Admittedly, I wasn’t sold on Bachelor Pad being a viable choice to recap each week. However, being a minor celebrity, I have access to certain benefits other bloggers do not. For example, I have my own intern, CSzem. Actually, that’s not true. He’s less of an intern and more my very own ‘Stat Boy’ from Pardon the Interruption. What did we mess up on, CSzem!
Thus, I enlisted him to recap the premiere episode of Bachelor Pad and I will trust CSzem's very educated reality show judgement on whether or not this show deserves the Tewks touch week after week:
Always exciting to be back pinch-blogging here for Tewks. Let me guess what we just read in the pre-amble: “Blah blah blah, strikeout. Blah blah blah, I lead the Ontario C Level-Division 3 Men’s League in blah blah blah.”
Sorry, was that harsh? I’m ornery because of this growing feud with “Anonymous” and “AG”. I’m going to take the high road here. Sorry AG that you think our nicknames are “childish”. It must suck that you don’t have any friends who call you anything other than “Allan”. I probably would be a dick if that was my life too.
OK, on to the show!!
- I feel like I should be watching this in one of those Hazmat suits to avoid getting an STD through my TV.
- Elizabeth’s not going to have to worry about playing hard to get now that she’s a blonde. She looks like hell. Thanks to Mrs. CSzem for the first contribution from the peanut gallery.
- “Will Michelle lose her mind.....again??” Great stuff from Chris Harrison. He’s clearly not taking this spin-off lightly. He’s a real pro.
- Tenley’s really changed. Or she’s the exact same and I need to turn the volume down.
- “This girl’s bangin’” Is that an actual description? I feel so out of touch.
- Why do all these people know each other? I felt like this was built up as the first major reunion, but it sounds like they all take trips together and have hooked up repeatedly. So what’s the point of this show? Feels a little contrived now. What? All of these shows are totally and completely contrived? Oh.
- According to the Weatherman, Craig M. is an out-of-shape alcoholic. Now I know we could be friends.
- “I just see us as friends.” I’m sure she feels the same way, Jesse. Don’t most girls think that way after you hook up with them a few times?
- Pretty sure you’ve got a shot with Gia, Weatherman. Go get ‘em Champ.
- So wait, this is basically The Bachelor crossed with Survivor? It’s like ABC only wants Tewks to have to write about trashy reality TV once.
- Tenley’s the early favourite for this Twister competition. I’ve heard stories about this kid. She’s limber. Too limber.
- Big Twister win for Craig M. Not really sure how he pulled that off, but from the brink of elimination, he’s got himself into a good spot. Originally, I didn’t think he had much of a chance in this game. Now.....the others better watch out.....because he’s dangerous!
- Craig M., applying his cologne: “Now for the ladykiller.” I honestly feel like I’m watching Tewks on TV right now.
- Little All-Canadian alliance brewing with Craig M. and Jessie. She has already talked more on this show than she talked on her entire season.
- Somehow Craig M. has won over Mrs. CSzem. Big time performance from him tonight.
- I hope there’s no chicken wire in the house, because I’m pretty sure Michelle might strangle Tenley in her sleep. I’m not ready to say that this is legitimately dramatic.....but Michelle is legitimately psychotic, so there’s an argument to be made.
- Great strategizing happening here from just about everyone. This really is reminding me of Survivor more and more. I wish Rupert was here. Although the ladies are probably OK with his exclusion.
- I would have loved to have been there for the production meeting when ABC was explaining this show to Chris Harrison. I guarantee more than a few expletives where dropped. There have to be a boatload of 0’s on the end of that cheque.
- Peyton? I have no clue who that is. Survivor-strategy in full effect!
- Nice call by the guys getting rid of the psychopath. That seems like a solid play. I would not want to be the camera guy who has to ride in this limo with her right now.
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2 comments:
We’re feuding?
Sorry to Tewks and the other readers (all 2 of you) for making him ornery, but I stand behind what I said no matter how much it pisses him off.
So your comment in the podcast about not going after people for expressing their opinion was untrue. I put my name on my comments why the attack? I hit a nerve? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You expressed yours and I expressed mine. We do not agree and that’s ok. Calling me a dick for it is taking the high road? Actually very childish.
I see why anonymous decided to be anonymous. Perhaps they have also been on the receiving end of your rapier wit.
AG
I have to say, I love the Bachelor Pad! VERY happy to see certain individuals there!
Ashley - she's a nutbar too! I can't wait to see how that plays out
Elizabeth - she really does look like hell as a blonde, and she's still crazy manipulative! How did Jesse get mixed up with that bullshit? Poor guy...did he admit by the end of the episode that they are actually in a relationship?
Wes - I still hate him. While Craig M may have won me over (I mean...he actually spoke last night!) There is nothing that this jackass will be able to do to win me over.
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