A Joke of a Franchise

(BOD - Mrs. Tewks)

CSzem picks Miami (-1) in tonight's NFL matchup
Surprisingly, the column title does not refer to the Toronto Maple Leafs. How could it when the boys are blue are currently riding a robust one game winning streak? Also, I’m not talking about TFC because, well, soccer isn’t really a sport and not interesting enough to garner my attention.

However, if you stay in the MLSE family, you would be on the right track (what a first class run sports organization. Three teams and they’re all terrible. Unless you count the Marlies, but I think they suck too).

Look at the following names and tell me what you see: Solomon Alabi, David Andersen, Marcus Banks, Ed Davis, Joey Dorsey, Linas Kleiza and Sonny Weems.

The character list for The Usual Suspects? The supporting players in a dinner theatre production of Twelfth Night?

Nope, this is a list of actual players on the 2010-11 Toronto Raptors basketball team. I can’t even say that I assumed the team would be bad because of their roster because I’ve never actually heard of any of these guys. A once proud playoff team has been denigrated to a scrap heap that would have trouble beating most D-League teams on a given night.

The Raptors are currently ranked 28th out of 30 in the league in terms of winning percentage. And this swoon has nothing to do with Chris Bosh so his name will not be mentioned again in this space. Besides, he’s too busy getting dunked on by guys my size to worry about Toronto and its lack of cable TV options.

Let’s go through a little bit of revisionist history, shall we? Wasn’t Brian Colangelo supposed to be the saviour of this team? He was considered to be one of the brightest minds in the NBA and was brought to Toronto with much fanfare a few years ago. In fact, MLSE engaged in a bidding war with a number of other teams to have Colangelo’s basketball IQ work in their Bay Street offices.

Colangelo came in here with hilariously overpriced wardrobe and said all the right things about building a winner and bringing a championship to this title-starved city. He was given absolute control of the basketball operations and proceeded to work his magic. And Colangelo has absolutely nothing to show for it except for an increasingly bitter fan base.

(Couldn’t the two previous paragraphs been written verbatim for Brian Burke except exchange the fruity wardrobe for penchant for using big words?)

Truthfully, I’ve followed the Raptors at a distance this season. They suck so there’s no point in me watching such drivel. If I wanted to watch horrible performance after horrible performance then I would be better off watching some of my homemade sex tapes.

However, listening to the radio last night, I heard something that drove me fucking crazy. The Raptors won last night and the commentator praised for the team for giving a good effort, something that has been apparently lacking so far this year.

Are you shitting me? Professional athletes, making millions of dollars a year, have to be praised for showing up and doing their job. That is sickening to hear and I hope the Raptors don’t win 10 games all year.