Not Pretty, but Got the Job Done

(BOD - Dianna Agron)

No, the column title does not refer to my penis. It refers to Roy Halladay fighting through six tough innings to put his team in a position to win last night.


The first inning of last night’s game was the worst I have seen Roy pitch in years. He’s been hit around before, but never has struggled so much with his control. Doc looked, dare I say, nervous. He was wildly overthrowing, which was very surprising considering Halladay’s calling card is a steely demeanour in the face of adversity.

When Philadelphia’s pitching coach trudged out to the mound for a visit, the look on Roy’s face was pure, unadulterated anger. It was the epitome of ‘if looks could kill.’

I’ve had that before. A few years ago, I was pitching in a tournament against a really obnoxious team. They strung a few runs together in the first inning and started making fun of my white cleats and my team in general. I got Doc’s look on my face and proceeded to throw fastballs the rest of the game and ended up striking out 12. Don’t piss off bulldog pitchers.

I don’t want to make excuses for Roy and let my man love for the guy cloud my impartial judgement, but it certainly seemed like the umpire was squeezing Doc on the outer edges of the strike zone. I loved how Halladay stared the man in blue down on his way to the dugout.

Speaking of that staredown, I now hate Pat Burrell. Burrell had the audacity to think Halladay was staring at him as he walked back to the dugout. Why would he be looking at you, Patrick? Roy just K’ed you looking. Shut your mouth and get back to the dugout. Instead, Burrell tried to act like a tough guy by saying “What the fuck are you looking at, motherfucker?” Despite Burrell’s obvious mastery of the English language, maybe he should worry more about keeping his average above the Mendoza line and less about people supposedly staring at him.

It was a sloppily played game and I’m not going to allow the intermittent rain that fell throughout the game to be used as an excuse. The slop was typified by a Ryan Howard error in the middle part of the game. A hard hit grounder came his way and instead of getting in front of the ball, Howard flung his glove backhanded towards the ball and booted it carelessly. It was a play ripped from Roger Dorn’s playbook. Allow Lou Brown to explain.

Cody Ross was up to his old tricks again last night with an RBI double, but the much-maligned Phillies bullpen rose to the challenge I gave them earlier in the week and followed Doc’s performance with three scoreless innings. If they can get that up, I can see Philly snatching victory in this series from the jaws of defeat.

Now the series moves back to Philadelphia and if it goes to seven games, look to see Roy make an appearance in the later innings.

I can’t wait.

(Postscript: apparently Roy hurt his groin in the second inning which is why his velocity plummeted throughout the game. That little nugget just gives me even more respect for the man).