Welcome to Augusta

(Babe of the Day - Amber Heard)

All of you better appreciate the fact I’m writing a column today. I am currently riding shotgun in a car driven by someone who has no business being behind the wheel; not only that, but I`m trying to create journalistic excellence with one hand on the holy shit handle.

Last night, I went to a performance at Casino Rama to see the Golden Boys, featuring Fabian, Lou Christi and Frankie Avalon. It was amazing. I sincerely wish I had a time machine to go back to the 1950s and live my life.

Then, after the show, I had about a half dozen Bud Lights, so if my writing is worse than usual, now you know why.

What a start to the 2010 Masters yesterday afternoon. Not only did you have the return of Tiger Woods’ after a five month layoff, but you had the PGA Tour`s very own members of the Golden Boys dominating the first page of the leaderboard.

Both Tom Watson and Freddie Couples were able to turn back the clock, for one day at least, and be the focal points of a tournament and course that hasn’t seen their best days for more than decade. Couples’ 66 and Watson’s 67 gives hope to aging Boomers everywhere that the opportunity to kick the shit out of guys half their age isn`t just a pipe dream.

Also, even more unbelievably, Watson and Freddie were able to take the spotlight away from Tiger and his return to competitive golf. How cool did Freddie look with that tan, salt and pepper hair, sneakers and no socks? He looked like he should be yachting off the coast of St. Barts rather than playing in the season`s first major.

Tiger shot 68, which is the first time he`s ever broken 70 in a first round at Augusta, and looked to not have one ounce of rust in his game. Everything looked sharp, which is a scary proposition for his fellow PGA Tour members the rest of the year.

Was it me or did Tiger look exceedingly composed and comfortable throughout the entire round? He didn`t even seem fazed by the helicopters flying overhead dragging banners talking of sex addiction and ‘bootyism’.

By the way, the person responsible for said banners is nothing short of a comedic genius.

Here’s my hypothesis on Tiger for the foreseeable future. The guy was the best golfer on the planet while leading a double life. Do you realize how much focus and mental fortitude is required to win golf tournaments, all while juggling your wife and family and a gaggle of slutty mistresses?

Any normal human being would have cracked under that unrelenting pressure and mental strain. Not Tiger. And now, he says he having fun again for the first time in a long time.

Tiger’s mind is completely clear. He can just hone his focus in on golf. I think he’s going to be a better player now than he ever was.

And it will start with a fifth green jacket being draped across his broad shoulders on Sunday night.

Tune in on Monday for a Masters Recap podcast with CSzem.