltimore

One of these days, Josh Freeman is going to be respected by the oddsmakers. Evidently, today is not that day. Tampa hangs tough here. They lost by 6 at Atlanta (a tougher place to play).

Chicago (+3.5) v. Philadelphia

Dangerous home dog that seems to be coming together well right now. Everyone's all aboard the Philly hype train, so in the NFL that usually means they're about to be derailed so we all remain confused.

Green Bay (+1) @ Atlanta

The toughest game to pick on the board, without question. I'm going with the Packers because Mrs. CSzem took them in the pick'em pool.

Seattle (+1) v. Kansas City

Kind of a screwy line for me. Both of these teams are "good at home, not so good on road" type teams. I think it'll be close, but I think Seattle should be favoured in their building.

Denver (-4) v. St. Louis

Purely for spite. St. Louis cost me a lot of money last week by not covering at home against Atlanta.

Indianapolis (-3) v. San Diego

Peyton Manning is only laying 3 points in prime time? Seriously? Is it possible to arrange a second-mortgage on my house by Sunday night at 8:15?

Arizona (+1) v. San Francisco

I think this is the third straight year these teams have played each other on MNF, which is absolutely insane. Who finds this game compelling?? Seriously? It wasn't even a good game when Kurt Warner was still playing. They've played this game in Mexico on MNF, and then last year I was in Vegas while it was going on (perhaps might explain my bitterness about the matchup....didn't go well). But just an awful, awful matchup. I'll take the home team.

Jeter Can Play Hardball?

(BOD - Olivia Munn)

CSzem’s Turkey Picks: Patriots (-6.5), Cowboys (+3.5), Jets (-9)

I have to apologize to you, dear readers and listeners. For the first time in the history of this blog, a column was not posted when I said it was going to be. I fully expected to get the podcast up and running at some point on Tuesday, but the conversation never actually materialized.

And for that, please direct your ire towards CSzem. However, this is the first podcast for which he has not answered the bell since the inception of Talkin’ with Tewks Live, so I really can’t be too upset.

And I’m sure his fatherly duties preclude him from a lot of things, so the fact he is able to fit the podcasts into his busy and harried schedule is an admirable feat. Also, I can’t be upset at Mrs. CSzem purely for the fact that she is forced to cohabitate with CSzem, while also caring for a young son (which basically means she has two children at home).

Instead, I’m placing the blame squarely on young OSzem’s shoulders. Come on, dude. You’re probably close to six months old by now. Time to grow up and start feeding and bathing yourself, and going to bed on your own. Maybe get a job too. Stop freeloading off your parents.

It’s embarrassing, kid. Have you even started a weightlifting program yet? Give your head a shake. Your move, OSzem. Bring it.

Onto today’s column………….

Derek Jeter and the New York Yankees are currently involved in some hardball, don’t blink negotiations over a new contract for New York’s beloved captain. As of right now, neither team seems willing to budge on their current stance and both parties seem willing to engage in protracted negotiations.

At first glance, you might side with Jeter. He’s been the face of the franchise for fifteen years, has led to the team to five World Series titles and is the best contemporary example of the ridiculous, mythical title of a “True Yankee.” How can New York’s front office not offer Jeter a fair contract so the man can end his career as Yankee?

However, then you find out that the Yankees offered Jeets a three year contract worth $45 million. And Jeter’s management team declined the offer, saying they wanted to test the market.

What?

Paying $15 million a year for a shortstop rushing towards forty, with diminishing skills, is ludicrous. There’s no way in hell Jeter would be able to command that salary in the open market. The Yankees are giving him a gift at 3 years, $45 million. He should just take it and be glad the brothers Steinbrenner have basically built in a ‘thanks for being the face of the franchise’ fee into the contract.

The $15 million salary would make Jeter the highest paid shortstop in the league, which is funny considering he’s not even the best shortstop on the team. This is where all the Jeter supporters get their panties in a twist by pointing out he just won his fifth gold glove and had the highest fielding percentage of his career.

Yes, that’s all well and good, but when he’s not actually fast enough to reach balls hit in his general direction, it’s pretty hard to make errors. Jeter’s lateral movement reminds me of a newborn fawn trying to take its first steps.

Jeter should just thank his lucky stars the Yankees are too scared to ask him to move to another position and are willing to give him all this money. For such a ‘team guy’ and the captain of the franchise, shouldn’t he be willing to take a large pay cut to stay in New York and help his team win?

My guess is Jeter will realize no other team in the league will give him the money he wants, he’ll go back to the Yankees, get his 3000th hit and ride off into sunset to make babies with receding hairlines and egg-shaped heads with Minka Kelly.

Talkin' with Tewks Live

Podcast will be posted late tonight.

CSzem's Corner

(CSzem mailed in today's column, so I'm mailing in the BOD. Although he gets bonus points for a dynamite Road House reference)

Last week: 6-7

This week: 0-1
Overall: 14-13

Pittsburgh (-7) v. Oakland

Love that this line came down to 7. It opened at 9 (as I suggested it would on the podcast).

Houston (+7) @ NY Jets

Jets don't blow people out.

Baltimore (-10.5) @ Carolina

Carolina starting Brian St. Pierre. When I read the headline yesterday "St. Pierre to get start", it took me a good 10 minutes to figure out what team he played for.

Tennessee (-7) v. Washington

Because I watched Monday night's game.

Detroit (+6.5) @ Dallas

Dallas isn't good enough to be laying 6.5 points to anyone in the NFL. I don't care if their coach is Jason Garrett or Wade Garrett.

Green Bay (-3) @ Minnesota

I am going to keep betting against Brett Favre until Vegas sets a line that makes me stop.

Buffalo (+5.5) @ Cincinnati

Both these teams are just awful. Take the points.

Jacksonville (-1) v. Cleveland

It's going to be a very close race between the Jags and the Bears to see which team can claim the title of "worst team that's inexplicably in the playoffs".

Kansas City (-9) v. Arizona

Naturally I want to bet on the team that just gave up 49 points to a 2-6 Denver team. Arizona is just THAT bad on the road.

New Orleans (-11.5) v. Seattle

No particularly good reason, just think they stretch this one out late.

St. Louis (+3) v. Atlanta

Sign me up for a good home team getting 3 points against a team that is markedly better at home and is due for a letdown coming off a big win.

Tampa (+3.5) @ San Francisco

Niners might win, but it'll be a lot like last week.

New England (-3.5) v. Indianapolis

So tough to lay more than a FG here, but the Pats are the better (and healthier) team right now.

Philadelphia (-3) v. NY Giants

Because I watched Monday night's game.

San Diego (-10) v. Denver

I can already picture myself falling asleep early in the third quarter as Mike Tirico tries to keep me interested in a game that is 35-7 for the Chargers.

A Joke of a Franchise

(BOD - Mrs. Tewks)

CSzem picks Miami (-1) in tonight's NFL matchup
Surprisingly, the column title does not refer to the Toronto Maple Leafs. How could it when the boys are blue are currently riding a robust one game winning streak? Also, I’m not talking about TFC because, well, soccer isn’t really a sport and not interesting enough to garner my attention.

However, if you stay in the MLSE family, you would be on the right track (what a first class run sports organization. Three teams and they’re all terrible. Unless you count the Marlies, but I think they suck too).

Look at the following names and tell me what you see: Solomon Alabi, David Andersen, Marcus Banks, Ed Davis, Joey Dorsey, Linas Kleiza and Sonny Weems.

The character list for The Usual Suspects? The supporting players in a dinner theatre production of Twelfth Night?

Nope, this is a list of actual players on the 2010-11 Toronto Raptors basketball team. I can’t even say that I assumed the team would be bad because of their roster because I’ve never actually heard of any of these guys. A once proud playoff team has been denigrated to a scrap heap that would have trouble beating most D-League teams on a given night.

The Raptors are currently ranked 28th out of 30 in the league in terms of winning percentage. And this swoon has nothing to do with Chris Bosh so his name will not be mentioned again in this space. Besides, he’s too busy getting dunked on by guys my size to worry about Toronto and its lack of cable TV options.

Let’s go through a little bit of revisionist history, shall we? Wasn’t Brian Colangelo supposed to be the saviour of this team? He was considered to be one of the brightest minds in the NBA and was brought to Toronto with much fanfare a few years ago. In fact, MLSE engaged in a bidding war with a number of other teams to have Colangelo’s basketball IQ work in their Bay Street offices.

Colangelo came in here with hilariously overpriced wardrobe and said all the right things about building a winner and bringing a championship to this title-starved city. He was given absolute control of the basketball operations and proceeded to work his magic. And Colangelo has absolutely nothing to show for it except for an increasingly bitter fan base.

(Couldn’t the two previous paragraphs been written verbatim for Brian Burke except exchange the fruity wardrobe for penchant for using big words?)

Truthfully, I’ve followed the Raptors at a distance this season. They suck so there’s no point in me watching such drivel. If I wanted to watch horrible performance after horrible performance then I would be better off watching some of my homemade sex tapes.

However, listening to the radio last night, I heard something that drove me fucking crazy. The Raptors won last night and the commentator praised for the team for giving a good effort, something that has been apparently lacking so far this year.

Are you shitting me? Professional athletes, making millions of dollars a year, have to be praised for showing up and doing their job. That is sickening to hear and I hope the Raptors don’t win 10 games all year.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Gambling

(BOD - Laura Vandervoort)

CSzem teaches me all about the finer points of betting against the spread in football. I actually prove to be a surprisingly quick learner. We also discuss:

- Mrs. CSzem's prowess and her unique strategy
- Michael Vick and the benefits of prison
- Donovan McNabb's ridiculous contract
- The Dallas Cowboys
- A workout challenge
- A gambling challenge

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Gambling

Enjoy.

CSzem's Corner

(BOD - Miranda Kerr)

(Last week's record: 8-5. Ladies and gentlemen, CSzem is not completely useless)

As Tewks has no doubt informed you in the intro to this write-up, my initial run at making picks in a public forum went surprisingly well. Anything above a .500 record is an achievement (just ask the Toronto Blue Jays, Tewks….), and being a couple games over is that much better. If I was a smart gambler, and just bet each individual game while taking my own advice, last weekend would have been profitable. But that would be far too logical.

On to this week’s picks.

Colts (-7) v. Bengals

The Bengals are really in disarray, despite nearly pulling off a monumental comeback on Monday night (no team in history had ever come back from 20 points down against the Steelers – seriously – and the Bengals almost did it in the 4th quarter on Monday night). The Colts need to step on the gas, and should get this done.

Texans (+1) @ Jags

This is the first of a huge number of games with a spread of 1, which is typically very rare. This means there’s a lot of money to be made as long as you can pick winners. Crap, that doesn’t bode well.

Allow me a slight digression here for the purposes of educating fledgling gamblers out there. In picking these games, it’s important to keep in mind the process that goes into setting these lines. First off, the most common misconception about Vegas lines is that people think the lines are intended to reflect what Vegas considers to be “the most likely outcome”. Not true. Vegas’ goal in setting a line is to pick a line that will generate equal amounts of action on either side. So they’re trying to read the public more than the teams. This is why you often pay a bit of a “tax” on teams that the public typically likes to support (like the Pats, Cowboys, Colts, etc.).

The OTHER important note (and the reason I brought this up now) is that Vegas typically works in a 3 point advantage for the home team. What that means is that (for the game above) the oddsmakers actually think that Houston is 2 points better than Jacksonville. If the game was in Houston, it would (likely) be Houston -5. So that’s why I’m taking the Texans. Vegas and I both think they’re the better team.

(We’ll try to keep it brief now….)

Dolphins (+1) v. Titans

Please ignore that entire diatribe as I now go directly against what I just discussed.

Bears (+1) v. Vikings

Why? Why why why? Why do people still think the Vikings are good? They needed a miracle fourth quarter just to beat the Cardinals (a terrible road team) at the Metrodome. And now I’m supposed to believe they’re going into Soldier Field and winning against a team with a much better record?

Lions (+2.5) @ Bills

Why am I talking myself into the Lions as a bit of a sleeper team? Ndamukong Suh (eat that spell check) is an absolute beast and I think will make life miserable for Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Browns (+3) v. Jets

Is Cleveland good? They might be, right? They just won in New Orleans and then manhandled New England. The Jets struggled to win on the road at Detroit, who probably isn’t as good as this frisky Browns team. Jets may win, but not by a lot.

Bucs (-6.5) v. Panthers

One of the best calls I made last week was saying that the Josh Freeman-led Bucs weren’t getting enough respect in Atlanta, and that the line should have been 6.5 or 7 (they lost by 6 when they failed to convert a 4th down from the 1 at the end of the game). Carolina is AWFUL. They might be worse than Dallas.

Chiefs (-1) @ Broncos

Looks like one of the easiest games on the board to me so you can probably mark down the Broncos for a win.

Rams (+6) @ Niners

This week’s version of the “How the hell are they laying 6 points to ANYONE” game. Rams are flat out better than SF. This line is crazy to me.

Cardinals (-3) v. Seahawks

These teams both suck. But they both also win games at home and get smoked on the road.

Giants (-13.5) v. Cowboys

I was legitimately excited when I saw that this line was less than 2 TDs. I think there’s money to be made here.

Pats (+4.5) @ Steelers

Two good teams, think it comes down to a FG or late TD.

Eagles (-3) @ Redskins

The Eagles might be really good, the Redskins are not.

Pretty sure I will have lost most of you (most likely Tewks, included) when I went on my little gambling-education rant. But it’s CSzem’s Corner, and that means I can do what I want. Plus, I guarantee none of you were up at 2:30, 3:10, 3:30, and 4:00 (or if you were, it was more pleasant than it was for me).

A Day to Remember

Last year, I wrote a Remembrance Day column that I think was, perhaps, the best thing I've ever written on this blog. Reading it over last night, I realized there is no way I can capture such lightning in a bottle again.

Also, I know that the readership of this blog has increased greatly since then, so I'm sure there are a lot of you who haven't had a chance to read it. Therefore, I'm going to repost it as it's the best way I can pay tribute to the brave men and women who fight in our armed forces.



Today is Remembrance Day. It should be held in the utmost respect and reverence for the hundreds of thousands of men and women who have served in the military protecting the liberties we, as a society, take for granted every day.

For that reason, today’s post will be a marked departure from my regular fare: this is a tribute to the brave Canadians who have risked and are risking their lives overseas to protect the world from tyranny and oppression.

This is not meant to be a political discussion. I don’t care if you sit on the right or the left; arguing about the purpose and merits of our fighting forces does nothing but cheapen their tremendous sacrifice. I will say this, to all of those who question our involvement in overseas conflicts:

The only reason you are able to espouse such opinions and exercise your right of free speech is due to the strength and resolve of our veterans. Remember that the next time you get up on your moral high horse and criticize military tactics and procedures. These people made the ultimate sacrifice for you, asking nothing in return. Never forget it.

I fear that patriotism and remembrance is taking a backseat in the non-stop hustle of 21st century society and its complete subservience to technology. When is the last time you turned off your cellphone, email, TV or the internet and truly appreciated how great it is to live in a country like Canada?

I love the support provided by citizens during repatriation ceremonies along the Highway of Heroes, but it’s terrible to think that such an outpouring of compassion and thanks is catalyzed by the death of one of our soldiers.

I implore everyone to shut off all communication devices at 11am and reflect on the lives that were lost to guarantee our liberty. Two minutes is a miniscule amount of time to appreciate the veterans and the blanket of freedom they have provided Canadians.

Watching the Remembrance Day Ceremonies from Ottawa, it was heartbreaking to watch dozens of elderly men and women reminisce about their wartime experiences. Although their words couldn’t be heard, it was evident they struggled with inner demons of what they saw and what they had to do during their time “over there.” Many had tears rolling down their cheeks.

World War II veterans lived in an era where you kept things internalized and didn’t vocalize their experiences. I’m sure many of them did extraordinary and heroic things but they wouldn’t be caught dead bragging about them. That is extremely noble and refreshing in today’s “look at me” society.

The courage and bravery showed by these veterans is incomprehensible to me. We live in an age where sports media types think “courage” is a pitcher throwing on three days rest. Risking your life for your country is something the average person could never imagine.

I have a close friend currently serving a second tour of duty overseas. He is the bravest person I know. I can’t imagine what he goes through on a daily basis. The funny thing is I could beat him up in high school; now he could probably kill me with one hand.

I also have no problem saying I am too much of a coward to do what he does. It takes a special type of person with a bravery gene to risk life and limb. I am glad there are people like him willing to do the dirty work to keep us safe.

The things veterans have seen and experienced change them forever. They are haunted by their experiences for the rest of their lives – a steep price to pay for serving one’s country.

My thoughts on Remembrance Day can be encapsulated by the following music video; it’s one of the most stirring and heartfelt things I have ever seen. If you only look at one link I ever post on this blog, please make it Terry Kelly’s Pittance of Time.

To all former and current military personnel:

THANK YOU.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: A Small Sniff of Potpourri

(BOD - Brooklyn Decker)

Today's podcast is an abridged version of our usual fare. Cszem departed after just five minutes because he supposedly had to go "to work". Truthfully, I just think he didn't want to cry on air about the plight of his beloved Cowboys.

We discussed some NFL football and his apparently accurate picks and then I went on a solo mission after he left to talk about the NHL and NBA.

Before I post the podcast, I need to do some general housekeeping. From now on, new material will be posted on this site every Tuesday, Thursday and most Fridays (with Cszem's NFL picks). Podcasts on Tuesdays and my longer article on Thursdays.

Here is the link to my new website (remember to copy the link in your browser). It's kind of like the end of the Wizard of Oz when the great and powerful Wizard (Tewks) is revealed to be a small, creepy man with a predilection for Kansas farm girls (my real persona). New material will be posted there every Wednesday morning.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: A Small Sniff of Potpourri
  
Enjoy.

Cszem's Corner: NFL Picks

(BOD - Anna Nicole Miller)

CSzem is going to step up to the plate and provide us with a weekly NFL picks column to be posted on Fridays. He's a real mensch. Also, the other website I have been working on will be unleashed on Wednesday morning with two articles. I will post the site adress in Tuesday's podcast column.

As this is my initial foray into the realm of a public picks column, I feel the need to start with the mother of all caveats. So here it is: I am TERRIBLE at picking NFL games. Absolutely awful. I am so bad that in my "Pick'Em" pool, I buried myself so badly and so far down in the standings, that three weeks ago I handed the picking duties off to Mrs. CSzem (a move which has dramatically improved my performance in the pool) - and that pool is simply trying to pick winners, without even taking the spread into account. So....yeah....this might not go all that well.

But as has been evident through multiple podcast ambushes, and a Guest Column written from the hospital a day after OSzem was born, Tewks cares far more about the entertainment of you the reader than he does about potentially embarrassing me in a public forum (the fact that I keep coming back for more is a whole other discussion).

So here goes, these picks come with the official warning that if you follow them too closely, you are likely jeopardizing your ability to:

A) Feed your family
B) Pay your rent or mortgage
C) Avoid having your thumbs broken

Buffalo (+2.5) v. Chicago

After that build up, might as well start these picks with the lunacy of picking the worst team in the league - a team that hasn't won a game yet this year, no less. The Bills have been knocking on the door, and this has great potential to be a really weird game (being played at Rogers Centre). Plus, I'll be in attendance and want to bet on the "home" team.

San Diego (-3) @ Houston

Feels like the Chargers have started their annual late season surge. They cost me money last week by covering when I thought they wouldn't, so it stands to reason that this week they'll cost me money by NOT covering when I think they will.....

Carolina (+6.5) v. New Orleans

This weekend has a bunch of "home dogs" (that means the road team is favoured, Tewks), and I think it's going to turn out to be one of those days where people can’t figure out what’s going on when a bunch of bad teams beat good teams (or at least keep games close).

Arizona (+8) @ Minnesota

Can someone please explain to me how the Vikings are laying 8 points to ANYONE? I know the Cardinals are bad on the road, but the Vikings are an absolute mess.

Tampa Bay (+9) @ Atlanta

Line should be 6.5 or 7. Tampa’s a good team, and I am 100% buying on Josh Freeman. The oddsmakers are giving Atlanta lots of love here, and while they absolutely should win this game, I think it stays in single digits.

NY Jets (-4) @ Detroit

The Lions are coming off a breakthrough win against the Redskins. The Jets are coming off seemingly a mental breakdown against the Packers. If you don’t think that’s going to completely reverse course, you haven’t been paying attention. LOVE the Jets here.

Baltimore (-5) v. Miami

Miami has let to lose a road game (and yet to win a home game), which is ridiculous, and won’t continue in the NFL. “Football Outsiders” (which is a football statistics website that geeks and gambling addicts flock to) says that they won’t win more than one more game on the road. This won’t be that one.

New England (-4.5) @ Cleveland

This is the best team in the league (fact, not my opinion) against the Cleveland F’ing Browns. And they’re only laying 4.5?? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

Seattle (OFF) v. NY Giants

This line is OFF, presumably because Charlie “J.C.” Whitehurst is likely to be starting for the Seahawks. Whatever the line comes in at, I like Seattle (I realize how ridiculous that is). The Giants are due for a letdown and traveling all the way across the country to play in one of the NFL’s toughest stadiums is as good a spot as any.

Oakland (-2.5) v. Kansas City

If you had told me before the season that this would be a huge matchup with significant playoff implications, I would have assumed you spent a little too much time hanging out with Ron Washington. But here we are. I actually think both of these teams are good, as ridiculous as that sounds.

Indy (+3) @ Philadelphia

I just don’t see Peyton Manning losing this game by more than a FG. I actually think they should win this game. The NFC is a disaster, so I’m taking the AFC in pretty much any matchups possible. (Actually, looking back, I’ve done that in every inter-conference game….so at least I’m consistent)

Green Bay (-7.5) v. Dallas

They could probably put a “1” at the start of this line and I’d still take the Packers. In all honesty, it’s ridiculous the respect that the Cowboys keep getting. Last week, they were laying 6.5 points, and this week, if they were any other awful 1-6 team coming into Lambeau, they’d be getting 13.5.

Pittsburgh (-5) @ Cincinnati

In a perfect world, I’d finish this column with something exceptionally witty or clever. But in a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to sit through Steelers/Bengals in Prime Time on MNF.

Tune in next week to see how I did, and for more surefire winners (aka the opposite of what I pick).

Talkin' with Tewks Live: World Series Recap

(BOD - January Jones)

I had hoped that today's podcast would have included a discussion of Game 5 and a look forward to Game 6, but Edgar and Renteria, and by extension Cliff Lee, made sure that hope was crushed like a grape.

Instead, CSzem and I touched on the following:

- Some pretty harsh Cliff Lee backlash
- The drug habits and managerial decisions of Ron Washington
- Where will Lee pitch next year?
- The amazing story of the Giants
- Playing for the Yankees
- Women and their pursuit of the Almighty Dollar
- Ryan Smyth leaving Edmonton
- Chris Pronger cheating on his wife
- John Farrell and Manny Ramirez
- MLB Awards
- The Jays chances in 2011

Talkin' with Tewks Live: World Series Recap

Enjoy.

Bonkers for Bumgarner

(BOD - Angelina Jolie)

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that, as of ten days ago, my knowledge of Madison Bumgarner began and ended at the juvenile joy I obtained every time I said his name out loud.

After last night’s performance, the childish snickers I enjoyed from his surname will be the last thing I focus on when I hear about the 21 year old, left-handed flamethrower. Bumgarner gave the Giants a stranglehold on the World Series with eight fantastic innings of three hit, shutout ball. The best word to describe the Rangers hitters as they flailed away at Bumgarner’s offerings would be flummoxed.

He was so calm and cool on the mound that Bumgarner looked like he was pitching in a meaningless spring training game and not on the biggest stage in the game. And, might I remind you, this is at the age of 21.

What was I doing on Halloween night when I was 21? Dressed as David Hasselhoff from Baywatch sloppily trying to offer women free mouth to mouth resuscitations while I covered my body in coconut-scented massage oil (to each his own).

Bumgarner was able to throw strikes to both sides of the plate and had tremendous control of his fastball. His odd delivery was giving Texas fits all night long. The Giants lefty almost slingshots the ball across his body and seems to generate the majority of his velocity with his lightning-fast arm action. Bumgarner’s pitches get on hitters quick, making his stuff appear harder than it actually is (which must be nice when you can throw 93 miles an hour in the first place).

Allow me to be a party pooper for one second and express concerns about the durability of Bumgarner’s arm to handle the strain of his violent, upper body-dominant delivery. There is a litany of pitchers who throw with mechanics similar to Bumgarner and a lot of them are forced to undergo shoulder or elbow reconstruction because of it. Every time I watched him release the ball, I cringed.

Basically, his arm is a ticking time bomb. He may not have a problem for 10 years or it may fall apart next April, I have no idea, but he can’t continue to throw like that or he’s at a serious risk for an arm injury.

While Bumgarner was the story of the game, I want to make a point to congratulate Bruce Bochy on not falling pray to egregious over-managing that seems afflict every manager once October rolls around. As early as the sixth inning yesterday, both Joe Buck and Tim McCarver were wondering aloud when Bochy was going to make a move to his bullpen and get Bumgarner out of there.

Why? He had only thrown 76 pitches through six innings and was having no trouble setting down the top offence in Major League Baseball. Just because the game is in the later innings, it doesn’t mean that you have to go to the bullpen automatically.

Guys are in the bullpen because they aren’t good enough to be starters. You leave your starting pitcher out there as long as possible because he is your best chance to win. I love how Bochy let Bumgarner go out for the eighth and throw over 100 pitches. He is definitely winning the managerial battle over Ron “8 Ball” Washington.

Cliff Lee versus Timmy Lincecum tonight in a rematch of Game 1.

I can’t wait.

A Complete and Utter Fiasco

(BOD - Mrs. Ari)

For the first six innings last night, we were served the pitcher’s duel we had hoped to see in Game 1. In the early innings, CJ Wilson and Matt Cain were nothing short of brilliant. Obviously, as a lefthander, I’m predisposed to cheer for CJ Wilson, but I was mightily impressed by Matt Cain who might be putting together the quietest consecutive scoreless innings streak in the history of the game.

He has now gone over twenty innings without giving up a run in the playoffs. Wilson matched him pitch for pitch, save for an unfortunate belt high fastball that Edgar Renteria powdered high into the San Francisco night. I’m not sure if it was the camera angle, but that home run had one of the most impressive trajectories that I’ve seen all year. It was a complete, no doubt, moonshot.

The game was flying right along; it looked like I would be in bed by 10:30. Then the game went into the seventh inning stretch and all hell broke loose.

First off, I have no problem with the singing of ‘God Bless America’ between the top and bottom of the seventh inning during playoff games. It gets America all jacked up on patriotism hormones and it’s a pretty catchy tune. I typically find myself singing alone.

However, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend with the song this postseason. Every singer turns the song, which should be sung with a respectful reverence, into an embarrassing display of poorly constructed runs and bleating showmanship. Every note is held for three or four beats too long and the overall package is complete mess.

At first, I thought it was the egos of celebrity singers at fault, but then a bunch of no names started the practice as well. Then I realized what was happening. The longer the song, the longer the opposing pitcher has to wait before going to the mound and throwing his warmups. A longer song basically ices the pitcher. A cute ploy, but now it’s getting ridiculous. Enough is enough.

So I had to endure a pretty dreadful rendition last night and then CJ Wilson went back to work, but couldn’t record an out. Why? Because a blister developed on one of the fingers of his pitching hand. Now, here’s where casual ball fans call pitchers pussies and berate them for being weak, but that’s not the case. It’s literally impossible to throw with a blister on your pitching hand. You have no feel for your pitches. So, screw off.

Wilson left, the Giants scored another run, and the game was 2-0 San Fran heading to the bottom of the eighth.

My God. This is where I would normally make fun of David Holland and construct a witty “Ball four, ball eight, ball twelve” Major League reference, but I’m not going to do that. He came into the game and promptly walked three guys on thirteen pitches. The baby-faced Holland looked like he was going to burst into tears on the mound.

I felt terrible for the kid and all pitchers know the fear that was gripping his chest last night. He literally had no idea where the ball was going when he finished his delivery. We’ve all been there at some point (it happened to me once this year) and there is no worse feeling in the world. You are completely helpless at that point.

Ron Washington finished his line of coke in the dugout and mercifully got Holland out of there, only the next guy on the mound for Texas couldn’t throw a strike either. The cameras cut to Nolan Ryan in the stands and he had the look of a cold-blooded killer in his eyes. I wouldn’t be surprised if Holland and the other guy were summoned to Ryan’s ranch and subsequently hunted for sport.

Can Texas come back? I’m not sure, as it looks like Destiny is taking off the Giants pants and preparing to service their collective manhood.

Does Cliff Lee come back on short rest?

Lots of questions to be answered. I can’t wait for the weekend.

What the Hell Happened?

I don’t know if I can talk about Cliff Lee’s implosion just yet. I fear I may be still in shock, like my world’s been turned upside down. I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe anymore.

I feel like Duke talking to Rocky in the attic of the desolate Russian cabin in Rocky IV:

“When Cliff Lee got lit up by the Giants and he couldn’t throw an offspeed pitch for strikes, a part of me died. And when he just ran fastball after fastball up at the Giants and the San Francisco hitters just sat dead red, a bigger part of me died. I was raised to believe that Cliff Lee was omnipotent.”

The worst part about this analogy is that I can’t even make a “Now, you’re the one” reference to Tim Lincecum because he threw terribly also and had a couple of inexcusable brain farts.

What the hell was he doing in the first inning when that slow roller was tapped towards him and Michael Young broke for home from third? Timmy did the right thing by running right at him to make the runner freeze, but then he just nonchalantly jogged Young back to the base, without a throw, loading the bases. I don’t even think he realized his miscue as he just had a blank stare on his face. I think he was still high.

Timmy’s next inexcusable act was giving up a laser double to Cliff Lee in Lee’s first at-bat since last year. He didn’t even look like he knew how to swing properly and he’s ripping Lincecum for a double. Giving up anything other than an out to an American League pitcher in the World Series is completely pathetic.

For Texas to win, they really need to get Vladimir Guerrero out of rightfield. I know they need his bat in the lineup but his fielding was atrocious last night. It’s not that he doesn’t have the ability to play the position, it’s just that he’s too old and banged up to play it properly.

Vladdy reminds me of the fat, drunk uncle who patrols the outfield during your family softball game. At first it’s funny to see him out there, but after awhile it just gets sad and depressing and you hope he doesn’t pull anything.

The list of the pitchers San Francisco has smacked around this postseason is nothing short of impressive: Halladay, Oswalt, Hamels, Cliff Lee, Derek Lee. And this from a team that had a putrid offence during the regular season.

I still think Texas is going to win the series, but my like of the Giants is steadily creeping to the surface. Allow me a second Rocky IV reference in today’s column. I’ve just watched Rocky (San Fran) take a beating at the hands of bigger, stronger opponents and yet they keep coming. The stodgy Russian crowd in me is starting to show some begrudging respect.

“Hear cheers now for the San Francisco Giants!”

Talkin' with Tewks Live: World Series Preview

(BOD - Jennifer Grey)

Highlights from the podcast:

- Ambush discussion on the ineptitude of the Dallas Cowboys
- Cliff Lee and his ability to throw on three day's rest
- Brian Wilson and his beard
- Josh Hamilton's greatness
- The difference between coke and crack
- The misfits on the Giants roster
- Halloween
- Me and Brad Pitt

Talkin' with Tewks Live: World Series Preview

Enjoy.

Format Change: More Scandals and Animals

(BOD - Jenna Jameson)

Exactly one year ago, I made the decision to escape Gretzpo’s sports blog tyranny and create my own, infinitely more successful sports and pop culture blog. Back then, I made a conscious effort to move away from the one column a week opus I had been producing and try my hand at posting articles every day.

I wanted to see if I had the talent and writing chops to write entertaining material day in and day out (save statutory holidays and heterosexual man-cations to the Caribbean). And, I think, for the most part I was able to achieve my goal. The hits and visits to this site have increased substantially since I made the switch. And I proved to myself that, when facing time constraints, I can produce funny and witty writing.

That being said, I’ve found my commitment level and overall desire to produce such journalistic excellence waning over the past few months. When a topic drew my ire or really fired me up, I had no problem writing passionately about the subject. However, some days there was literally nothing interesting to discuss and I was forced to mail in a handful of columns. It wasn’t enjoyable for me anymore.

I need a new challenge, a new outlet for my skills. That’s why I’ve decided to once again reboot and retool the Talkin’ with Tewks blog. The reasons for the switch are outlined above, but I’m also in the process of starting a new writing-related venture that is going to take up a lot of more of my time. Details are still in the infancy, but everything should be up and running by the second week of November (after the World Series is over). It will not be affiliated with this blog, but will be linked to Talkin’ with Tewks and I’ll ensure it’s promoted heavily in this space.

Thus, new posts here will be scaled back starting this week. There will still be a podcast once a week (posted on Tuesday mornings) and I will continue to write one larger (800-1000 words) column each and every week. The day of posting is not set in stone, but will depend on the stories permeating out of the sports and pop culture world.

What I’m aiming to do is to have new stuff posted at least twice a week; more if time permits and something really strikes my interest. For example, this week I’m posting today, podcast tomorrow, and then I will be covering Games 1 and 2 of the World Series.

Also, I’m extending an olive brach to regular readers of this blog. If there’s an issue you feel passionate about and don’t want your thoughts lost in the comments section, send me an article and I will post it. About whatever your little hearts’ desire as long as it’s entertaining, grammatically correct and somehow relevant to sports and popular.

I’m sure most of you think you can do what I do much better than I can (and, really, who could blame you?), so here’s the chance to prove it.

There you have it: the beginning of phase 3 of Talkin’ with Tewks.

Fasten your seatbelts.

World Series preview tomorrow.

Not Pretty, but Got the Job Done

(BOD - Dianna Agron)

No, the column title does not refer to my penis. It refers to Roy Halladay fighting through six tough innings to put his team in a position to win last night.


The first inning of last night’s game was the worst I have seen Roy pitch in years. He’s been hit around before, but never has struggled so much with his control. Doc looked, dare I say, nervous. He was wildly overthrowing, which was very surprising considering Halladay’s calling card is a steely demeanour in the face of adversity.

When Philadelphia’s pitching coach trudged out to the mound for a visit, the look on Roy’s face was pure, unadulterated anger. It was the epitome of ‘if looks could kill.’

I’ve had that before. A few years ago, I was pitching in a tournament against a really obnoxious team. They strung a few runs together in the first inning and started making fun of my white cleats and my team in general. I got Doc’s look on my face and proceeded to throw fastballs the rest of the game and ended up striking out 12. Don’t piss off bulldog pitchers.

I don’t want to make excuses for Roy and let my man love for the guy cloud my impartial judgement, but it certainly seemed like the umpire was squeezing Doc on the outer edges of the strike zone. I loved how Halladay stared the man in blue down on his way to the dugout.

Speaking of that staredown, I now hate Pat Burrell. Burrell had the audacity to think Halladay was staring at him as he walked back to the dugout. Why would he be looking at you, Patrick? Roy just K’ed you looking. Shut your mouth and get back to the dugout. Instead, Burrell tried to act like a tough guy by saying “What the fuck are you looking at, motherfucker?” Despite Burrell’s obvious mastery of the English language, maybe he should worry more about keeping his average above the Mendoza line and less about people supposedly staring at him.

It was a sloppily played game and I’m not going to allow the intermittent rain that fell throughout the game to be used as an excuse. The slop was typified by a Ryan Howard error in the middle part of the game. A hard hit grounder came his way and instead of getting in front of the ball, Howard flung his glove backhanded towards the ball and booted it carelessly. It was a play ripped from Roger Dorn’s playbook. Allow Lou Brown to explain.

Cody Ross was up to his old tricks again last night with an RBI double, but the much-maligned Phillies bullpen rose to the challenge I gave them earlier in the week and followed Doc’s performance with three scoreless innings. If they can get that up, I can see Philly snatching victory in this series from the jaws of defeat.

Now the series moves back to Philadelphia and if it goes to seven games, look to see Roy make an appearance in the later innings.

I can’t wait.

(Postscript: apparently Roy hurt his groin in the second inning which is why his velocity plummeted throughout the game. That little nugget just gives me even more respect for the man).

A Wild Night

(BOD - Faith Hill)

The Yankees managed to earn a stay of execution last night but, truthfully, it’s just a matter of time before Texas puts New York away to punch their first World Series ticket in franchise history. Yesterday’s column was all about the ALCS, so let’s give some love to the senior circuit and last night’s epic, seesaw battle.

(A caveat: He Who Hits Bombs and I were texting during last night’s game and we agreed that the winner of last night’s game would go on to win the series. My thinking was that a loss of that magnitude, with so many lead changes, would be disastrous to the collective psyche of the losing team. As a staunch Doc supporter, I sincerely hope that I am wrong).

I can’t begin a column about the NLCS without mentioning, once again, the incredible Cody Ross. There’s no reason for me to like this guy, but I can’t help respect what he’s doing in this postseason. Joe Blanton even upped the ante from Roy Oswalt and hit Ross on the elbow to try to snuff out his scorching hot hitting prowess. It didn’t work, as Ross confidently crushed a double in his next at-bat. He has to be the MVP of the LCS, right?

I think it’s safe to say the best adjective to describe the Phillies bullpen is beleaguered. The offence finally woke up and showed some mettle, coming back from some early deficits, but the bullpen couldn’t hold onto a lead. What does it say about Charlie Manuel’s trust in his guys that he summoned Roy Oswalt to pitch the ninth inning? Is Brad Lidge even still on the postseason roster?

If Philly’s starters get into any trouble in the remaining games, I fear it may be the end for the City of Brotherly Love. Especially with the way the Giants staff and bullpen are throwing. I definitely have the ‘Fear the Beard’ fever. I want to pump iron with Giants closer, Brian Wilson. He looks like he has some serious lifting numbers and his beard is just magical.

At this moment, I owe an apology to Cszem. I accused him of being racist in the podcast for being deathly afraid of Charles Oakley. He sent me a message last night assuring me that he’s just as scared of Brian Wilson as he is of Oak. Thus, my co-host is not a racist, just a pussy.

The situation (Jersey Shore finale tonight!!) looks dire for Philadelphia, but they could not be set up better for the next three games: Hallday, Oswalt, and Hamels. Of course, the arms on the other side of the field are pretty good too.

Here’s hoping to an epic Game 5 tonight.

Rangers Take Stranglehold on ALCS

(BOD - Julie Michaels)

The ALCS is done. Finished. Although, I guess that is from a metaphorical perspective at the moment, until Texas completes the mercy killing of the once heralded Yankees dynasty, the Bronx Bombers theoretically still have a chance.

I think we can all agree that the chance is approximately zero percent. Even if the Yankees manage to win the next two games, what do they get as a reward? The chance to face Cliff Lee again in a Game 7 deep in the heart of Texas.

The Rangers have completely dominated every facet of this series and would have already wrapped up a league championship crown were it not for an epic bullpen meltdown in the eighth inning of Game 1. One bad inning in four games. They’ve laid the smackdown on the boys from the Bronx.

(Where are He Who Hits Bombs quotes about the greatness of the Yankees now? I don’t hear anything. He’s awfully quiet this time of year.)

Onto the game notes:

Seeing two contested home runs by the Yankees in the same inning was surreal. I completely agree that Cano’s ball was over the fence, but it was obvious that Cruz might have had a play on the ball and he was interfered with by a fan. Thus, I think the correct call should have been a ground rule double. On replay, Berkman’s was obviously foul, so it’s great to see the use of instant replay to make the correct call. That is the point of the technology in the first place.

I don’t know what has gotten into Gregg Zaun, but he’s like an old man angry at kids for walking on his grass. In every segment he does throughout the game with Jamie Campbell, he just seems continually pissed off. One, I think he’s upset, rightfully so, that he has to spend so much time with Jamie Campbell. Two, the in game segments are sponsored by Wisers and I bet Zaun, as a recovering alcoholic, wants nothing more than to let that cool, brown liquid caress his throat. I’d be edgy too.

The best line of the night came when he was watching the replay of Cano’s homer and, with much distaste, deadpanned, “Check out the fat kid on the left trying to make the catch.” Comedy gold.

AJ Burnett almost had me fooled last night. He threw decently enough through five innings and had his team in a position to win the game (personally I’d want a little more than five ok innings from a guy making $16 million a year, but I digress).

But then, of course, the real AJ showed up and he managed to self-combust in spectacular fashion. After intentionally walking a batter to get to Bengie Molina, what does Burnett do with his first pitch? He throws a fastball that drifts lazily into the inner half of the zone and Molina smoked it into the stands for a three run home run. It was a classic case of lost focus and Burnett’s career calling card.

Derek Jeter was the lone bright spot for the pinstripes as it seemed like he made it his personal mission to make me look a like fool for calling him old and washed up. In my defence, he did get those big hits off Tommy “Double Chin” Hunter who I’m surprised Nolan Ryan even let in the rotation considering the latter’s intense devotion to physical fitness.

Truthfully, I stopped watching after Burnett blew up because I knew the game was over. And there was a finale special of Teen Mom showing on MTV.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: LCS Talk

(BOD - DJ Tanner)

The baseball postseason is in full swing with four teams vying for a World Series berth and at least one game on TV every day this week. I'm in heaven. Today's podcast topics include:

- Cliff Lee's continued playoff dominance
- The reasoning for Lee's success
- Derek Jeter's diminishing skills
- Cole Hamels and his workout regimen
- AJ Burnett's inevitable gas can performance tonight
- Nolan Ryan's greatness as an owner
- CSzem's a racist

Talkin' with Tewks Live - LCS Talk

Enjoy.

Who the Hell is Cody Ross?

(BOD - Katy Mixon)

CSzem has ducked yet another Monday morning podcast. This time his reasoning was that he had to go to work early. This time I actually believe the excuse, but I think it’s less that he had to go to work early and more that he was forced out of the house by Mrs. CSzem by losing another mortgage payment betting on the anemic Dallas Cowboys to win a game. The ‘Boys are now 1-4. Yikes. America’s team, my ass.


Plus, I’m sure he’s not looking forward to our next conversation where I upbraid him once again for the idiotic decision to bypass Lincecum and keep him away from Halladay. I went to a party with my baseball team on Saturday and mentioned CSzem’s theory: he would have been laughed out of the room.

And I know he will never agree on this point due to the fact he’s not an athlete and will never understand how an athlete’s mind works. Professional or otherwise.

I really want to hate Cody Ross, but I cannot. There’s nothing I can’t stand more as a pitcher than seeing an under-talented scrub guess correctly on a pitch, swing with his eyes closed, and hit one out of the park.

But then Ross took Halladay deep twice on Saturday night, shocking a nation. Then he hit another one last night against Roy Oswalt breaking up his no-hitter in the fifth inning. What’s more impressive is the circumstances in which Ross hit the solo shot.

In his first at-bat, Oswalt buzzed Ross high and tight with a fastball, which was fantastic to see from a pitcher’s perspective. Ross obviously had a lot of confidence going into the game (who wouldn’t be after hitting two jacks off the best pitcher in the game) and looked way too comfortable at the plate. Oswalt just wanted to make his feet move a bit and be worried about a beaning instead of hitting another home run.

I have to give Ross credit. He took the inside pitch in stride and took revenge on Oswalt by hammering a pitch in his next at-bat into the left field bleachers. I would suggest Phillies pitchers stop throwing inside fastballs to Ross in the same, exact location.

Last night was the first time I’ve watched Oswalt pitch for an extended period of time and I was very impressed. His delivery reminds me of a smaller, whiter, righthanded version of David Price. Oswalt’s fastball explodes out of his hand, but he can also locate the pitch down in the zone. Filthy stuff.

Kudos to Oswalt for hustling around the bases and scoring on a single from second base last night, showing that pitchers can be athletes too. I did not like how Joe Buck and Tim McCarver acted like they’ve never seen a pitcher who had the ability to run before. Not all pitchers are fat tubs of lard who possess one athletic skill. McCarver even had the audacity to ask if Oswalt would be ok to go out and pitch the next inning, in case he was too tired from running 360 feet over the course of ten minutes.

This is going to be a great series.

Tomorrow will be a special Tuesday podcast celebrating left-handed greatness with Cliff Lee and Andy Petitte on the mound in Game 3 and Tewks watching at home in his underwear.