I Clipped My Wings of Love

There are actually three separate topics that I plan on covering today, but I doubt all three will be of interest to all of you. Therefore, I will list them in order first, and you can scroll down to the item that piques your curiosity the most.

1. Tiger Woods’ Vanity Fair cover story

2. Eric Tillman Sexual Assault

3. Monday Night TV

Tiger Woods in Vanity Fair

This is a prime example of cheap, sensationalistic journalism. Vanity Fair took photos from a shoot done months ago and packaged them with a hastily written fluff piece that draws zero interesting conclusions. Not only that, the cover photo has Tiger shirtless with a menacing glare on his face. Yeah, we get it. Tiger Woods is an awful person, no one knows the true Tiger. Blah, blah, blah.

What I don’t understand is that the thesis of the article states that Tiger Woods is a sex addict. Why is it that in today’s society we always excuse poor behaviour for an underlying condition or disorder?

If a kid misbehaves in class or doesn’t listen to teachers, he is automatically thought to have a learning disability or ADD. Maybe the kid is just an asshole because his parents did a shitty job at raising him.

Oh, little Johnny can’t read well? He must be given special treatment so he doesn’t feel like an outcast. It’s not his fault. Um, yes it is. Perhaps, little Johnny is just a moron whose eventual vocation will involve pumping gas for a living.

Tiger Woods likes to cheat on his smoking hot wife and bang skanks. So, that makes him a sex addict now? Or maybe he just thought that, as one of the world’s richest and recognizable athletes, normal rules of human decency don’t apply to him and he can do whatever he wants.

A sex addict? Let’s stop giving people excuses to make stupid decisions.

“Your Honour, I stole that money from the casino because I’m financially handicapped. If you charge me with robbery, I will sue the state for discrimination.”

(How long until the above is used, victoriously, as an excuse in court?)

Eric Tillman Pleads Guilty to Sexual Assault

When I first heard the news that Tillman, general manager of the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, had plead guilty to sexual assault, I didn’t think much of it. Here was a creepy looking dude in his forties, guilty of impropriety with a 16 year old babysitter.

However, when I learned the exact details of his indiscretion, I was at a loss for words. Apparently, Tillman went up behind the girl, put his fingers through the belt loops on her hips and pulled her towards him. And then . . .

That’s it.

What? How is that sexual assault? Yes, what he did was creepy and wrong, but there is no way that should be considered sexual assault, which is a serious crime.

If grabbing a girl’s hips is sexual assault, then I have to go consult with an attorney after I’m done here. I might be in a little bit of trouble. Has anyone in the Saskatchewan judicial system ever been to a bar on a Saturday night?

I’ve been sexually assaulted worse than that by a bouncer frisking me at the front door. On the dance floor, grabbing an unsuspecting girl’s hips is considered an appropriate icebreaker, not sexual assault.

Eric Tillman: guilty of being a creep, yes; guilty of sexual assault, not a chance.

TV Last Night

I was faced with a very difficult decision last night. My status as a man’s man hung by a thread, as I was forced to choose between watching the Fiesta Bowl and the premiere of the newest season of The Bachelor.

Not surprisingly, I chose to watch The Bachelor (but I swear I watched the game during commercials). This year’s edition features Jake as the Big Kahuna. He is one of the cast-offs from the previous season of The Bachelorette.

I don’t think I’m in the demographic ABC is looking to attract to this show. I say this because we were subject to at least 300 shots of Jake shirtless before the first commercial break. Sure, Jake has a good body. But, I have one question: does he really need to cook breakfast half naked?

Also, I could have done without the shower scene and extreme close up of his abs.

I found it hilarious when Jake said that he had a lot of first dates, but not a lot of second dates (sounds like someone I know). How surprising. Do you think maybe women get turned off when they realize you have no discernible personality, are a complete pussy and throw a football like a girl?

Enough about Jake, let’s get to the ladies looking to be Kelly McGillis to his Maverick:

- Ali is the chick who lost her voice. She is the epitome of sweet and beautiful. I would love to give her the Eric Tillman

- I really liked Elizabeth, the captain in the National Guard. She wasn’t as ‘hot’ as some of the other girls but she seemed cool and funny. The double-sided coin trick was genius.

- Rozlyn is the smoking, hot babe who everyone will end up hating. One chick already said Rozlyn was there “for the wrong reasons.” And what are the right reasons for finding a spouse on national television?

- Vienna is one of the ditzy blondes. I’m only giving her a mention here because she’s cross-eyed.

- Ella and Michelle are the stalkers. They both basically told Jake they were in love with him already. He gave them both roses. What an idiot.

- Channy was only there to meet ABC’s minority quota. And maybe to get a green card.

- Tenley got the first impression rose. I didn’t know that was a name, either. She has also only had sex with one guy and cried after she kissed Jake because she felt like a whore. I’m looking forward to more Tenley in my life.

- My favourite is Elizabeth 2. She’s the one who brought a football and wanted to test Jake’s arm with a game of catch. She wins in my book. I would have sent the other 24 ladies home immediately if she pulled that with me. Plus, she’s got HUGE boobs.

I’m very excited for the rest of the season. The teaser at the end of last night’s episode was fantastic.

I just might have to recap The Bachelor every Tuesday morning.