As a former varsity collegiate athlete—whose sole purpose (besides embracing his inner Charlie Sheen and winning on the field of play) during his undergraduate studies was to coerce every willing coed within a 3 mile radius to engage in a spirited bout of premarital coitus—the big news out of Brigham Young University last week filled me with great sadness.
For those of you not in the know, Brandon Davies, a star sophomore for the BYU basketball team, was suspended for the remainder of the season for violating the school’s morality code of conduct.
A star player suspended? Less than month from the start of March Madness? Surely, he must have committed some type of heinous crime to warrant such a punishment?
Nope, he had sex with his girlfriend.
Apparently, BYU, founded by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, requires students to sign and abide by the school’s honor code which prohibits, among other things, alcohol and tobacco use and premarital sex.
A myriad of questions ran through my mind as this story hit the World Wide Web. First of all, how in the hell does the school know that he had sex with his girlfriend? Did he admit to it? Did someone see them? If someone saw, were they right up in there to witness penetration? Is oral sex allowed? Did she rat him out, which would cause her to get kicked out of school as well? Did the school look for, uh, proof, um, south of the equator? I need more information.
I wholeheartedly disagree with the honour code in the first place and I would never attend the school for that reason, but I can understand why BYU instituted it in the first place. They are a private university and can make any rules they want. It’s hard to feel sorry for Davies: he knew he wasn’t allowed to get it in while attending the school, but did so anyway.
Conversely, I can’t blame the guy for hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing either.
I mean Davies is a Big Man on Campus. It’s practically a rite of passage for him to be laying more pipe than a second generation plumbing business.
I’m more surprised that BYU can actually field competitive sports teams with such a code in place. You think legions of horny teenagers would avoid the Utah campus like the plague. Who knows, maybe I’m just a degenerate pervert and the average population doesn’t care as much about such vices as I do. Too bad for them.
Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that Gretzpo and CSzem are going to get wind of this story and suddenly create their own personal moral code as their reasoning behind their woeful ineptitude with women back in college and subsequent lack of sexual activity?
However, In an era where schools try to tip-toe around NCAA regulations and athletes receive all types of preferential treatment, and administrators look the other way when stars are involved in seedy activities, it is refreshing that BYU is treating Davies like a regular student.
I just wish it was for something a little more serious than some meaningless sex.
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