Those of you who are regular readers of this blog, but not fans of the great game of baseball may want to search elsewhere for entertainment over the next three weeks. Starting with tomorrow’s column, it’s going to be all baseball, all the time until a World Series champion is crowned.
I can’t even focus on today’s column because of the playoff-induced erection that is currently funnelling all of the blood in my body down south. Truthfully, I’m hard enough to bore a hole into the Hope Diamond. Nevertheless, I am going to power through and address a couple of things that have pissed me off in recent days.
- I have really had it with Blogger and the new picture posting feature. I have no idea what the hell the program is talking about or why it won’t even recognize pics I copy for posting (they just disappear). And Mrs. CSzem, the reason I am having an issue is due to the fact that I’m an idiot. Why did they have to change the picture post feature? The old one worked fine. I hate change.
(Edit: I fixed it, which proves that I am, in fact, the smartest man alive)
- I am really not going to like the Miami Heat this year. I watched the highlights of their first game and the only part I liked was watching Dwayne Wade limp off the court with a hamstring injury. It’s weird, I used to like LeBron’s powder throw into the air before games. Now, it just seems like a cry for attention. I hope someone replaces the resin with anthrax.
During warm-ups, Dwayne Wade did three pull-ups off the rim. Normally, I am all for doing pull-ups whenever and wherever possible. But Wade couldn’t even do proper pull-ups. He only did three, and not once did he lower his arms to full extension at the bottom of the rep or get his chin above the rim at the top of the rep. I hate people who cut corners during training, especially when Wade was just doing it to show off in the first place and he can’t even do it properly. Hmm, I wonder why he got injured when it’s apparent he likes to cheat on his training. I hope his hamstring came off the bone.
I just plain don’t like Chris Bosh. The fact he is still being treated like one of the top players in the league makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t even call him a second banana. He’s the banana you leave on the counter for too long and it ends up looking like a turd with flakes of mustard sprinkled throughout.
- Whatever happened to actors who can actually carry themselves like athletes and make you believe they could succeed at the sport? Gone are the days of guys like Burt Reynolds, Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner inhabiting a character who plays sports and pulling off the physicality needed to make it believable. You put Costner in a sports movie and there is no doubt in your mind that he could play that sport at the highest level.
I don’t see that attention to detail anymore. I thought of this while watching the newest season of Eastbound and Down. Now, it’s a fantastic, funny, highly entertaining show, but I can’t get over the fact that every baseball scene is excruciating to watch. Danny McBride makes the guy who played Costner’s father in Field of Dreams look like Nolan Ryan. I understand that it’s a comedy, but I can’t believe Kenny Powers can throw 100 miles per hour. I don’t believe he can throw 50.
The producers know this and they’ve peppered every baseball scene with actors at the same shitty baseball calibre as McBride, so as to not upstage the star. Seriously? They couldn’t have put him in a baseball camp for three weeks and teach him not to throw like a girl?
- I may or may not have watched Teen Mom last night. This is less a grievance to air and more a commentary on my sad, sorry existence. What the hell is wrong with me? I didn’t even really enjoy the show. Every single person on camera is a complete moron who should have never been allowed to procreate in the first place.
All the show is going to do is sensationalize teen pregnancy so a bunch of idiot kids can think making a baby will lead to fame and fortune. I hate society. Also, the redhead chick has smoking hot friends. I need to see more of them, maybe in three-way, and less crying, bitching and moaning. If, you know, I ever watch the show again (season finale Tuesday at 10pm).
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4 comments:
bahahahaha Teen mom?! Seriously!? Oh Tewks...are you becoming an mtv addict, or was this always the case?
Do you know when The City comes back on? You know that The Hills is done, right?
Glad you got the picture function working again...I didn't realize that blogger had changed it...it's always worked for us (for the most part, unless I needed to reboot)
I don’t know who pissed in your cereal this morning that put you in this mood, but it sure made for one damm funny read. With the exception of paragraph two - that I just didn’t need to know.
AG
Just read your article and then this statement, "Did you ever think The Situation would earn a reported $5 million per year and get picked for "Dancing With The Stars"? "
The fact that some trailer trash is making that kind of money is disgusting and it's all because of people like you, stop watching all that shit and maybe these people will one day become obsolete again.
kenny powers' caricatured pitching mechanics are a joke that adds to the ridiculousness of his personality. what would a major-league delivery add to the show? nothing. lighten up and enjoy the low-brow, blatantly racist humour of eastbound & down.
the police called; they found your sense of humour. dead and withered beneath a bridge by the docks.
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