What the Hell Happened?

I don’t know if I can talk about Cliff Lee’s implosion just yet. I fear I may be still in shock, like my world’s been turned upside down. I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe anymore.

I feel like Duke talking to Rocky in the attic of the desolate Russian cabin in Rocky IV:

“When Cliff Lee got lit up by the Giants and he couldn’t throw an offspeed pitch for strikes, a part of me died. And when he just ran fastball after fastball up at the Giants and the San Francisco hitters just sat dead red, a bigger part of me died. I was raised to believe that Cliff Lee was omnipotent.”

The worst part about this analogy is that I can’t even make a “Now, you’re the one” reference to Tim Lincecum because he threw terribly also and had a couple of inexcusable brain farts.

What the hell was he doing in the first inning when that slow roller was tapped towards him and Michael Young broke for home from third? Timmy did the right thing by running right at him to make the runner freeze, but then he just nonchalantly jogged Young back to the base, without a throw, loading the bases. I don’t even think he realized his miscue as he just had a blank stare on his face. I think he was still high.

Timmy’s next inexcusable act was giving up a laser double to Cliff Lee in Lee’s first at-bat since last year. He didn’t even look like he knew how to swing properly and he’s ripping Lincecum for a double. Giving up anything other than an out to an American League pitcher in the World Series is completely pathetic.

For Texas to win, they really need to get Vladimir Guerrero out of rightfield. I know they need his bat in the lineup but his fielding was atrocious last night. It’s not that he doesn’t have the ability to play the position, it’s just that he’s too old and banged up to play it properly.

Vladdy reminds me of the fat, drunk uncle who patrols the outfield during your family softball game. At first it’s funny to see him out there, but after awhile it just gets sad and depressing and you hope he doesn’t pull anything.

The list of the pitchers San Francisco has smacked around this postseason is nothing short of impressive: Halladay, Oswalt, Hamels, Cliff Lee, Derek Lee. And this from a team that had a putrid offence during the regular season.

I still think Texas is going to win the series, but my like of the Giants is steadily creeping to the surface. Allow me a second Rocky IV reference in today’s column. I’ve just watched Rocky (San Fran) take a beating at the hands of bigger, stronger opponents and yet they keep coming. The stodgy Russian crowd in me is starting to show some begrudging respect.

“Hear cheers now for the San Francisco Giants!”

Talkin' with Tewks Live: World Series Preview

(BOD - Jennifer Grey)

Highlights from the podcast:

- Ambush discussion on the ineptitude of the Dallas Cowboys
- Cliff Lee and his ability to throw on three day's rest
- Brian Wilson and his beard
- Josh Hamilton's greatness
- The difference between coke and crack
- The misfits on the Giants roster
- Halloween
- Me and Brad Pitt

Talkin' with Tewks Live: World Series Preview

Enjoy.

Format Change: More Scandals and Animals

(BOD - Jenna Jameson)

Exactly one year ago, I made the decision to escape Gretzpo’s sports blog tyranny and create my own, infinitely more successful sports and pop culture blog. Back then, I made a conscious effort to move away from the one column a week opus I had been producing and try my hand at posting articles every day.

I wanted to see if I had the talent and writing chops to write entertaining material day in and day out (save statutory holidays and heterosexual man-cations to the Caribbean). And, I think, for the most part I was able to achieve my goal. The hits and visits to this site have increased substantially since I made the switch. And I proved to myself that, when facing time constraints, I can produce funny and witty writing.

That being said, I’ve found my commitment level and overall desire to produce such journalistic excellence waning over the past few months. When a topic drew my ire or really fired me up, I had no problem writing passionately about the subject. However, some days there was literally nothing interesting to discuss and I was forced to mail in a handful of columns. It wasn’t enjoyable for me anymore.

I need a new challenge, a new outlet for my skills. That’s why I’ve decided to once again reboot and retool the Talkin’ with Tewks blog. The reasons for the switch are outlined above, but I’m also in the process of starting a new writing-related venture that is going to take up a lot of more of my time. Details are still in the infancy, but everything should be up and running by the second week of November (after the World Series is over). It will not be affiliated with this blog, but will be linked to Talkin’ with Tewks and I’ll ensure it’s promoted heavily in this space.

Thus, new posts here will be scaled back starting this week. There will still be a podcast once a week (posted on Tuesday mornings) and I will continue to write one larger (800-1000 words) column each and every week. The day of posting is not set in stone, but will depend on the stories permeating out of the sports and pop culture world.

What I’m aiming to do is to have new stuff posted at least twice a week; more if time permits and something really strikes my interest. For example, this week I’m posting today, podcast tomorrow, and then I will be covering Games 1 and 2 of the World Series.

Also, I’m extending an olive brach to regular readers of this blog. If there’s an issue you feel passionate about and don’t want your thoughts lost in the comments section, send me an article and I will post it. About whatever your little hearts’ desire as long as it’s entertaining, grammatically correct and somehow relevant to sports and popular.

I’m sure most of you think you can do what I do much better than I can (and, really, who could blame you?), so here’s the chance to prove it.

There you have it: the beginning of phase 3 of Talkin’ with Tewks.

Fasten your seatbelts.

World Series preview tomorrow.

Not Pretty, but Got the Job Done

(BOD - Dianna Agron)

No, the column title does not refer to my penis. It refers to Roy Halladay fighting through six tough innings to put his team in a position to win last night.


The first inning of last night’s game was the worst I have seen Roy pitch in years. He’s been hit around before, but never has struggled so much with his control. Doc looked, dare I say, nervous. He was wildly overthrowing, which was very surprising considering Halladay’s calling card is a steely demeanour in the face of adversity.

When Philadelphia’s pitching coach trudged out to the mound for a visit, the look on Roy’s face was pure, unadulterated anger. It was the epitome of ‘if looks could kill.’

I’ve had that before. A few years ago, I was pitching in a tournament against a really obnoxious team. They strung a few runs together in the first inning and started making fun of my white cleats and my team in general. I got Doc’s look on my face and proceeded to throw fastballs the rest of the game and ended up striking out 12. Don’t piss off bulldog pitchers.

I don’t want to make excuses for Roy and let my man love for the guy cloud my impartial judgement, but it certainly seemed like the umpire was squeezing Doc on the outer edges of the strike zone. I loved how Halladay stared the man in blue down on his way to the dugout.

Speaking of that staredown, I now hate Pat Burrell. Burrell had the audacity to think Halladay was staring at him as he walked back to the dugout. Why would he be looking at you, Patrick? Roy just K’ed you looking. Shut your mouth and get back to the dugout. Instead, Burrell tried to act like a tough guy by saying “What the fuck are you looking at, motherfucker?” Despite Burrell’s obvious mastery of the English language, maybe he should worry more about keeping his average above the Mendoza line and less about people supposedly staring at him.

It was a sloppily played game and I’m not going to allow the intermittent rain that fell throughout the game to be used as an excuse. The slop was typified by a Ryan Howard error in the middle part of the game. A hard hit grounder came his way and instead of getting in front of the ball, Howard flung his glove backhanded towards the ball and booted it carelessly. It was a play ripped from Roger Dorn’s playbook. Allow Lou Brown to explain.

Cody Ross was up to his old tricks again last night with an RBI double, but the much-maligned Phillies bullpen rose to the challenge I gave them earlier in the week and followed Doc’s performance with three scoreless innings. If they can get that up, I can see Philly snatching victory in this series from the jaws of defeat.

Now the series moves back to Philadelphia and if it goes to seven games, look to see Roy make an appearance in the later innings.

I can’t wait.

(Postscript: apparently Roy hurt his groin in the second inning which is why his velocity plummeted throughout the game. That little nugget just gives me even more respect for the man).

A Wild Night

(BOD - Faith Hill)

The Yankees managed to earn a stay of execution last night but, truthfully, it’s just a matter of time before Texas puts New York away to punch their first World Series ticket in franchise history. Yesterday’s column was all about the ALCS, so let’s give some love to the senior circuit and last night’s epic, seesaw battle.

(A caveat: He Who Hits Bombs and I were texting during last night’s game and we agreed that the winner of last night’s game would go on to win the series. My thinking was that a loss of that magnitude, with so many lead changes, would be disastrous to the collective psyche of the losing team. As a staunch Doc supporter, I sincerely hope that I am wrong).

I can’t begin a column about the NLCS without mentioning, once again, the incredible Cody Ross. There’s no reason for me to like this guy, but I can’t help respect what he’s doing in this postseason. Joe Blanton even upped the ante from Roy Oswalt and hit Ross on the elbow to try to snuff out his scorching hot hitting prowess. It didn’t work, as Ross confidently crushed a double in his next at-bat. He has to be the MVP of the LCS, right?

I think it’s safe to say the best adjective to describe the Phillies bullpen is beleaguered. The offence finally woke up and showed some mettle, coming back from some early deficits, but the bullpen couldn’t hold onto a lead. What does it say about Charlie Manuel’s trust in his guys that he summoned Roy Oswalt to pitch the ninth inning? Is Brad Lidge even still on the postseason roster?

If Philly’s starters get into any trouble in the remaining games, I fear it may be the end for the City of Brotherly Love. Especially with the way the Giants staff and bullpen are throwing. I definitely have the ‘Fear the Beard’ fever. I want to pump iron with Giants closer, Brian Wilson. He looks like he has some serious lifting numbers and his beard is just magical.

At this moment, I owe an apology to Cszem. I accused him of being racist in the podcast for being deathly afraid of Charles Oakley. He sent me a message last night assuring me that he’s just as scared of Brian Wilson as he is of Oak. Thus, my co-host is not a racist, just a pussy.

The situation (Jersey Shore finale tonight!!) looks dire for Philadelphia, but they could not be set up better for the next three games: Hallday, Oswalt, and Hamels. Of course, the arms on the other side of the field are pretty good too.

Here’s hoping to an epic Game 5 tonight.

Rangers Take Stranglehold on ALCS

(BOD - Julie Michaels)

The ALCS is done. Finished. Although, I guess that is from a metaphorical perspective at the moment, until Texas completes the mercy killing of the once heralded Yankees dynasty, the Bronx Bombers theoretically still have a chance.

I think we can all agree that the chance is approximately zero percent. Even if the Yankees manage to win the next two games, what do they get as a reward? The chance to face Cliff Lee again in a Game 7 deep in the heart of Texas.

The Rangers have completely dominated every facet of this series and would have already wrapped up a league championship crown were it not for an epic bullpen meltdown in the eighth inning of Game 1. One bad inning in four games. They’ve laid the smackdown on the boys from the Bronx.

(Where are He Who Hits Bombs quotes about the greatness of the Yankees now? I don’t hear anything. He’s awfully quiet this time of year.)

Onto the game notes:

Seeing two contested home runs by the Yankees in the same inning was surreal. I completely agree that Cano’s ball was over the fence, but it was obvious that Cruz might have had a play on the ball and he was interfered with by a fan. Thus, I think the correct call should have been a ground rule double. On replay, Berkman’s was obviously foul, so it’s great to see the use of instant replay to make the correct call. That is the point of the technology in the first place.

I don’t know what has gotten into Gregg Zaun, but he’s like an old man angry at kids for walking on his grass. In every segment he does throughout the game with Jamie Campbell, he just seems continually pissed off. One, I think he’s upset, rightfully so, that he has to spend so much time with Jamie Campbell. Two, the in game segments are sponsored by Wisers and I bet Zaun, as a recovering alcoholic, wants nothing more than to let that cool, brown liquid caress his throat. I’d be edgy too.

The best line of the night came when he was watching the replay of Cano’s homer and, with much distaste, deadpanned, “Check out the fat kid on the left trying to make the catch.” Comedy gold.

AJ Burnett almost had me fooled last night. He threw decently enough through five innings and had his team in a position to win the game (personally I’d want a little more than five ok innings from a guy making $16 million a year, but I digress).

But then, of course, the real AJ showed up and he managed to self-combust in spectacular fashion. After intentionally walking a batter to get to Bengie Molina, what does Burnett do with his first pitch? He throws a fastball that drifts lazily into the inner half of the zone and Molina smoked it into the stands for a three run home run. It was a classic case of lost focus and Burnett’s career calling card.

Derek Jeter was the lone bright spot for the pinstripes as it seemed like he made it his personal mission to make me look a like fool for calling him old and washed up. In my defence, he did get those big hits off Tommy “Double Chin” Hunter who I’m surprised Nolan Ryan even let in the rotation considering the latter’s intense devotion to physical fitness.

Truthfully, I stopped watching after Burnett blew up because I knew the game was over. And there was a finale special of Teen Mom showing on MTV.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: LCS Talk

(BOD - DJ Tanner)

The baseball postseason is in full swing with four teams vying for a World Series berth and at least one game on TV every day this week. I'm in heaven. Today's podcast topics include:

- Cliff Lee's continued playoff dominance
- The reasoning for Lee's success
- Derek Jeter's diminishing skills
- Cole Hamels and his workout regimen
- AJ Burnett's inevitable gas can performance tonight
- Nolan Ryan's greatness as an owner
- CSzem's a racist

Talkin' with Tewks Live - LCS Talk

Enjoy.

Who the Hell is Cody Ross?

(BOD - Katy Mixon)

CSzem has ducked yet another Monday morning podcast. This time his reasoning was that he had to go to work early. This time I actually believe the excuse, but I think it’s less that he had to go to work early and more that he was forced out of the house by Mrs. CSzem by losing another mortgage payment betting on the anemic Dallas Cowboys to win a game. The ‘Boys are now 1-4. Yikes. America’s team, my ass.


Plus, I’m sure he’s not looking forward to our next conversation where I upbraid him once again for the idiotic decision to bypass Lincecum and keep him away from Halladay. I went to a party with my baseball team on Saturday and mentioned CSzem’s theory: he would have been laughed out of the room.

And I know he will never agree on this point due to the fact he’s not an athlete and will never understand how an athlete’s mind works. Professional or otherwise.

I really want to hate Cody Ross, but I cannot. There’s nothing I can’t stand more as a pitcher than seeing an under-talented scrub guess correctly on a pitch, swing with his eyes closed, and hit one out of the park.

But then Ross took Halladay deep twice on Saturday night, shocking a nation. Then he hit another one last night against Roy Oswalt breaking up his no-hitter in the fifth inning. What’s more impressive is the circumstances in which Ross hit the solo shot.

In his first at-bat, Oswalt buzzed Ross high and tight with a fastball, which was fantastic to see from a pitcher’s perspective. Ross obviously had a lot of confidence going into the game (who wouldn’t be after hitting two jacks off the best pitcher in the game) and looked way too comfortable at the plate. Oswalt just wanted to make his feet move a bit and be worried about a beaning instead of hitting another home run.

I have to give Ross credit. He took the inside pitch in stride and took revenge on Oswalt by hammering a pitch in his next at-bat into the left field bleachers. I would suggest Phillies pitchers stop throwing inside fastballs to Ross in the same, exact location.

Last night was the first time I’ve watched Oswalt pitch for an extended period of time and I was very impressed. His delivery reminds me of a smaller, whiter, righthanded version of David Price. Oswalt’s fastball explodes out of his hand, but he can also locate the pitch down in the zone. Filthy stuff.

Kudos to Oswalt for hustling around the bases and scoring on a single from second base last night, showing that pitchers can be athletes too. I did not like how Joe Buck and Tim McCarver acted like they’ve never seen a pitcher who had the ability to run before. Not all pitchers are fat tubs of lard who possess one athletic skill. McCarver even had the audacity to ask if Oswalt would be ok to go out and pitch the next inning, in case he was too tired from running 360 feet over the course of ten minutes.

This is going to be a great series.

Tomorrow will be a special Tuesday podcast celebrating left-handed greatness with Cliff Lee and Andy Petitte on the mound in Game 3 and Tewks watching at home in his underwear.

A Real LCS Preview

(BOD - Jennifer Bini Taylor)

Ok, I’m going to try this again. CSzem and I attempted to have a serious discussion about the League Championship Series in our podcast recorded late Monday night, but we unfortunately got sidetracked by penis (Jesus, I hope that’s the last time I ever have to type that sentence). Brett Favre’s penis to be exact.

Furthermore, I promise that there will be no talk of the sexual exploits of Al Borland anywhere during this column. That being said, we now know that The Rangers will be playing the Yankees in the ALCS thanks to another big game performance by the quiet assassin, Cliff Lee.

Let’s start with the AL as that series kicks off tonight in Texas. Unfortunately for the Rangers, they cannot depend on Cliff Lee alone to deliver them to the promised land of the Fall Classic. He is unavailable to pitch until Game 3 and then again only if the series goes to a Game 7 (Of course, if that happens, the Rangers are all but assured victory with their ace on the hill).

For Texas to win, they will have to lean heavily on CJ Wilson and Colby Lewis, two unproven guys on the postseason stage. However, both of them get to pitch in the cozy confines of Arlington and are able to avoid throwing in the pressure cooker that is Yankee Stadium in October.

I’m not sure I like the decision by Joe Girardi to go to a four man rotation in this series and give AJ Burnett a chance to self-destruct in Game 4. Of course I love it from the perspective of a man who hates the Yankees, but I think you have to give the big fella, CC Sabbathia, a chance to go on three day’s rest (he did it last year and that worked out pretty well).

I still maintain that the Yankees lineup is too old and they’re going to fall apart playing this deep into the season. The Rangers are younger and hungrier and they have the intangible in Nolan Ryan’s sage experience and fighting ability. I smell a World Series berth for Texas.

Prediction: Rangers in 7

The ALCS is just an appetizer for the main course that is the NLCS. This is going to be a fantastic series, dominated by pitching (I just made myself hard). And the action will kick off with a bang on Saturday night with Doc going against Timmy Lincecum. There is the potential for those two to face off three times in seven games (since they’re actual men and can throw on three day’s rest).

I would hate to be in the batting lineup of either team. The prospect of facing these respective rotations would keep me up at night. Even when you get past Halladay and Lincecum, the rest of the pitchers have filthy stuff as well. If an average is above the Mendoza line in this series, it might be cause for celebration.

I’m going to take this opportunity to share with you all some of CSzem’s idiocy. Earlier this week, he sent me the following text (no, it was not a picture of a small penis): ‘If I was San Fran, I’d throw Cain in Game 1. Doc’s probably winning regardless of the opponent and then Lincecum gives them a way better chance.”

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the perfect example of a man who spends way too much time playing fantasy sports and not enough time playing real sports. Yes, if you go by the numbers only, it may make sense—on paper— to bump Lincecum to Game 2.

However, sports are not won and lost on paper. Do you know what message the Giants coaching staff would be sending to Timmy and the rest of the team if they moved Lincecum away from Halladay?

You’re basically telling your best pitcher that he’s not good enough to beat their best guy. What is that going to do for Lincecum’s self-confidence? The rest of the team will think you’re giving up the first game. Then, the Phillies will feel emboldened because they will smell the fear emanating from the Bay area.

I hate to say it, but the credibility lost by CSzem in that comment may ultimately jeopardize his co-host spot on the podcast. Maybe he should spend a little more time, you know, playing actual sports instead of just betting on them.

There’s no stat for heart, big guy.

Of course, what can we expect from a ‘man’ who retires from tennis matches? Let’s all just hope Mrs. Cszem is in charge of the young one’s athletic career.

Prediction: Phillies in 6

3-0: Let’s Not Suck Each Other’s Popsicles Just Yet

(BOD - Elisha Cuthbert)

At Dwight’s prodding in yesterday’s comments section, I decided to watch my first hockey game of the fledgling 2010-11 season. Now, I know that I’ve said, on more than one occasion, that I avoid the Maple Laughs at all cost and I have zero interest in the team and last night was no different. I watched purely for the opportunity to watch Sid the Kid work some magic.

(He is still the youngest denizen on my mancrush list, although Justin Bieber is threatening that mantle. I think I have the Bieber Fever. Or I just find it hard to reconcile that fact he’s probably gotten more ass at 17 then I have in my entire life).

I know everyone in the GTA is making a huge deal out of this 3-0 start, but I literally have heard people say, with a straight face, that this could be the Leafs year. And that is why I hate this team and their supporters so much. Yes, it’s great the team has won three games this quickly when it took them until American Thanksgiving or something last year.

Unfortunately, a closer look at the team’s wins shows me that it’s not so much the Leafs are playing well, it’s their opponents are playing like shit. They beat Montreal on Opening Day; ok, that was a good one. They beat a tired Ottawa team playing the second game of a back to back and a Penguins team who can’t beat anyone right now.

Yes, the Leafs played with a lot of jump and intensity last night which was great to see after watching too many games over the past few years where players would just skate in large circles around the ice without a sense of urgency.

Pierre McGuire was hard last night talking about the Leafs newfound depth and how the team can roll four lines into the game and you couldn’t discern the difference between the top line and the bottom line. How is that a good thing? Burke always talks about a top 6, bottom 6 and now the team is lauded for having a middle 12?

I’m sorry, but if you’re depending on guys like Colton Orr and Clarke McArthur to do your scoring for you, then you’re in big trouble. The supposed top line of Kessel, Bozak and Versteeg was invisible last night.

I am not sold on this team. Everyone just needs to calm down. Less than five percent of season has been played. I’ll revisit the Leafs around Remembrance Day and we’ll see how the boys in blue are doing at that point.

One odd rules quirk that I love about hockey, and took place last night, is the additional two minute penalty for drawing blood on a stick infraction. I know I bash the sport fairly often, but there are literally no tougher athletes than hockey players. In what other sport are you legally allowed to draw blood and the only punishment is an extra two minutes in the penalty box. Not only that, but players high-sticked in the face actually hope they’re bleeding to garner a longer man advantage for their team.

Athletes in other sports take weeks off with hangnails and turf toe, whereas hockey players get dental work on the bench, stitches are badges of honour, and playing with broken ribs and bones is expected as long as you can perform your duty on the ice.

(And all that requisite toughness is why I no longer play the game; my face is much too pretty to risk disfigurement playing with such cretins).

Cliff Lee is the Balls

(BOD - Kate Mara)

Cliff Lee produced an ever more dominating performance last night than he did in Game 1 and this time, luckily, his outing would not be overshadowed by a Roy Halladay no-hitter. After a somewhat shaky start and struggles with his command, Lee settled down to unfurl the following stat line: 9IP, 6H, 0BB, 1ER and 11K.

(I should make a caveat for describing Lee’s ‘control’ problems. Most pitchers struggling with command, Tewks included, have trouble throwing strikes when that happens and pitches are all over the place. I usually send a few pitches to the backstop to make things interesting for my catcher. Cliff Lee’s control issues means that he’s throwing pitches over the middle of the plate instead of on the corners. He doesn’t know how to throw balls).

I could go on and on about Cliff Lee and my burgeoning mancrush, but I actually want to juxtapose both starting pitchers last night and describe, from a pitcher’s perspective, what I see from both guys.

Since both Cliff Lee and David Price are left-handed, it makes the comparison much more apt. I’ve watched David Price throw two starts in the past week and I must say that I’m not exactly impressed by his ability as a pitcher.

Yes, he can throw unbelievably hard and the ball just seems to explode out of his hand, but I’m not seeing much else. A significant number of fastballs drifted high and outside to right-handed batters and it seemed like Price had trouble staying on top of the ball.

Plus, his breaking stuff was pretty much non-existent or, at least, not consistent enough to make the Rangers hitters look for anything other than a fastball. Now, I’m not saying it’s easy to just sit on a 97 mile an hour fastball with life (I have trouble sitting on batting practice pitches), but great hitters will eventually be able to time it when they don’t have to worry about breaking stuff being thrown for strikes.

To me, Price is a thrower not a pitcher. However, it just so happens that he throws hard enough that he can still be successful. For now. And evidently, not when it counts.

In the early innings last night, Lee just pumped fastballs and cutters at the Rays with mixed success. It wasn’t until he began mixing in his terrific curveball that he really began dominating Tampa Bay. You could see it in the Rays swings; once they knew Lee could throw the curveball for strikes, they could not longer look for the hard stuff and they started swinging and missing on fastballs because the curve was in the back of their minds.

Unfortunately, I’m a little concerned about the Rangers in their series against the Yankees when it became clear that Lee won’t be able to start until Game 3 of the ALCS. That means he’ll at most only be able to throw twice in the series and that’s if the Rangers can force it to a sixth or seventh game.

No more baseball until the weekend. What the hell am I supposed to write about now?

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Brett Favre's Penis and LCS Preview

(BOD - Jenn Sterger)

This was the first edition of Talkin' with Tewks Live that took place after dark and I think it showed. A meandering conversation about Brett Favre's penis and the hoopla currently surrounding the appendange kicks things off and the podcast just spirals out of control from there.

We do get around to recapping the divisional series and discussing the championship series' matchups as well. However, we also compare the podcast to Tool Time and try to figure out which one of us is Tim and which one is Al. Also, whether or not Al ever managed to have sex with Heidi.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Brett Favre's Penis and LCS Preview

Enjoy. 

Walker, How About Those Texas Rangers

(BOD - Leighton Meester)

(Thanks to AC for clearing up the final play of Roy’s no hitter. It pays to have readers who are much smarter than I)

I love love love what Nolan Ryan has been trying do with his pitching staff in Texas. He is challenging his guys to sack up when they’re on the mound and finish what they’ve started. He’s attempting to construct a rotation in his own image and I think it’s fabulous that he’s going against the baseball establishment and believing that his guys’ arms won’t fall off after 100 pitches.

And suffice to say, his pitchers have drank the Kool-Aid and have the Rangers on the brink of making it to the American League Championship Series. I can’t give Ryan credit for Cliff Lee; Lee was a stud long before he came to Texas, but it was Ryan’s influence that brought Lee to the Rangers in the first place.

However, Nolan deserves every bit of credit for CJ Wilson’s dominating performance against the Rays in Game 2 of the Division Series. It was Wilson, a former closer, who approached Ryan and team management in the offseason saying he wanted to be a starter. He didn’t ask, more like he forcefully suggested. Ryan didn’t waffle and said maybe we’ll give you a shot at spring training. No, he looked Wilson in the eye, told him he was going to start and that he should plan his offseason training accordingly. It’s the confidence Ryan has instilled in his pitching staff, that they are charge of the game when on the mound, that has led to Texas’ success.

From one great left-handed performance to another, Andy Pettitte did his job, as he’s done for fifteen years, by shutting down the Twins last night to give the Yanks a 2-0 series lead. It’s a great time to be a fan of left-handed pitching as there are a number of great guys currently pitching in October. However, I do feel bad for Carl Pavano. He got completely hosed on that 2-2 pitch to Lance Berkman. Without a doubt, that was a strike.

In fact, if that had been me on the mound, that late in a close game, I guarantee I would have been run out of the game for mouthing off to the umpire after that. I’m out there working my ass off, make a perfect pitch, and you call it a ball? I would have lost my shit.

And much like Wednesday, a great left handed performance was over shadowed by an incredible outing by a righthander. Timmy Lincecum absolutely dealt to the Braves last night, striking out 14 in a complete game shutout. It was almost as good as Halladay’s gem (save for a couple of mistakes), but unfortunately I was asleep by the time Timmy really got good.

I went to bed when he had 6 strikeouts through 4. Obviously, I will not make the same mistake again and fall asleep when Lincecum’s on the hill.

Have a great Thanksgiving weekend.

Back on Tuesday. Amazingly, we could already be previewing the League Championship Series’ by that time, if the current trends hold.

Doc? . . . Doc? . . . Doc!!!

(The Man)

Wow.

It was only day one of the playoffs and I’m already not sure if my body can take anymore excitement. Who needs Cialis when you have Roy Halladay pitching in the postseason?

Seriously, I had to consult a physician because I had an erection that lasted way longer than four hours last night. My memory is a little foggy and I think I passed out at one point from the lack of blood, but I believe it started early afternoon when Cliff Lee was mowing down the Rays lineup and continuing his playoff dominance.

Then Halladay took the mound around 5pm and there was no rest or reprieve in sight for Little Tewks. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I don’t think there are enough superlatives in the English language for me to describe the greatness and terrifying efficiency of Roy’s performance last night. It was like watching him throw a bullpen session to imaginary hitters. Every pitch was exactly where he wanted it and it got to a point during the game that it was surprising to even see a Reds batter make contact with a pitch, let alone hit anything hard.

It was an odd no-hitter because after Reds reliever Travis Wood smoked that ball to rightfield early in the game, there was no defensive play that made you stop and say ‘Wow, that one could be the one that saved the no-hitter.’ It was almost like the outcome was never in doubt. That is what a pitcher who has complete mastery of his craft throws like. It was like watching a video game set on an ‘Easy’ difficulty level.

The only adversity Halladay faced was the moronic ramblings of the idiots calling the game for TBS (they don’t deserve to have their names mentioned in this space). At every opportunity from the fifth inning onward, they couldn’t wait to tell the audience that a no-hitter was in progress.

Really, guys? How about a little decorum and respect for baseball superstition. You never mention a no-hitter in progress. Instead say something like “The Reds still have only had one baserunner, by way of a walk.” Then everyone knows what’s going on, but it’s not mentioned explicitly.

These morons couldn’t wait to talk all about it. The only thing they didn’t do was go down to the bench between innings and whisper it in Halladay’s ear. I hope a fire broke out on their floor of the hotel last night.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out CSzem’s shortcomings on such a historic night. Remember that he was the one, in Tuesday’s podcast, to wonder if Doc would be nervous before his first postseason start. Poor, poor Cszem. If only we could all be that nervous.

I’ve never seen a pitcher with such unblemished command of his entire repertoire of pitches. EVERYTHING was working last night. The movement on his changeup, sinker and slider was nothing short of incredible. The Reds hitters, and these are professionals, looked like lost puppies at the plate. Have you ever seen so many swings and misses in an MLB game before?

I didn’t even sit down for the last two innings of the game, the magnitude of the situation threatened to make my heart stop beating. I think Halladay was the calmest person in the stadium last night. And, I’m not ashamed to admit, but it may have gotten a little dusty in the Tewks household after the last out was made.

It was one of the greatest things I have ever witnessed live on television (it narrowly beats out the Britney/Madonna kiss as the VMAs a few years back).

I can’t wait to see what the good Doctor has in store for his encore.

(Quick postscript: on the last out of the game, when the ball struck the bat in fair territory, isn’t that an automatic out? Or at least a dead ball? There’s no way play can continue after something like that, correct? If anyone knows the answer, let us know in the comments section).

The Airing of Grievances: Potpourri Edition

(BOD - Sasha Gray)

Those of you who are regular readers of this blog, but not fans of the great game of baseball may want to search elsewhere for entertainment over the next three weeks. Starting with tomorrow’s column, it’s going to be all baseball, all the time until a World Series champion is crowned.


I can’t even focus on today’s column because of the playoff-induced erection that is currently funnelling all of the blood in my body down south. Truthfully, I’m hard enough to bore a hole into the Hope Diamond. Nevertheless, I am going to power through and address a couple of things that have pissed me off in recent days.

- I have really had it with Blogger and the new picture posting feature. I have no idea what the hell the program is talking about or why it won’t even recognize pics I copy for posting (they just disappear). And Mrs. CSzem, the reason I am having an issue is due to the fact that I’m an idiot. Why did they have to change the picture post feature? The old one worked fine. I hate change.

(Edit: I fixed it, which proves that I am, in fact, the smartest man alive)

- I am really not going to like the Miami Heat this year. I watched the highlights of their first game and the only part I liked was watching Dwayne Wade limp off the court with a hamstring injury. It’s weird, I used to like LeBron’s powder throw into the air before games. Now, it just seems like a cry for attention. I hope someone replaces the resin with anthrax.

During warm-ups, Dwayne Wade did three pull-ups off the rim. Normally, I am all for doing pull-ups whenever and wherever possible. But Wade couldn’t even do proper pull-ups. He only did three, and not once did he lower his arms to full extension at the bottom of the rep or get his chin above the rim at the top of the rep. I hate people who cut corners during training, especially when Wade was just doing it to show off in the first place and he can’t even do it properly. Hmm, I wonder why he got injured when it’s apparent he likes to cheat on his training. I hope his hamstring came off the bone.

I just plain don’t like Chris Bosh. The fact he is still being treated like one of the top players in the league makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t even call him a second banana. He’s the banana you leave on the counter for too long and it ends up looking like a turd with flakes of mustard sprinkled throughout.

- Whatever happened to actors who can actually carry themselves like athletes and make you believe they could succeed at the sport? Gone are the days of guys like Burt Reynolds, Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner inhabiting a character who plays sports and pulling off the physicality needed to make it believable. You put Costner in a sports movie and there is no doubt in your mind that he could play that sport at the highest level.

I don’t see that attention to detail anymore. I thought of this while watching the newest season of Eastbound and Down. Now, it’s a fantastic, funny, highly entertaining show, but I can’t get over the fact that every baseball scene is excruciating to watch. Danny McBride makes the guy who played Costner’s father in Field of Dreams look like Nolan Ryan. I understand that it’s a comedy, but I can’t believe Kenny Powers can throw 100 miles per hour. I don’t believe he can throw 50.

The producers know this and they’ve peppered every baseball scene with actors at the same shitty baseball calibre as McBride, so as to not upstage the star. Seriously? They couldn’t have put him in a baseball camp for three weeks and teach him not to throw like a girl?

- I may or may not have watched Teen Mom last night. This is less a grievance to air and more a commentary on my sad, sorry existence. What the hell is wrong with me? I didn’t even really enjoy the show. Every single person on camera is a complete moron who should have never been allowed to procreate in the first place.

All the show is going to do is sensationalize teen pregnancy so a bunch of idiot kids can think making a baby will lead to fame and fortune. I hate society. Also, the redhead chick has smoking hot friends. I need to see more of them, maybe in three-way, and less crying, bitching and moaning. If, you know, I ever watch the show again (season finale Tuesday at 10pm).

Talkin' with Tewks Live: MLB Playoff Preview

(I really need some computer expertise. The new 'Add Image' browser web thing in Blogger is wreakig havoc on my ability to post pictures. It won't let me post pics that I save or pics that I take from the Internet by posting the URL. The only thing I can do is post pictures I've already used.)

After much delay, here is the MLB Playoff Preview podcast. We covered all the series in-depth and have some meandering conversations about some other topics as well.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: MLB Playoff Preview

Enjoy.

The Ryder Cup

Where’s this week’s episode of Talkin’ with Tewks Live, you ask? I know many of you access this site every Monday morning purely for the opportunity to hear my smooth, syrupy baritone and CSzem’s high-pitched shrill.

You can direct your complaints to my cohost as he begged off podcast duties early this morning. Why? I’m not sure, although I can only assume it has something to do with spending his son’s university savings to cover his massive gambling debts.

I don’t consider myself that much of an intimidating guy, but I could almost hear CSzem’s knees quaking while I read his text asking, nay begging, for a postponement. Here’s a word for word transcript of his message. I felt like Rocky talking to one of Gazzo’s deadbeat clients. Once again, this is verbatim:

“Um, Mr. Tewks, sir. Um, would it be possible if we moved the podcast to tomorrow? I’m really sorry, sir. I just really need it moved by a day. I don’t know enough about baseball to match your unparalleled intelligence and wit. I’m so, so sorry, Mr. Tewks. Please forgive me.”

Pathetic, right?

So, instead of a podcast previewing the MLB playoffs, I’m going to scramble something together and comment on The Ryder Cup as I watch singles play live this Monday morning.

Rain and the time difference has wreaked absolute havoc on my ability to watch coverage of the event and figure out what’s going on in the 38th edition of the format. I could never figure out if the coverage was live or not and usually just retreated to the internet to figure out where things stood.

Some comments about the event:

- The performance by the Europeans on Sunday was incredibly impressive. They very nearly whitewashed play letting the US only garner a single half point and putting a stranglehold on the competition (barring a Brookline-esque collapse)

- I love watching golfers with zero athletic talent, except the ability to hit a golf ball, prance and preen around the green yelling at the top of their lungs and pumping their firsts like they just made a sack in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl

- This is definitely the most exciting event in golf. Golfers rarely show emotion and most crowds are stodgy and boring, but not in The Ryder Cup. Everyone is jacked up to an unfathomable degree.

- My love for the European squad is waning with every Ole chant that springs up in the crowd. Then I remember seeing the US WAGs (wives and girlfriends) running onto the green in high heels at Brookline and my hatred for the American squad comes to the fore once again.

- I love how the announcers assume that the viewing audience cannot do simple arithmetic and say things like “Europe needs 14.5 points to win. They currently have 9.5. That means they need five more points to win.” Thanks, guys. What would we do without you?

- Tiger appears to be back. After losing the first two holes to one of the Molinari brothers, he has put together an incredible round, including five birdies and an eagle (as of 8:30am).

- I will never get tired of hearing the crowd cheer for bad shots by the US squad. Something about it makes me smile.

The NBC crew is trying way too hard to make it seem like the US has a chance. This competition is over. I’m going to watch the rest of the coverage unfettered and hope CSzem sacks up for tomorrow.

Jersey Shore!!!!!!

(BOD - Lacey Chabert)

It was remarked last Friday that my columns lacked a certain reality TV flavour and the writer of the comment expressed dismay at the absence of reality TV coverage. Or maybe he was happy that I just focused on sports. I don’t know; I wasn’t really paying attention. Nevertheless, back by popular demand here is a recap of last night’s Jersey Shore.

10:01 – The Situation is right. Angelina is a ho. I don’t understand what the problem is.

10:02 – This Mike dude is in a weird situation. Why is he still standing there like a mute? What a chump.

10:03 – Pauly D has an amazing tan. He looks like a young Hulk Hogan. And I say that with a staunch record of heterosexuality (ok maybe a questionable record of heterosexuality).

10:04 – “She’s a girl and she’s bringing guys home. Girl don’t do that. Guys do.” My sentiments exactly. Pauly D for President of the world.

10:06 – Jwoww is like Two Face. Or the ugly/hot chick from that episode of Seinfeld. Some scenes she looks amazing and in other scenes she looks like a meth addict. Whoa, bad lighting on the porch.

10:11 – I LOVE T-SHIRT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:13 – “Less clothes the better.” I really like Samantha from Canada. Here’s a question: why is The Situation taking the girl to the club with the rest of the group after prepping the smush room? Dude, you have an empty house! Smash that girl for the entire night. Don’t take her to the club; it’s just a needless diversion.

10:17 – I love the addition of ‘O Canada’ during The Situation’s smush session. Great touch by the producers.

10:30 – Pauly D is the MVP of this season. Just consistently brings the funny each and every episode.

10:37 – Wow, Jwoww actually has some real human emotion. What a sweet moment . . . God, her boobs are huge.

10:52 – Alex is Angelina’s guy? Since when? I hate this girl with every fibre of my being.

10:55 – Snooki taking off her earrings was like watching an NHL enforcer take off his gloves and elbow pads being throwing down.

10:56 – I sincerely think Angelina is a pathological liar. Good riddance.

Ryder Cup Preview

(BOD - Chick with Huge Knockers)

Before I begin today’s column, I feel the need to apologize to someone I was rather harsh to in yesterday’s piece. I hammered Travis Snider pretty good for his lack of maturity and stupid way he dealt with Cito’s advice on hitting last year.

Although I still believe in those sentiments, it’s obvious that Snider has come a long way since last year and has fully embraced the managerial style of Mr. Gaston, evidenced by his hitting prowess this season.

Full marks to Snider for providing one of the most enjoyable moments of the season when he kept wearing his eyeblack mustache that a few players wore to honour Cito in the pregame ceremony. It takes a lot of stones for the kid to willingly wear something so stupid on national television, but the look worked. Plus, he hit a jack in his first at-bat.

The Ryder Cup kicks off on Friday morning and there are a plethora of juicy subplots surrounding the biennial (or is it biannual?) event. I always enjoy watching the Ryder Cup purely for the opportunity to see stuffy golfers with no discernable personalities transform into wild, demonstrative athletes where patriotism and national pride, rather than money, is what’s at stake by the end of the weekend.

Typically, my rooting interests lie with the Europeans because they are usually the underdog and I never get tired of seeing the Americans get their comeuppance on the world stage. Plus, the Euros always seem like they’re having more fun and genuinely like each other, whereas the Americans act like a bunch of new hires meeting for the first time on Orientation Day.

This appears to be the first Ryder Cup in a long time where the Americans are widely considered to be underdogs. They have Jeff Overton on the team. Who the hell is Jeff Overton?

There are always a lot of tension-filled moments in the Ryder Cup and more than a few instances of inter-country chirping and this year appears to be no different. There are a few rumours flying around that Rory McIlroy called Tiger out and said that everyone on Team Europe is gunning for him. He then backed off and said those comments took place months ago.

Tiger was made aware of the comments and I saw the slightest glimmer of a smile on his face when he was asked about it. Tiger relishes the opportunity to use real or perceived slights against him as bulletin board material (remember Stephen Ames and 9 and 8). Woods has been struggling with his game this year, so the last thing the European team should be is awake the sleeping giant.

Then it was rumoured that Tiger actually approached McIlroy this year and told him “Be careful what you wish for.” How great is that? I hope against hope that Tiger and Rory play each other in singles on Sunday afternoon, mano a mano, and we’ll see who comes out on top.

Of course, Phil Mickelson had to ruin everything by saying the episode was blown out of proportion and McIlroy is a great guy who is liked by everyone. Nice job, Phil. That attitude is the reason the US is going to lose this year. No killer instinct.

I want these guys out for (blue) blood.

Cito Bids Adieu

(BOD - Cito)

Tonight’s Blue Jays game versus the Yankees will be the last time Cito Gaston will ever manage this team in Toronto. I hope the game will take on a celebratory air and Gaston receives all the accolades and applause he deserves for being a loyal foot soldier to this organization for almost thirty years.

In advance of his final game, Cito did the classy thing (basically this column will be a far departure from yesterday’s diatribe against AJ Burnett) and wrote an open letter to the city of Toronto that was featured on the front page of the Toronto Star this morning.

In the letter, Gaston basically thanked fans for all of their support over the years and described, rather eloquently, how much the city means to him. That is the proper way to leave a sports city that has been a part of you for so long. Not surprisingly, Roy Halladay did the same thing when he left town.

Gaston will always be remembered for bringing two World Series titles to the Blue Jays organization. One thing I will never understand is how Cito went thirteen odd years without getting another managerial job in Major League Baseball. It’s a travesty that his talents as a bench boss were not utilized until he returned to the helm of the Jays in 2008.

Cito is and always has been the prototypical player’s manager. He will stick with his guys through thick and thin and always give them a chance to play through a slump. Baseball is game about confidence and having the manager’s support when you feel your game slipping away from you is integral to on-field success. Also, players’ managers will have their guys’ backs in disputes with umpires, evidenced by Gaston getting thrown out of the game last night after two close calls went against the Jays. Cito getting out of the dugout to argue quickly probably kept John Buck in the game.

That’s why it was so disheartening last year when there rumours of a mutiny against Cito by a small pocket of players who didn’t want him back as manager for this season. No names were released, but apparently the entitled millionaires on the Jays roster didn’t like his old-school approach.

Oh, you mean he didn’t coddle your ass and had the audacity to call you out behind closed doors if he felt there was a perceived lack of effort? The horror!! Suck it up and act like adults. That was a stain on Gaston’s career and through no fault of his own.

(Travis Snider, you didn’t like all the advice you were getting from the coaching staff trying to help you hit major league pitching. Sorry, of course you know everything about hitting at this level at the age of 21. How did the minor leagues treat you last year? Maybe Cito knows a lot more than you thought, eh? Jackass)

Nevertheless, Talkin’ with Tewks will always be indebted to Cito Gaston for everything he has done for this organization and I sincerely hope that the standing ovation for Cito tonight is long and loud.

Burnett Gets Crushed Again

(BOD - Kate Hudson)

Like a jilted lover who immaturely wishes pain and heartbreak on her ex years after a breakup, I continually take the utmost enjoyment at watching AJ Burnett fail miserably on the mound.

Watching Burnett hightail it out of Toronto when he actually learned how to pitch, or so it seemed at the time, with a nary a concern for the club he was leaving behind was a painful process to go through (especially since I was at his last start as a Jay and joined the crowd in giving him a standing ovation when he was removed from the game).

Last night’s beatdown moved Burnett’s record to 0-3 versus the Jays this year and his overall record to 10-14 on the season. I’m sure Yankee fans are thrilled with the team’s investment in the mercurial righthander.

Burnett personifies a pitcher who, as Crash Davis so eloquently said, possesses “a million dollar arm and a five cent head.” He drives coaches crazy because he has some of the best stuff in the league but the mental makeup and fortitude of a five year old. He should be on a march towards 300 wins with his repertoire of pitches; instead he’s the number four option on New York’s staff.

If I was a Yankee, I would have a huge problem with Burnett’s demeanour on the field. After giving up a three home run to Vernon Wells and a loud double to the wall by Lyle Overbay, Burnett’s face registered zero emotion. Now I wouldn’t want a guy stomping around the field either, but show me that you care about your profession a little bit.

Burnett looked like he was waiting in line at the DMV. Get mad at yourself, put a look of determination on your face, bear down and try to keep your team in the game. Instead, Burnett continued to serve up gopher balls and didn’t make it out of the fourth inning.

What a chump.

The victory was the Jays 81st on the season and guaranteed the team a .500 record for the year. WOW, WHAT AN AMAZING ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!! PLAN THE PARADE!!!!

(I wonder if CSzem sent a couple of case of champagne to the Jays locker room, so the team could celebrate being average)

The blog has been lacking in pop culture news as of late, so I quickly wanted to comment on the death of Gloria Stuart, who played the old broad in Titanic. Now, I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity to admit that I have a soft spot for the movie. If it’s on, I will usually tune in for a decent amount of time.

My favourite part is when the band stops playing when the ship is going down. The band members say their goodbyes, but one guy stays behind and continues playing. The other guys return and they play one last song, Nearer my God to Thee, together before their deaths. It gets me every time. Watch it here and don’t get choked up. I dare you.

However, I do have two problems with the movie. One, why does Jack let Rose lie on that piece of wood, while he freezes to death (yes, I know they both couldn’t fit on it because of her massive ass)? Why not find something bigger to lay on or your own piece of wood? Or a dead body? Instead, you just gave up your life for a rich skank who nailed you in a car while she was engaged.

Second, when Rose dies at the end of the movie and we see her go to Heaven: why does she end up back on the Titanic with Jack and hundreds of other people she only knew for like three days?

Wasn’t she married to her husband for like 50 years and had a family and a lifetime of memories with him? And he is nowhere to be found when she moves to the afterlife. That is such bullshit. Basically, she’s informing us that she didn’t give a shit about her family or anything else that happened to her in the 80 years since the Titanic went down. She was pining after Jack the entire time.

What a bitch.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Week 3 in the NFL

(BOD - Malin Akerman)

In recapping Week 3 in the National Football League, CSzem and I touched on the following teams:

- The Cowboys
- Texans
- Jaguars
- Vikings
- Eagles
- Steelers

Talkin' with Tewks Live: NFL Week 3

Enjoy.

Bautista Hits 50

(Great discourse by CSzem and TDR in the comments section yesterday. I’m sure it was all great, but the posts were much too long to read in their entirety. However, it certainly looked like a lot of words. Kudos, gentlemen).

For a late September game that has absolutely no impact on the standings or the playoff races, yesterday afternoon’s contest between the Jays and Mariners certainly contained a lot of excitement.

Jose Bautista wasted no time making history, hitting his 50th home run of the season in the first inning off of Seattle’s ace, Felix Hernandez.

It’s a tremendous accomplishment for Bautista and I sincerely hope he stays a Jay for years to come. As I’ve mentioned in this space before, Bautista is the only position player on the roster who encapsulates the ‘heart and hustle’ mantra of the Jays marketing campaign. He’s the only guy not afraid to get dirty, and stick up for himself, not taking crap from any of the big dogs in the league.

I also love how he takes a Ruthian hack every time he takes a swing. Bautista does not get cheated at the plate. He may not hit a dinger each plate appearance, but it’s not for a lack of trying. I take the same, exact philosophy when I try to please a woman.

Ichiro made some headlines as well, getting his 200th hit of the season, which is the tenth consecutive year he has done that. It’s a feat that has never been done before in the history of the game. Does Ichiro deserve to be in the Hall of Fame? Discuss amongst yourselves (I say unequivocally yes).

CSzem and I discussed the AL Cy Young race on our last podcast and I was torn between CC Sabbathia and Felix Hernandez. CC has great numbers this year and a gaudy won-loss record, but Hernandez, by every metric except wins, is undoubtedly the best pitcher in the league.

The romantic, old school baseball fan in me wants the big Yankee to win because, at the end of the day, wins are what’s most important. However, the pitcher in me feels for King Felix and his league worst run support. After seeing Hernandez’s dominance against the Jays last night (a complete game two hitter) and his body of work of work throughout the season, it’s hard not see him as the Cy Young winner.

If you gave him even shitty offensive support, instead of downright terrible, he would be threatening twenty wins, instead of languishing at 12-12.

I think it’s the telling that I was openly rooting for Hernandez to win last night to improve his chances at winning the award. That does not bode well for my future as a Jays fans.

Rogers, I will see you in hell.

Bush Forced to Return Heisman

(BOD - Kim Kardashian)

(Quick aside before I get going: I have to address CSzem’s comment from yesterday’s article. I never once blasted the Jays for trying to win games. Of course they should try to win their remaining contests or it would be to disservice to their fans. However, I do have a problem with making a .500 record a goal to attain. Since when should we celebrate mediocrity? Finishing a game or two over .500 is “meaningful”? Where I come from, it’s not impressive to strive to be average. That’s setting yourself up for failure and a lifetime of weakness (a synonym for mediocrity).

Truthfully, what attitude can I really expect from a guy who retires in the third set of a tennis match because it’s too hot and he’s got a trickle of sweat running down his forehead. Against Gretzpo no less. To each his own.)

For the first time in the history of the award, the Heisman committee decided to rescind the trophy given to one of it winners. Reggie Bush, he of the miraculous and gravity-defying college football season while attending USC and playing for the Trojans, was stripped of his trophy because family members took money from some shady people so they could live in a nice, big house.

Now, I don’t want to get into a huge discussion on the unfairness of NCAA football; an institution where schools, broadcasters and everyone else gets ungodly rich except for the players killing themselves on the field. The NCAA model is broke and it needs to be fixed. They can’t fault these guys looking for a little something something on the side where there is zero compensation.

I can almost guarantee that this isn’t the first time that a Heisman Trophy has accepted money other than his scholarship from school. It’s just naïve to think so.

What I can’t understand is why the powers that be are trying to make an example of Reggie Bush. Is it because he nailed Kim Kardashian? At this point, is there anyone in the NFL who hasn’t tapped that massive ass?

The only crime Bush is guilty of is accepting gifts, deemed illegal by the NCAA, on behalf of family members. I could reconcile Bush being stripped of the trophy if his improprieties affected his on field success. For example, if Reggie was implicated for using steroids, which ultimately catalyzed his tremendous performances on the field, then by all means take away the trophy (although I cannot believe that some defences he faced that year weren’t juiced up).

Let’s summarize: Reggie Bush had his Heisman taken away for accepting money. Who gives a shit? I would have done the same thing. Ricky Williams was arrested multiple times for marijuana use. He still has his trophy. OJ Simpson was accused of murdering two people and is currently serving time for armed robbery. He still has his trophy.

Does anyone else see something wrong with that paragraph?

The NCAA: making stupid decisions since 1906.

Sick of the Toronto Sports Scene

(BOD - Chelsie Hightower)

I can’t take it anymore.

Not only do I have to deal with lacklustre teams putting up a woeful lack of W’s on the scoreboard, a television conflict that threatens to crack even the biggest fans’ resolves, but media types and fans, some of whom must be fairly smart people, have lost complete touch with reality.

After my diatribe against the Leafs yesterday, I thought I would be done with the issue. Unfortunately, not being a fan of the team, I had no idea their first exhibition game was yesterday at the ACC versus the Senators.

First off, I love the euphemism that real fans were in attendance because tickets were free due to a generous donation by Coca-Cola. Those weren’t real fans, those were poor people. I have better things to do with my time than fraternize with the dregs of society. Am I being too harsh? These free ticket games always lead to the most altercations in the stands from morons who drink too much and have no idea how to conduct themselves in a social setting that isn’t a monster truck rally.

The Leafs got smacked around 5-0 by the Sens. Some of you may expect me to gloat that the team is going to be terrible, but I can’t because I’m smart enough to know that exhibition games are meaningless. The knee-jerk reactions around the GTA deriding the club were absolutely incredible. Why does rational thinking go out the window when it comes to this team?

From what I read, there were quite a number of fights, but a pitiful number of scoring chances by Toronto. I guess the old adage rings true, ‘you play like you practice.’ The power play was especially anemic, but that was to be expected because the Leafs ‘haven’t practiced special teams.’

What? Why the hell not?

Someone needs to tell Brian Burke that there is more to the game than fighting. I thought he was a smart guy, but not after the following quote he’s been saying to everyone who will listen: “We think it’s realistic [making the playoffs] based on the fact that from Jan. 31 to the end of the season we were the seventh-best team in the East.”

Talk about grasping at straws.

Onto the Blue Jays. Of course, if I was actually able to watch the team, I would have a lot more things to say. They managed to eke out a win versus the Mariners last night. Afterwards, it became public that Cito is going to stick with his veterans the rest of the year to ensure the club finishes over .500.

Are you kidding me?

The team is sacrificing the opportunity to give their young guns some playing time to prepare for next year in order to have the team work towards complete mediocrity. I am absolutely disgusted.

To paraphrase former Notre Dame Head Coach, Ara Parseghian, “you just summed up your whole sorry franchise here in one second. As it was, you just went from my favourite MLB team to an afterthought. Get out of here. Find me another team to cheer for. Go on, get out of here!”

There must be some benevolent billionaire out there who is willing to save these teams. Please. For the love of God, please.

Leafs Camp in Full Swing

(BOD - Audrina Patridge)

Those of you who read this space consistently over the winter months know that I am not a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Desultory results since the lockout mixed with ownership who seem to have no idea how to run an NHL franchise have all contributed to my apathy.

Plus, baseball is my sport of choice, which is tough to reconcile as a Canadian because all I am forced to hear about literally every month of the year is hockey, hockey, hockey. The main sports networks in this country devote an entire day of television coverage to hockey’s trade deadline. That’s right. Over 12 hours of coverage focused on fourth line bruisers switching teams to the interest of no one except their immediate families. Riveting stuff.

Tewks, if you dislike hockey so much, why are you writing about it in September during training camp?

Excellent question. I’m writing about the Maple Leafs so I can be the voice of reason in a sea of craziness that has people predicting Toronto is poised to make a deep playoff run. The franchise sucks and they will continue to suck for quite a long time.

Brian Burke loves to talk about making his teams a ‘Top 6, Bottom 6’ delineation when it comes to his forwards. Well, Burkey, all I see is Phil Kessel and . . . that’s pretty much it. I don’t think a team has ever competed for a Stanley Cup with a ‘Top 1, Bottom 11’.

I’m fairly positive that the members of the Toronto media are inclined to agree with me, evidenced by the focus of their articles to this point: team toughness.

All I’ve read over the past few days is how much ‘intensity’ the Leafs are showing at camp and that guys are fighting despite being told not to by the coaching staff. However, the coaching staff doesn’t mind since they love players who ‘play with passion.’

Ever since Brian Burke introduced the words truculence, belligerence and pugnacity into this city’s vocabulary, that’s all anyone seems to care about. Newsflash, folks. It takes more than a few knuckle-dragging Neanderthals to make a Stanley Cup contender.

And why the hell would you want players fighting each other during training camp? It just seems stupid. What if someone gets hurt and misses a part of the season for little more than childish fisticuffs?

Michael Liambis, one of the dreamers at the camp, fought Jay Rosehill during the first scrimmage because Rosehill wallpapered Liambis’ teammate, Carl Gunnarson, into the boards. Liambis fought Rosehill because he said he was “protecting his teammate.” So, you’re concerned for the health and well-bring of one teammate and you’re showing going to show that concern by fighting another teammate. Can someone explain to me how that makes sense?

Let’s summarize Maple Leafs training camp thus far, shall we: so, not only are players fighting against the wishes of the coaching staff (which shows they can’t follow orders), they’re fighting each other (doubling the injury risk), and seem more concerned with dropping their gloves showing how tough they are rather than put pucks in the net.

Yikes. It’s going to be a long winter in the GTA.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Pennant Races

(BOD - Blake Lively)

With the baseball season winding down, CSzem and I discuss the end of the year push into the postseason. Highlights include:

- Jose Bautista
- Pennant Races
- AL and NL Cy Young Front Runners
- Roy Halladay's first postseason

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Pennant Races

Enjoy.