Who Should Wear the C?

Here’s what I don’t understand about Toronto Maple Leaf fans. The team is putrid; and not just a ‘they just aren’t that competitive’ putrid. I am talking about a team that is ‘once in a generation’ terrible.

That’s not even a joke. The Leafs have not been this bad since the 1980s when Harold Ballard imposed his reign of terror at the corner of Church and Carlton. Now, instead of being embarrassed at cheering for such a lacklustre product, what do Leaf fans do?

They debate and discuss which players deserve to be bestowed with the Captain’s ‘C’ with such verve and vigour that you would think they were in Rome trying to decide who should be the next Pope.

Coincidentally, both tasks involve the blowing of white smoke: in Rome, they release smoke from the Vatican to signal the selection of a new Pope. In Toronto, MLSE blows smoke up fans’ asses that the team is actually committed to, you know, winning.

The top names bandied about for Toronto’s vacant captaincy are: Dion Phaneuf, Mike Komisarek, Phil Kessel and Francois Beauchemin.

You have to eliminate Kessel right away. More so in hockey than other sports, a team needs a captain who will be vocal in the dressing room and not be afraid to get in guys' faces. From what I’ve seen of Kessel in media interviews, I don’t think he’d be comfortable speaking up at the dinner table, let alone a professional hockey locker room.

I suppose Komisarek and Beauchemin would make compelling choices, but do either of those guys scream ‘Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs’?

I agree with Brian Burke and Ron Wilson’s claim during training camp that they weren’t going to select a captain just for the hell of it. Remember, the next Leafs captain has to follow in the footsteps of Wendell Clark, Doug Gilmour and Mats Sundin. Does anyone on the current roster come close to comparing to those Leaf greats?

Phaneuf would have the most potential to be in that group, but he really needs to be a part of the organization for more than two months. Also, I would think it would be prudent to see if Dion can actually make the team better and no longer languish in last place in the Eastern Conference.

However, do these guys even want to be captain of the Leafs at this point? I wouldn’t want to be the leader of such a dysfunctional franchise. It would be akin to being named Captain of the Titanic after the original was swept up in that wave.

Who wants to be the leader of a sinking ship?