What a great episode last night. Although, the stupidity and illogical thought processes of the Heroes tribe has me concerned for their sanity over the next three weeks.
What is going on with that tribe? It’s almost like they want the Villains to walk all over them at the merge. They constantly bicker back and forth and are more concerned with keeping their alliances than forming a strong tribe capable of, you know, actually winning a challenge.
Contrast their backbiting and pursuit of individual gain with the Villians’ cohesive, well-oiled unit. I mean the Villains were a guitar away from singing Kumbaya at the beginning of the episode. How Coach convinced the entire tribe (sans Russell) to take a Tai Chi lesson from him I will never know, but it’s indicative of how well their tribe is currently working together.
Maybe it’s because I’m a man, but I do not understand the wild reaction provided by the ladies when Probst told them of the chocolate reward. Really? Chocolate is going to get you that fired up?
I loved Colby’s reaction when Probst handed him the small pieces of chocolate as a tease. It was basically, “Get that shit away from me.” I would have done the exact same thing.
Speaking of the reward challenge, this may be in poor taste, but did anyone else find it funny that in a challenge that was basically a game of basketball, the black guy was the one who got hurt? Shouldn’t he have dominated that challenge?
What? I was the only one? Ok, moving on.
After James hurt his knee, Amanda said something extremely telling. Apparently, this is the second time a serious injury has felled James while playing Survivor.
Follow this train of logic: Steroids make you big and muscular. James is big and muscular. Steroids make your tendons and ligaments weaker because your body cannot adjust to that much muscle mass in a short period of time. James is taken down by a knee ligament.
Throw in his James’ bitch fit at the immunity challenge when he berated his blindfolded tribe members and it’s pretty evident that the guy is on the juice.
The Villains won the reward and got to ‘enjoy’ a chocolate feast. Was anyone else disgusted by the spread? That is the absolute last thing I would have wanted to eat. I guarantee every one of them puked their guts after eating all that crap.
Russell knighting Coach was one of the greatest things I have ever seen. Conversely, I really hate Parvarti. Can we agree that she is not hot? Her mouth looks like one of those carnival games when you have to shoot the water into the clown’s mouth.
The immunity challenge was great. It’s always fun to see blindfolded people try to complete simple tasks. The two best moments from that portion of the challenge were JT standing around by himself flailing at the air and Rob, after taking a few shots to the gut, walking around with one hand covering his junk.
How dumb are the Heroes? They have gotten destroyed in every challenge that requires just a modicum of brainpower. Are they really that bad at puzzles or are Boston Rob and the gang just that good?
The idiocy of the Heroes in the immunity challenge was surpassed only by their decision that James, with a full brace on his leg and unable to walk, was more beneficial from a physical standpoint than Tom.
Are you kidding me?
How could they even say that to Probst at Tribal Council with a straight face? You can tell Probst is getting fed up with this tribe as well. Their consistently stupid decisions are starting to piss him off as all of the drama built up through the season will be lost when the Heroes have one tribe member left at the inevitable merge.
It sucks that Tom was voted off. He will be missed. Colby is the only person I care about now on the Heroes tribe. I’ll give Tom the last words in the column, when he described James thusly: “All mass, no class.”
(Which is the same thing people say about my penis)
Why are we still talking about head shots? Why are general managers so reticent to ban vicious blows to the brains of their players?
Back in November, I covered this issue in some detail and proffered my own suggestions on how such wanton violence could be curtailed. Let’s revisit my hypotheses, shall we:
However, something needs to be done about head shots as NHL players have been dropping like flies with concussions in this fledgling season. The safety of players is paramount, along with their intelligence. Concussions have been proven to have adverse effects on mental acuity and, let’s be honest, hockey players can’t afford to be any dumber.
Everyone knows the danger and severity and concussions, but no one at the NHL seems willing to make a conscious decision to do anything about it. Not surprisingly, many of these guys are ex-players, which gives credence to my last point.
In terms of solutions to the head shot dilemma, here’s what I had to say:
To fix the problem in the NHL, forget about making the game less violent. To quote my buddy Brian Burke, “this isn’t ringette.” I think you have to look at the equipment. Players are ensconced in heavy duty plastic from head to toe: it offers too much protection. Guys race around the ice throwing their bodies at opponents with reckless abandon. Not to mention today’s players are so big and fast – it’s a recipe for disaster.
If you soften the equipment (especially shoulder pads), players will think twice about turning themselves into human battering rams. Less vicious hits, fewer concussions, safer playing conditions, better hockey.
It’s evident to me now that the dinosaurs running the game will never take progressive measures like softening today’s gladiatorial-like protective equipment, so I have come up with another proposal.
It’s exceedingly simple and I can’t quite figure out why the head honchos at the NHL are so slow to adopt this measure because they’re terrified of “taking the physicality out of the game.”
Any hit where just the head is contacted, by a shoulder or an elbow, is an immediate five minute major penalty and a game misconduct. A hit that contacts both the head and the body is legal.
For example, Mike Richards hit on David Booth and Matt Cooke’s hit on Marc Savard would fall into the former category. Alex Ovechkin’s hit on Jaromir Jagr in the Olympics would be in the latter category.
It’s impossible to eliminate head and body shots completely and players know there is an inherent risk in playing the game. Accidental blows to the head can occur because of size discrepancies between players, guys not skating with their heads up, or putting their bodies in a vulnerable position.
That being said, the Richards and Cooke hits were cowardly and deserved to be punished severely. The NHL really dropped the ball on that one.
Now, for a feel good NHL note. Chris Chelios, at the age of 48, has been called up to play for the Atlanta Thrashers after playing extraordinarily well in the AHL (plus 35 on the year).
Chelios made his debut in 1984. Let me say it again. He is 48 years old! I don’t think Papa Tewks could do a pullup when he was forty-eight and Chelios will be playing the NHL. It’s no secret how Chelios is able to pull this off as he keeps himself in tremendous physical condition. He could probably give me a run for my money.
I know Gordie Howe played in the NHL when he was 52, but, to me, this is more impressive. Back then, guys would smoke and drink beer in the dressing room after games. They considered offseason training to be a one mile jog on the first day of training camp. Now, guys train all year round and for Chelios to be able to keep up at that age is nothing short of incredible.
I hope he kicks ass. I would love for him to beat the shit out of Patrick Kane at some point over the next six weeks. That is my wish.
I’m a big fan of optimism. If I wasn’t, then my choice to pursue a career in the writing, film/TV or radio genres would be downright terrifying. But, I have an unshakeable belief in myself and my talents (some might say that’s my first problem).
Cynicism has never gotten anyone anywhere. It’s poison. Life is more enjoyable when you look at the glass as being half full. Surrounding yourself with negativity is a sure-fire way to become stagnant and watch life pass you by.
That being said, I think the gorgeous weather Southern Ontario is currently experiencing has adversely affected the rational and logic centre of baseball fans’ brains.
I’ve had two conversations with Papa Tewks and Gretzpo respectively over the past two days and they both are planning the World Series Parade for the Blue Jays based on the team’s 5-1 spring training record thus far and the plethora of young arms in camp.
The saddest part is that they were both serious.
I do my best to ignore the results of spring training games as their use as a barometer for future success is highly suspect. I do read player profiles and game notes, but I specifically avoid watching highlights and game action at all costs, so I don’t get too excited or too depressed for the upcoming season (Plus, I’m a little busy getting the thunderbolt called my left arm ready for my own baseball season).
Let’s tackle Papa Tewks and Gretzpo’s lunacy one point at a time. Basing any merit whatsoever on the final score of Grapefruit League games is dumber than using lottery tickets as a retirement plan.
Any player signed to a major league contract doesn’t give two shits how they play in March. Do you know the most pressing issues on an established veteran’s mind: When am I getting pulled from this game so I can squeeze in a quick nine holes before dinner and can I make it the entire month of March without breaking a sweat?
Then, you have the youngsters working their asses off and trying way too hard to be assigned to the major league roster. These guys are running full out on every play, stealing bases, stretching singles into doubles and throwing curveballs on 3-2 counts.
The veterans hate these guys. Especially older catchers forced to crouch for millionaire bonus babies looking to make an impression. Do you think a 35 year old guy with two bad knees wants to crouch in the hot sun for two hours while some first round jerkoff nibbles at the corners?
Therefore, you have half the players not giving a shit and trying their best not to get hurt and the other half busting their tails for an opportunity to head north with the big club. That is the worst possible combination for taking stock of a team’s chances.
While discussing the Jays novice pitching staff with Gretzpo, the question of who gets the Opening Day Start arose. Let’s look at five possible arms and you will see how depressing the 2010 season will be (Granted, I will concede that the Jays staff has a tremendous upside for years to come, but there will be significant growing pains).
Ricky Romero: The numbers choice. He’s the best pitcher remaining from last year’s staff (which is a terrifying thought in itself). Romero has great natural talent, but I think he’s a little bit of a diva. He has zero mental fortitude; he’s like soft-serve ice cream. His nickname should be Dairy Queen
Shaun Marcum: The obvious choice based on his 2008 numbers, except for the tiny, little problem that he shredded his shoulder and hasn’t pitched in eighteen months. Do you really want him facing other teams’ ace night in and night out?
Dustin McGowan: Another guy who didn’t pitch last year because of a shredded shoulder. The Jays should really think about trying Crossfit. I’ve never had an arm injury. What? It’s because I don’t throw hard enough? Touché.
Brian Tallet: Tallet’s much too inconsistent for this position. I wouldn’t trust him to start for my beer league team. The only time Brian Tallet should ever be considered the best at something among Jays pitchers is if they have a mustache growing competition.
Dana Eveland: An offseason pickup from Oakland. On the plus side, he’s a big, strong, hard throwing lefty. On the minus side, his name is Dana.
And that ends the Pu Pu platter of players auditioning to be Toronto’s ace. Still excited about a postseason run?
I have to admit, I was initially very worried about today’s column. Without The Bachelor to make fun of and dissect, was there enough going on the world of sports to write an interesting column?
My fears were assuaged once I found out that Ben Roethlisberger, quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, never got the memo that ‘No means No’. For those of you not up to speed on the trials and tribulations of Big Ben, allow me to summarize:
Ben is currently being sued by a woman who claims he raped her in Lake Tahoe in 2008. Apparently, she worked at a resort in guest services, Ben invited her up to his room and then, according to the woman, raped her.
Some of you may be wondering why Roethlisberger is only being sued for the alleged rape and not facing criminal charges; I believe there was not enough evidence to file a conviction.
In this recent case, a 20 year old college coed accused Big Ben of sexually assaulting her in a Georgia nightclub, a charge which Roethlisberger vehemently denies. As we found with the Eric Tillman story, there are many definitions of sexual assault (Tillman was charged after grabbing a teenage girl’s clothed hips).
So, we don’t know exactly what Big Ben did to constitute the sexual assault. Interestingly, the police force in charge of the investigation said they have yet to take a DNA sample from Roethlisberger, but probably will.
Now, I have some questions.
I assume that the request for DNA means it is thought that Benny made a romance explosion somewhere near the vicinity of the supposed victim. How did said explosion take place inside the bar? For this to happen, that means that Roethlisberger’s Big Ben must have been out and ready for action.
No one else saw that? In a crowded nightclub? I could see if the sexual assault was just a question of Ben grabbing either the woman’s T or A, but for a specimen of Big Ben’s seed to be requested adds another layer entirely to this sordid affair.
There are usually two schools of thought when it comes to such accusations against high profile athletes and celebrities:
1. These guys are just assholes who think the rules don’t apply to them and they deserve any woman they want, regardless if she’s interested or not.
2. The women are nothing more than groupies looking to extort money from professional athletes. They hop into bed with these guys at the first sign of cash or fame and make up wild accusations when the guy in question wants nothing to do with them afterward.
Personally, I think it’s a mix between the two. Look at Big Ben. In his first case, the woman went to visit Roethlisberger in his suite to see if “he needed anything.” Seriously? We’re expected to believe this woman went up to Ben’s room with pure intentions?
If it was indeed rape, wouldn’t Roethlisberger be in jail right now? My feeling is that the sex, or whatever took place, was consensual and this woman decided to make up a story.
There’s a very good chance that this new case is the exact same scenario. The coed is looking for money or notoriety, so she makes up some untrue story about Big Ben.
The problem is that the stories are not mutually exclusive and the common thread is Ben Roethlisberger. One story, the media and public can dismiss it as nonsense. Two stories and then people start asking questions.
Typically, when there’s smoke, there’s fire.
It’s too much of a coincidence that Ben is not at fault both times. Something is definitely amiss. Maybe all Roethlisberger is at fault for is bad judgement. Or maybe he needs to realize that just because he plays in the NFL does not mean that every woman he meets can be his sexual plaything.
Before listening to today's podcast, I have to ask all of you to do a little research first. CSzem and I discuss the following two articles at length. The first details the idiocy of an American journalist who had the gall to compare Canada's patriotism at the Olympics to Nazi Germany (I'm not kidding).
Read it here.
The second discusses the moronic suggestion circulating around Parliament that the lyrics of 'O Canada' need to be changed to make it more "gender-sensitive" towards women. I can't make this crap up.
It's not hard to figure out where we stand on the above articles.
Talkin' with Tewks Live - Recorded March 7 2010
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