Wednesday, January 13, 2010

When Did the NHL Turn into Grade School Recess?


It’s a telling commentary when the only comment posted on an article about Mark McGwire’s steroid use refers solely to a two paragraph discussion on The Bachelor.

Does this mean that the entire issue of performance enhancing drugs has reached its tipping point? Have people stopped caring about this? Or does everyone just assume that all players in MLB in the 1990s and early 2000s were on the juice?

Kudos to C-Szem for posting an excellent comment. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in liking The Bachelor way more than any straight man should. I love his running diary idea; however, I need to wait until more girls are eliminated and I’m left with a more manageable number. I don’t know who four of the girls are on his Vegas odds list. When we’re down to ten ladies, I’ll do it.

Also, C-Szem, I take umbrage to your declaration that you would eliminate Ashleigh, regardless of how hot she looked in her bikini, because she interrupted a conversation.

I’m calling bullshit. Next time, don’t let your wife proofread your comment before you post.

Alex Burrows is a whiny, little bitch.

I can’t believe this story is even news, but it’s made me so upset hearing about it, I feel compelled to give my take. Burrows, of the Vancouver Canucks, has accused a National Hockey League referee of calling penalties against him as payback for being shown up in a previous game.

That is the most ridiculous statement I have heard in a long time. Do you really think a referee is going to jeopardize his livelihood to ‘get back’ at some piece of shit winger no one outside of Vancouver has ever heard of?

I’m going to tell Alex Burrows the same thing Jake Taylor told Rick Vaughn, after Vaughn accused Roger Dorn of tanking a play on purpose in the first Major League: “This isn’t the California Penal League, Vaughn, we’re professionals. We don't tank plays for personal reasons, so cut the cry baby shit!”

It’s asinine that the NHL is forced to investigate this matter in the first place. Burrows has a long history of whining and complaining to referees and is well-known for taking dives. He’s indicting the referee in question for marring the integrity of the game? Burrows should think of that the next time he flops all over the ice.

Did you see Burrows’ interview on Monday explaining his side of the story? He was getting so worked up and excited, he was struggling to construct coherent sentences. At one point, I actually thought he was going to start crying. Watching that travesty, I felt like the principal of a middle school listening to a girl tell me how another girl was mean to her during recess.

Here is an approximate transcript of the interview:

“Um, like, this guy was like totally mean to me and stuff. He told me that, like, he was going to, you know, ‘get me’. Then he totally called two penalties on me that so weren’t penalties. Like, OMG. Like, I don’t think that ref, should be allowed to, you know, ref anymore. It’s not really fair to me. I can’t believe I got fined. Like Hello? Whatev. Like, I totally don’t care anyway. TTFN.”

(Please don’t ask how I know what twelve year old girls sound like. I went out for a beer with Eric Tillman and then some stuff happened. I don’t want to talk about it.)

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

What were you expecting people to say about McGwire? This is old news. Everyone knew he was using. Did you see his 60 Minutes interview? Anyone who couldn’t tell from it that he was lying clearly has a problem grasping the obvious. He is like Vick and Woods the only thing any of them are sorry about is getting caught. Not one of them would have quit what they were doing because a sudden attack of guilt. The only thing that was ever going to stop them was getting caught. As I have said to you before the definition of morals is doing the right thing even when there are no witnesses – not just when there are. Clearly none of them have any morals.

Do professional athletes use steroids? Yes of course they do. It is right? In my opinion no – not that my opinion matters given my complete failure in every sporting endeavour I have ever tried. According to this Blog’s author it is expected, therefore; we should accept that athletes are going to cheat on their spouses. Are steroids any different? Just another form of cheating.

When you use steroids do you still have to eat huge amounts to build muscle? I assume you do, but if not I may be having a change of heart on the subject and might be willing to let my trainer stick me in the ass.

And I don’t know where to begin on that completely phoney “reality” TV show that you love so much. I think “He who hits…” said it best in his comment on Jan 5th and so I refer you back to that. The only thing I would add is I won’t judge you even though he probably will.

AG

thy drunken rookie said...

tewks, i can't say that i agree with your assessment of burrows v. auger. while i didn't watch the game, i caught the replays of the incidents in question, and that was enough for me. the interference and diving calls against burrows in the third were nonsense - they would have gone unnoticed unless the guy with the whistle had a target in his sights and was just looking for a reason to blow said whistle.

and let's not sell out burrows as some kind of nancy-boy lollygagger (typing that word out makes me wonder about its origins - one who gags on lollypops?) out looking for a free ride. he scored both of vancouver's goals in that game and has been on a tear of late. yes, his post-game rant was a little weak, but at the time he was saddled with two heavy burdens - the rage of the wrongfully accused and french heritage.

wrongful accusation stirs a special kind of rage in a man. relating in my own special way, i think back to the time (circa. grade 3) when the two little fellas sitting on either side of me aboard the school bus got into a fight. caught in the middle, i tried with moderate success to break it up. this got me in just as much trouble as the other two rapscallions - a call home to a disappointed mother and the penance of writing an "i'm sorry" note to the bus driver. what kind of bullshit is that? i took the high ground with the best of intentions yet still got the shaft. the system failed me and it haunts me still.

for a more grown-up account, see dave chappelle's standup bit about being accused of sleeping with a woman when you actually didn't.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD1z789p1vc

in chappelle's words, "that shit is infuriatin'."

the rage of the wrongfully accused, when genuine, can turn a man against his friends and, in burrows' case, can cost him a $2,500 fine.

He Who Hits, and Hits Bombs said...

Drunken Rookie,

I find your mindset to represent exactly what I would define the term 'lolly-gagging'.

Nothing is anyone's fault anymore. The mindset is everywhere from our school systems, to unemployment, to our health care sector.

The Burrows incident just brings it to a whole new arena in North American processional sports.

Athletes who work hard and are consummate professionals are respected by the referee's. Lolly-gaggers like Burrows undermine the integrity of the game, and should dam well be punished for it.

Did Burros get smacked for a couple made up penalties? Sure. Did it cost his team the game? Yup.

Good.

A few weeks ago, during a game between the same two teams, Burrows embellished a hit and feigned injury in an attempt to secure his team an advantage. He is known for this kind of action, and again it worked, as the referee, Auger (worked both games), gave an innocent player a penalty and a game misconduct he did not deserve. The NHL, upon further review removed any disciplinary action on the offending player as replays showed the level of embellishment and acting Burrows performed to entice the penalty.

Burrows made Auger look like a donkey. On purpose. Was it personal? No, of course not, but it was a shot at all referee's, and so Auger did what was right, he gave Burrows a smack that said loud and clear, 'Kid, smartin up. This game is for professionals, act like a child and your whole team will suffer'.

Burrows needs to take his medicine, apologize to referee Auger and his team for being an ass-clown, and man up, be a professional, and play hockey the way it should be played.

People seriously need to stop whining, and fuckin step up and take some responsibility for their actions instead of just trying to scoop up any measly piece of credit when something happens to go right.

/rant.

thy drunken rookie said...

he who hit in 2006:

none of that changes the fact that i should not have been forced to write an "i'm sorry" letter to that fat-ass bus driver. perhaps it was just my comeuppance for the time i hawked a loogie into mike gibbons's new nike hat after recess.

you want accountability for burrows' diving? i want accountability for phantom penalty calls.

how is auger to be viewed in this situation? your post describes him as an agent of the law, authorized to smite down he who should violate or otherwise stink-eye the integrity of the game. to you, auger is the mustachio'd, motorcycle-riding noble sergeant. but is it possible that he's just a regular douche? one who sought personal retribution for having once been duped by a younger, more athletic hotshot hockey player?

recall the auger v. doan incident a few years back, where auger apparently cried wolf, claiming that doan had hurled a hurtful, anti-quebecois slur in auger's direction. this same shane doan who has captained many canadian squads and who undoubtedly fits your bill of "professional". auger's accusations blew up in his face when doan was exonerated and was deemed to have handled the issue as "a picture of grace". this black mark on auger's past definitely caught my attention and inspired me to flag him as a dustbag.

who crossed the line, burrows or auger? i'm going to go ahead and say both. but burrows is a hockey player, to which normal behavioural conventions apparently do not apply (see: kane, ballard, literally dozens of others). shenanigans, sadly, are becoming a more and more prevalent side of professional sports. i realize that staying even-keeled in the middle of such a quick-moving and volatile maelstrom is nearly impossible. but the one who wears the stripes must be the bigger man - above the personal vendetta - and must be held accountable when he steps outside his bounds.