Why I'm Betting $23 on the New York Giants

Every time I'd screw up in a sport, whether it be hockey, baseball, soccer, tennis, golf, bowling, tug of war, ring toss, egg race, and any other picnic related event I'd tell myself "that's okay, nobody's perfect."

"Nobody's Perfect".

So why is it everyone is picking the Patriots to win the Super Bowl? The way I see it, they're due for a loss.

Take a look at this somewhat factual analysis I just made up:

Quarterback:
Tom Brady threw 50 TD passes this season: an NFL record.

Eli Manning is taking care of the ball extremely well thus far in the playoffs: committing no turnovers. Moreover, he is a huge Seinfeld fan. However, he lists one of his favorite hobbies as "antiquing in the offseason with his mother and fiancee."

The Edge: Draw

Running Back:
One of the knocks on Laurence Maroney is that he doesn't hit the hole hard, leaving him very unpopular amongst female fans.

Brandon Jacobs is a freak of nature: at 6'4, 265lbs he possesses 4.54 speed (which, from what I hear, is pretty fast).

The Edge: Giants

Wide Receiver:
Randy Moss' 2007 playoff stats: 2 Receptions, 32 yards

Plaxico Burress' playoff stats: 16 Receptions, 194 yards, 1 rescinded arrest warrant

The Edge: Giants

Defense:
With Junior Seau in their linebacking corps, the average age of the Patriots Defense jumps up to an astonishing 57 years old.

Osi Umenyiora, Justin Tuck, and Michael Strahan combined for 32 sacks on the season.

The Edge: Giants

Coaching:
Bill Belichick: Tapes play calling to gain a competitive advantage.

Tom Coughlin: Doesn't cover up his face in sub zero temperatures.

The Edge: Patriots

Intangibles:
"Nobody's Perfect"

The Edge: Giants

Winner, and your next Super Bowl Champs, the New York Giants.

Rambo: I'll have the testosterone with a side of carnage

Firstly, during the trailers for Rambo we saw a preview for a movie called "Midnight Meat Train" - about a man who murders women on the subway, then covers it up by hiding them in a butcher's shop. Although there was laughter at this pseudo-sexual name, the howls were loudest amongst me and my friends (Tewks included). I mean... who greenlighted this title?

John Rambo is an incredible movie: anyone who says anything different has no testicles. Allow me to give you a brief, spoiler free run down (may contain spoilers):

We join Rambo in Burma where he catches snakes for a living. A group of do-good Christians proposition him to do some guide work further North, as they're trying to bring medical supplies, and, of course, bibles, to victims of a violent civil war.

Rambo's so badass he won't help anyone: "fuck the world", he says. However, since bringing him into contact with the Burmese army is essential to him eventually killing them all, he reluctantly agrees to the job.

After a brief (and bloody) encounter with some badass Burmese pirates, the group arrives at their destination. Of course, they're captured within minutes, setting up the violent, "one man against one hundred to rescue these white people" climax we're all expecting.

But wait: Rambo is joined by a stereotype-ridden United Nations of mercenaries: since, you know, Rambo's getting old, and can't do it by himself any more.

At this point, one wonders how the "Christ Church of Colorado" was able to hire out a half dozen mercenaries. Where would this go on the church ledger?

Church Repairs $ 500
New Organ $ 1,000
Sunday School Supplies $ 50
Asian Mercenaries $ 10,000,000

Nevertheless, the rag-tag group sets out on its journey. Here are the highlights:

Ripping out a guy's throat
Sharpshooting heads off
Lethal Archery
Christians killing the Burmese with rocks
Killing Burmese by the second with a huge, turret man-gun
Outrunning a small atomic blast
Gutting a Burmese general like a fish

So, yeah... although it was reported there were 100 Burmese in the camp, I think that many were killed in the first minute of the assault. Wave after wave of Burmese coming up over the hill, and wave after wave being gunned down by Rambo's man gun.

At the end of the movie, Rambo looks to further reconnect with his past. I missed this part though, since I was distracted with Tewks getting up to leave the theatre: presumably to catch the next flight to Burma.