The End

Please feel free to check out all of my past columns and podcasts on sports and pop culture.

To see what I'm doing now, check out my new website at http://www.mikegarsenault.blogspot.com/ for information on book news, freelance articles, videos, and podcasts.

Wilcard Madness

Gretzpo joins me once again to talk about the exciting wildcard races in both the American and National Leagues. Besides discussing the Red Sox, Rays, Angels, Braves, and Cardinals and their respective chances, we also touch on the following:

- John Lackey and his relationships with his teammates
- Boston's pitching staff
- Ray's pitching staff
- Gretzpo is leaving?
- Braves' mananger Fredi Gonzalez's use of his relievers 
- Sir Albert and St. Louis

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Wildcard Madness

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Gladiator

Gretzpo himself describes Gladiator as his favourite movie of all time, so we dig into the 2000 Best Picture winner. We touch on many subjects about the film including my assertion that 2000 Russell Crowe would have no chance of being cast in this movie if it was being made in 2011.

And there's no way the movie would have been as good.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Gladiator

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Brady vs Manning

With Peyton Manning's season-threatening and possibly career-ending neck injuries, I wanted to revisit the discussion of the best quarterback of this generation. It's really a race between Manning and Tom Brady. Gretzpo joins me to discuss the following:

- the leagcies of both quarterbacks
- Manning as everyman
- Brady possibly being underrated
- Eli Whitney and the invention of the cotton gin
- injuries today versus 25 years ago

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Brady vs Manning

Talkin' with Tewks Live - US Open 2011

CSzem and I discuss the US Open in advance of Monday's final (we recorded this on Sunday night), but I think we prove that it ultimately doesn't matter and our talking points would be the same if Djokovic or Nadal won the title. We discuss:

- The end of King Roger's reign?
- Mirka Federer
- Novak and Nadal
- Andy Roddick
- Brooklyn Decker
- Serena Williams

Talkin' with Tewks Live - US Open 2011

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Rudy Part 2

Here is Part 2 of the Rudy podcast. Scroll down to Tuesday and listen to Part 1.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Rudy Part 2

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Rudy Part 1

CSzem couldn'ty make the recording this week so, rather than let Gretzpo flail in the week trying to discuss non-baseball sports, we stuck to a two-part movie podcast instead.

With the start of the NFL regular season upon us, we decided to tackle Rudy. The podcast is divided into two sections -- the first half will be posted today and the second half on Thursday.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Rudy Part 1

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Dirty Dancing

The featured movie this week is Dirty Dancing. The decision was catalyzed by the news that a Dirty Dancing remake is in the works. Let's just say CSzem and I vehemently disagree with the news.

There are some good remarks regarding the setting of the movie and some glaring anachronisms. Then it basically turns into a Patrick Swayze lovefest (may he rest in peace).

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Dirty Dancing

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - MLB Awards Predictions

With one month left in the MLB season, CSzem and I take a look at how the baseball awards race is shaping up. We discuss the AL Cy Young and MVP, touch on the AL Rookie race, and look at the Cy Young and MVP candidacies in the National League.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - MLB Awards Predictions

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Field of Dreams

The movie portion of this week's podcast is all about Field of Dreams. There's lots to discuss about one of the only movies where it's socially acceptable for men to cry while watching.

One caveat: if anyone is related to Amy Madigan (Annie Kinsella) or the guy who plays Kevin Costner's father should probably just not even listen to the podcast. It gets ugly.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Field of Dreams

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - College Sports Ethics

There will be a new format with the podcasts. As we discussed last week, each week the recording will be split into two parts: sports talk and then a dissection of an iconic movie. Instead of posting both recordings to the blog on Tuesdays, we're going to split it up.

Tuesday will be the sports podcast day and Thursday will be the movie day.

In today's recording, CSzem and I discuss the Terelle Pryor suspension, the improprieties at the University of Miami and the benefits of being a Division I college football as a whole. It wouldn't be a podcast about college sports ethics without talking about sex parties. Both CSzem and I are currently working on somehow returning to our first in university with football talent.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - College Sports Ethics

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Brett Lawrie and Titanic

I can't remember the last time we've had two podcasts discuss a Toronto Blue Jay back to back -- in fact, I don't think it's ever happened. History is made this week as Brett Lawrie dominates our sports talk as CSzem rejoins me at the microphone.

We discuss Lawrie's first ten days in the big leagues and try to figure out his ultimate destiny as a baseball player. CSzem is completely on board, but I'm not yet convinced about his character (although he's growing on me).

After Lawrie, we move to what may become a recurring feature on the podcast--revisionist history with iconic movies. This week we tackle Titanic and we, as two guys, try to figure out exactly what Kate Winslet's character is up to. Note: it's not pretty.

This is one of our longest podcasts ever: so much so that I had to cut out the intro and trim 5 minutes off the running time.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Brett Lawrie and Titanic

Enjoy.

Guest Column: The Return of Cszem's Pen

While I was unable to join Tewks for the podcast this week, I’d be remiss if I didn’t weigh in on the weekend that was in the world of golf. While Gretzpo filled in with a (surprisingly?) admirable effort, his credibility was pretty much shot when he tried to suggest that Steve Williams’ comments were a slight on all of his previous players – not just Tiger, but also Greg Norman and Gavin Floyd (or was it Floyd Landis?).

Regardless, I couldn’t resist the urge to weigh in. The premise of my column has actually evolved as the week has progressed. My initial reaction was to write a post questioning Stevie’s sanity. As the boys discussed in the podcast, how could he honestly suggest that it was the greatest week of his professional career?

We’re talking about a guy who has been a part of major championships with multiple players. So I think we can all agree that the statement wasn’t true or accurate.

What we don’t know is why he said it. I see three possible answers to that question. The first one is pretty easy to disprove, the second is the one that everyone seems to be accepting as a universal truth, and the third is the one that is going to blow your mind.

Answer 1: It was just a slip.

Euphoria took over. It’s been a tumultuous few years for everyone in Tiger’s inner circle. Finally being free from the sworn silence and political correctness that is required of everyone on “Team Tiger”, Williams’s emotions took over. It was a big week for Stevie. For his new player to win (by 5 no less) the week of Tiger’s return is pretty monumental. And despite what Gretzpo would have you believe, the Bridgestone Invitational is a top 10 stop on the tour calendar. So he was rightfully overjoyed with the win.

Under those circumstances, anyone might say something a bit exaggerated. But here’s the thing, and here’s why we can disprove this one so easily: it wasn’t something he let slip one time, and then tried to backtrack on. He repeatedly drove home the point. Even his “apologies” since the weekend haven’t really retracted the statement; he’s just said that they weren’t meant to offend.

Answer 2: He’s a vindictive prick.

Like I said, this is the one most people assume to be true. He’s like a woman scorned, and he wants everyone to know how great his new man is. Tewks even alludes to this in the podcast. You have to admit that this seems pretty likely. Maybe in time, with the benefit of some hindsight and perspective, he’ll realize everything Tiger did for him.

What did Tiger do for Stevie exactly?

1) Only made him one of the highest 20 paid “athletes” in the history of the PGA Tour. His career earnings dwarf those of many prominent golfers throughout history (and I’m not just talking about Nicklaus and Palmer, because the purses were so small back then). This is a caddie we’re talking about.

2) Tiger made him – without question – the most famous caddie in the history of golf (I’m pretty sure he’s the only one who’ll ever get title billing on this site…..or TMZ or something that people actually read).

3) Made him one of the biggest celebrities and one of the most famous sports-figures EVER in his homeland of New Zealand.

In time, Williams might see all of these things and realize that his good fortune in carrying Tiger’s bag for the last 12 years was a gift that likely no one will receive ever again -- the greatest meal ticket in history. I’m not saying Stevie’s not a great caddie -- he absolutely is terrific at his job -- but if you think Tiger wasn’t winning at Pebble in 2000 with Tewks or Gretzpo carrying his bag (and probably farting in his backswing) you’re nuts. Williams got to go along for the ride with a transcendent athlete, and I hope that in time he recognizes that.

Answer 3: Stevie is the greatest caddie in the history of mankind.

Now go with me for a second.

Over the years, Stevie has been called many things (‘bully’ and ‘jerk’ come to mind), but one thing I’ve never heard him called is disloyal. Stevie was fiercely loyal and protective of Tiger. Even over the last couple of years, when it seemingly would have strained his own marriage to continue being protective of Tiger, Stevie stood by his man.

So why would that change now? When the news first broke of the Woods/Williams “break up”, my initial assumption was actually that Stevie ASKED for the change. It’s clear at this point (to me at least; Tewks disagrees) that Tiger’s best days are behind him. Even if he conjures up some magic to win a few more majors (can they play at Augusta more often? Like how about a PGA Championship there just for fun?), it’s still never going to be like it was. So why would he be this devastated if Tiger asked him to move in a different direction? Wouldn’t the logical reaction be:

“I love Tiger, he’s like a brother to me. We had the best years of our respective careers together and I wouldn’t trade any of it. At this point, a change is probably the best thing for both of us. I’m excited about the possibilities of working with Adam Scott full time, and I hope this change helps Tiger get back to where we all want him to be.”

What would have been the downside to that? Stevie would have looked classy, and still could have gone on his merry way. What does he accomplish by throwing these barbs around?

What he accomplishes is a slight bump for Tiger’s approval rating. Even if the comments haven’t made Tiger a “sympathetic” figure -- he’s still got a long way to go for that -- the public support seems to suggest that Stevie’s in the wrong here. We’re no longer talking about Tiger’s swing troubles (dead last in fairways at Firestone), Tiger’s lady troubles, or Tiger’s injury troubles. We’re talking about Stevie.

It’s a small step in the turnaround process for Tiger, but it feels like a step nonetheless. What if Stevie knew exactly what he was doing all along? What if throwing himself on the sword was the last act in the greatest partnership the game has ever known? What if Steve Williams is actually a public relations mastermind that has completely tricked the public and the media into unwittingly defending a guy they have been taking potshots at for almost two full years?

Nah, he’s probably just a prick.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Happy Gilmore

Gretzpo filled in admirably for CSzem on this week's podcast. Obviously, the big point to discuss would be Adam Scott's victory at Bridgestone with an assist from Steve Williams. But CSzem felt that was his bailiwick and promised to write a column on the topic for Thursday.

Thus, Gretzpo and I only touch on the saga briefly before spending 15 minutes dissecting Happy Gilmore. Any quesitons you ever had about the movie are answered here.

And of course it wouldn't be a podcast without giving Gretzpo some time to discuss his beloved Blue Jays. We talk about the hot start of the Brett Lawrie and the relative hotness of his sister.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Happy Gilmore

Enjoy.

One Week Hiatus

There will be no podcast this week due to my baseball/travel commitments over the long weekend. I was in Ottawa Saturday afternoon until very early this morning for the first round of the IBL playoffs.

Check out Pro Ball or Bust tomorrow for my column on the weekend.

We'll back to our regularly scheduled podcasting next Tuesday.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Tiger/Stevie Split and Brian Wilson

Even though he's no longer playing golf regularly -- or very well for that matter -- Tiger Woods still somehow dominates the conversations in the podcasts. It's a testament to his past greatness.

The news -- and subsequent fallout -- from Woods relieving Steve Williams of his caddie duties was a shocking turn of events and one that probe in-depthly. Namely, how in the hell could Williams write a tell-all book without his wife killing him?

Afterwards, we discuss Brian Wilson of the San Francisco Giants and his unusual media persona and whether or not we think its genuine or if we'd be happy sharing a clubhouse with him for six months.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Tiger/Stevie Split and Brian Wilson

Talkin' with Tewks Live - NFL Lockout and British Open

CSzem and I have a heady discussion -- for us anyway -- about the big issues that caused the NFL lockout and its apparent resolution. It's a serious chat but we somehow still talk about Tom Brady's hair and how much I'd let Gisele Bundchen boss me around.

We move onto the British Open and the majority of the conversation revolves around Rory McIlroy and his tepid performance. We talk about his eventual legacy, comparisons to Tiger and his post-major comments on Sunday. Oh and Darren Clarke winning.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - NFL Lockout and British Open

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - MLB Midseason Discussion

CSzem is back after his one week absence and he certainly brought his "A" game. We discuss:

- Jose Bautista in the Home Run Derby
- Does the derby really mess up your swing?
- The art of the segue
- Derek Jeter and 3000 hits
- Major leaguers we'd allow our fictional daughters to date
- All stars skipping the midsummer classic

Talkin' with Tewks Live - MLB Midseason Discussion

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Wimbledon and Halladay Recap

CSzem took a one week hiatus, so I brought Gretzpo off the bench to discuss Novak Djokovic's dominating victory at the All England Lawn and Tennis Club.

We also discuss:

- Djokovic's legacy
- Nadal and Federer
- Maria Sharapova
- Halladay's return
- Ricky Romero's comments to Jays fans
- and much more

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Wimbledon and Halladay's Return

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Halladay Returns

I didn't even know Roy Halladay was making his return to Toronto this weekend until CSzem informed me last night. We hastily threw together a topic for the podcast and surprisingly it was one of our better efforts. That just shows how deep our admiration is for Doc. We discussed:

- Doc's emotional state in his return?
- Will he cry?
- How will Jays fans react?
- How will he pitch?
- How many fans will be in attendance?
- What is Halladay's eventual career arc?
- Will will ever seen him in a Jays uniform?
- A phonetics lesson
- And more

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Halladay Returns

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Lost Podcast

CSzem and I recorded a great podcast about Rory McIlroy and his epic win at the US Open over the weekend. It was salient, enagaging, interesting and entertaining. Of course, the recording somehow disappeared from my computer.

It's unfortunate that you will be deprieved of the opportunity to hear the podcast, but in the grand scheme of things, I've recorded over 60 podcasts and this is the first time I've been unable to post a recording.

That's a pretty good batting average.

Back next week where I will double and triple check the technology to make sure my syrupy smooth voice reaches your ears.

Instead, here is the recording of mine and Gretzpo's trip to Philly last year when we saw Roy Halladay versus the Blue Jays and we embraced our inner guido in Atlantic City.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Philly Trip

Enjoy.

 

Talkin' with Tewks Live - NBA Finals

CSzem and I discuss all things NBA Finals. Specifically, the following:

- Dirk Nowitzski's legacy
- The Miami Heat
- The Big Three
- CSzem is wrong twice

Talkin' with Tewks Live - NBA Finals

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - The Bachelorette

Rather than build on our eloquent, well-informed podcast on the trials and tribulations of Lance Armstrong last week by discussing another pertinent sports issue, CSzem and I decided to go back to trash television and talk The Bachelorette.

It was a great episode filled with ridiculous moments.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - The Bachelorette

Enjoy.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Lance Armstrong

After last week's podcast travesty, CSzem and I bounce back with resounding force this week with possibly our best recording yet.

Why?

The audio issues that have felled us in the past were eliminated due to the fact we recorded the podcast in CSzem's kitchen last night. Also, we brought actual knowledge to the subject as the sordid details of Lance Armstrong's alleged PED plight formed the breadth of the podcast.


It's definitely some of our best work. And I suppose it has to be since these podcasts will be carrying the blog into the future.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Lance Armstrong

Enjoy.

The Long Goodbye

(The #1 BOD of all time and my future ex-wife)

It’s a sad day in Tewks land. This is the final article to be written by me for this blog. Over the past week, I’ve toyed with the idea of maybe returning periodically with a column, but I don’t think that’s fair to me or the readers. As CSzem so eloquently stated in the podcast on Tuesday, my departure is akin to Barry Sander’s retirement from the NFL.

You wouldn’t want an out of shape Sanders playing four games a year, a shell of his former self. That would cloud your memories of his greatness. You want him to ride off into the sunset with his head held handsome, leaving the fans to discuss his legacy.

I just compared my writing to Barry Sanders, one of the greatest running backs of all time, all while maintaining a straight face. See, writing as Tewks is hard work. Not just anyone can pull off delusions of grandeur with such effortless precision. There’s no way I could catch similar lightning in a bottle only writing a column every six to eight weeks.

So, like Barry, I am going to take my pen and go home. It’s time and I am at peace with my decision. Also, let me tell you all right now, there’s no chance of me pulling a Brett Favre and waffling back and forth, stringing people along, making them think I might come back. I know when to say goodbye. I am nothing like Brett Favre; except that I do occasionally send pictures of my penis to random women.

Why am I stopping the blog? What catalyzed the decision? Can you still read some of my writing?

I think I’ve managed to squeeze everything I can out of this blog, writing-wise. I’ve proved to myself that I can produce funny, witty, well-written pieces on a variety of sports and non-sports related topics on a daily and weekly basis. Truthfully, I never thought I’d be able to keep the blog going for so long or maintain a consistent readership.

I’ve even be able to parlay my writing in this space into some professional writing relationships and opportunities that would have never been possible without the Tewks persona and my irreverent take on pop culture.

For those of you who read my “I Dream of Long Bus Rides” baseball blog, you will know that I am currently playing semi professional baseball in London, ON. Furthermore, I’ve been offered a weekly column with Metro News London writing about my experiences with the team. It’s a great opportunity for my writing career (Here is an intro and bio to the column).

So, you can still read my writing although the Tewks persona will no longer be in print. I will continue writing a weekly column every Wednesday for “I Dream of Long Bus Rides” and my column for the Metro News is posted every Friday (here is the first one).

Also, I still plan on recording a podcast every week and that will continue to be posted on Tuesday morning. Plus, the blog archive on your right is at your fingertips—it goes back to 2007—for those of you in need of a Tewks fix. If you’re a hot chick, you can email me directly.

The first iteration of this website was Gretzpo’s Sports Blog. If you read the initial columns, I think we can all agree that the site was terrible. I joined a few months in as a guest columnist and expected to be nothing more. But I enjoyed writing as Tewks and wanted to continue. I became a regular contributor as Gretzpo slowly phased himself out and put the readers out of their misery. In 2009, I reformatted the blog—renaming it Talkin’ with Tewks—and challenged myself to a new article each and every weekday.

That continued until the end of 2010 when I created the baseball blog and I moved to once a week column. CSzem came aboard a little more than a year ago with the start of the weekly podcast and, as I’ve stated previously, they will continue into the future.

Without further adieu, these are the final questions I will answer from my readers.

Q. The way I see it, the leafs took a chance on getting a proven goal scorer. Do you think Burke planned on coming in 2nd last? No. If the leafs had the 5th or 6th spot in the draft, we would have won the trade. Obviously that didn't happen and yes, Seguin would look good in a leafs uni, but hey, I still think Burke is doing an awesome job even though he lost that gamble.

What trade you should be talking about (because the Kessel trade is old news) is the Thomas Kaberle trade who isn't doing so hot. The leafs got a first round pick, Joe Colborne (a Boston first rounder, who is still in his first Pro year and had a very good AHL season), and a conditional second round pick. What is the condition you ask? Oh that Boston makes it to the cup final. So as a leaf fan, I am cheering for Boston and when Seguin came out a lite it up, I had a big smile on my face.

Ron

Ronald, where have you been all my life. I always love the chance to interact with delusional Leaf fans. Your first paragraph is littered with disparate viewpoints. You state that Brian Burke is doing an awesome job as general manager, but yet he put together a team that, in your words, finished second last in the league. The team has yet to make the playoffs under Burke’s leadership. How is that awesome? Yes, Kessel is a proven goal scorer, but do you really want to build a team around someone with such maddeningly inconsistent play? You admit Seguin would look good in a Leafs uniform, so that means the Leafs did lose the trade after all?

Then just a like a typical Toronto fan, you gloss over the Kessel trade, calling it old news (it won’t be old until Seguin is enshrined in the Hall of Fame) and want to focus on the Kaberle trade. You wax poetic about some guy I’ve never heard of and then get excited about a second round draft pick. You would actually rather have the Bruins win the cup, making Burke looking even more foolish, just for the opportunity to pick a kid who, statistically, probably won’t play more than ten games in the NHL?

I want to study your fandom for a science experiment. I really have no idea what goes through such a mind.

Q. Say it ain’t so Tewks. No more words of wisdom. What can Tiger do to get his game back if anything? Is this all in his head? Did the skill just leave because he hit a tree and took a 9 iron across the noggin from Elin?

Dwight

The skill is obviously still there. Bad players don’t finish tied for 4th at the Masters. And I think it’s foolish to think Tiger can still play at the same level he did during his apex in 2000. We will never see a stretch like that again.

There are three things I want to discuss about Tiger. First, he is currently dating a 22 year old woman who Tigers knows through the girl’s dad—a business colleague—and Tiger first met her when she was 9 years old. Kind of creepy. I don’t think he’s ready mentally to win another major yet. Second, when Tiger first burst onto the scene, his Dad predicted he would win 14 Majors in his career. It was a ridiculous prediction for someone who hadn’t won a PGA Tour title, but here we are, almost two decades later and Tiger’s stuck on 14. Third, Tiger is still somehow ahead of Jack Nicklaus’ pace. Jack didn’t win his 15th Major until he was 38; Tiger is 35. He still has time left. I'm more worried about his knees holding up.

Q. Given the evidence that has been brought forth – Grand Jury testimony by eye witnesses of doping, confirmed failed drug test by the Swiss lab that did the test, the intervention of the governing body and Lance himself to cover up that test, money donated by Lance to the governing body that is deemed very suspicious, etc., should Lance Armstrong go to jail just as Marion Jones did.

AG

This is a great topic and it deserves more dissection than a mailbag question. CSzem and I will tackle this in next week’s podcast.

Q. Where did the nickname Tewks come from?

Steve

I can’t believe I’ve never actually answered this until now. When I played baseball in college, we were given free workout gear by the school. For some reason, my stuff was three sizes too small for my body. When I tried the shirt and shorts on, it looked like I was wearing a belly top and Daisy Duke shorts.

The team captain remarked that I looked like Mark Tewksbury, the gay Canadian Olympic swimmer. The nickname Tewks stuck. I thought it was clever and it was quickly adopted by the rest of the team. They even photo-shopped my face onto this book jacket and put it in my locker. Politically incorrect and in bad taste? Who gives a shit. Hilarious? Absolutely. A few months later I wrote my first column for Gretzpo’s Sports Blog under that pseudonym. The rest is history.

AG went off and posted ten more questions in rapid style fashion. Rather than repost them here, and make this column into a novel, I just answered each one in a few sentences. If you want see what question my answer refers to, check out last week’s comments section here.

1. Absolutely correct. Although it sounds better when I say I’m chasing a dream, looking for my shot, blah blah blah.

2. That’s a tough question. How much money is involved? Because the Intercounty League is a working man’s league, I might be able to pull off both. I need more information on this scenario.

3. The Year of Tewks is happening, but I was just incorrect on my astrological calculations. It was always supposed to be 2011 and not 2010. My bad. However, I’m right so far. Things are percolating.

4. I swear on my perfectly symmetrical face and body that I do not use a thesaurus. I naturally have a loquacious vocabulary. Please don’t confuse my lack of pronunciation ability with fraudulent garrulousness. I take great pride in my verbosity.

5. There was a huge caveat in my philandering athletes hypothesis. As I stated before, I am referring to professional athletes in major sports leagues with a certain level of fame and millions of dollars in their bank accounts. I apply to none of those categories. Nothing to worry about.

6. Of course.

7. Wipeout Canada is less about athletic ability and more about dumb luck. I would get too frustrated watching a mousy housewife or some fat guy beat me in one of those ridiculous challenges. No thanks.

8. I don’t understand the Oprah phenomenon, but I would not want to draw the ire of 20,000 crazy women looking to pilgrimage to the Windy City for her last show. The NBA made the smart decision. All women are insane, best not to poke them with a stick.

9. I completely forget about that bet. And I think he did too. Let’s hope it stays that way.

10. It’s like getting two teeth pulled simultaneously.

Q. I’ve decided to diagnose myself with 'dead penis.' Should I go the Brett Cecil way and try to regain my penis by slumming it up in the minors? Or should I go the Phil Hughes way and put myself on the DL, thereby removing my penis from action?

Gretzpo

I legitimately LOL’d at this question. Well done sir. First of all, if you’re going to compare your penis to a baseball player, it should be that midget who got one at-bat back in the 1940s. Second, I’ve seen the women you frequent with; I don’t think you’ve ever been called up to the majors. You’ve made a career out of slumming it up in the minors. In fact, you still might be in rookie ball.

What should you do? Do you only care about yourself? If yes, then by all means embrace your inner Cecil and keep throwing slop in the minors. You probably suck at it anyway, so the only way to get better is through more reps. If no, then put yourself on the DL. Save some poor unsuspecting women the discomfort of having sex with you.

Q. Top 5 thing you have done on the blog (columns or podcasts). Rank the top 5 hottest women from Reality TV (excluding American Idol, since Carrie Underwood renders the discussion pointless).

CSzem

Nice wrap-up questions. I’m going to do the first one in no particular order as it would be like asking a mother to pick her favourite child.

My first column. I still think it holds up very well years later. It actually started as an assignment for my college journalism class and then I Tewks-ified it for Gretzpo’s blog. The argument still resonates today, although they both kind of suck now.

The column with the first BOD. Not for what I wrote, but solely for the genius that was putting a picture of a hot chick at the start of each column. It raised my hits meter considerably and more than a few people stayed to read the column after Googling hot chicks. Also, it gave me an excuse every day to scour the Internet for pictures of babes. Not a bad gig (Addendum: while looking for that column, I found this one instead. It's much better and the picture is cuter).

My first Cuba Trip Review. The idea of writing a review of a trip I took with Gretzpo may not seem like an interesting column idea, but I think I was able to make an entertaining and funny column out of it. Plus, this was the column where we first revealed our Daniel Craig photo shoot. Check out last year’s pics too because I’m in much better shape in Year 2.

Remeberance Day 2009. No sports, no jokes. Just a tribute those who served in the armed forces. I think it's my best writing.

The Next Sidd Finch. A feature story on Stephen Strasburg before he was drafted and burst into the national consciousness. I actually did some real research for this column to look like a professional journalist. It reads quite well, but still filled with the sophomoric humour that has become the hallmark of this blog.

The second list will also be in no particular order because I have pleasured myself to images of all five women.

Ali from the Bachelorette. Do I really need to add anything here? My love for her is legendary.

Amber from Survivor. But only because I couldn’t pick Boston Rob.

Lauren Conrad from The Hills. The ultimate girl next door. If that girl had her own TV show and was a millionaire.

Stacy Keibler from Dancing with the Stars. Legs. That is all.

The Blonde from Are You Hot? The Search for America’s Sexiest People. Do you remember this show? It was on the air for one season in 2003. I watched a couple of episodes. There was a blonde contestant who was so smoking hot that I literally did not know how to handle it. I was so attracted to her that I actually went onto the website and voted to keep her on the show. I haven't done something like that before or since. Somehow she got eliminated. She was my white whale.

Q. Tewks, you are awesome. Congratulations on a great run. You’re the best.

Love,

Tewks

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks to everyone who has read the columns over the years. It has been a great experience writing for this blog. Jesus, I am actually a little emotional right now. I am going to miss writing as Tewks, but it’s time to move on. If you have any memories, you'd like to share in the comments, please do.

And remember to listen to the podcasts posted every Tuesday right here on Talkin’ with Tewks.

Gooooood Bye Vietnammmmmm!!!!

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Potpourri

A sickness felling yours truly and some significant audio difficulties led to an admittedly lacklustre podcast this week. Plus, I think CSzem and Gretzpo were overcome with emotion at this being the final week of columns for the blog and that affected their podcast performances.

We discuss whether or not attending a viewing of Bridesmaids is a violation of the Man Code. Also, we discuss the blog in general over the years and whether I'm leaving at the right time, at the top of my game, or have I already stayed long past the time where my talent well dried up.

And then Gretzpo talks about the Blue Jays, while CSzem and I try to figure out why Chris Bosh is playing so well right now.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Potpourri

Enjoy.

One Last Dig at the Leafs

(My second favourite BOD of all time)

Due to some extenuating circumstances—of which I will divulge in next Thursday’s column—this will be the penultimate article of this blog that flows from my pen, or keyboard. I know, I know, it’s shocking and I’m sure some of you are currently going through the five stages of grief. But that’s why I’m giving you a week to digest the news, to let it sink in.

I will save all the mushy musings for next week, but not before I present a challenge to my long time readers. I’m thinking one final mailbag for next week. So ask a question in the comment section of this article and I will answer every one next Thursday. Don’t let me down.

Since this is the final full-fledged column of Talkin’ with Tewks—before I dissolve into a puddle of tears during my emotional reminiscence of the various iterations of this blog next week—I wanted to return to one of my favourite and most passionate pastimes: ripping the Toronto Maple Leafs.

How can I do that when the team hasn’t even played a game in over a month? Very easily.

A couple of years ago, back when Brian Burke was still considered a hockey genius, he leveraged the long term future of the franchise—trading away two high first round draft picks, due to the Leafs’ futility on the ice—to acquire Phil Kessel from the Boston Bruins.

Kessel has been a perfectly serviceable cog in Toronto’s machine, but I would think you’d want something a little more substantial than a cog for two first round picks. One of those picks turned out to be the top player in the 2010 draft: Tyler Seguin.

Seguin, as an 18 year old, made the Bruins out of training camp and enjoyed a rollercoaster ride season typical of a teenager playing in a man’s league. He did show flashes of brilliance, but it’s admittedly hard to get minutes playing for a Cup contender and one that is led by a defensive-minded coach such as Claude Julien.

He was scratched periodically throughout the season and was stapled to the press box to begin the playoffs as Julien did not yet think young Tyler was ready for primetime.

This next part may be difficult to understand as I’m going to attempt to brave the dark waters of a Leafs’ fan’s twisted logic and rationale. Apparently, because Seguin was scratched to begin the playoffs, this means, according to Maple Leaf fans, that Toronto won the trade because Kessel can consistently score 30 goals for a team that can’t make the playoffs.

Nevermind that Seguin isn’t legally allowed to drink in North America or that he’s one of the most talented players on the Bruins—his problem is that he’s weak like a boy and terrible defensively—but moronic Leaf fans will jump to obscene conclusions to make themselves feel better about their shitty franchise.

So those that bleed blue and white were foolishly trying to make themselves feel better about getting fleeced for two draft picks, while their team hit the golf course in April once again, while Seguin languished as a healthy scratch.

Then a funny thing happened. Seguin cracked the lineup for the first time in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Final against the Lightning and scored two points in less than ten minutes of icetime. Surely that was fluke Leaf fans told themselves.

For an encore, Seguin completely dominated the action in Game 2 netting four points in limited ice time, including one of the prettiest blue line to goal line rushes of the season. He scored two goals, added two helpers and put his stamp on the series. All of this at eighteen years of age.

Uh oh. That sound you hear is thousands of Maple Leaf fans furiously trying to dig themselves out of another horrible decision by the front office and talking themselves into the Nazem Kadri era.

“He’s just as good as Seguin!”

No, he’s not.

This trade is going to haunt Toronto for years to come as Seguin’s body develops into one that has chest hair, his comfort level playing in the NHL rises—although four points in an Eastern Conference Final game seems pretty comfortable—and he torments Toronto, making a fool of Phil Kessel every time the Leafs and Bruins face off.

And I will love it. It couldn’t happen to a worse organization.

(Don't forget to post your questions/comments for the mailbag)

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Sports Greatness and Survivor Wrap

(BOD  - Natalie Portman)

CSzsem and I discuss the greatness of Jose Bautista and his eventual career and contract arc. What will become of Toronto in the near future? Will Doc ever return?

How good is Novak Djokovic and why is he not getting more publicity for his incredible match winning streak to start 2011? What does he need to do?

A quick discussion on the latest installment of Survivor and predictions for the next season. Plus a fare the well to Boston Rob for 10 incredible years of gameplay.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Sports Greatness and Survivor Wrap

Enjoy.

The Heat are For Real

(BOD - Kristina Maria)

Well I suppose games such as last night’s Game 5 clincher against the Boston Celtics is why LeBron James took his talents to South Beach in the first place.


The conference semi-final against Beantown was a statement series for Miami and truly legitimized the Heat as a threat in the 2011 playoffs. Of course, talent-wise, they have always been considered a threat and were one of the top teams in the Eastern Conference throughout the regular season.

But, as LeBron surely knows, the playoffs are a different animal than the regular season. The wheat is separated from the chaff, the men are separated from the boys, and whatever other cliché you can think of to say playing basketball in May and June is extremely difficult. Only the strong survive (there’s another one!).

The big knock against Miami coming into the season was, by joining forces on a super team, their new acquisitions lacked the necessary testicular fortitude to step up in crunch time and makes shots when it mattered; evidenced by LeBron’s implosion and desultory effort versus the Celtics last year and Chris Bosh’s entire career to this point.

We all knew the Heat would rack up gaudy statistics and wins during the year; we didn’t know how they would react against the reigning Big Dogs in the East smashing them in the mouth every time they traversed the hardwood. After getting rid of the Celtics in five games, I think its clear Miami passed the test with flying colours.

The dynamic duo that is Dwyane Wade and LeBron James were damn near unstoppable in the clinching game last night. They combined for 68 points and James, usually shirking Big Dog status late in the fourth quarter, scored the last ten points of the game, stepping on the throat of the Celtics and sending them back to Boston with their tails between their legs.

It was an incredible performance and it seems like the Heat are just getting better and better as the playoffs move forward. Of course June is a little different from May and we’ll see how Miami handles the pressure going forward. Remember, anything less than a title run will be seen as a disappointment. That type of pressure can crack even the most stoic resolve.

I’d be remiss to end a discussion on the Heat without commenting on my favourite whipping boy, Chris Bosh. Though he hasn’t played well in this series, ranging from bad to mediocre (a microcosm of his career), he has provided some typical Bosh moments. After the first game in Boston, he admitted he was scared and nervous before tipoff.

Really, Chris? You make this too easy on me.

After being thoroughly outplayed by Kevin Garnett all series long, Bosh managed to dunk on KG once last night. Immediately afterward, he let forth with one of his embarrassingly petulant primal screams to let everyone in the arena know that he’s ‘a bad man.’

You’re not fooling anyone, Christopher.

One last point: Rajon Rondo dislocating his elbow, returning to the floor minutes later and playing the rest of Game 3 with one hand was one of the most impressive things I’ve seen on a basketball court. If Bosh had dislocated the same elbow, I’m pretty sure doctors would have been forced to amputate his arm by now.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - No Nos and End of a Dynasty

(BOD - Nicki Minaj)

Gretzpo and I have a salient discussion on Justin Verlander's no hitter over the weekend and the prevalence of tremendously pitched games over the past two seasons. We then turn our attention to the NBA playoffs and the Lakers surprising sweep at the hands of the Dallas Mavericks. Is this the end of their dynasty?

That somehow turns into a conversation on the Kardashian family that is not to be missed. We end the podcast with a dissection on the Eastern Conference playoffs and Rajon Rondo's unparalleled toughness.

Talkin'  with Tewks Live - No Nos and End of a Dynasty

Enjoy.

Survivor Recap

(BOD - Amber)
Since moving to a one column a week format, I realize it’s been months since I’ve weighed in on my favourite genre of television: Reality (save for a couple of Jersey Shore podcasts). With the news that Bachelor Pad is returning to the airwaves in a scant, few weeks, I figured that will be changing quickly.


Thus, I decided to warm up the fount of reality knowledge soon to be flooding out of my keyboard by recapping last night’s episode of Survivor. I used to be a devoted fan of the show during its single digit seasons, but have only tuned in recently during the All Star formats. This current season has entertained me like no other. So much so that I can’t believe it hasn’t been discussed on the blog thus far. Onto the recap:

The Duel

I really like the addition of Redemption Island, although I think it should have been eliminated once the teams merged. Matt, literally one of the worst Survivor strategists and social players in the game’s history, should have not been allowed to go back to Redemption after Rob hoodwinked him a second time. The poor kid is just way in over his head.

I always enjoy the episode where the family members come to the island. And it’s not because I get emotional at seeing the teary reunions; in fact, it’s the opposite, I’m always looking for the contestants who can remain stoic and mentally tough and not start blubbering because they’ve been on a game show for a month without access to their Blackberries (or Sprint 4G whatever the hell it was).

I also like to see what family member is with whom, so I can immediately make wild and unjust accusations about their personal lives. Mike won the duel, which sent Steve packing, and was faced with a difficult choice: spend time with his mom or allow Boston Rob Enterprises the chance to be with their loved ones.

Mike said he was making a spiritual choice and not a strategic one by giving the reward to Rob and company; he said God wanted him to make that choice. There’s been an awful lot of talk about God on this season, primarily from Thor’s spindly younger brother— I mean Matt. Look, I have no problem with people who are religious, but really Matt? Are you actually that egotistical to think that God gives a shit about some stupid reality television show and your place on it? Matt has stated that “God is keeping me here.” No, he isn’t you little twerp. I would hope He has more important things to worry about.

I know Ralph has specifically stated that he “is not a gay person”, but I couldn’t help but notice that his ‘friend’ was his loved one. Hmmmmmm. Me thinks the rooster doth protest too much.

The Immunity Challenge

This might have been my favourite challenge of all time. It required a big cardiovascular engine, quickness, agility and miles and miles of heart. It looked like one of the toughest cardio challenges the game has even seen. I was thoroughly impressed with Rob’s effort. He completely deserved to win.

However, I could have done without the histrionics at the end of the challenge after he won. Sure, I know he was tired, but we didn’t need minutes of coverage devoted to how much he pushed. Oh, he can’t stand up? He feels woozy and he’s seeing colours at the end of his vision? He’s never felt like this before?

Big deal. That’s my world after every Crossfit workout.

Tribal Council

I loved the blindside of Andrea, but I’m remiss that Rob is not sufficiently challenged on this season. He is on such a different playing field than the rest of his tribe, that it’s embarrassing to witness. The poptarts are completely useless. They literally have no idea how to play the game and are so far under Rob’s thumb that it wouldn’t surprise me that the girls would drink Kool-Aid if he asked them.

Grant is a dominating physical presence and I actually think there may be some method to Phillip’s madness, but the girls are less than useless. I only like having them around because they light a fire in my loins and I love picturing Amber’s reaction when she watches the eps and sees the ladies fawning all over Rob. I would pay to see that footage.

Yes, I still want Rob to win as he deserves it for the masterful way he’s played the game, but I at least would like to see some adversity be thrown his way on the route to the title. Unfortunately, I think that may only come from Redemption Island and those boys will only fight for the title of Sole Survivor if Jesus tells them to do it.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Playoffs and Politics

(BOD - Tyra Banks)

Gretzpo joins me as we discuss the Canadiens wonderful playoff exit and our combined hatred of a certain subsection of the team's fan base. We talk about all the second round series and our thoughts of which teams will become victorious, all without the aid of actual hockey statistics.

We embark on a tangent of how coaches, once prime athletic studs, can let themselves go physically to a point where it looks like they'd have trouble navigating a flight of stairs. How do they let themselves get to that postion? And will it afflict virile, young studs such as ourselves in the future?

We depart from our regular fare in the second half of the podscast to touch on the death of Osama Bin Laden. It's an historic moment and we would have felt remiss if we didn't talk about it.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Playoffs and Politics 

Enjoy.

A Diehard Fan's Real Time Thoughts

(BOD - Petra Nemcova)

After Tuesday’s podcast, I felt I needed to delve deeper into the psyche of a fanatical supporter of a sports team. I was left wanting more of CSzem’s innermost thoughts to really get to the bottom of why a reasonably sane person would subject himself to such mental torture.


I’ve never been a big of a fan of anything more than my podcast co-host is of the Montreal Canadiens. I wanted to see how such a mind operates before and during a game of supreme magnitude like Game 6 on Tuesday night (I figured I would leave him alone during Game 7 as it’s likely he would have been unable to construct intelligible sentences).

What follows are CSzem’s real time texts to me on Tuesday night during Montreal’s miraculous Game 6 victory with my thoughts in bold below.

5:58 – Pre-game. Can’t decide on jersey. Wore home red G1, G2 (road win). Home red G3 (home loss). Alternate jersey G4, home loss). Red G5 (road loss). Confused.

At first glance, I thought he was referring to the team and what jersey the Habs were going to wear on the ice. Then I realized he was talking about his own fashion choices. Yes, this is a supposedly functional adult male deeply vexed about what hockey jersey to wear while watching said game in the comfort of his own home.

Furthermore, it becomes clear that said non-retarded adult male actually owns more than one jersey of his favourite team. I’m at a loss for words. I’m not sure if I really want to be in his head. I can’t understand how he was allowed to procreate.

6:19 – Now I’m working on pre-game meal. They say pasta is good pre-game. But y’know, that’s for people who are playing. Seems like a lot of carbs. Considering I’m gonna be sitting on my ass for the next 6 hours.

It’s funny because he’s pretending like he’s a real athlete and actually possesses some semblance of athletic skill or ability. Poor, poor CSzem.

6:53 – Out of Molson Export, so I’m drinking a nice red wine for this thing (as any good French Canadian would).

I’m surprised he’s not pairing the wine with a nice French baguette or with, perhaps, a beret on his head. Or that he’s not smoking a cigarette while reading the existential works of Henry Thoreau or any other lame French stereotype.

7:02 – Just had Owen pick my jersey by holding them both up. Mrs. CSzem’s immediate reaction is concern that I’ll blame him if we lose lol.

I love that Cszem felt compelled to add the ‘lol’ at the end of this text, like it would be patently ridiculous for a grown man to blame a defenceless child for a team’s loss for something as insignificant as a meaningless jersey selection so Daddy can play dress up.

What’s funnier is that all of us know that he absolutely would be so petty and insane to actually blame his son for a loss. I can’t wait to see OSzem’s therapist bills when he grows up.

7:17 – What the fuck?!?!!!!!!!!!!!

To be honest, I wasn’t really paying too much attention to the first period, so I can only assume this is when a no name Canadien was hit cleanly into the boards and the wuss dissolved into histrionics flinging himself face first into the glass like a rudimentary squeegee.

7:19 – That’s the first thing Glenn Healy’s ever said that I liked: “Boston can’t score on the PP. Take the bench minor.”

There’s too much hockey talk in this text. Let’s skip it.

7:20 – I scared the shit out of OSzem when the goal got waved off. Lots of tears. Plus HE wasn’t very happy.

Ok, this was a legitimately funny message and illuminates CSzem in a rare moment of sports fandom self-awareness. It’s as rare as a sighting of Haley’s Comet.

7:32 – Owen picked the Cammalleri jersey and he scores goal #1!

And we’re back to our regularly scheduled programming. On a brighter note, at least OSzem gets to eat dinner tonight.

8:17 – That better be 5 mins.

I agree. Lucic’s hit deserved five and a game misconduct. However, I’m surprised CSzem wasn’t calling for a charge of manslaughter or attempted murder. Maybe he’s showing some growth.

8:21 – I want 3 goals in the next 4:45.

And I want to be able to pleasure a woman.

8:43 – Oh thank God because that was brutal from Plek. 

There’s no way that was a slashing penalty on Nathan Horton. That was a ticky tack call. The refs were bullied by the French idiots at the Bell Centre.

8:45 – Did Bob Cole just yell “Everything is happening!!!”

Haha I actually noticed this myself. Listening to Bob Cole call a hockey game in 2011 is like listening to a relative with on-set dementia wax poetic about the Great Depression during Thanksgiving dinner. You’re polite and pay attention, but you just wish he would stop talking.

9:08 - CSzem was silent for an extended period of time, so I sent him the following: "I'm really enjoying the Seidenberg Uncertainty Principle" about Bruin Dennis Seidenberg and his inspired play. It's a play on words about the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. He never replied. It's a smart joke and a smart crowd will get it. I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience.

9:41 – That clock could not move fast enough.

Note: Game 7 just finished. I am in a fantastic mood. Canadien fans can ‘Ole, ole, ole’ all the way to the golf course. Good riddance.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Playoff Talk

(BOD - Kendra Wilkinson)

CSzem and I discuss the thought process of a diehard fan with his team facing elimination and it's not a pretty sight. Rational thought and logic flies out the window come playoff time. Then, like a real radio call-in show, Gretzpo joins us halfway through the recording to discuss the big stories permeating through the NHL and NBA Playoffs.

And lastly, of course, we give Gretzpo two minutes at the end of the podcast to discuss his beloved Toronto Blue Jays.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Playoff Talk

Enjoy.

A Riddle Wrapped in an Enigma

(BOD - Adriana Sklenarikova)

I’m not sure what to make of the 2011 Toronto Blue Jays. I had tempered expectations going into the season as I was firmly in the camp of those who believed the successes of last year were an aberration and not indicative of the team’s true talents.


Truthfully, there’s no way last year’s squad should have even been within spitting distance of a .500 record, let alone finishing with 85 wins. However, the majority of those games were won with a reliance on the home run not seen since Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig occupied the middle of the Yankees lineup in the 1920s. There was no way in hell this team, or Jose Bautista, was going to replicate the prodigious power it showed last season.

And to those fans who thought the home run was Toronto’s ticket to possibly 90 wins in 2011, obviously you’ve never seen a game of baseball before in your sheltered lives, outside of playing MLB’s The Show for hours on end while neglecting all human contact.

The time for talk was over as the calendar turned to April and players who will be bagging groceries and collecting shopping carts at Wal Mart by Memorial Day were sent back down to the minors, leaving the professionals to head north to start the season in Toronto.

The Jays had a terrific opening homestand, complete with a 13-3 drubbing of the Minnesota Twins on Opening Night. They followed that up with a dramatic come from behind win a few games later—ordinarily such a contest would usually cause this team to shrivel up and die—to build on their very early season momentum.

As the team headed West, I have to admit, I started believing that maybe this year was going to be different and all the stars would align. Then the Jays got the holy hell beaten out of them by the Los Angeles Angels, Oakland Athletics, and Seattle Mariners in quick succession. The team went into Boston to visit the league’s bottom dwellers in the Red Sox. Surely the Jays would be able to take advantage of a team playing so bad that historians had to look back to the early part of the twentieth century to find Boston teams of such comparable futility.

It worked for Toronto in the first game of the series, but then the team didn’t bother showing up for the next three games and apparently took an early flight back to Canada. I mean they didn’t even give an effort against the Red Sox and handed Beantown a series victory that very well might turn around their season.

The Jays returned for a homestand against the Yankees and Rays and I could just see this season slipping away already. Then a funny thing happened on Tuesday night. AJ Burnett was his usual terrible self. The fact he gets hit around so much and walks so many batters is so embarrassing considering how good his stuff is. He’s terrible, yet so much better than the majority of pitchers in the league. It’s an intriguing paradox.

Toronto showed some gumption. They showed some fight. Truthfully, they looked poised to go quietly into the night, but then the entire roster picked up their bootstraps and mounted a surprising comeback against the greatest closer in the history of the game, Mo Rivera.

The most unlikely of heroes, Travis Snider, snapped an 0 for 14 slide with a thundering game-winning double into the right centerfield gap. I started believing again. The Jays never win those types of games. Would it continue in the final game of the short series?

Nope. Not when the Jays hope rested on the shoulders of Brett Cecil. I don’t know what happened to him in the offseason, but the guy has basically forgotten how to pitch. Everything he throws in the zone is too high, right in the wheelhouse for most batters, or way too low where even a five year old could recognize it as a ball. I’m getting fed up with having to watch Cecil and Jojo Reyes get lit up and walk everyone start after start; it’s pathetic. Now, I know I’m nowhere as good as either lefthander, but I’m confident I could pitch just as bad as both guys for a fraction of the cost. Sign me up, Alex Anthopolous.

The Jays split their miniseries with the Yankees after being flummoxed by Bartolo “Show me where the buffet is” Colon. He looks like he can barely get up and down a flight of stairs, yet the offense could do nothing against him.

This team never ceases to amaze or vex me so far this season. Who knows what will happen when the Rays come into town over the weekend?

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Aftermath of Canadiens Loss

(BOD - Stacy Keibler)

CSzem joins me for a podcast minutes after the Montreal Canadiens lost in Game 3 to the Boston Bruins last night. We discuss:

- The series so far
- Home ice advantage
- Carey Price's partying
- Historical Canadiens
- Old New York Yankees
- Where are they now?
- Raffi Torres
- Head shots

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Aftermath of Canadiens Loss

Enjoy.

Josh Hamilton Breaks Arm Throwing Coach under Bus

(BOD - Pia Toscano)

An odd story has developed early in the fledgling Major League Baseball season deep in the heart of the Texas. Although technically I suppose its two stories as no one expected the Rangers to be the cream of the MLB crop two weeks into the year. The team has certainly been firing all cylinders, but one of their best pistons has malfunctioned and will be lost for the better part of two months.


Josh Hamilton, the engine that drives the Ranger’s offence (how are all these car references treating you?), fractured the humerus bone in his right arm—nothing funny about that—diving headfirst into home plate while trying to score on a foul pop-up. It’s a shame that arguably the best hitter in the game can’t seem to stay healthy for an entire season and seems destined to be injury-prone.

I’m not a doctor, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the cornucopia of drugs Hamilton ingested during his youth may contribute somewhat to his inability to stay healthy (though the drug binges that would put Charlie Sheen to shame seem to have zero adverse affects on his batting eye or his prodigious home run power).

The story, while disappointing for Rangers fans, would have been over as quickly as it had begun were it not for Hamilton’s post game comments. He basically blamed his third base coach for the injury, saying that the coach forced him to make the dash for home, he didn’t want to do it, and he suffered the injury as a result.

Let me paint a picture of the scenario and you can draw your own conclusions from it. Josh Hamilton is one of the fastest baserunners on Texas’ roster. The ball was lifted high in front of the Tigers’ dugout and both the third basemen and catcher ran towards the ball. The pitcher didn’t cover home plate, leaving the area unoccupied.

It’s a canny decision to break for home and one that would seem automatic with a player of Hamilton’s speed. However, he is also your best hitter and it’s typically not wise to put a player the calibre of Hamilton into a bang-bang play at home plate as the risk of injury is always imminent in close plays at home.

The catcher managed to scramble back just in time and tag Hamilton out as he dove head first. That was Hamilton’s first mistake. You never dive head first into a bag. It’s something you’re taught as young player. Injuries on sliding plays are always more prevalent when players lead with their heads. I, for one, never liked sliding feet first either as I was always worried about tearing up my knee, so I would always pretend I was slower than I actually am so coaches would never make me be a pinch runner.

After the game, Hamilton told the media that he didn’t want to run, but had his coach in his ear imploring him to go. This is where I call bullshit. The decision to go is always left up to the baserunner. The coach is just there to provide advice. Especially when the entire play is developing in front of him; Hamilton could see the situation. He would know if he could make it or not.

Don’t blame your coach for not making it safely or for getting hurt. It puts the coach in a terrible position to have the face of the franchise blame you for a significant injury. Be a man, Josh Hamilton and be accountable for your own actions.

Don’t whine and bitch that the big, bad coach made you do something you didn’t want to do.

I predict that, as Texas tumbles from the standings due to the litany of games Hamilton is going to miss, this is not the last we will hear about this issue and I wouldn’t be surprised if the coach is replaced before spring training. I suspect whispers of mutinous behaviour against him will abound.

Talkin' with Tewks Live: Masters Recap

(BOD - Emma Roberts)

Gretzpo managed to finish his nerdy fantasy sports obligations early enough last night to be able to record the podcast. CSzem wasn't so lucky and was probably still setting his NHL playoff roster until the wee hours of the morning. It's unfortunate as, without CSzem's sports knowledge, Gretzpo ran amok, making a mockery of a variety of sports stats and figures. Other highlights include:

- An appearance by Jim Nantz
- Gretzpo's apparent hatred of all things Augusta
- Rory McIlroy's implosion
- Tiger
- The membership policy of a private club
- Rational thought and logic vs Gretzpo's brain
- Some quick Jays talk

Talkin' with Tewks Live - Masters Recap

Enjoy.