Before we begin today’s recap, let’s all have a moment of silence for Craig M’s hair.
There we go. It will be missed.
8:02 – Roberto would have my first choice for a one on one date as well. If, you know, I was a woman.
8:04 – Ali has mentioned on more than one occasion that she’s terrified of flying. Why do the producers keep forcing her into the air?
8:05 – The helicopter scene reminds me so much of Anchorman. Roberto’s voice is so smooth it could make a wolverine purr.
8:06 – “I’m at a deficit” - Justin talking about his cast and how it affects his gameplay. I’m fairly certain the word he was looking for is “disadvantage.” I swear all Canadians aren’t that stupid.
8:08 – Great move by Roberto going for the first kiss on the high wire. The guy is on a different playing field compared to these other stiffs. He has tremendous game. My mancrush is approaching dangerously high levels.
8:13 – Did Kasey just say he wanted Ali to hear his singing voice? Really? That’s what you want to emphasize there, big guy? The less talking you do, the better.
8:14 – Roberto speaks different languages and he’s travelled the world? He’s too perfect. CSzem’s right, he has a girlfriend.
8:15 – “I don’t like being stiff at a table.” Neither do I, Ali. I prefer being stiff on my back.
8:17 – “Skank!” Mama Tewks first contribution of the night, while Ali and Roberto were making out on the blanket. Good to have her here.
8:24 – Craig R’s friends are going to be jealous of him for being in a music video? Does he have any friends who aren’t teenagers?
8:25 – Why is no one asking Ali to slow dance to this Barenaked Ladies “hit” song? That would be an automatic move for me and Roberto. Why am I not on this show again?
8:27 – The Weatherman is nervous to kiss Ali? What is wrong with this guy? I’m getting a real strong virgin vibe from him.
8:30 – I just said Ali looked great in that yellow bikini. Mama Tewks reply: “Oh, she’s sucking it in.” She’s in rare form tonight.
8:33 – The Weatherman IS PATHETIC!! Why is he still here? Bring Craig M back.
8:34 – “It was all wrong.” Ali just summed up the Weatherman’s entire sorry sexual career here in one second.
8:34 – He’s crying? Oh my dear Christ. I’m sorry, there is no way any woman on Earth would be attracted to the Weatherman. What a joke.
8:36 – If I was in Kirk’s scene, Little Tewks would have gotten some screen time, that’s for damn sure.
8:43 – After Chris L mentioned that his mom passed away, Mama Tewks remarked, “Oh, no mother-in-law issues.” Now you all know where I get it from.
8:44 – The following verdict has been reached in the Tewks household: The Weatherman is a homosexual. The evidence is piling up.
8:46 – Mama Tewks on Hunter: “Big ears, funny mouth.” I may just get her to write the recap next week.
8:56 – I like this move by Justin to go visit Ali at her house. She has to appreciate the Bataan Death March he’s willing to embark on for her. That is an impressive feat; I have to give the guy credit.
8:59 – Nice move on bringing the baby photos out too. Justin is rapidly climbing the charts and he’s wooing Ali big time with all of this family talk. He’s really redeeming himself for the Great White North with this performance.
9:07 – Ali’s putting on the apron and cooking for her date with Hunter? Now we’re talking. Enough with the modern approach, let’s get back to traditional gender roles.
9:10 – Hunter is legitimately ugly. And stop calling Ali baby and darling, you creepy little pervert.
9:11 – Ali has zero physical attraction to this chump. My only question is how has he made it this far?
9:17 – Justin is a fantastic actor. I call bullshit on his quitting professional wrestling to be with Ali. He would leave her in a heartbeat if Vince McMahon offered him a tag team partnership with Doink the Clown.
9:28 – “What a bunch of women.” I think Mama Tewks perfectly encapsulated the bachelors on this season.
9:31 – Yeah, Steve, nice move. Make Ali sit on hard concrete in a dress. I’m sure she’ll love that.
9:32 – Watching Steve struggle with the champagne bottle is like watching a 17 year old kid unhook a bra.
9:38 – Ok, Ali is just trying to cause shit by telling Roberto that Justin went to her house. Why would Justin tell the other guys? That’s a stupid move on her part.
9:42 – These guys are just jealous they weren’t clever enough to think to go to Ali’s house to see her. I’m somewhat surprised that Justin actually has some real human emotion. He’s a little more layered than I initially thought.
9:48 – “If she picks four-eyes, I’m done.” Mama Tewks on Frank.
9:50 – I would love to tell you all what Mama Tewks said when Frank and the Weatherman got a rose, but if I clean it up, its not really a sentence.
9:55 – That footage of Kasey singing will haunt my dreams.
What did you think of tonight’s episode? Post thoughts to comments.
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7 comments:
I’m going to have to be honest, I was really only drifting in-and-out last night, so this is a pretty half-assed attempt. Normally I like to do things with my whole ass.
Roberto (+450) – Deserves to be the favourite, but I maintain the girlfriend suspicion.
Kirk (+600) – I’ll take credit for my early “dark-horse’ call. Kirk’s going to be around a while. By the way, I called Gia as a dark-horse early on in last season. Why am I so good at this? Should I be concerned?
Chris L. (+900) – First to get the rose is always a good sign. The Massachusetts thing is probably going to be enough to earn him a hometown.
Jesse (+1200) – Is it weird if I say that he’s probably the best looking guy there? It’s weird, right?
Ty (+1600) – He’s got to be careful not to get too involved in the whole Justin-“situation”. He’s also got to be careful to avoid big gusts of wind or he’ll blow away like Dumbo.
Frank (+1800) – Big drop for Frank, he never should have been up where he was.
Justin (+2000) – This week’s big riser. It occurred to me halfway through the show last night that I’m not really sure why all of the guys hate him? Am I missing something?
Chris N. (+3000) – I still have absolutely no idea who this is.
Craig R. (+4500) – I cannot stand Craig R. Has he been drunk the whole time?? (not that I’m saying I’d do differently….)
Kasey (+10000) – If you asked Jesse Spano what her feelings were regarding next week’s Kasey-centric episode, she’d say “I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so....scared.”
But at least he’s not:
Jonathan (+100000000000000) – If we’re struggling on whether or not he’s gay or a virgin, maybe the answer is that since he’s the latter, he doesn’t yet know he’s the former? You follow me?
Are you crying? Is he crying? There's ... There's no crying on the bachelorette!!! Jake from the last season, was my mentor ... And he called me a roseless punk - and that's when my parents came down from texas to meet my future wife - and did I cry??? NO!!!
I love Justin! Maybe the producers aren't showing us his real side because I don't see anything fake about him.
Roberto is smooth but I don't think she's going to pick him in the end. He'll be top 3 for sure though.
I can't believe she picked the weatherman! He'll be gone next week along with Kasey. But who else can you make fun of? Oh there's Craig....
Great recap!
LOVE Kirk!! i think he's going to go far - steamy scene in the music video and then he got in the hot tub! Excellent!! Great sleeper pick CSzem!
Hunter - douche! What a creepo!
Totally think the Weatherman is gay too! He looks like Tom Cruise - and there's nothing good about that.
Chris L - *sigh* I Love him. Sorry Cszem!
Great recap! Let mamaTweks do next week!! I'd love to see it! maybe podcast with her?!
Alright, this love of Justin needs to end. He's an egotistical psycho who can barely hold a conversation with a woman without putting on a whiney baby voice. It's disgusting.
Walk up to Ali's on crutches? Please, get more creative. The Producers gave him the idea. They probably drove him most of the way.
Crying in a dark corner of the courtyard before the rose ceremony? All he wanted was extra aattention, hoping Ali would come out to him. She even compared him to Vienna... who we all know is an idiot.
He's a slime ball who is in it for the competition. I don't even know what else to say about him, except he's a jack ass, and I get a strong feminine vibe from him. Man-up Pansy
Picks: Ty, Kirk and Chris L. Sure, probably Roberto, but I don't like him.
Side note: Johnathon is sensitive, but leave the guy alone. The other guys were making him flustered, I would have cried too. Everyone picks on the weak. Potential pity vote, but I kinda like him.
Hello from MT: ) I got wind of your amazing Monday updates from Lovely CSzem!
Roberto: Yeah know I do like him but he has the player vibe. But I am a sucker for his butt chin; )
Kirk: I actually work with a girl that went to high school with him and they were really good friends. Best quote thus far was from Kirk...She touched my leg!...
Chris L. Money on him for taking it all the way.
Jesse: I think his surfer Dude personality is gonna bit him in the butt.
Ty: good ol country boy I really like him and his sweet southern self!
Jonathon: "Hey Ali, do you want to go in the closet and play 2 min. in heaven where no one can see us make out??" get a life d-bag. V-card is still in his moms back pocket.
Chris N: Agreed CSzem...huh?
Craig R: He is like brian from the family guy when they spoofed this show!
Kasey: the verdict is still out if this guy was born without hearing and magically it returned 5 years ago. He sounds like deaf/mute guy. My ears bled to when he sang.
Frank: Um he has issues can you please stop creeping on others when they are kissing ali? And freaking out about others one on one time? Thanks
Rated-R: man with the girlfriend. Hands down the next Joran van der sloot.haha she will wind up washed up on the beach if she picks him from a head butt and a half nelson!
We need to get Tewks on this show!
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