Live from a brothel in Phnom Penh, this is the maiden voyage of the journalistic vessel known as Talkin' with Tewks. This is the first in a series of guest columns that will give both readers of this blog a chance to experience the work of a talented writer.
First, a little background on me: I am Tewks, an immature man-child who enjoys "all you can eat" ribs and paying for sex. Gretzpo has been on hiatus for the past month; the perils of internet superstardom led to an extended stay at the Promises Rehab facility. Now he just spends his days trying to convince Lindsay Lohan that his small penis is a cocaine-flavoured lollipop.We hope to have him back soon. Now, without further a-choo . . .
Derek Jeter versus Alex Rodriguez
For the past decade, there has been an ongoing debate among baseball purists over who is the better all-around player: Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez.
Some fans maintain that Alex Rodriguez has a better skill set and more talent than Jeter, but Jeter possesses certain intangible qualities that cannot be quantified with statistics. He is looked upon as a true leader, who raises his game in the clutch and baptizes heathen babies in his spare time.
Rodriguez is thought to be a fragile prima donna who cannot perform with the game on the line and enjoys the company of muscle-bound, androgynous strippers (although that last part is disturbingly true).
Both players exploded onto the baseball landscape in 1996. Beginning his career with the Seattle Mariners, Rodriguez captured the American League Rookie of the Year award as a 19 year old hitting .358 with 36 home runs. Likewise, in the 1996 playoffs, the first tale in the legend of Derek Jeter was created in the ALCS against the Baltimore Orioles. Jeter hit a deep fly to left field. A young fan reached into the field of play and snatched the ball out of the air. The umpiring crew, probably distracted by Jeter’s piercing gaze and chiseled features, incorrectly determined that the sure out was in fact a home run.
This fraud home run was the beginning of Jeter’s reputation as one of the greatest playoff performers the sport has ever known.
There is no question that Jeter and A-Rod were the cream of the shortstop crop throughout the late 1990s until 2004, when A-Rod was traded to the Yankees and accepted a move to third base. There is not a baseball scout alive that would rank Jeter as being a superior shortstop to Rodriguez.
A-Rod has better range, a better glove and a vastly stronger arm than Jeter. It is the media who perpetrates the myth that Jeter is a phenomenal shortstop; he’s good, not great. Every October, Tim McCarver and Joe Buck fawn over Jeter like a couple of freshmen coeds at a frat party looking to lose their virginity to the star quarterback after too many Zinfandels.
Why did A-Rod move to third and Jeter stay at short? Rodriguez offered to switch because he did not want to create controversy. If Rodriguez gave the Yankees a stronger defense and Jeter is "all about the team", wouldn’t he have offered to move to second and give A-Rod short?
This did not happen because Jeter wanted to remain "The Man" and continue his monopoly on trolling every club in Manhattan preying on coked out, bottom-feeding C-list actresses and models.
During the 2006 season, Rodriguez was scuffling at the plate and the New York media and Yankees fans were mercilessly booing the star third baseman.
Jeter, as Captain America, should have stood up for his teammate and encourage the media to back off. Instead he acted all pissy because Mariah Carey would rather eat vats of Haagen-Dazs ice cream than engage in 37 seconds of uncomfortable sex with a "True Yankee."
In terms of regular season statistics, A-Rod is one of the greatest players of all time. Jeter profits from playing under the New York spotlight: if he was producing similar numbers for the Kansas City Royals, he wouldn’t have legions of white, middle-aged sportswriters trying to hide their man-crush induced erections every time he steps to the plate.
While Rodriguez does not come close to replicating his regular season stats in the playoffs, the supposed discrepancy between the two players just isn’t there. Look at the 2007 Divisional Series: A-Rod finished with a higher batting average, slugging percentage, more home runs and more total bases than the media-anointed Mr. Clutch.
Well, my refractory period just ended so I have some business to attend to.
Until next time sports fans.
Tewks writes a column for this blog whenever he feels like it.
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