CSzem's Corner: The Divisional Round

(BOD - Bar Refaeli)

After a perfectly average showing in Wild Card Weekend of the NFL Playoffs (2-2), I’m back for more. The dream of an 11-0 run in the playoffs is dead. Actually it was dead about an hour into the first game when it was clear that all of the factors I highlighted about the Saints/Seahawks game – short week, tough stadium, Super Bowl Hangover – were going to be too much to overcome, and the Saints had no shot to cover the double-digit spread.

But hey, 2-2 isn’t terrible. Right there in the meaty part of the curve, not showing off, not falling behind.

Interestingly enough, I was KIND OF on the right track with how I was evaluating the games. As I mentioned, in the past, I used to just take all 4 home teams in Round 1 and know that I would go 3-1. Yes, I was (likely) killing my chances of winning all 4, but the downside of “trying to find the upset” happens when you’re wrong. All of a sudden, you go 2-2, because not only does your upset pick not happen, but you also lose the upset that actually DOES happen.

Which brings us back to last week. I liked all four road teams, I really did. But in my mind, there was no way that all four road teams would win and/or cover. So I assessed all the games and took a shot at which one I’d go “the other way” on. I landed on Philly because of how explosive they can be, and the fact that if Vick went off, I’d have felt stupid betting against him.

Well, it turns out, I was right on a couple counts: the road teams were great plays, but 4-0 was unattainable. One of them had to lose. So I took my shot at guessing which one it would be, and I guessed wrong, so I went 2-2. If I had gone with all 4, I would have gone 3-1 like I said was the goal.

On to this week’s picks (which will, of course, not incorporate any lessons I may have learned that would help me make better picks).

The Game: Baltimore @ Pittsburgh

The Line: Pittsburgh (-3.5)

This is the easiest game for me to pick this week, which sounds ridiculous since it might be the most evenly matched rivalry in the entire league. But that’s just it. These teams are separated by absolutely nothing as far as I can tell.

There are a bunch of stats out there to support just how close this rivalry actually is. Since the start of the 2003 season, these teams have played each other 15 times. The Steelers have won 8 times, the Ravens have won 7. Both teams have scored EXACTLY 275 points. 7 of those games have been decided by 3 points or less. That’s enough stats. Give me the points.

The Pick: Baltimore (+3.5)

The Game: Green Bay @ Atlanta

The Line: Atlanta (-2.5)

I am pretty much out of stats for the rest of these picks. Kind of blew my wad a tad early on that first one (now I’ve got this big mess on my hands….). This pick is more about “feel”, and it’s a tough one. As I said last week, I think these are two of the best three teams in the NFC (and they’re the only ones of that group left), so this is a major toss-up.

One thing that keeps getting beaten over everyone’s head is Matt Ryan’s incredible record at home. He is now 20-2 in the Georgia Dome for his career, which is obviously remarkable. One of those wins came in late November against this very same Packers team. That game was a very tightly contested contest that came down to the wire.

The problem with the Falcons is that they don’t pass “the eye test”. They’re boring. There are no great storylines here, or mega-stars (Ryan is their biggest star, but their best player is Roddy White a WR who somehow toils in relative anonymity, despite being arguably the best WR in football). There’s no Aaron Rodgers, or Clay Matthews, or Charles Woodson, to get people excited. The Packers look like a team that might be on a mission to the Super Bowl. All season, it’s seemed like they have the most talent in the NFC and are simply waiting to take control.

So one of two things is going to happen in this game:

1) They finally take control and assume the role as NFC favourite (even though they’d be going on the road for the NFC Championship game)

2) They’ll lose the game, fail to get “over the hump”, and everyone will wonder why

Despite injuries and coaching, I’m going with #1.

The Pick: Green Bay (+2.5)

The Game: Seattle @ Chicago

The Line: Chicago (-10)

Everyone has spent the entire week convincing themselves that the Seahawks now have a bit of a “swagger”, and “nothing to lose”, and are finally healthy, and look like a team that can do some damage. Everyone is also pointing out the fact that this game happened once earlier in the year, and (amazingly enough) Seattle actually went into Soldier Field and won.

What everyone is failing to remember is that they lost 9 FREAKING GAMES! Do you realize that the only way they can finish OVER .500 is by winning the Super Bowl (they’d finish 11-9)..? Even losing in the Super Bowl would leave them at 10-10, which is absurd. This is a team that went 2-6 on the road in the regular season. Yes, one of those two wins came against the Bears (the other came against an abominable Arizona team that would have been better off with Tewks as its starting QB), but who cares. They are awful, and we all seem to have collectively forgotten as we pick our jaws up from off the ground after watching Marshawn Lynch’s insane run from last week.

I actually think it’s going to be a positive thing that Chicago lost that game earlier in the year. They are really the only team in the league that has any feeling of needing “revenge” against Seattle (a few of the players have already made reference to the fact that they were hoping for a rematch), and there’s absolutely no way that Seattle is coming into Soldier Field and winning twice this year.

I’m aware that they could lose, and still cover, but as discussed last week, when they lose, they lose big.

The Pick: Chicago (-10)

The Game: NY Jets @ New England

The Line: New England (-9.5)

This line is insanely high for a playoff game matching up two very good teams, and division rivals. There is genuine dislike between these two. Jets CB Antonio Cromartie called Tom Brady an “asshole” this week, and Rex Ryan has spent a tonne of time talking about how much better Peyton Manning is than Brady.

Neither of those things seem like particularly good ideas from the Jets, when they’re matching up against a team that:

a) Beat them 45-3 on December 6th
b) Is on an 8 game winning streak (5 of which came against teams that qualified for the playoffs, so they’re not beating patsies)
c) Has scored an average of 37.4 points during said streak, never failing to score at least 31
d) Has won those 8 games by an AVERAGE of 21.8 points

I don’t need to waste any more time. I don’t care how “tough” the Pats opponent is, you cannot bet against them right now. They could be matched up with the ’85 Bears and I think they’d score 30+. Weather doesn’t bother them, defenses don’t bother them.

This pick could blow up, the line is too high for a divisional, hard-nosed, playoff matchup, but I’ll be damned if I’m betting against Tom Brady right now.

The Pick: New England (-9.5)

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Hall of Fame Voting and Biggest Loser

(BOD - Rihanna)

Gretzpo and I discuss the following:

- Roberto Alomar
- Bert Blyleven
- Jack Morris
- Blue Jays lore
- The voting process
- Jesse Litsch's workout regime
- Athlete training
- The mystery trainers on The Biggest Loser
- The chick with the most upside

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Hall of Fame Voting and Biggest Loser

Enjoy.

Alomar: Greatest Jay or Just First Jay?

(BOD - Put me in the middle for a Tewks sandwich)

I will be posting my weekly column today and the podcast will be moved to Thursday morning this week as Gretzpo was out late last night pursuing sins of the flesh and he didn’t have time to record a podcast.


I would never be one to stand in front of man at the precipice of such sensual delights; if I was, what kind of wingman would I be? Although, I do like how this problem never arose with a boring, married guy like CSzem.

Nevertheless, I figure it’s time that I weigh on the recent Baseball Hall of Fame voting results which saw Roberto Alomar inducted into the Hall on his second year on the ballot. He received over 90 percent of the votes and Alomar deserves every single one as he is enshrined in Cooperstown as one of the most dynamic second basemen to ever play the game.

More importantly for Toronto Blue Jays fans, Alomar will go into the Hall in July with a Jays cap on his head. He will be the first player ever inducted wearing a Toronto hat, which means that the Hall of Fame feels that the one team that best embodies Alomar’s professional career is the Blue Jays.

It’s a tremendous accolade and a long time coming for the franchise. The decision has also catalyzed spirited debate in the GTA about whether or not Alomar is the greatest Jay in team history.

The short answer: No.

Look, I’m a fan of Roberto Alomar as much as the next guy and I’m happy that he’s the newest member of the Hall of Fame. And I have no problem saying he was one of the greatest players in Blue Jays history. However, he is not number one. Truthfully, I think he’d barely be able to sneak into the top five.

I know the majority of Jays fans will read this and automatically dismiss my argument and accuse me of heresy for daring to question the greatness of Roberto, but hear me out. Just because he’s going into the Hall as a Jay doesn’t mean that he is suddenly the face of the franchise and all other players in team history pale mildly in comparison.

I have no problem saying that Roberto Alomar is the most talented and probably best position player who ever suited up for the Jays. However, he is not the best BLUE JAY of all time. There’s a difference.

Alomar only played her for five seasons. It’s insulting to the other great players in the history of the franchise to give the greatest Jay ever tag to someone who was only here for half a decade. But he was incredible for those five seasons, critics will argue. Alomar’s body of work in those five seasons supersede the fact he was for only five years.

By that logic, that means Roger Clemens (two years, two Cy Youngs, 500 strikeouts, 40 wins) was the greatest pitcher in Blue Jays history. And I don’t think there’s a Jays fan on Earth who wants to make that claim.

Alomar was great, but he didn’t spend his formative years here and his time in Toronto was much too short. To me, the greatest Blue Jay mantle is between four players: Dave Stieb, Roy Halladay, George Bell and Carlos Delgado.

To pick the greatest Jay, you need to look at longevity and what that person meant to his teams, plus gaudy statistics. Delgado and Halladay will probably get more votes because everyone has forgotten the eighties already and we’re in a ‘what have you done for me lately’ culture.

I think Halladay and Stieb are equals, Bell is just above those guys, but Delgado is in a class by himself. I know he left on questionable terms with the fan base, but once all is said and done, he will be looked upon as the best Jay of all time (and I don’t think he belongs in the Hall of Fame).

CSzem's Corner: Wilcard Weekend

(BOD - Gwyneth Paltrow)

As you have obviously noticed, I have been conspicuous by my absence in recent weeks. What's that? You didn't notice? You just kept living your life as if nothing was even remotely different? Oh.


Well, Tewks noticed. As you might have guessed, he has incessantly mocked and jeered me for shirking my responsibilities of contributing to this blog. And what's worse, the Wally Pipp references continue to cut me deep.

Fortunately, my replacement is no Iron Horse (Gretzpo....I know Lou Gehrig, and you sir, are no Lou Gehrig). So that leaves the door open for my triumphant return. "Triumphant" is, of course, a term we're using very liberally here, since this return will almost certainly be the exact opposite of triumphant come Monday morning (what the hell is the opposite of "triumphant"...??)

Sadly, until I get a computer that is fully functional at home, they'll be no podcasting for me (hopefully the new season of The Bachelor isn't too far in swing by the time that happens.....that damn Brad, how could he do that to those poor girls?), so we'll stick to the written word.

Back to the task at hand. NFL Playoff time is the Holy Grail for gamblers. Actually, we really like March Madness as well. And the NBA Playoffs. And Tuesdays. But the NFL Playoffs are really great. Let's see if I've got an 11-0 run in me (although with this challenging first slate of games, starting out 0-4 seems a distinct possibility).

New Orleans (-10.5) @ Seattle

Read a great note the other day that suggested the Saints were the first ever #5 seed to receive a first-round bye. HIYO!

I'm probably overthinking it, but this is a tricky game for me. As bad as Seattle is overall, they were still a respectable 5-3 at home, and Qwest Field is undeniably one of the toughest places to play in the league. New Orleans is travelling clear across the country, on a short week. And they've never won a road playoff game - ever - in the franchise's entire existence. Also, it's been 5 years (the 2005 Pats) since the defending Super Bowl champion won even ONE playoff game the following year.

So those things all scream to pick against New Orleans. And I absolutely would if this was even remotely close to a "normal" playoff scenario. But let's look at Seattle. All 9 of their losses (first of all, that sentence has no business being in the playoffs) were by 15+ points! So when they lose, they lose big. These teams played earlier in the year, and New Orleans won easily (back before they were even hitting their stride). There's no particular reason to think the Seahawks can hang with the Saints, other than the fact that the stadium will be loud.

The Pick: New Orleans

NY Jets @ Indianapolis (-2.5)

Just when everyone had written the Colts off for dead, they reeled off 4 straight wins to grab the division and even the #3 seed. Now they're hosting a playoff game, and could even manage to avoid the Pats until the AFC Championship game. Looking a little closer, though, 2 of those 4 games were against a Titans team that had visibly quit, 1 was against the Jags (admittedly a decent win, while they were still battling for the division....although there's a chance that NO ONE in the division was good), and the other was against the Raiders, which looks like a decent win (it was in Oakland), but apparently they only beat teams in their division.

On the other side, we've got the Jets. Losers of 3 of their last 5, limping into the playoffs. 2 of those 5 though, are relatively excusable (the demolition by the Pats, and the close loss at Chicago). The odd one is the loss at home to Miami. I'm willing to overlook that one because of the great win, in Pittsburgh.

So, despite what the records would say, based on recent form, I actually think this is relatively even. So how can we break the tie? Well, we've got Peyton Manning, at home, in primetime. Against Mark Sanchez, on the road, in a playoff game. That seems pretty clear to me.

So why the hell am I about to write this?? Just a gut call. I think the Colts are frauds, and they're not actually any good. They got in by winning a weak division. The Jets are going to hit them in the mouth, and there just aren't enough able bodies left in that locker room to cope.

The Pick: NY Jets (+2.5)

(Now we've got a problem. I've picked two road teams already. Traditionally, on WC weekend, home teams are the way to go. I've gone many years just taking all four home teams, KNOWING that I'm going to go 3-1 minimum. It just doesn't feel like the case this year. We've got the weird NFC, with the Seahawks. And we've got two WC teams in the AFC that throughout the season were - without question - better than their division-winning opponents. Weird year, will it make for a weird weekend??)

Baltimore (-3) @ Kansas City

Joe Flacco and John Harbaugh (not to be confused with his brother Jim, who has given basically every football team in America - NFL or NCAA - a collective boner over the possibility he might coach them next season) have compiled a pretty nice record on the road in the playoffs over the last few years. That sounded great until it occurred to me that a really good coach/QB tandem would have had a home playoff game at some point (which this combo has yet to do).

I think Kansas City is the perfect "home dog" that I would normally love to pick in this scenario. Doesn't it seem entirely plausible that - even if the Ravens are going to win - the Chiefs could keep this within a FG? I don't think it's out of the realm for the Chiefs to even win this game. So they seem like a solid pick here.

One problem: the Chiefs literally only do one thing well (run the football). Now, they do it basically better than anyone else, but still, it's the only thing they do well. Ray Lewis and the Ravens D (which is how they must always be addressed, by the way), while not the vaunted D they once were, are still very capable of shutting down the run. Their weakness is in the secondary. And I don't care how many stats CBS shows me about Matt Cassel's play this year, if this game is on his shoulders, I think he'll crumble.

So let's continue to buck the "home team" rules for WC weekend. Why the hell not....

The Pick: Baltimore (-3)

Green Bay @ Philadelphia (-2.5)

Ironically, now that I've picked road teams in the first three games, we get to a game where the consensus seems to be that the road team is on better form, and seems ripe for a nice run (possibly even a Super Bowl run in the wide-open NFC).

America is absolutely exceptional at collectively forgetting stuff, and I'm finding it amazing how quickly everyone's forgotten the incredible theatrics of Vick and Co. as recently as three weeks ago. All the pundits are hammering away at the fact that "they've played one good quarter" in the last month (the ridiculously spectacular 4th Q against the Giants). The game against Minnesota, I agree, was a brutal one. But everyone knows that the Vikings are the kings of Tuesday Night Football. That game was just screwy, and I think a mulligan can be given regarding the circumstances. No, you shouldn't lose to Joe Webb, at home, but everybody gets one.

The game against the Cowboys was completely irrelevant, as the Eagles were already locked into their #3 seed (and they still probably should have won, save a late TD by the Cowboys to grab the draftpick-screwing win).

That's not to say I'm 100% locked in on Philly here. Green Bay is a nightmare of a matchup for anyone, and (I think) one of the best 3 teams in the NFC. It just so happens that I think Philly is also one of the best 3 teams in the NFC (Atlanta being the other of the triumvirate). So this is a tough, tough game. But all the love for Green Bay seems like it's overlooking what the Eagles are capable of. Michael Vick (who has never lost in the first round of the playoffs, by the way) could hang up 280 yards passing, 90 yards rushing and 4 total TD's, leading to America once again fawning all over him and the Eagles' Super Bowl aspirations.

The Pick: Philadelphia (-2.5)

Enjoy WC weekend everyone. Pray for these picks if you care at all about O-Szem's future/education.

A National Tragedy

(BOD - Anna K)

What the hell happened last night?

How does a team go from having a three goal stranglehold after two periods in a gold medal final to committing such an epic collapse in the final twenty minutes of play?

Was it hubris? Inexperience? An extreme case of nerves and anxiety flooding Team Canada’s bodies after the Russian Beast scored two goals in quick succession early in the third frame?

Whatever it was, I can confidently say that last night’s game, without succumbing to hyperbole, was the most spectacular and demoralizing collapse in Canadian hockey history.

It was way worse than last year’s gold medal loss to the Americans. That game was a see-saw battle and our boys just fell a little short in overtime, which was nothing to be ashamed of. Last night’s game was even worse than the time we lost to Kazakhstan in the sixth place game back in 1998. Yes, the loss to the Kazakhs was embarrassing, but we all knew our team was shit before that game even started. It was just the rotten cherry on top of a diarrhea sundae.

But now, Canada has such a huge built-in competitive advantage in this tournament that there’s no way we should ever lose if we want to be considered the nation of hockey. We’re the only country that truly cares about this championship and the amount of money spent in this two week period on our team is astronomical.

I don’t even fully understand why we care so deeply about a group of pimply-faced teenagers, but there we are, every Christmas season, turning every medal round game into appointment viewing.

The way the gold medal was frittered away was the most disheartening aspect of last night’s loss. And to the Russians? Seriously?

Falling apart with the game on the line is not supposed to be part of our hockey DNA. Canadians are supposed to rise to the occasion and tackle adversity head on; not wilt in the face of pressure.

I know it seems like I’m being too hard on the boys, especially since this team wasn’t expected to win gold in the first place. First of all, I don’t buy the “leave them alone”, they’re just kids bullshit. They want to be professionals (all but one has already been drafted), they’ve played in big games before and I guarantee they’re the cockiest bunch of eighteen and nineteen year olds you would ever meet in your life.

I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but just look at the way they carried themselves in the first two periods. Jumping into the boards and treating every goal like it was Stanley Cup winner, then ripping around the ice slapping hands with their teammates. They played great when the momentum was flowing in their direction, but as soon as the Russians stuck a finger in their face, Canada couldn’t find an answer.

Every member of that team needs to do some serious soul-searching if they want to have successful careers as NHL players. They will either learn a lot about themselves after this loss and become better acclimated to pressure-packed situations or they will fade into obscurity, not having the ‘stones’ to play hockey at the highest level.

I have to give credit the Russians. They weathered the Canadian storm, kept their composure and silenced 20,000 fans in an intimidating playing environment. That’s not an easy thing to do.

In honour of an impressive Russian victory, here is a clip from Rocky IV which features my second favourite national anthem (after ‘O Canada’ of course).

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Top Stories of 2010

(BOD - Jayde Nicole)

Gretzpo and I go over his choices for the top sports stories of the past year. Some highlights:


- Brett Favre
- Michael Vick
- LeBron
- Rocky Balboa
- Ivan Drago
- Rick Nash
- Armando Galarraga
- Sidney Crosby
- Jose Bautista


Talkin' with Tewks Live - Top Stories of 2010


Enjoy.

Bender

I am currently on a weeklong New Year's binge so new material will return on Tuesday with a regularly scheduled podcast to ring in 2011.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: True Grit Review

We tried something a little bit different this week and attempted to be film critics and discuss True Grit. Gretzpo and I also touch on the following:

- Siskel and Ebert (and Roeper)
- Terrible movies coming down the pipeline
- Jeff Bridge's mumbling
- Gretzpo's lack of intelligence and ability to follow his plot
- My attraction to the 14 year old girl playing Mattie Ross
- Hayley from Modern Family
- Hayden Panettiere
- Chris Hanson and To Catch a Predator
- Spoiler Alert!
- Matt Damon's teeth
- True Grit as a date movie
- Female empowerment
- I am Legend
- Oscar buzz
- Matthew McConaughey's Dolce and Gabbana commercial
- My hatred of 3D
- Some World Junior Championship talk

Talkin' with Tewks Live - True Grit Review

Enjoy.

Crosby Hotter than a Threesome with Twins

(BOD - Katherine Heigl)

Leaving the continent for a week is always a discombobulating experience. Going from two fingers on the pulse of what’s going on in the sports world to having no contact with the news and events back home leaves me feeling out of the loop when I return.

Case in point: Sidney Crosby is currently terrorizing the National Hockey League and causing goaltenders to wet their beds as they have nightmares of facing the baby-faced assassin.

(Although, I guess he can’t really be considered baby-faced anymore as long as he keeps allowing that anemic growth of pubic hair to continue to sprout on his visage. Sid, either go clean-shaven or wait for the other ball to drop before you start trying to grow a beard).

When I left on the cruise, the hockey beat writers were all a twitter over Crosby’s seventeen game point streak, primarily because he was leading the Penguins through a tremendous stretch of hockey in which they won a plethora of games in a row.

I assumed some team would be able to stop the Crosby Express and hold him pointless at some point while I was sipping pina coladas and rubbing tanning oil all over my body.

I was wrong.

Sid the Kid only turned up the heat whilst I was gone. He has eight points in his last five games and scored a goal last night against the Florida Pathers in another Pittsburgh win. Crosby’s point streak is now at 23 games and he continues to pull away from the pack in the NHL scoring race.

If the first six weeks of the season belonged to Steven Stamkos (who is quickly becoming a distant second in the Art Ross hunt), then the past six weeks have belonged to the man who scored, arguably, the biggest goal in Canada’s hockey history (I still get chills when I see his overtime heroics from Vancouver).

It seems almost comical now that media personalities were willing to place Stamkos on the same orbit as Sid the Kid. Yes, Stamkos is a great player, but Crosby is the only one breathing the rarefied air of Gretzky and Lemieux.

Also, can we finally put the Ovechkin versus Crosby argument to rest? Crosby is the better player. Case closed. Ovechkin has flashes of unparalleled brilliance but Sidney is much more consistent and polished.

Sidney does something for me that no other hockey player has been able to do since the lockout of 2004 (Yikes, reading that sentence back makes me question my heterosexuality, but I promise that my reasoning is a lot less gayer than it sounds).

Crosby is the lone guy who can actually make me care about hockey. Whenever he is on a national network, I consider it appointment viewing. He does things with the puck that no one else in the game is capable of. And he makes it look so easy that a casual viewer—one who has never laced up the blades—wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at the majority of what he does on the ice.

And that’s too bad because, as a former less than an adequate hockey player, I can guarantee that Crosby does at least five things a game that his teammates wouldn’t dare try in practice, let alone during a game, lest they risk embarrassment in front of thousands of people.

The scary part is that Crosby’s only 23 years old. What does he have in store for his prime?

I can’t wait to find out.

Merry Christmas from Talkin' with Tewks!!!!

Talkin' with Tewks Live: The Week in Sports

(BOD - Joanna Garcia)

I have returned from my Caribbean vacation and Gretzpo was kind enough to fill me in on what happened in the week in sports while I was away. Some highlights:

- A quick cruise recap
- MLB signings: Zack Grienke, Cliff Lee, Carl Crawford
- Comparing general managers to guys looking to score at the bar
- Brett Favre and the end of his consecutive games streak
- The Metrodome collapse
- The NHL and NBA
- Our favourite Rocky V quotes

Talkin'  with Tewks Live - The Week in Sports

Enjoy.

CSzem's Corner

(BOD  - Random Babe)

I am going away on a Caribbean cruise tomorrow morning for a week in the sun. No columns will be posted by me next week, but "I Dream of Long Bus Rides" will be auto-posting a new column on Wednesday morning (Oh, the magic of the Internet).

CSzem's picks will only appear next week if he and Gretzpo can put their collective heads together and figure out the posting process without my guidance. I wouldn't hold my breath on this one as I wouldn't trust the two of them to screw in a light bulb.

Last Week: 9-7 (*Tewks note: I went 10-6. What a chump.)

Overall: 41-33

Jacksonville (-4) v. Oakland

Amazing that I am laying points with the Jags at this point in the season. They have something like a -43 point differential on the year, which is just insane for a team primed to win their division. Don’t trust the Raiders on the road, though.

Steelers (-9) v. Cincinnati

Just think Pittsburgh is ready to put their foot on the gas after that bloodbath with Baltimore. Potential letdown game, though.

New England (-3) @ Chicago

My first thought on this game was to take Chicago. I typically like taking home dogs, especially when they’re pretty good teams. But then it struck me that this line was extraordinarily low. Aren’t the Pats normally laying 9 or 10 points to people at this point of the season? For some reason, people aren’t yet buying on this team, even though they just beat (arguably) the second best team in football by 42 points.

Cleveland (+1) @ Buffalo

I remember when these two teams played last year, right around this time in the season. Derek Anderson didn’t complete a pass in the first half, and went 2 of 17 for the game. And the Browns won.

NY Giants (-3) @ Minnesota

Hate how many road teams I’m taking, but I still think the Vikings are terrible, and the Giants might be rounding into form with that beatdown they gave Washington last week.

Green Bay (-6.5) @ Detroit

Yikes, another road favourite. This has the makings of a bad week. Green Bay has the tools to stretch this one out late, even if the Lions hang tough early. Could go a lot like the Lions Thanksgiving game with the Pats.

Atlanta (-7.5) @ Carolina

More than a touchdown, on the road, in the division, is tough. But true #1 seeds destroy the worst team in football.

Washington (+1) v. Tampa

Finally, that’s more like a pick I normally would make. Small home dog, with a bad road team coming in. Tampa’s had a nice run, but I don’t’ think they’ve got the chops (yet) to win a cold weather December road game with their playoff hopes on the line.

New Orleans (-9) v. St. Louis

One of these teams is currently leading their division. The other is going to win by double-digits.

Seattle (+5.5) @ San Francisco

Can someone tell me how the Niners are laying 5.5 points to an NFL team?

NY Jets (-5) v. Miami

If the Jets have any pride whatsoever, they make the Dolphins pay for that Monday-night debacle.

Arizona (+4) v. Denver

Wow, Vegas is REALLY buying into that whole “new coach lights a fire under the team thing”. Only possible way to explain Denver laying more than a FG on the road.

Dallas (+3.5) v. Philadelphia

I think the Cowboys are going to win this game outright, and if you call me a homer…..well, you’d be right.

Baltimore (-3) @ Houston

A tough, well-coached team, with playoff experience, coming off a tough loss, and needing a win….against a soft, poorly-coached team, with no playoff experience, that’s already virtually eliminated from the playoffs, and is counting down the days until they get their new coach.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Gretzpo Pinch Hits

(BOD - The World's Hottest Spinster)

Gretzpo was forced to pinch hit in tonight's podcast as it's evident Mother Nature does not want CSzem to step near a microphone at any point in the near future. Keep in mind this is Gretzpo's first podcast, mixed with the fact we recorded it around 11pm last night.

At times, I think we both forget we were actually recording which made for some interesting comments and tangents throughout the conversation.

Some highlights:

- Jayson Werth's cowardice
- Cliff Lee
- Spitting on Cliff Lee's wife
- CSzem and his lack of Crossfit
- OSzem
- Brett Lawrie
- I Dream of Long Bus Rides
- Shaun Marcum
- Carl Crawford
- Derek Jeter
- Is Greztpo this generation's Lou Gehrig (without the debilitating disease)?
- Rogers/MLSE merger
- An all male threesome

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Winter Meetings

Enjoy.

Another Cowardly Move

(BOD - Courtney Cox)


I should have seen this coming. Under the guise of "having to go to work early" CSzem has once again shirked his podcast duties, depriving you all the chance to hear my syrupy smooth baritone.


After what transpired over the weekend, I should have included one last bet late last night: CSzem skips podcast (+1,000,000) and I still would have taken the over. But look at it from his perspective. Here is a man who prides himself on his gambling prowess and his ability to blow his son's future college tuition on props, teasers and parlays.


He studies this stuff. Lives and breathes sports gambling. So what happens when one of his jerk friends (yours truly) comes along and, after being taught the finer points of sports betting only two weeks earlier, proceeds to beat the Gambling Guru at his own game?


Yes, it's true. In our first ever betting smackdown I went 10-5 over the weekend, while the author of CSzem's Corner (does this mean I have to start writing that column too?) only went a paltry 9-6. How does he handle that emotionally? No wonder he ran off with his tail between his legs this morning.


(FYI: he just sent me a profanity-laced text blaming the snow on today's absence. Aww, baby want his bottle? You live in Canada. Sack up, sweetheart.)


Full disclosure: I am so go green at this gambling thing that on more than one occasion while I made my picks, I was forced to consult our gambling podcast because I forgot what the pluses and minuses meant next to the team names. This is who you lost to, CSzem. For shame.


I also had no idea there was a game on Thursday night until approximately thirty minutes before tipoff. Or is it kickoff? I always get my sports confused. I'm like the Rain Man of football gambling.


I can't wait for CSzem's long-winded diatribe on his excuses for his loss this weekend. It should be exciting to see him try to grasp at straws and make excuses for why he's pathetic.


The main topic of today's podcast was supposed to be Major League Baseball's winter meetings and I'm hoping we can record that on Thursday. Of course if Cszem's little footsies aren't too cold from the big, bad snow.

I don't want to blow my winter meeting thoughts here, but I do want to say one thing about what took place over the weekend. Jayson Werth evidently does not like to play baseball in October, nor does he want to compete for championships. Why in the hell would he sign with the Washington Nationals?

While I suppose $100 million is more than enough reason to do so, I can't belive any organization would be stupid enough to actually give Werth that kind of money. Not only that, but then the Jays decide to trade their number one starter for a kid. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

Tune in Thursday for more winter meeting thoughts.

CSzem's Corner

(BOD - Stacey Dash)

Tewks' Picks: Vikings (-5.5), Browns (+4.5), Broncos (+9.5), Giants (-7), Bears (-4.5), Packers (-9.5), Saints (-6.5), Falcons (-2), Raiders (+13), Seahawks (-6), Colts (-5), Rams (-3.5), Ravens (-3), Jets (+3.5)

Last Week: 6-9
This Week: 1-0
Overall: 31-27

Congrats to Tewks for winning in his first ever NFL pick. That must have been quite exhilarating. I remember my first gambling win, as a wide-eyed 17 year old (18 as far as the Canadian government is concerned). I won $1,000 playing Pro-Line (seriously). Probably the worst thing that ever happened to me, since it basically guaranteed a lifetime of being a degenerate gambler.

Tewks, no doubt, has the itch now as well. After his beginner’s luck wears off, I look forward to the inevitable column on his new site, “The Why Me?!?!”. Indeed, a career as a professional baseball player is likely unattainable with two broken kneecaps.

On to the picks!!

Bills (+5.5) @ Vikings

Bills seem to be playing everyone tough. I am a little worried about God seeking some revenge on Steve Johnson for getting blamed for Johnson’s ridiculous drop in the endzone (in OT, no less) last week against the Steelers. But according to Johnson’s Twitter page, they seem to have reconciled their differences as the week went on. Still too much respect for the Vikings.

Browns (+4.5) @ Dolphins

As I correctly wrote last week, the Browns play up (or down) to their opponent, narrowly sneaking out a win (and cost Gretzpo $400 in our Survivor Pool, as well….that was fun). The Dolphins continue to be rock solid on the road, and horrid at home.

Broncos (+9.5) @ Chiefs

I am already terrified at the fact that I keep taking underdogs. Chiefs might be better than I think they are. Tough, old-school, AFC West rivalry though. If the Broncos have any pride, they’ll at least make this competitive.

Giants (-7) v. Redskins

In all honesty, I originally had the Redskins but changed it so I wasn’t picking another ‘dog. This is a good line. Giants are clearly the better team, and they should take care of business here.

Lions (+5) v. Bears

Classic letdown game for the Bears after their big win against the Eagles. I’m thinking they sleepwalk through the first bit of the game and then wake up enough to make sure they win (but don’t cover). Apparently the Lions haven’t won a division game since 2007. How is that even possible??

Packers (-9.5) v. 49ers

Packers in a walk.

Bengals (+6.5) v. Saints

You know what’s crazy about the fact that I’m taking all of these underdogs? In my “Straight Up” pool (no spread), I took literally all of the favourites to win. So pretty much the only way I can win money this week in both is if every single game is close, and ridiculously entertaining, but won by the favourite. Perfect, that always happens.

Falcons (-2) @ Bucs

This is the start of the three game road trip where we’re going to find out if Atlanta is actually the best team in the NFC (and maybe the NFL). If they’re as good as everyone thinks they are, they’ll get this done.

Chargers (-13) v. Raiders

This line absolutely blew me away when I saw it. Thought it was going to be maybe 9.5. Seems insanely high. But the Chargers just won by 22 AT Indy, in primetime. No one does that. They are destroying people right now.

Seahawks (-6) v. Panthers

I’m thinking last week was going to be the Panthers last shot to win a game this year. The Pacific Northwest is a tough place to travel to for a football game (but a great place to learn how to climb trees).

Colts (-5) v. Cowboys

This game is going to tell me whether or not the Colts are done. I think they’ve got enough in them to win this one and eventually win the division.

Cards (+3.5) v. Rams

I cannot wait for a 7-9 team to win the NFC West. I think Jon Gruden’s head might explode.

Jets (+3.5) @ Pats

What a great game this is going to be. I might actually stay up for the second half (dammit, I’m starting to sound like Tewks). In a game like this, I think you have to take the points. The Jets could win this game, and the Pats could win by a FG. Could the Pats cover? Sure, but I don’t think that’s any more likely than either of those other two things, and two out of three ain’t bad.

Ravens (-3) v. Steelers

Is Rogers the Saviour of MLSE?

(BOD - Jessica Rabbit)

Thursday NFL Picks: Tewks - Philly (-8.5), CSzem - Philly (-8.5)

In a word: No.

Ok, see you all next week.

Truthfully, I could end today’s column there and my thoughts on the Rogers Communication takeover bid of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment would be captured perfectly. But since I’m down to one column a week on this site (be sure to check out http://proballorbust.blogspot.com), I figured I owe it to my loyal readers to come up with some reasons why this merger is such a terrible idea.

I love how, when the story first broke, everyone was saying that this was the shot in the arm MLSE needed to start producing winning franchises.

Really? Rogers is the organization that will teach the Leafs, Raptors and TFC how to win? How many titles have the Blue Jays won under the stewardship of Rogers? Zero. How many times have they reached the playoffs? Zero.

This partnership would be more like the blind leading the blind.

The only thing his merger would guarantee is that the coverage of the putrid performances of Toronto’s sports teams would covered to such a pervasive degree that every fan watching in the GTA will be able to see and feel each loss like it’s a member of their own family producing such disappointment.

Can our teams win? Not a chance. But we’ll talk about them and spin rosy images about how we’re just on the cusp of breaking through on a myriad of sports channels all led by talking heads whose command of the English language is as underwhelming as their sports knowledge.

Is every Rogers customer going to receive a stake in the newly formed conglomerate since it’s the wildly overpriced and overvalued cable services Rogers charges for that has allowed the company to make the takeover bid in the first place?

The part I hate most about this story is that its being pitched as a business move pure and simple, with talks of ‘branding’, positioning’ and ‘marketplace.’ Way to take the fun and passion out of sports in Toronto. Why not talk about winning and bringing championships to the city?

I know I’ve said this before, but the biggest problem the Toronto sports scene has is that none of the teams have a billionaire owner at the helm. I’m convinced that you cannot win championships unless you have an owner whose only concern is winning and not the bottom line.

I’m sorry, but winning sports franchises cannot be treated as a business. They need to be treated as a billionaire’s plaything (analogous to a trophy wife). The owner’s desire to win has to trump everything, including the bottom line. Sports cannot be run thinking about profits and losses. They should only be measured in championships.

And until that happens in Toronto, we will be forced to deal with losing season after losing season, no matter what billion dollar company is at the helm.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Twitter and The Heat

The podcast is back after last week's unfortunate misstep. We covered CSzem's abhorrent gambling performance last weekend and disscussed our upcoming showdown on this week's slate of NFL games. CSzem also gave me a crash course on all things Twitter and suggested a few things to make I Dream of Long Bus Rides more pervasive on the web.

Then we dissected the 2010 Miami Heat and tried to figure just what is wrong with LeBron and company.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Twitter and The Heat

Enjoy.

CSzem's Corner

(BOD - Minka Kelly)

It's nice to see he actually showed up this time.

Last Week: 11-5
This Week: 3-0
Overall: 28-18

My recent hot streak could not have come a moment too soon, as Mrs. CSzem has detailed, the littlest member of our family (my son, not my penis....) has taken ill over the last few days. Baby meds are not cheap, so let's hope that the picks keep flowing. Last week was very successful, and this week is off to a flying start, as even my Cowboys managed to pull off a cover (despite the fact that they blew a very winnable game....). The amazing (or perhaps, not so surprising) thing about these picks is that I do absolutely no research. And I mean that. I am the kind of guy who spends hours pouring over stats and analysis to try to figure out what I'm going to do for fantasy teams, or for making "friendly" wagers (with my bookie), but for these picks, due to the journalistic time constraints Tewks places me under, I pull up the lines on my phone and I write down a pick. No wonder I'm doing much better.

On to the picks!

Washington (-1) v. Minnesota

This is a "green" pick, because I'm recycling the exact same thing I've said the past few weeks for Minnesota. They are horrible, and Vegas refuses to acknowledge it. Why is this virtually a pick'em?? Washington is clearly the better team (not that they're all that good), and they're at home.

Pittsburgh (-6) @ Buffalo

A weird line. Buffalo has become a bit of a "lovable loser" who keeps games close and is a tough out. I think the Steelers have turned it up a notch based on their man-handling (not the Big Ben kind....the football kind) of Oakland last week. They'll bury the Bills.

Tennessee (+6.5) @ Houston

If Houston was a good, well-coached, team, they'd easily handle this game. Tennessee is down to their third-string QB, who is someone that I have literally never heard of. He's a rookie, and I watch hours and hours of college football, plus the full NFL combine, plus the full NFL Draft. And I've never even heard his name mentioned. And yeah, I'm picking him on the road in his first career start. That's how little faith I have in the Houston secondary.

NY Giants (-7) v. Jacksonville

Amazingly, one of these teams is leading their division, and it's not the Giants. Jacksonville has to be the worst team in history to be leading their division after American Thanksgiving. They should get pummeled in this game, as they have in a few other road contests this year.

Carolina (+10) @ Cleveland

Carolina is horrendous, but I just don't think Cleveland should be laying 10 to anyone. They play up or down to their competition and will probably win a really ugly game that no one will watch.

Tampa Bay (+9) @ Baltimore

One of these days, Josh Freeman is going to be respected by the oddsmakers. Evidently, today is not that day. Tampa hangs tough here. They lost by 6 at Atlanta (a tougher place to play).

Chicago (+3.5) v. Philadelphia

Dangerous home dog that seems to be coming together well right now. Everyone's all aboard the Philly hype train, so in the NFL that usually means they're about to be derailed so we all remain confused.

Green Bay (+1) @ Atlanta

The toughest game to pick on the board, without question. I'm going with the Packers because Mrs. CSzem took them in the pick'em pool.

Seattle (+1) v. Kansas City

Kind of a screwy line for me. Both of these teams are "good at home, not so good on road" type teams. I think it'll be close, but I think Seattle should be favoured in their building.

Denver (-4) v. St. Louis

Purely for spite. St. Louis cost me a lot of money last week by not covering at home against Atlanta.

Indianapolis (-3) v. San Diego

Peyton Manning is only laying 3 points in prime time? Seriously? Is it possible to arrange a second-mortgage on my house by Sunday night at 8:15?

Arizona (+1) v. San Francisco

I think this is the third straight year these teams have played each other on MNF, which is absolutely insane. Who finds this game compelling?? Seriously? It wasn't even a good game when Kurt Warner was still playing. They've played this game in Mexico on MNF, and then last year I was in Vegas while it was going on (perhaps might explain my bitterness about the matchup....didn't go well). But just an awful, awful matchup. I'll take the home team.

Jeter Can Play Hardball?

(BOD - Olivia Munn)

CSzem’s Turkey Picks: Patriots (-6.5), Cowboys (+3.5), Jets (-9)

I have to apologize to you, dear readers and listeners. For the first time in the history of this blog, a column was not posted when I said it was going to be. I fully expected to get the podcast up and running at some point on Tuesday, but the conversation never actually materialized.

And for that, please direct your ire towards CSzem. However, this is the first podcast for which he has not answered the bell since the inception of Talkin’ with Tewks Live, so I really can’t be too upset.

And I’m sure his fatherly duties preclude him from a lot of things, so the fact he is able to fit the podcasts into his busy and harried schedule is an admirable feat. Also, I can’t be upset at Mrs. CSzem purely for the fact that she is forced to cohabitate with CSzem, while also caring for a young son (which basically means she has two children at home).

Instead, I’m placing the blame squarely on young OSzem’s shoulders. Come on, dude. You’re probably close to six months old by now. Time to grow up and start feeding and bathing yourself, and going to bed on your own. Maybe get a job too. Stop freeloading off your parents.

It’s embarrassing, kid. Have you even started a weightlifting program yet? Give your head a shake. Your move, OSzem. Bring it.

Onto today’s column………….

Derek Jeter and the New York Yankees are currently involved in some hardball, don’t blink negotiations over a new contract for New York’s beloved captain. As of right now, neither team seems willing to budge on their current stance and both parties seem willing to engage in protracted negotiations.

At first glance, you might side with Jeter. He’s been the face of the franchise for fifteen years, has led to the team to five World Series titles and is the best contemporary example of the ridiculous, mythical title of a “True Yankee.” How can New York’s front office not offer Jeter a fair contract so the man can end his career as Yankee?

However, then you find out that the Yankees offered Jeets a three year contract worth $45 million. And Jeter’s management team declined the offer, saying they wanted to test the market.

What?

Paying $15 million a year for a shortstop rushing towards forty, with diminishing skills, is ludicrous. There’s no way in hell Jeter would be able to command that salary in the open market. The Yankees are giving him a gift at 3 years, $45 million. He should just take it and be glad the brothers Steinbrenner have basically built in a ‘thanks for being the face of the franchise’ fee into the contract.

The $15 million salary would make Jeter the highest paid shortstop in the league, which is funny considering he’s not even the best shortstop on the team. This is where all the Jeter supporters get their panties in a twist by pointing out he just won his fifth gold glove and had the highest fielding percentage of his career.

Yes, that’s all well and good, but when he’s not actually fast enough to reach balls hit in his general direction, it’s pretty hard to make errors. Jeter’s lateral movement reminds me of a newborn fawn trying to take its first steps.

Jeter should just thank his lucky stars the Yankees are too scared to ask him to move to another position and are willing to give him all this money. For such a ‘team guy’ and the captain of the franchise, shouldn’t he be willing to take a large pay cut to stay in New York and help his team win?

My guess is Jeter will realize no other team in the league will give him the money he wants, he’ll go back to the Yankees, get his 3000th hit and ride off into sunset to make babies with receding hairlines and egg-shaped heads with Minka Kelly.

Talkin' with Tewks Live

Podcast will be posted late tonight.

CSzem's Corner

(CSzem mailed in today's column, so I'm mailing in the BOD. Although he gets bonus points for a dynamite Road House reference)

Last week: 6-7

This week: 0-1
Overall: 14-13

Pittsburgh (-7) v. Oakland

Love that this line came down to 7. It opened at 9 (as I suggested it would on the podcast).

Houston (+7) @ NY Jets

Jets don't blow people out.

Baltimore (-10.5) @ Carolina

Carolina starting Brian St. Pierre. When I read the headline yesterday "St. Pierre to get start", it took me a good 10 minutes to figure out what team he played for.

Tennessee (-7) v. Washington

Because I watched Monday night's game.

Detroit (+6.5) @ Dallas

Dallas isn't good enough to be laying 6.5 points to anyone in the NFL. I don't care if their coach is Jason Garrett or Wade Garrett.

Green Bay (-3) @ Minnesota

I am going to keep betting against Brett Favre until Vegas sets a line that makes me stop.

Buffalo (+5.5) @ Cincinnati

Both these teams are just awful. Take the points.

Jacksonville (-1) v. Cleveland

It's going to be a very close race between the Jags and the Bears to see which team can claim the title of "worst team that's inexplicably in the playoffs".

Kansas City (-9) v. Arizona

Naturally I want to bet on the team that just gave up 49 points to a 2-6 Denver team. Arizona is just THAT bad on the road.

New Orleans (-11.5) v. Seattle

No particularly good reason, just think they stretch this one out late.

St. Louis (+3) v. Atlanta

Sign me up for a good home team getting 3 points against a team that is markedly better at home and is due for a letdown coming off a big win.

Tampa (+3.5) @ San Francisco

Niners might win, but it'll be a lot like last week.

New England (-3.5) v. Indianapolis

So tough to lay more than a FG here, but the Pats are the better (and healthier) team right now.

Philadelphia (-3) v. NY Giants

Because I watched Monday night's game.

San Diego (-10) v. Denver

I can already picture myself falling asleep early in the third quarter as Mike Tirico tries to keep me interested in a game that is 35-7 for the Chargers.