(BOD - Jacqueline Bisset)
What is it about baseball players named Rodriguez that gives them unparalleled baseball talent, but the personality of a rock, the intelligence of a ruh-tard, and the social decorum of a malevolent douchebag?
Surprisingly, this column is not about Alex Rodriguez and his, if you really think about it, amazing prowess with Hollywood starlets (oh, he makes tens of millions of dollars a year? That’s why they hop into bed with him? Ok, that’s not bad). Instead, this is a weird story that has come out of the ugly stepsister of New York baseball teams, the Mets, and involves their stud closer, Francisco Rodriguez.
Apparently, after a Mets game last week, Rodriguez’s and other players’ families were relaxing in a designated lounge at Citi Field. At some point, Rodriguez entered the room and began arguing with his fifty-three year old father-in-law. Then the pair went outside into the hallway to continue their discussion. At that point, Rodriguez allegedly pinned his father-in-law against the wall and punched him multiple times in the face and head.
Then Rodriguez took off, only to be coaxed back fifteen minutes later, when he was charged with third degree assault and second degree harassment. Rodriguez has been ordered to stay away from his father-in-law, and his wife, as there are documented instances of previous violence at home.
What kind of twenty-something coward beats up a man who is almost twice his age? Unfortunately, K-Rod has a history of trying to bully and threaten those well outside of his level of athleticism. During his time with the Mets, Rodriguez has had previous altercations with a coach and team official, both middle-aged men long past their physical primes.
Someone should give Rodriguez the memo that his life is not professional boxing and he cannot just choose aging tomato cans to fight in hopes of bettering his record and gaining a title shot.
Last year, K-Rod got into a war of words through with media with Brian Bruney, the Yankees burly relief pitcher. Their feud came to a head during batting practice last summer when they began jawing at each other from across the field. Did Rodriguez run over and try to fight the well over six feet, two hundred pound Bruney? Of course not. He waited until teammates intervened and then went crazy trying to get to Bruney, only to be ‘held back’ by his teammates.
Francisco Rodriguez is the epitome of gutless. And he has just earned himself a spot in Talkin’ with Tewks Hall of Pussies, joining the likes of Chris Bosh and Patrick Kane. Am I worried that Rodriguez will come after me because of my harsh words?
Absolutely not. I am, after all, in my twenties in excellent physical condition. I’m not a woman or an old guy. I have nothing to worry about.
Enjoy the weekend as Tiger hopefully gets his act together in his bid for Glory’s Last Shot.
(BOD - Kate Hudson)
There has been a multitude of media members the past two weeks getting a lot of traction out of an interesting story from the Washington Redskins training camp, so I figured I might as well join the fray and mail in an easy column.
Albert Haynesworth, Redskins tackle and he of a massive $100 million contract, apparently decided to forgo the voluntary offseason workouts created by new Washington coach, Mike Shanahan. Shanahan, not impressed by Haynesworth’s perceived lack of effort and commitment to the team, decreed that his star tackle would have to pass a conditioning test before joining the rest of his teammates in full practices at training camp.
Now, NFL tackles are big boys. If you weigh 300lbs on the button at that position, your teammates would take one look at you and think you’re malnourished. So, truthfully, throwing around words like ‘physical conditioning’ and ‘in shape’ with these behemoths is all relative.
Fat Albert failed the test twice. Then he tried it again and said his left knee was sore. Haynesworth waited a week, while the national media feasted upon this story, until he finally managed to pass the test a few days ago and join the rest of training camp.
I’m not exactly sure what was gained by Shanahan in forcing Haynesworth to sit out until he passed the test. I understand that Shanahan was trying to exert his authority and show that no one player is above the team when it comes to preparing for the upcoming season, but Haynesworth didn’t learn anything.
He wasn’t fined or docked pay. The only ‘punishment’ he received was being banned from practice for one week. Really? That’s a punishment? Not being forced to wear bulky equipment and working your ass off for four hours a day in searing, heat-stroke inducing heat in August is a bad thing? Sounds like a vacation to me.
What was this conditioning test that Haynesworth failed, you ask? It was two 300 yard shuttle runs: run 50 yards, stop and return to the start line. You do that three times, get your time, rest for three and a half minutes and then run it again. To pass, Fat Albert had to run the first shuttle in under 70 seconds and the second in under 73 seconds.
I brag constantly in this space about my supposed superior physical fitness, so I figured I would put my money where my well-defined musculature is. I completed the two shuttle runs to see if I was fit enough to partake in the Washington Redskin’s training camp.
My times: 56 seconds in the first shuttle and 59 seconds in the second. Passed with flying colours.
Redskins owner, Dan Snyder, can send email me my $100 million contract whenever he has a few minutes of spare time.
(BOD - Penny Lancaster)
Stephen Strasburg, the most-hyped pitching prospect since God, had his first start last night since coming off the disabled list with what was diagnosed as shoulder inflammation. Young Stephen had the worst outing of his short career against the Florida Marlins, giving up six earned runs, on six hits and two walks, in just over four innings.
Now, I’m sure there will be a plethora of knee-jerk reactions to Strasburg’s rocky outing, but, in the great scheme of things, it’s insignificant. Every pitcher struggles from time to time, especially young ones. And yes, even young pitchers with stuff as filthy as Stephen Strasburg will experience the growing pains of being a major league starter.
I’m more intrigued about the reasoning Strasburg went on the DL in the first place. I’m not exactly sure what shoulder inflammation is, or what it feels like, but I’m assuming that it’s different from ‘dead arm’. Dead arm is an odd phenomenon where your arm doesn’t hurt, but your pitches have zero ‘pop’ or velocity to them. There’s no way to predict when dead arm will strike, or how long it will last for you, but it usually goes away after a week or so.
I was talking about Strasburg with a couple of my baseball friends and we all agreed that, due to the financial commitment the Washington Nationals have given to the fireballer, it was essential that they place the kid on the DL. Better safe than sorry.
However, it also led us to question the severity of the ‘injury’. And this isn’t a condemnation of Strasburg’s testicular fortitude; rather it is a commentary on how professional baseball coddles arms to such an unfathomable degree.
I literally cannot remember the last time I pitched and my arm felt one hundred percent. I’m not saying my arm hurts, but I consistently have little tweaks and twinges in my treasured appendage (no, not that one) throughout the season. However, I have never had a serious arm injury (knock on wood) and throwing with slight aches and pain has never adversely affected my performance.
Professional baseball makes it seem like they shut pitchers down every time they feel the slightest discomfort. If that were truly the case then I would have thrown maybe five innings all season.
Pitchers get enough of a bad rap for being pussies and being soft. It’s time for the entire profession to man up. Surely these guys, the cream of the crop of their profession, can differentiate between an injured arm and one that just feels the residual wear and tear of throwing objects overhand at high velocity.
Addendum: I just read this morning that Brandon Morrow’s next start will be pushed back two days because he threw 137 pitches in his magnificent start on Sunday afternoon. So much for that man up part.
(Natalie Portman)
Admittedly, I wasn’t sold on Bachelor Pad being a viable choice to recap each week. However, being a minor celebrity, I have access to certain benefits other bloggers do not. For example, I have my own intern, CSzem. Actually, that’s not true. He’s less of an intern and more my very own ‘Stat Boy’ from Pardon the Interruption. What did we mess up on, CSzem!
Thus, I enlisted him to recap the premiere episode of Bachelor Pad and I will trust CSzem's very educated reality show judgement on whether or not this show deserves the Tewks touch week after week:
Always exciting to be back pinch-blogging here for Tewks. Let me guess what we just read in the pre-amble: “Blah blah blah, strikeout. Blah blah blah, I lead the Ontario C Level-Division 3 Men’s League in blah blah blah.”
Sorry, was that harsh? I’m ornery because of this growing feud with “Anonymous” and “AG”. I’m going to take the high road here. Sorry AG that you think our nicknames are “childish”. It must suck that you don’t have any friends who call you anything other than “Allan”. I probably would be a dick if that was my life too.
OK, on to the show!!
- I feel like I should be watching this in one of those Hazmat suits to avoid getting an STD through my TV.
- Elizabeth’s not going to have to worry about playing hard to get now that she’s a blonde. She looks like hell. Thanks to Mrs. CSzem for the first contribution from the peanut gallery.
- “Will Michelle lose her mind.....again??” Great stuff from Chris Harrison. He’s clearly not taking this spin-off lightly. He’s a real pro.
- Tenley’s really changed. Or she’s the exact same and I need to turn the volume down.
- “This girl’s bangin’” Is that an actual description? I feel so out of touch.
- Why do all these people know each other? I felt like this was built up as the first major reunion, but it sounds like they all take trips together and have hooked up repeatedly. So what’s the point of this show? Feels a little contrived now. What? All of these shows are totally and completely contrived? Oh.
- According to the Weatherman, Craig M. is an out-of-shape alcoholic. Now I know we could be friends.
- “I just see us as friends.” I’m sure she feels the same way, Jesse. Don’t most girls think that way after you hook up with them a few times?
- Pretty sure you’ve got a shot with Gia, Weatherman. Go get ‘em Champ.
- So wait, this is basically The Bachelor crossed with Survivor? It’s like ABC only wants Tewks to have to write about trashy reality TV once.
- Tenley’s the early favourite for this Twister competition. I’ve heard stories about this kid. She’s limber. Too limber.
- Big Twister win for Craig M. Not really sure how he pulled that off, but from the brink of elimination, he’s got himself into a good spot. Originally, I didn’t think he had much of a chance in this game. Now.....the others better watch out.....because he’s dangerous!
- Craig M., applying his cologne: “Now for the ladykiller.” I honestly feel like I’m watching Tewks on TV right now.
- Little All-Canadian alliance brewing with Craig M. and Jessie. She has already talked more on this show than she talked on her entire season.
- Somehow Craig M. has won over Mrs. CSzem. Big time performance from him tonight.
- I hope there’s no chicken wire in the house, because I’m pretty sure Michelle might strangle Tenley in her sleep. I’m not ready to say that this is legitimately dramatic.....but Michelle is legitimately psychotic, so there’s an argument to be made.
- Great strategizing happening here from just about everyone. This really is reminding me of Survivor more and more. I wish Rupert was here. Although the ladies are probably OK with his exclusion.
- I would have loved to have been there for the production meeting when ABC was explaining this show to Chris Harrison. I guarantee more than a few expletives where dropped. There have to be a boatload of 0’s on the end of that cheque.
- Peyton? I have no clue who that is. Survivor-strategy in full effect!
- Nice call by the guys getting rid of the psychopath. That seems like a solid play. I would not want to be the camera guy who has to ride in this limo with her right now.
(BOD - Helen Hunt)
The original plan for today's podcast was to take an all encompassing look at the baseball season thus far. However, after the weekend the Toronto Blue Jays just had, CSzem and I weren't able to get past Canada's team.
We mostly fawned over JP Arencibia and the Jays phenomenal pitching staff. Although, we still had time to discuss the following:
- David Duchovny and his stint on Red Shoe Diaries
- ARod's manliness or lack thereof
- Getting a date with female celebrities and taking a fastball in the chops
- The Anonymous posters
Talkin' with Tewks: The Dog Days of August
Enjoy.
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