The details surrounding the doping allegations of the University of Waterloo football team continue to get more sordid and, luckily for us, more interesting. Back in March, nine members of the team tested positive for banned substances. The case sent shockwaves throughout the CIS as everyone was so surprised that good Canadian boys would stoop to such blatant cheating.
The decision was made to cancel the year for Waterloo’s football team. To me, this seems like a little bit of a knee-jerk reaction. Why punish the rest of the roster for the dumb actions of a select few?
The reason why I’m discussing this issue today is that it was just learned that, in addition to testing positive for high levels of testosterone and anabolic steroids, one of the players actually tested positive for Human Growth Hormone.
What?
Where in the hell does a Canadian University football player get his hands on such a designer wonder drug? More to the point, why in the hell does someone need HGH to play football in the CIS?
Are you shitting me?
The talent level of university football in this country is putrid at best. The best example I can give for the calibre of CIS football is the following: take the two worst NFL Europe teams in league history, get both squads rip-roaring drunk, and them ask them to throw and kick with their wrong hands and feet. That is what it’s like watch two Canadian universities play football against one another.
If I was the player in question, I won’t embarrass him here (truthfully, I don’t want to waste time by looking up his name), my biggest concern wouldn’t be the fact I got caught using HGH, it’s the fact I got caught using it to make Waterloo’s roster in the first place.
Really, pal? I’d maybe rethink the ol’ football career at that point. First off, Waterloo can barely play football; they’re too busy finding solutions to multi-derivative calculus and not getting laid to field a competitive squad. Waterloo football is the hemorrhoid on the butthole of Canadian football.
If you need performance-enhancing drugs, especially one as great as HGH, to make the practice roster on a CIS team, then you should just probably quit sports altogether and focus on your studies.
I would think taking the drugs would put too much undue pressure on me. If I took HGH during my own university career and didn’t throw a no-hitter every start I would probably pull a George Bailey and take a flying leap off the nearest bridge.
Using steroids and drugs of that ilk to play sports at a Canadian university is analogous to bringing a machine gun to a knife fight. It’s just not necessary; unless you really suck. Then you shouldn’t play in the first place.
And now you know.
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