CSzem's Corner

(BOD - Minka Kelly)

It's nice to see he actually showed up this time.

Last Week: 11-5
This Week: 3-0
Overall: 28-18

My recent hot streak could not have come a moment too soon, as Mrs. CSzem has detailed, the littlest member of our family (my son, not my penis....) has taken ill over the last few days. Baby meds are not cheap, so let's hope that the picks keep flowing. Last week was very successful, and this week is off to a flying start, as even my Cowboys managed to pull off a cover (despite the fact that they blew a very winnable game....). The amazing (or perhaps, not so surprising) thing about these picks is that I do absolutely no research. And I mean that. I am the kind of guy who spends hours pouring over stats and analysis to try to figure out what I'm going to do for fantasy teams, or for making "friendly" wagers (with my bookie), but for these picks, due to the journalistic time constraints Tewks places me under, I pull up the lines on my phone and I write down a pick. No wonder I'm doing much better.

On to the picks!

Washington (-1) v. Minnesota

This is a "green" pick, because I'm recycling the exact same thing I've said the past few weeks for Minnesota. They are horrible, and Vegas refuses to acknowledge it. Why is this virtually a pick'em?? Washington is clearly the better team (not that they're all that good), and they're at home.

Pittsburgh (-6) @ Buffalo

A weird line. Buffalo has become a bit of a "lovable loser" who keeps games close and is a tough out. I think the Steelers have turned it up a notch based on their man-handling (not the Big Ben kind....the football kind) of Oakland last week. They'll bury the Bills.

Tennessee (+6.5) @ Houston

If Houston was a good, well-coached, team, they'd easily handle this game. Tennessee is down to their third-string QB, who is someone that I have literally never heard of. He's a rookie, and I watch hours and hours of college football, plus the full NFL combine, plus the full NFL Draft. And I've never even heard his name mentioned. And yeah, I'm picking him on the road in his first career start. That's how little faith I have in the Houston secondary.

NY Giants (-7) v. Jacksonville

Amazingly, one of these teams is leading their division, and it's not the Giants. Jacksonville has to be the worst team in history to be leading their division after American Thanksgiving. They should get pummeled in this game, as they have in a few other road contests this year.

Carolina (+10) @ Cleveland

Carolina is horrendous, but I just don't think Cleveland should be laying 10 to anyone. They play up or down to their competition and will probably win a really ugly game that no one will watch.

Tampa Bay (+9) @ Baltimore

One of these days, Josh Freeman is going to be respected by the oddsmakers. Evidently, today is not that day. Tampa hangs tough here. They lost by 6 at Atlanta (a tougher place to play).

Chicago (+3.5) v. Philadelphia

Dangerous home dog that seems to be coming together well right now. Everyone's all aboard the Philly hype train, so in the NFL that usually means they're about to be derailed so we all remain confused.

Green Bay (+1) @ Atlanta

The toughest game to pick on the board, without question. I'm going with the Packers because Mrs. CSzem took them in the pick'em pool.

Seattle (+1) v. Kansas City

Kind of a screwy line for me. Both of these teams are "good at home, not so good on road" type teams. I think it'll be close, but I think Seattle should be favoured in their building.

Denver (-4) v. St. Louis

Purely for spite. St. Louis cost me a lot of money last week by not covering at home against Atlanta.

Indianapolis (-3) v. San Diego

Peyton Manning is only laying 3 points in prime time? Seriously? Is it possible to arrange a second-mortgage on my house by Sunday night at 8:15?

Arizona (+1) v. San Francisco

I think this is the third straight year these teams have played each other on MNF, which is absolutely insane. Who finds this game compelling?? Seriously? It wasn't even a good game when Kurt Warner was still playing. They've played this game in Mexico on MNF, and then last year I was in Vegas while it was going on (perhaps might explain my bitterness about the matchup....didn't go well). But just an awful, awful matchup. I'll take the home team.

Jeter Can Play Hardball?

(BOD - Olivia Munn)

CSzem’s Turkey Picks: Patriots (-6.5), Cowboys (+3.5), Jets (-9)

I have to apologize to you, dear readers and listeners. For the first time in the history of this blog, a column was not posted when I said it was going to be. I fully expected to get the podcast up and running at some point on Tuesday, but the conversation never actually materialized.

And for that, please direct your ire towards CSzem. However, this is the first podcast for which he has not answered the bell since the inception of Talkin’ with Tewks Live, so I really can’t be too upset.

And I’m sure his fatherly duties preclude him from a lot of things, so the fact he is able to fit the podcasts into his busy and harried schedule is an admirable feat. Also, I can’t be upset at Mrs. CSzem purely for the fact that she is forced to cohabitate with CSzem, while also caring for a young son (which basically means she has two children at home).

Instead, I’m placing the blame squarely on young OSzem’s shoulders. Come on, dude. You’re probably close to six months old by now. Time to grow up and start feeding and bathing yourself, and going to bed on your own. Maybe get a job too. Stop freeloading off your parents.

It’s embarrassing, kid. Have you even started a weightlifting program yet? Give your head a shake. Your move, OSzem. Bring it.

Onto today’s column………….

Derek Jeter and the New York Yankees are currently involved in some hardball, don’t blink negotiations over a new contract for New York’s beloved captain. As of right now, neither team seems willing to budge on their current stance and both parties seem willing to engage in protracted negotiations.

At first glance, you might side with Jeter. He’s been the face of the franchise for fifteen years, has led to the team to five World Series titles and is the best contemporary example of the ridiculous, mythical title of a “True Yankee.” How can New York’s front office not offer Jeter a fair contract so the man can end his career as Yankee?

However, then you find out that the Yankees offered Jeets a three year contract worth $45 million. And Jeter’s management team declined the offer, saying they wanted to test the market.

What?

Paying $15 million a year for a shortstop rushing towards forty, with diminishing skills, is ludicrous. There’s no way in hell Jeter would be able to command that salary in the open market. The Yankees are giving him a gift at 3 years, $45 million. He should just take it and be glad the brothers Steinbrenner have basically built in a ‘thanks for being the face of the franchise’ fee into the contract.

The $15 million salary would make Jeter the highest paid shortstop in the league, which is funny considering he’s not even the best shortstop on the team. This is where all the Jeter supporters get their panties in a twist by pointing out he just won his fifth gold glove and had the highest fielding percentage of his career.

Yes, that’s all well and good, but when he’s not actually fast enough to reach balls hit in his general direction, it’s pretty hard to make errors. Jeter’s lateral movement reminds me of a newborn fawn trying to take its first steps.

Jeter should just thank his lucky stars the Yankees are too scared to ask him to move to another position and are willing to give him all this money. For such a ‘team guy’ and the captain of the franchise, shouldn’t he be willing to take a large pay cut to stay in New York and help his team win?

My guess is Jeter will realize no other team in the league will give him the money he wants, he’ll go back to the Yankees, get his 3000th hit and ride off into sunset to make babies with receding hairlines and egg-shaped heads with Minka Kelly.

Talkin' with Tewks Live

Podcast will be posted late tonight.