Survivor Recap: Boston Rob versus Russell

Before I delve into last night’s episode of Survivor, I’d like to comment on a seminal moment in my athletic career.

I played my last game of competitive indoor volleyball last night. My knees can no longer take the pounding. The continuous jumping has wreaked havoc on my joints. If I want to continue to Crossfit and play baseball, then my volleyball days have to cease.

Of course, I will still play beach volleyball on my Caribbean vacations. Depriving the women on the island the opportunity to see me sweaty and shirtless would just be cruel.

Anyway, I ended my career as an A division champion as my team won the title in three straight games. It was a dominating performance and a fitting end to my career. Next winter, I will begin to tackle curling.

Another stellar episode of Survivor. This show just gets better and better.

The conversation between Russell and Rob at the beginning of the episode was like watching Professor Xavier and Magneto square off in a verbal joust before the inevitable physical clash (that might be the geekiest sentence I will ever write).

Has anyone noticed that, in the opening credits, every female and jacked male contestant is shown greased up in baby oil from that sliding competition a few weeks ago? It’s an underrated treat. I have Danielle’s three second clip running on a continuous loop. What a fantastic editing decision.

I loved the looks of shock on the Villains' faces when the Heroes walked into the immunity challenge avec James and sans Tom. Even the Villains know the Heroes are retarded.

Was there any doubt whatsoever that Boston Rob would win individual immunity and a hot dog feast for his tribe? The guy is absolutely incredible. At this point, I would have sex with him and not even think twice. I don’t even think it’d be a gay thing. I would just want some of his greatness to rub off on me (Ok, that was kind of gay).

The strategy espoused by both Rob and Russell last night was impressive to witness. My head hurt just trying to figure the moves each guy was trying to pull off. Rob’s misdirection of making Russell think he was going to be voted off, when Parvarti was really going, was pure genius.

Not to be outdone, Russell correctly determined the ruse and made his own counter move. Then Rob adjusted his own plan to ensure he still had the correct numbers. It was like watching a chess mach.

Colby’s apparent throwing in the towel was disheartening to watch. I agreed wholeheartedly with James’ assertion that Colby wasn’t himself: “It’s like finding out Superman is wearing a fat suit.”

Unbelievably, I found James growing on me throughout this episode. The race between James and JT was exactly like the second Apollo Creed/Rocky Balboa beach run in Rocky III. All that was missing was a homoerotic man hug in the surf.

There is nothing to be said about the Villains’ tribal council except WOW. I have no idea how Russell pulled that off, but it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen on this show. Basically, it all boiled down to Tyson being a moron, but Russell was responsible for planting that seed.

Rob’s face after realizing Russell had gotten the best of him was priceless. He was like King Xerxes in 300. A very human chill crawled up Rob’s spine. The game is now on. Both Russell and Rob have finally found an adversary worthy of their respective talents.

The Heroes tribe just doesn’t get it. Why vote James out now? You could have both Tom and Colby and could have gotten rid of that whiny tool Amanda instead. That would be a tribe to be reckoned with. Their stupidity just astounds me.