Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Amanda is My Biggest Loser


Please allow me a few sentences to gloat. Back in October, I extolled the physical virtues of Amanda, one of the contestants on this year’s edition of The Biggest Loser. I predicted she would be a stone cold fox by the finale and, judging from the picture above, I was wholeheartedly correct in that assertion. Girl’s a knockout.

My stream-of-consciousness thoughts on the finale:

Host Ali Sweeny was dipping into some of the The Biggest Loser kool-aid methinks. Not that she wasn’t attractive before, but she looked like she dropped 10-15lbs so she wouldn’t be outdone by the now skinny contestants.

She and Amanda looked like sisters (full disclosure: I may or may not have had a dream where I had a workout-related threesome with both of them. I need help).

Rebecca went from a sweet, wholesome cutie to a domineering vixen with just a little too much skank for my liking. I did not like the blond hair. She also looked somewhat gaunt up top—kind of like a coke addicted fashion model.

Was it just me or did she seem to have a cocky, holier-than-thou attitude all night long with her preening and prancing? Also, I feel for bad for her boyfriend, Daniel. The guy is too young and innocent to be able to keep up with her now. And judging from his facial expressions, I think he knows his time with her is limited.

Fifty bucks says Rebecca went “Tiger Woods” on Daniel at the after party.

Tracey had the biggest transformation of all the women. She went from a roly-poly mound of goo to a tank with biceps Madonna would kill for. She also seemed to have less excess skin than everyone else. I guarantee that’s because she hit the weights hard, while everyone else stuck to cardio and lost primarily muscle and water weight.

However, Tracey may have gone too far because her boobs are history and she looks like she just came off a cycle of HGH.

I’m not sure I like Antoine’s decision to propose to Alexandra. Not to be insensitive, but let’s just say he looks a little more committed to keeping the weight off than she does. Her facial reaction when the scale revealed that she weighs more than he does was priceless.

Also, I understand professing your undying love to someone is an emotional experience, but that proposal was an embarrassing display. Getting choked up and teary-eyed is one thing, but Antoine could barely construct coherent sentences due to his blubbering. Man up.

Both Rudy and Danny set show records by losing over 200lbs and more than 50% of their previous bodyweights. They both looked fantastic—I wouldn’t recognize Danny if I wasn’t told it was him.

However, he looked unhappy and overwhelmed by the entire experience. My bet is that he’s just hungry and dehydrated. And that’s the problem with having a cash prize for the winner. These people get to a point where they are at a healthy bodyweight, but continue trying to lose pounds to win the 250 grand.

There have been rumours of diuretics and other unhealthy methods being used by contestants to lose the last few pounds. Most of them appeared to have lost serious muscle mass in order to get as skinny as possible, which is just moronic.

The prize should go to the person with the largest percentage of FAT lost, not total weight. Or just have the prize awarded once the contestants leave the ranch and then just have the reunion show three months later as an update. I’m sure the fear of appearing fat on national TV will be more than enough incentive for these people to keep losing weight.

Plus, they’ll be more concerned with looking as healthy and strong as possible. They won’t be worrying about getting rid of any excess water in their bodies so they resemble one of the Body Worlds exhibits.

1 comment:

he who hits, and hits bombs said...

this spew about the biggest loser, which the title is really describing those who watch, made me think of what a good workout body should really look like...

http://www.tmuscle.com/pi.do?id=3506934

those contestants will require years and multiple skin reduction surgeries before they can achieve even half normal feeling bodies.

should we commend them for losing such vast amounts of fat, and transforming their lives?

1 - NO! They knew getting fat was wrong (yes, wrong) in the first place, they were lazy and complacent about it, and now you want my congratulations? I'll give you something to suck on that won't make you fat, and it won't be a sugar free lolly pop.

2 - NO! because none of these contestants will be able to keep the weight off. Once a fat cell is created, it's basically with you for life (or again, surgery). This means that your body is a very efficient fat storing machine, much more so than if you didn't have those fat cells in the first place. Take them out of the work-out-or-die atmosphere, eat a celebratory cake and a box or two of the crispy creams that they used to live off of, and it's right back on the express train to 'fuck i'm fat town'.

3 - NO! getting as fat as a small whale, (or hippo, if you prefer land based animals) doesn't happen over night. Being that fat takes conscious effort. Complete disregard for proper meal sizes, an insult to any function that is active, and a glutenous desire to feed off of whatever their fat little fingers can grasp. If they wanted change before, then laws of supply and demand would dictate that change would be made.

A quick example. If i put on a couple pounds, I'm repulsed. The supply of negative feelings more than offsets the demand (cost) of sacrificing an hour or two a couple times a week of hard work. Within a month or two, we're back to 'shirts off parties' to make the lesser feel well, lesser.

In the case of these two legged rhinoceros', they clearly are not upset by the way they used to look, or carried their lives, because the negative feelings do not supply the demand for change. Therefore, no negative feelings means they're happy being fat. And since they are no longer 'massive', they did it for a shot at $250000.

Now, don't get me wrong, there isn't much in the world i wouldn't do for a quarter mil, but should i deserve to be on national TV? Do you think i should be praised and looked upon as a role model?

ahaha.

4 - NO! Fat people are contagious. They should be shunned and segregated.

"Obesity can spread from person to person, much like a virus...", "When a person gains weight, close friends tend to gain weight, too" - NY Times, July 25, 2007 http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/25/health/25cnd-fat.html

Their reward for returning to a healthy weight should be returning to society, being allowed to attend the same schools, living a normal healthy life.

WE, the people who sacrifice watching our favorite tv shows, sacrifice eating out (and not of dine-at-the-Y variety, because that is still very healthy, and a great warm up for large amounts of caloric burning exercise) to spend servicing our bodies, should be receiving the quarter mil as incentive to keep on truckin down the healthy lifestyle road.

I hope this has offended some people. Maybe it'll give just one person a wake-up call as to what the real truth is, and that they really have the anger, and the negative feelings to begin change.

The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be, and the easier relapse will be. If you're overweight now and and don't make changes real soon, accept the fact you have no chance. You will grow larger every year, especially as your metabolism slows down and your anemic sex life becomes even more anemic.

And please do your part to not infect the innocent.