Cynicism has never gotten anyone anywhere. It’s poison. Life is more enjoyable when you look at the glass as being half full. Surrounding yourself with negativity is a sure-fire way to become stagnant and watch life pass you by.
That being said, I think the gorgeous weather Southern Ontario is currently experiencing has adversely affected the rational and logic centre of baseball fans’ brains.
I’ve had two conversations with Papa Tewks and Gretzpo respectively over the past two days and they both are planning the World Series Parade for the Blue Jays based on the team’s 5-1 spring training record thus far and the plethora of young arms in camp.
The saddest part is that they were both serious.
I do my best to ignore the results of spring training games as their use as a barometer for future success is highly suspect. I do read player profiles and game notes, but I specifically avoid watching highlights and game action at all costs, so I don’t get too excited or too depressed for the upcoming season (Plus, I’m a little busy getting the thunderbolt called my left arm ready for my own baseball season).
Let’s tackle Papa Tewks and Gretzpo’s lunacy one point at a time. Basing any merit whatsoever on the final score of Grapefruit League games is dumber than using lottery tickets as a retirement plan.
Any player signed to a major league contract doesn’t give two shits how they play in March. Do you know the most pressing issues on an established veteran’s mind: When am I getting pulled from this game so I can squeeze in a quick nine holes before dinner and can I make it the entire month of March without breaking a sweat?
Then, you have the youngsters working their asses off and trying way too hard to be assigned to the major league roster. These guys are running full out on every play, stealing bases, stretching singles into doubles and throwing curveballs on 3-2 counts.
The veterans hate these guys. Especially older catchers forced to crouch for millionaire bonus babies looking to make an impression. Do you think a 35 year old guy with two bad knees wants to crouch in the hot sun for two hours while some first round jerkoff nibbles at the corners?
Therefore, you have half the players not giving a shit and trying their best not to get hurt and the other half busting their tails for an opportunity to head north with the big club. That is the worst possible combination for taking stock of a team’s chances.
While discussing the Jays novice pitching staff with Gretzpo, the question of who gets the Opening Day Start arose. Let’s look at five possible arms and you will see how depressing the 2010 season will be (Granted, I will concede that the Jays staff has a tremendous upside for years to come, but there will be significant growing pains).
Ricky Romero: The numbers choice. He’s the best pitcher remaining from last year’s staff (which is a terrifying thought in itself). Romero has great natural talent, but I think he’s a little bit of a diva. He has zero mental fortitude; he’s like soft-serve ice cream. His nickname should be Dairy Queen
Shaun Marcum: The obvious choice based on his 2008 numbers, except for the tiny, little problem that he shredded his shoulder and hasn’t pitched in eighteen months. Do you really want him facing other teams’ ace night in and night out?
Dustin McGowan: Another guy who didn’t pitch last year because of a shredded shoulder. The Jays should really think about trying Crossfit. I’ve never had an arm injury. What? It’s because I don’t throw hard enough? Touché.
Brian Tallet: Tallet’s much too inconsistent for this position. I wouldn’t trust him to start for my beer league team. The only time Brian Tallet should ever be considered the best at something among Jays pitchers is if they have a mustache growing competition.
Dana Eveland: An offseason pickup from Oakland. On the plus side, he’s a big, strong, hard throwing lefty. On the minus side, his name is Dana.
And that ends the Pu Pu platter of players auditioning to be Toronto’s ace. Still excited about a postseason run?
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