What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?

The NBA season started last night and while I’d love to say that I tuned in to watch LeBron and the Cavaliers take on the Celtics’ Big Three, the truth is I watched The Biggest Loser instead (as I have every Tuesday night for the past two months).

I do like basketball and follow the league through TSN highlight packages, but I don’t start paying earnest attention until the playoffs roll around. Why? The team I am forced to watch on a nightly basis is the Toronto Raptors led by one of the worst “franchise” players in the league: Chris Bosh.

I’ve expressed my feelings on Chris Bosh before, so I won’t go swimming in that pool again. However, I do need to illustrate how ridiculous the sports media is in heaping praise upon Bosh for putting on 15lbs of muscle in the offseason. First of all, the guy didn’t do it for the team; he did it for himself. Bosh is in a contract year; you’re telling me it’s a magical coincidence that this is the summer he finally decided to get into shape?

Second, he’s a PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE!!! All he has to do in the offseason is workout and try not get arrested. That’s it. That’s all we expect from these guys. I’m supposed to be impressed that Bosh learned to do a pushup in between Twitter posts? Go to the gym when you’re not being paid millions of dollars and then come talk to me.

Back to The Biggest Loser . . .

Some of you may be wondering why the girl in the picture is a tad more rotund than the usual fare here at Talkin’ With Tewks. Amanda is currently a contestant on this year’s show. Cute face, right? Every week, as the pounds melt off, she gets more and more attractive. By the finale, I guarantee she will be a complete fox. Think of this like buying futures stock in oil. You’re buying at a low price now (jumping on the bandwagon when she’s still chubby), but when the price goes up in a few months (she’s now a babe), you will still be locked in at the original price (you’ve been digging her all along).

Actually I’m not sure if I completely understand how futures work; I still keep my money under my mattress.

Here is what’s bugging me about this season’s instalment of The Biggest Loser:

- Jillian’s personality. I don’t understand why she feels the need to completely break every competitor’s spirit while they are trying to workout. I’m all for pushing people past their comfort zones, but she isn’t satisfied until tears are shed and the contestants are quivering, emotional messes.

- Jillian’s appearance. She’s got a rocking body, but her face terrifies me. She’s like Fergie’s more masculine, older sister; and that’s saying something, because Fergie looks like a post-op transvestite (I wouldn’t be surprised if they both turned out to have a penis).

- “The Game”. This isn’t Survivor dickheads. Your only concern should be about losing weight; not weaselling yourself into alliances. It’s worrying about such extraneous crap that led you to weigh 9,000lbs in the first place.

- The “Stories.” Blah, blah, blah, I had no friends in high school so I decided to eat myself into an early grave. I’m fat because of medical problems. Shut up; you are fat because you didn’t exercise and couldn’t stop shoving food down your throat.

Now, hearing Abby’s story about losing her entire family in a car crash was absolutely heart-wrenching to watch. But have you noticed how it is rarely mentioned? She never uses it as an excuse; Abby is awesome.

On the other hand, how many times do we have to hear that Shay is all alone and she “has no one?” I’m sure growing up with a heroin addict mother was terrible, but we don’t need to hear about it every ten minutes.

Plus, two weeks ago we found out she has a family at home? What the fuck? Her “woe is me” act is starting to wear pretty thin; she needs to take some accountability for her actions or she will be HUGE when she returns for the finale.