(BOD - Mila Kunis)
Before I get into the mind-numbing minutiae of the rumours of where the NBA’s top free agents will end up, forever (for the next few seasons anyway) shifting the balance of power in professional basketball, let’s all take a second to give thanks on Canada Day.
This is the greatest country in the world. People across the globe strive to be like us and everyone wants to be our friend. Except terrorists. They hate everyone, especially themselves.
Do you know what Canada is like? We are that cool friend you have, who you don’t hear from that often, but every time you hear his/her name mentioned it puts a smile on your face. And on the odd chances your paths cross at a party, the night is made instantly better with that interaction.
That is who Canada is. We may not be the flashiest or try to be noticed with an outlandish personality, but we instantly up the cool quotient of any room we enter. Here’s to you, Canada. Happy Birthday! Now let’s all drink a beer that has more than 4% alcohol to celebrate.
The funny thing about the NBA free agent period opening today is that I’ve completely lost interest in the saga before it’s even begun. We’ve been inundated with stories of where the top free agents are going to end up, if they’re going together, are they bringing their own coaches, and other like nonsense.
One thing that needs to stop in the incessant coverage is the lumping of Chris Bosh in with Dwayne Wade and LeBron. To say that Bosh is the same calibre of player as Wade and James is completely laughable and, not to mention, insulting to those guys. From now on, Bosh should be referred to as a second tier free agent, right beside Joe Johnson. There’s no way in hell Bosh should be attending secret meetings with Dwayne and LeBron trying to orchestrate a triumphant arrival to a major market.
If the big dogs are planning on leaving their current cities, then I feel they owe it to their fans to agree to a sign and trade. That’s the least they can do for the franchise they are about to destroy. Make sure they get something back in return.
The destination that looks to be in the lead for these guys appears to be the Chicago Bulls because they have the cap space and roster pieces to entice two superstars to come to the Windy City.
I don’t understand why they would want to go there. Michael Jordan owned that city for a decade and a half. In fact, he still owns it. There’s no way in hell either Wade or LeBron could ever match up to His Airness in terms of career success, so why bother trying; especially in a city where direct comparisons are inevitable.
It makes much more sense to carve out your own niche, and legacy, in a city that doesn’t yet have one.
If LeBron wants obtain mythical status then he should stay in Cleveland. If he does that, and wins a title or two, then he can become Governor of Ohio when his playing days are over.
This is the last time I’m going to talk about this, until we find out exactly where these guys are going. I’d much rather concern myself with sports stories that have definitive denouements. Like if Brett Favre is going to play football again this year.
Shit.
Have a good weekend. Back on Monday.
(BOD - Zooey Deschanel)
I have heard the above question a multitude of times over the past few weeks: on TV, on the radio, socializing with friends, and at the ballpark with my teammates. And since the Blue Jays are currently getting waxed by the pathetic Cleveland Indians, I felt it was time to weigh in.
Everyone wants to know what is wrong with the 2010 Toronto Blue Jays. How can an offence that set a major league record for homers in a month fall so precipitously in less than three weeks? What happened to the young, lights out pitching staff that was taking the American League hitters by surprise?
The answer: Toronto’s stellar play in the first two months of the season was an aberration. It was an anomaly. A deviation from the mean. Only the most clueless and ill-informed Jays fans (cough, Gretzpo, cough) would take solace in a winning record over the also-rans in the AL and extrapolate that to a playoff berth over the course of a 162 game season.
Conversely, I am ecstatic with the Jays record at the end of June. With the roster the Rogers conglomerate has cobbled together this season, I would have bet the team would have been 8-10 games under .500 at this point in the year. The fact they’re two games above completely mediocre should be cause for celebration.
I don’t understand why, once again, the majority of Jays fans were swindled by the team’s hot start when they had yet to the play the big dogs of the AL East. The same thing happened last season.
This team is going to endure some major growing pains on their way back to relevancy as a potential playoff team. Actually, this brings me to my next point. The question of “What’s Wrong with the Jays?” is an apt one, but most people are looking for an incorrect answer to their query.
There is nothing wrong with the Jays this season; they just aren’t a very good team. However, the pressing issue is why Toronto has not legitimately threatened for a playoff spot since the early 1990s. I mean, good God. That’s almost an entire generation we’ve suffered through without meaningful baseball to watch in September.
There are teen pop queens that I’m sexually attracted to that weren’t born when the Jays last won the World Series. How terrifying is that?
The Florida Marlins have won two World Series and completely blown up their roster three times since Joe Cater ‘touched ‘em all.’ The real question is why have fans stood idly by while team management has run this team into the ground time and time again over the last 18 years.
Exactly how long is a rebuilding process?
***There will be a special NBA free agent column tomorrow, so I will be celebrating Canada Day a day late and no column will be posted on Friday.
(BOD - Nina Dobrev)
It’s great to see new readers visiting The Bachelorette recaps and contributing in the comments section. Keep it up.
8:00 – Cousin Tewks has declined to join us this evening. Something about “having to work.” He doesn’t fool me. He just doesn’t want anyone to see him cry when it’s revealed that some low-life contestant is two-timing Ali with a girl back home.
8:04 – Harrison makes a house call at the start of the episode. This is exciting. I have a feeling we’re going to get a great performance out of him tonight.
8:05 – This seems fake. How did they get cameras to Jessi’s house in time for this call?
8:06 – Who the hell is Jessica? She is brutal looking.
8:07 – Jessica should get an Oscar for this performance. Actually, she kind of looks like a beaver.
8:08 – I bet Harrison was hard during this explanation thinking of the ratings bonanza at his fingertips.
8:10 – How could Justin call this girl secretly when they have cameras everywhere? This is the Rozlyn situation all over again. Something smells fishy. And it’s not . . . ok that joke is just going to be extremely inappropriate.
8:16 – Wow, Ali’s cutting right to the chase. She’s ferocious when angry. Imagine what makeup sex would be like? Ali is turning me on. She must be a tigress in the bedroom.
8:17 – Look at Roberto consoling her. He’s fantastic; always has his head in the game.
8:18 – I like this move by Justin. Just get out of there and don’t say a word. He doesn’t owe Ali or the show an explanation. He tried to make a move for his career and it didn’t work. No big deal.
8:22 – Where is Justin trying to go exactly?
8:23 – This is painful. He’s just digging himself a deeper hole. It would have been better to leave silently.
8:25 – STOP SAYING YOU GAVE UP EVERYTHING TO BE ON THIS SHOW!!!! Ali needs to get off of her moral high horse. You’re on a television show looking for a husband. You’re just a different level of fame whore than Justin.
8:34 – How long did it take Ali to memorize the placard of the name of that mosque? I’m putting the over/under at three hours.
8:35 – I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this exact bath scene in a porno before.
8:36 – If Ali gives Ty a Nuru massage, I may have to sign off for awhile.
8:38 – “Oh, use your hands.” – That’s what she said.
8:39 – Ty has some pretty good game. I’m impressed with his skills; although, I would have forced Ali’s hand underneath my towel.
8:43 – How do they go on day long dates and still have topics to discuss? Wouldn’t you end up wanting to kill the person around hour eight?
8:44 – Ty is a pimp. There are some decent guys left minus Craig and Frank. The top 4 are pretty solid catches. Shit, I need to re-evaluate my life.
8:46 – What the hell has he been talking about the last five minutes? I have a headache, but Ali seems impressed.
8:47 – Jesus, pal, take a breath. This isn’t Shakespeare; enough with the soliloquies.
8:55 – I’m actually impressed these guys even know who Rapunzel is.
8:57 – Craig is fat. And where is the chest hair on these ‘ladies’? Come on fellas, embrace your inner manimals.
8:58 – I would challenge the big, goofy-looking guy with the unibrow. It would show Ali I mean business.
8:59 – “You can’t grab anything!” – Kirk. He does realize that they were just supposed to wrestle these guys and not give out happy endings, right?
9:00 – I would go for the DDT or the Razor’s Edge as my finishing move.
9:02 - Craig wins? That’s like the Jets beating the Colts in Super Bowl III.
9:07 – She’s dating more than one guy, Frank. Suck it up for Christ’s sakes.
9:08 – There is zero sexual chemistry between these two. CSzem and his bookie have more romance in their relationship.
9:17 – I don’t understand. When I try to take a woman to a flea market for a date, I’m considered a cheap, heartless prick. But if you go to one in Istanbul, it’s the epitome of romance. It’s not fair.
9:19 – WOW!!! Little Tewks just snapped to attention when Ali came out in that belly dancing outfit.
9:21 – Yeah, Frank’s right to be bored. She just took him shopping for three hours. That’s my definition of hell. Shopping with a woman? My God, I’d rather put a gun in my mouth.
9:26 – “We need to discuss the bigger things.” What a perfect opportunity to talk about my penis.
9:29 – I think Frank just shot himself in the foot. “So long, four eyes” - Mama Tewks singing Frank’s swan song.
9:31 – He’s getting a rose! I don’t understand Ali’s infatuation with this guy.
9:41 - I’ve never seen grown men so disappointed at the cancellation of a cocktail party before.
9:46 – It has to be Craig who is going home. I mean he’s the only guy Ali hasn’t kissed yet. He must have an inkling that his time is up. Craig and his receding hairline have reached their nadir on this show.
9:51 – “I just think the romance was missing between us.” Translation: You’re ugly.
What did you think? Post thoughts to comments. And did the producers just tell us what happens for the rest of the season?
(BOD - Ashley Greene. This week's BODs are all courtesy of Rambo)
What a weekend.
Gretzpo and I absolutely terrorized the Eastern seaboard over the past few days and somehow managed to survive to tell the tale.
We recorded a podcast yesterday morning in Atlantic City to recap the weekend's events.
Some highlights:
- Crossfitting at a New York State Rest Stop
- Driving in downtown Philadelphia
- Greztpo showing his naivete at a downtown Holiday Inn
- The atmosphere of a Phillies game
- Phillies fans
- A Rocky tribute
- Atlantic City Boardwalk
- Supergator
- Our drinking prowess
- Gambling with the BJ kids
- Naming the MVP of the trip and a new nickname for Tewks
Talkin' with Tewks Live: Philly Roadtrip
Enjoy.
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