Those of you who are long time followers of the blog know that I am a willing disciple of Crossfit. I first saw the light a little over two years when preparing for an all-inclusive trip to Cuba. To get yourself up to speed on what Crossfit is all about read this column from April 2008.
Each year in July, there is a Crossfit Games held in California. Its purpose is to find the World’s Fittest Man and Woman through a variety of strength and metabolic conditioning events. To get to California, one must enter a Sectional. Place high enough in the Sectional and you move on to a Regional competition. The cream of the crop then descends upon Aromas, California to see who can make legitimate claim to being the Fittest Man and Woman on earth.
Tomorrow, the Ontario Sectional competition begins with approximately 150 athletes taking part in four workouts over two days. The top 15 men and top 15 women will qualify for the Canadian Regionals in Calgary at the end of May.
I’ve been training in earnest since the last week of 2009. I have never fully committed myself both physically and mentally to something before.
Not only were my workouts consistent (five workouts a week for four months), but they were also unparalleled in intensity. I worked my ass off. There were times when I just didn’t want to go the gym, but I pushed myself past my comfort zone and put my work in day in and day out.
For the first time in my life, I really paid attention to nutrition and what I put in my body. I’ve always eaten fairly well (not a huge fan of sweets or other junk food), but I made conscious decisions to only put healthy food into my body while in training. I don’t think I’ve eaten fried food in 2010.
Alcohol intake was another huge factor. I haven’t been drunk at all this year. I was even sober on New Year’s Eve. I gained my weekends back. No longer did I have waste days away sleeping off a hangover; it was fantastic.
Conversely, my alcohol tolerance is pathetic. I went to the casino on Wednesday and had one beer and one small glass of wine. I woke up with a headache. This does not bode well for my inevitable return to drinking.
The workouts for this weekend were posted yesterday morning. The Saturday workouts are below; Sunday’s final event is being cloaked in secrecy:
Workout #1
3000m Row for time
This will actually play to my strengths. I am bigger than the average Crossfitter which means I can generate more power (row faster) than most competitors. I need a top time here to have any chance of qualifying for the Regionals.
Workout #2
3 Rounds for time
10 Overhead Squats (95lbs)
10 Burpees
This is not a good workout for me. Overhead squats are a technical lift and I am terrible at things that require comprehension and actual thought. The weight is light enough for me to manage, but my poor form will not stand a chance against those who could do this workout in their sleep.
Workout #3
As Many Rounds as Possible in 12 minutes
5 Deadlifts (235lbs)
10 Pullups
5 Ring Dips
I have a very good deadlift and an advantage over most guys but, unfortunately, the weight is not heavy enough to separate the bigger guys from the smaller guys. 235lbs will not give me an advantage. If it was 315lbs, I would feel a lot more confident about this workout as the weight would impede the smaller guys.
But with 235lbs, I will only to be able to gain a fractional advantage, something I will lose at the pullups and dips. Both of these exercises are catered to smaller guys as they are bodyweight movements. They are moving less mass; therefore they can get more work done faster.
In fact, both workout #2 and #3 are predisposed to smaller frames. It will be a miracle for me to qualify, unless Sunday is an absolute perfect workout for me.
Tune in on Monday for a full Sectionals recap.
Just a few quick hits today on a variety of topics as I have a big 72 hours coming up. This afternoon, I am embarking on the first session of my new life goal of representing Canada at the 2022 Winter Olympics in curling.
I have a ‘Learn to Curl’ class with Sister Tewks (Hey, even the best have to start somewhere). I am hoping that my session will be led by Cheryl Bernard. If that’s the case, I will do whatever it takes to obtain some extra credit. I’ll bring my rock straight to her button.
This weekend, I will be competing in the event that I’ve been training excessively hard for over the last four months, the details of which I will divulge in tomorrow’s column.
The Iditarod
For reasons that remain unclear, my good friend and avid reader, Thy Drunken Rookie, is a closeted fan of the Iditarod. For those of you not up to speed on the world of competitive sled dog racing, the Iditarod is like the World Series of this niche sport.
It takes place in Alaska every year and it’s basically just a test of who can’t die in the frigid, Alaskan weather while leading a team of 11 huskies through the wilderness for a little over a week.
I don’t understand the point of it either.
Apparently, this year’s winner, Lance Mackey, won his fourth consecutive Iditarod which is apparently akin to Roger Federer winning six Wimbledon titles in a row.
Congratulations, Lance! See a picture of Mr. Mackey here. Yikes. Now, I have a few other questions. Like what is the probability that Mr. Mackie does not engage in group orgies with his dogs at night? There’s a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.
Ron Washington Admits to Cocaine Use
At first glance, I was nonplussed at the revelation of Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington admitting to cocaine use. The guy played in the majors in the 70s and 80s when such drug use was a rampant problem.
Then I read the story a little more in-depth and found out that Washington failed a major league drug test LAST YEAR!
What?
The best part of the story is that Washington says that he only used cocaine once. I am calling supreme bullshit on that one. You experiment with recreational drugs in your twenties when you’re young and dumb. You don’t ‘try cocaine once’ when you’re fifty-seven years old.
I have a feeling this is not the last time we will hear about this story. Fifty bucks says Washington and Josh Hamilton took their nostrils to Santa’s village at some point during last season (Did that analogy make any sense at all?).
Argos Sign Canadian QB
The big news out of the Toronto sports world is that the Argonauts signed local boy, Danny Brannagan, to a three year contract. I actually went to university with Brannagan which makes this story hit close to home, as it reminds me of my failed dreams of professional sports glory.
I don’t really understand why Canadian quarterbacks are shunned so vehemently by the CFL. I can see that there is a talent drop-off from their American counterparts, but I would think playing in a Canadian system for four years would give the Canucks a competitive advantage.
Most Canadians don’t understand CFL rules, how are Americans going to?
Full disclosure: I don’t know that much about NCAA college basketball.
However, when have I ever let something as insignificant as knowledge stop me from writing a column before?
The reason I don’t know a lot about March Madness is that I don’t follow the game during the regular season. I am not watching a sport when the best players in the world aren’t playing. What’s the point of that?
I know March Madness is one of the (many) pre-eminent events on a degenerate gambler’s social calendar. In fact, I’ll bet CSzem has retreated to his man cave, placed some calls to his bookie, and will not return to civilization until Easter.
Unfortunately for your man Tewks, to be a degenerate gambler, you need money which is something that I don’t have. I consider myself to be a cursory viewer of March Madness. The first two weeks of play are always the most exciting for me because I can toggle between games and focus my attention on the close nail biters and possible upsets.
To keep myself accountable for my March Madness picks (guaranteed winners or your money back), I’m going to do this in stages. Today, I’ll pick the teams that I think will make it to the Sweet 16 and next Wednesday we will revisit the picks to see how I did.
How I pick winners is a very complicated scientific process that involves a number of large algorithms designed by a bunch of nerds at NASA. Basically, I pick the lower seeded team if the game involves a double digit seed. For all other games, I pick whatever school I’ve heard of before/would want to attend.
For example, if UCLA played the University of Alaska and they were both single digit seeds, I’m going with UCLA.
On to the picks:
Midwest Region
#1 Kansas (Some of you may wonder why I would rather go to Kansas than the University of Las Vegas Nevada. Because if I went to UNLV, I would be dead before first semester midterms)
#5 Michigan State (I saw all I need to see of Maryland on The Wire)
#3 Georgetown (I would love to be a Hoya)
#7 Oklahoma State (I have a soft spot for Oklahoma and the state’s Southern Belle inhabitants)
West Region
#9 Florida State (My upset special; and what a great place to go to college)
#4 Vanderbilt (It was them or Butler. I’m a fan of old money)
#3 Pittsburgh (I could live at Mario Lemieux’s house with Sidney Crosby)
#2 Kansas State (I am not going to school with a bunch of Mormons at BYU)
East Region
#1 Kentucky (John Wall is the only player in the NCAA that I’ve heard of before this week)
#4 Wisconsin (I wouldn’t really want to go to school in Wisconsin, but I have no idea what Temple is)
#3 University of New Mexico (It’s a depressing state, but it has great weather and I don’t know where Marquette is)
#2 West Virginia (Where the hell is Clemson?)
South Region
#8 California (I’d rather go to prison than Duke)
#4 Purdue (I am not going to an Agricultural and Mechanical school; I wouldn’t last the first day)
#6 Notre Dame (I would recreate every scene in Rudy every chance I could)
#2 Villanova (It sounds like a tasty dessert)
Good luck in your own brackets.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
I didn’t really plan on seeing She’s out of My League over the weekend, but the other choices at the theatre were less than stellar:
Green Zone? I‘ve already seen three Jason Bourne movies, thanks.
Shutter Island? I can’t watch scary movies.
Remember Me? How is that dolt from Twilight getting more movie roles? Is there that much of a need for brooding, excessively pale, monosyllabic douchebags in film these days?
Basically, it was decided to go with the lesser of evils. I wasn’t overly enthused with the previews that have been shown for She’s out of My League over the last few weeks. It just didn’t look that funny and they kept beating the “hot girl doesn’t wear underwear joke” into the ground.
The entire premise of the movie just made me upset and I couldn’t relate to it at all. Were we actually supposed to buy the ridiculous plot? Take their looks out of the equation for a second. I guarantee there is not a woman on earth who would be attracted to an insecure guy who can’t put a coherent sentence together because of nerves and has zero self-confidence.
It’s not ‘cute’ or ‘sweet’. It’s pathetic and a normal woman would get turned off by such behaviour by the end of date one.
Plus, I wasn’t in the target male demographic for the film. I have never experienced the problem of having a lady who is out of my league. I mean, let’s be honest, if you use the ‘10’ rating system, your buddy Tewks is like Spinal Tap: I go all the way to 11.
The only scenario where a member of the fairer sex would be so far above my level to be termed “out of my league” is if I tried dating the Princess of Monaco. Or Miley Cyrus.
All that being said, I thought the movie was fantastic.
It was really, really well done and had me laughing out loud throughout. The strength of the film was the supporting cast, especially Kirk’s (Jay Baruchel) group of friends. The scene stealer was, without a doubt, Kirk’s fat friend, Devon (Nate Torrence).
Devon’s lines were delivered with impeccable comedic timing and a perfect deadpan expression. As the lone married guy in the group, he loved living vicariously through Kirk and his dating exploits. Throughout the movie, Devon had a look of pure child-like wonder on his face at all times. It was hilarious. His riff on Aladdin and Princess Jasmine killed me.
Kirk’s family was also terrific in terms of craziness, complete with the off-the-wall and oafish, immature older brother.
The laughs were consistent throughout and, at times, you could almost believe that Kirk and Molly (Alice Eve) could possibly date in real life.
That all changed during the Third Act crisis scene where Kirk and Molly are about to get it on. Kirk has possibly one of the worst bodies I have ever seen in a movie. He makes Michael Cera in Superbad look like Matthew McConaughey. I literally had to avert my eyes when his chest came on the screen.
On the other hand, Molly’s body was . . . well, I am not a good enough writer to accurately capture such beauty. She looked unreal in that black bra and matching panties. So much so that I have no idea what transpired during that entire scene because I was so transfixed by her bountiful bosom.
I definitely recommend this movie for anyone looking to have a few laughs on a weekend night. In fact, I plan on having another viewing when She’s out of My League comes out on DVD to catch all the jokes I missed while laughing (although I don’t think I could watch Kirk’s pubic hair shaving scene again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you).
Verdict: 4 Huge Alice Eve Boobs out of 5
Today's episode of Talkin' with Tewks Live is pretty self-explanatory. CSzem and I discuss Tiger Wood's impending comeback to the game of golf; how much adversity will he face; does he have any fans remaining; how he will he play etc.
Talkin' with Tewks Live - Recorded March 14 2010
Enjoy.
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