Super Bowl Time

I've discussed the Colts and Saints ad nauseum throughout the NFL postseason, so there's no point going down that road again. I have picked Indy to win every game they've played in the playoffs and I don't plan on changing my mind.

If God really wanted New Orleans to win, then he wouldn't have sent the gnarly waves of Katrina rushing down Bourbon Street. Therefore, the Colts are the pick. Currently, my record is 6-4, so regardless of what happens on Sunday I finish the postseason with a winning record. I love being a football genius.

A short column today because my house is currently going through massive bedroom and bathroom renovations, which means my services are needed to lift obscenely heavy shit.

Here are four lightning fast commentaries on stories currently making the news in the entertainment world. I was asked to write these up by people way more important than any of my regular readers (No offense).

Story #1 – Jersey Shore


My prayers for trashy television have been answered with the news that the MTV hit, Jersey Shore, has been renewed for a second season. Some people have deemed the show offensive and insulting to Italians. On the other hand, I think it’s a blueprint for how a well-adjusted society should operate.

For example, instead of saying that I slept with a girl, it’s more gentlemanly to say that I ‘smushed’ her. Also, French philosophers have nothing on Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino. The Situation refers to his impressively defined abs. But, he also calls himself The Situation. I think he’s a Situation within a Situation. Therefore, he gets involved in situations where The Situation plays a role in getting The Situation into the situation in the first place. Make sense?


Anyway, I know I’m looking forward to the premiere episode of season two.

Story #2 – Grammy Awards

All the single ladies, put your hands up! Beyonce set a Grammy Awards record for wins by a female with six trophies, including song of the year for the infectiously catchy ‘Single Ladies.’ She also looked fantastic performing the hit ‘If I Were a Boy’ in heels and dangerously tight short shorts. Never have I been more willing to hear a woman yell at me for not listening or paying enough attention to her.

However, Beyonce was denied the evening’s top honour, Album of the Year, which went to Taylor Swift for her smash hit, Fearless. At the tender age of 20, Swift continued her assault on music history by becoming the youngest recipient of the industry’s top prize. Obviously, it’s Taylor’s world and we’re all just living in it.

Story #3 – ‘Valentine’s Day’

Romantic comedy fans rejoice! Valentine’s Day is coming to a theatre near you. Opening February 12th, Valentine’s Day features an ensemble cast chock full of Hollywood heavyweights: Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper and Patrick Dempsey to name just a few. The plot follows interconnected couples and singles who break-up and make-up based on the pressures and expectations of Valentine’s Day.

How this movie is any different from last year’s ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ is not entirely clear, but you can be sure that thousands of women will drag their boyfriends, kicking and screaming, to go see this one. Who am I kidding? I love romantic comedies. I’ll be there opening weekend.

Story #4 – Rip Torn

Rip Torn, of Men in Black fame, has apparently thrown his hat into the ring for the title of World’s Drunkest Celebrity. Torn has been charged with a litany of criminal offenses. What did he do? He was found drunk in a bank with a loaded weapon. Why? He was so wasted that he thought the bank was his home. I can’t make this stuff up. Torn even placed his boots and hat inside the bank’s front door.

Court documents determined that his blood alcohol content was 0.203, which translates to enough alcohol to bring down a rhino. He was released on a $100,000 bond and his attorney says that Torn will head back to rehab. I would think so.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the game.