NBA Finals Now a Best of Three

(BOD - Kim Kardashian's Breasts)

I can’t sit here and lie and pretend that I watched Game 4 of the NBA Finals in its entirety. While I lie about many things (my sexual prowess and intelligence), sport is one area where I am completely truthful.

Blame the NBA for starting games past 9pm on the East Coast. How stupid is that? All playoff games for all sports should end by 10pm so the leagues can acquire new, young fans. It’s really too smart of an idea for these corporate morons to accept.

That being said, I was able to watch the first half and then catch up on the second half game story by watching highlights and reading recaps of last night’s tightly contested battle.

Here’s my big takeaway from the Celtic’s single digit victory: I hate everyone on the Boston roster. I swear I’m not letting my man love for Kobe Bryant cloud my judgement, but I found myself openly rooting for rolled ankles to strike everyone in a white and green uniform.

The Celtics have been afflicted with what I call “Chris Bosh Syndrome.” CBS strikes immediately after making a basket. Said player preens and prances around with a sneer on his face trying to look like a tough guy. Alternatively, CBS can cause a player to let fly with a guttural wail reminiscent of Gerard Butler in 300. Once again, this action is supposed to make the player seem tough and an unstoppable offensive force.

Newsflash: it makes you look like a pathetic douchebag. You know what else it does? Proves that you’re not actually that good in the first place if you need to do that after every basket. What does Kobe do after he scores? Nothing, he just gets back on defence. Why? BECAUSE HE SCORES ALL THE TIME!!!

Big Baby Davis was the biggest perpetrator last night. He just looked ridiculous, so much so that he resembled a cartoon character by the end of the game. Big deal, you had one good game. The Lakers will shove it down your throat on Sunday and you’ll fade back into obscurity. Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce do the same shit. You two aren’t tough. They can just talk a big game, but have never shown the cojones to back it up.

Rasheed Wallace drew my ire last night as well. After EVERY foul called against he’d run around in a circle like clucking chicken with his eyes bugged to express his disappointment over the call. Way to be a big boy, Sheed.

However, I do like one Boston player: Rajon Rondo. He has made several spectacular plays throughout the postseason and he just acts like it’s a part of his job. The rest of the team should take notice and cool it with the amateurish histrionics.

It’s disappointing that a Boston team has denigrated themselves like this when the originator of ‘Act like you’ve scored before’ celebrations is the immortal Bobby Orr.

I’m not worried about the Lakers losing last night. Tied 2-2, the series is still on serve in terms of home court advantage. The Lakers have to win two more games and they have two more chances at home with Jack, Sly and Denzel in attendance.

Kobe will be raising his fifth Larry O’Brien trophy in the air next week and cement his status as one of the top 5 players in the history of the game (that’s for CSzem. Watch him do his best Big Baby impression in the comments section).