AG, you are a self-professed non-athlete and have never participated in organized sports. I don’t care what happens in the workplace; I was talking about insults and epithets in sports. I don’t know anything about technology or high finance, therefore I don’t comment on those topics. Leave the sports discussion to people who know what they are talking about.
K-Star, next time put down the John Lennon ‘Give Peace a Chance’ liner notes and develop an original opinion. Political correctness will lead to a world without war? Seriously? Your comment was so saccharine that I needed a shot of insulin after I read it.
Now onto more important matters: last night was the season finale of the Jersey Shore. I wasn’t going to let such a monumental moment in history go by without a live recap. Here are my real time thoughts of last night’s episode:
10:00 – I had a thorough session of GTL (gym, tan, laundry for those of you who aren’t cool) in preparation for tonight’s show. In the immortal words of Pauly D, you always need to be fresh.
10:01 – How was Ronnie acting in self-defence? He ran 200 metres down the street and one-punched some poor schmuck. Exactly what threat did that guy pose to you? Other than correctly informing you that your girlfriend dresses like a whore.
10:02 – “Should I call 911?” Yes, Snooki call 911 because your juicehead roommate punched some guy in the face. That is the definition of an emergency. Jesus, what a ruh-tard.
10:04 – Ronnie had to control ‘the situation’. How does he have enough money for bail? Did the camera guy have to stay there with him? I have so many questions. Is it too much to ask that Ronnie got sodomized during his three hour incarceration? It’s only fair that he be on the receiving end of a ‘smush’.
10:11 – “This is what happens at the Jersey Shore.” Really? Somehow I don’t think the Garden State will put that on a license plate: come to Seaside Heights and get your head caved in.
10:12 – The Situation has the worst batting average of any guy I have ever seen. This proves the theory that getting a girl’s number means nothing. Most of these chicks probably just gave him some digits to get rid of him. Has The Situation ever hooked up with or even met a girl who wanted to be around him the next day?
10:13 – Why do they need dates? They aren’t going to a Broadway show. They’re going to the beach for Christ’s sakes! This is literally a case of ‘you don’t bring sand to the beach.’ I would think The Situation would know better. I love how he went from ‘I’m getting dates for all of us’ to ‘Uh, we don’t want outsiders coming with us anyway’ when he realized that none of his ‘ladies’ would answer his calls. Nice save.
10:17 – Why does the viewer disclaimer at the end of each commercial warn of mature subject matter? Scenes of sexuality and coarse language I can see, but mature is the last word I would use to describe this show.
10:18 – “Steroid, growth hormone juiceheads–that’s the kind of guy I am into.” Who else but Jwoww would say something like that? Way to set the bar high, girl. “Where are the gorillas?” I feel like I’m watching Animal Planet right now.
10:19 – “Thin is in”. I agree with The Situation. No roids for Tewks, just Crossfit.
10:20 – “I make my way over to some cute girl and do what I do best—Pimpin’.” You and me both The Situation, you and me both.
10:21 – Apparently, The Situation’s definition of fun involves statutory rape. However, to his credit, the beach babe is probably the hottest chick I have seen on this show all season. Nice, little caboose on her. She is ripe for an Eric Tillman.
10:22 – Snooki, you might want to start chasing guys. Beggars can’t be choosers, my dear.
10:24 – Snooki is built like the Penguin from Batman Returns. Why is she dancing on the boardwalk by herself? I wish people would have started throwing change at her.
10:25 – “Come back to my house! I miss you!” “NO!” Fantastic. An MVP performance by Snooki’s ex-boyfriend. I love how his face was blurred out; probably because he was embarrassed to admit that he dated her in the first place. I don’t blame him. I couldn’t picture sleeping with Snooki. It would be trying to have sex with a mini fridge.
10:30 – I think The Situation, Pauly D and Vinny are going to make out here. What a touching moment.
10:31 - Oh, this romantic dinner is going to be painful. I hate these two. STOP SAYING LIKE. Fuck, Sammi is a moron.
10:33 – “I’m not having a girl over; I’m hanging out with the roomies”. Way to fall on your sword for housemates. I love how The Situation made it sound like he made the choice not to have some chicks over. Sure thing, pal. I’m pretty confident that if a girl called right now and wanted to bang, he’d desert these people in a heartbeat.
10:38 – Vinny, those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. We saw the old broad you were hooking up with. I’d rather have the bulldog.
10:40 – I don’t know who is more desperate between The Situation and Snooki. It might be a tie.
10:41 – God, I really don’t want to see her naked.
10:41 – Gross.
10:42 – Wow, The Situation showed a brief moment of human decency. However, I bet he just realized how bad Snooki’s body actually is. I hoped she waited in the hot tub for him till the sun came up.
10:45 – Jesus, these people have known each other for six weeks at the Jersey Shore. They didn’t serve overseas together. The melancholic atmosphere makes me want to puke. Someone punch someone or get a group orgy going.
10:47 – The fist pump montage made me smile. It's a fight against the beat.
10:48 – “This is something I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.” And what is that, Ronnie? Jail? Chlamydia?
10:53 – “I ran the house from start to finish”; “It was my world”; “I took what I wanted (except, you know, sex with girls).” In what parallel universe is The Situation living in to make these comments with a straight face?
10:54 – Holy shit, Ronnie is short. I don’t think he’d be allowed to ride the Teacups at Disneyland
10:55 – Yeah, Sammi did make out with both The Situation and Ronnie on one night. How are we glossing over the fact that Sammi’s a tramp?
10:55 – Could a Jersey Shore wedding between Ronnie and Sammi be in the offing? Wedding fist pump.
10:59 - “Get crazy, get wild, lets party, get loud, if you wanna have then do something, if you wanna have fun then do something . . . CRAZY”. What a great song. It better get nominated for a Grammy.
Wow. What an experience. I don’t have enough energy to cover the reunion show. I sincerely hope this isn’t the last time North America hears from everyone’s favourite guidos and guidettes.
Football Playoff Picks:
Indianapolis Colts vs. New York Jets
The clock is about to strike midnight on Dirty Sanchez and the Jets Cinderella run.
The Pick: Indianapolis
Minnesota Vikings vs. New Orleans Saints
Hurricane Katrina vs. Brett “The Messiah” Favre. Something’s gotta give.
The Pick: New Orleans
Current Record: 4-4
Posts
4 comments:
How is disputing your assertion that racist comments are acceptable because the kid made them during a hockey game making a mountain out of a molehill? This incident has nothing to do with political correctness gone too far as you are trying to make it out to be. The kid didn’t pull out a turkey sandwich before the game and got kicked off the team because he offended some vegetarians. What he said is not acceptable in any situation and he got what he deserved.
Hey Tewks I have an idea why not prove how wrong I am on this topic by us heading over to the local arena when a game is on and you can start hurling racial based insults like this kid did. Guys your own age not a bunch of 7 year olds. What have you got to be concerned about after all they know it is just part of the game right? Of course if I’m right well … don’t worry I will make sure to let momma Tewks know what hospital you are in.
Really a minute by minute recap? You so need a girlfriend or boyfriend which ever it is. Tewks time to let go of mommies’ apron string, turn off the “reality” TV, crawl out of your parent’s basement in white suburbia and go out into the grown up world and live some reality.
AG
AG has some serious pantie issues. Those things are tied in one hell of a knot.
I don't know where Tewks made it clear that he would be against the "victim" of said verbal abuse defending himself as you implied 'real' men at the local hockey rink would if Tewks tried that against him.
If the victim had turned around and decked the offending player, good for him. Can't dish it if you can't take it.
I must agree tash talk is much more tasteful if it's clever. But that doesn't mean it has to be clever to be effective. And if it's effective, you've identified and are exploiting a weakness.
That's life strategy number 1.
and please don't try to tell me the feelings and emotions one experiences at school or work are similar to those conjured up while engaged in a fierce sporting competition.
yikes to that if that's where our societies collective thinking is headed.
uh oh, somehow I lost a paragraph.
insert as 4th paragraph above.
This whole notion of suspending and disbanding teams is getting very tiring. Players play voluntarily. They need to learn to deal with these things in life, not always have their hand held by coaches or referee's. They'll learn quickly to not personalize it, and if they don't, they can join the band. Those who learn will be stronger for it for the rest of their life.
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