The Airing of Grievances

First off, did anyone else find Tewks' picture a little odd this week? It looks as if he hired some 18 year old to strip down at a Holiday Inn, have her put on a Canadian Bikini and then take pictures of her from behind his hotel window. A little move called "The Wizard of Oz" ...

... "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"

Secondly, Tewks' recount of blackjack at the bachelor party weekend was 100% true - big crowds, big money getting thrown around, pit bosses who were becoming extremely agitated after we'd ask for a free breakfast after every hand...

The night was truly immortalized though when we were recognized the next morning by a Korean couple that were around our table during our high rolling:

"BJ Kids! BJ Kids!"

(Numerous families look up from their breakfast and stare up at Tewks and I)

"Sir... please lower your voice."

And now onto the airing of grievances - I've got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're going to hear about them...

Patrick Kane - There is nothing I can add to Tewks' irate diatribe. Again, how Plaxico Burress gets jail time for shooting himself in the leg and Patrick Kane gets nothing for assaulting a cab driver isn't logical. Oh... wait... Kane has to write a letter of apology to the victim - which is tantamount to a bully having to shake the kid's hand who he beat up in the third grade.

Michael Vick Protesters - The man paid his debt to society and continues to be remorseful for the awful things that he's done. I know someone who's been in prison, and it's horrible: I'm sure if you watch this clip he'll scare you straight.

Fantasy Football Naysayers - When I started playing fantasy sports 7 years ago people mocked me for my nerdiness and disconnect from reality. Now, fantasy football is a multi-billion dollar industry with millions of new players every year. So who's the nerd now for spending an hour on Sunday deciding who he should start in his RB2 spot? Oh... it's still me? Okay...

The Toronto Blue Jays - Everyone except for Aaron Hill, Adam Lind, Roy Halladay and Rod Barajas is just terrible. We've gotten rid of one of JP Ricciardi's bloated, illogical contracts - now there's just Vernon Wells left - which no one will ever take on. We're also still paying BJ Ryan to not pitch. To me it would just be easier to get rid of the one person who is handing out these terrible contracts - JP Ricciardi. That's not to say that all of those in the Jays office is bad - an account manager recently gave me free tickets to a game, and despite several tirades directed at Vernon Wells (and vociferously cheering Gregg Zaun) she has offered to take me to another game. Now if only I could parlay this sweet deal I have into scoring some free beer...

Gary Bettman - Here's something a lot of people forget about Bettman: while the Canadian NHL teams were struggling in the late 90's because of the $0.60 Canadian Dollar, it was Bettman who created the economic equalization plan that helped save the Canadian west coast teams from bankruptcy. However, his current stance against Jim Balsillie's attempt at relocating the Phoenix Coyotes to Hamilton - citing Balsillie's "questionable character" - is baffling. Especially since Bettman approved-owner Boots del Baggio is currently serving six to eight years in prison for defrauding investors in a series of Ponzi Schemes.

People that end all of their sentences with a half dozen extra letterssssss ... and then throw in exclamation markssssss... !!!!!!!!!

Much like my parents lived threw the Cold War, and my grandparents lived through WWII, the battle against poor grammar and idiocy will be the ultimate struggle of my generation.

Special Update on Michael Vick - he has declared bankruptcy.

Talkin' with Tewks: I Love Team Canada, but . . .

Fresh off a glorious bachelor party weekend, I am refreshed and ready to write. Gretzpo and I completely dominated the blackjack tables at Casino Niagara; we were riffing, cracking jokes, making friends with dealers, pit bosses and other casino patrons; we actually had a crowd around us watching us play.

At one point, we were on such a hot streak (three blackjacks in a row) that we dubbed ourselves the BJ kids. For some reason, that nickname garnered quite a bit of attention from a couple of flamboyant fellas. They kept buying us apple martinis; nice guys.

A few of you expressed some anger in not getting your weekly Tewks fix and for that I apologize. The surgeon general should really put a disclaimer on the home page indicating the addictive properties of such journalistic excellence.

Before I dive in today’s topic, let me begin by saying that I am a huge supporter of Canadian athletes. I love all things Canada and will fiercely cheer on Canadian content in international competitions no matter how mundane or silly the sport. I have spent Olympic years transfixed by Canadian medal hopefuls in rhythmic gymnastics, skeleton and synchronized swimming.

That being said, I consider the hoopla surrounding Hockey Canada’s orientation camp for the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver to be nothing short of ridiculous. As a proud Canadian, I may be committing blasphemy with this next statement, but I do not give two shits about four days of practice in August for a tournament that is six months away.

I completely understand and agree with the necessity of creating team chemistry and unity among Canada’s top players; what I can’t fathom is the incessant and, more often that not, inane media coverage of the event.

All of Canada’s sports networks are equally guilty; TSN, Sportsnet and The Score have devoted dozens of minutes of their highlight shows to reporting on the mind-numbing minutiae of each practice.

All of these talking heads keep telling viewers that the team will made during the first three months of the regular season and to ‘not read too much into what goes on at camp.’ Ten seconds after that sentence escapes their lips, they excitedly make wild predictions that so and so might be on the bubble due to a lacklustre practice session.

Let’s use our brains here guys. Do you really think Mike Babcock will leave Rick Nash off the Olympic roster because he messed up a three man weave?

Not only do they report on the mood and efficacy of each practice session, but they discuss and dissect the off day team building activities. I actually had Pierre McGuire and his crack reporting tell me that Sidney Crosby sucks at fly fishing and Jarome Iginla is really good at golf.

In the words of Alex Rios, who gives a fuck?

I don’t care if Crosby clubs baby seals in his spare time; as long as he brings home the gold, I could not care less about his off ice exploits.

The main reason I’m so upset about the coverage of orientation week is the adverse effect it is having on my consumption of baseball highlights. We are nearing the first week of September, the pennant and wildcard races are heating up and I have to waste ten minutes of my morning listening to James Duthie breathlessly examine the possibility of Eric Staal playing right wing.

The nightly baseball recap should be the lead story on every highlight show, not some glorified shinny session which contained exactly zero hits and was just an excuse for Hockey Canada to make a few bucks off 16,000 gullible Calgarians.

Do I think Canada has a shot at the gold? Absolutely. I think we will have the most depth of any country in the tournament. Also, never underestimate the power of the home crowd. The only team that scares me are the Russians; they might have one of the best offences in IIHF history. Imagine this power play unit: Ovechkin, Malkin, Datsyuk, Gonchar and Kovalchuk. If I was a goaltender, those five names would keep me up at night.

I propose a moratorium on Olympic hockey talk until the first of February; or at least until a World Series champion is crowned.

Tewks is a frequent contributor to Gretzpo’s Sports Blog.