The Habs Ensure the Brooms Stay in the Closet (Unlike Their Fan Base)

(BOD - Gillian Jacobs)

I feel like I’ve been unfairly harsh on the Canadiens franchise during the playoffs. In an attempt to maintain a shard of journalistic integrity, I’m going to dissect last night’s game from an unbiased standpoint (the column title notwithstanding).

I have nothing against the Habs players (for the most part); it’s the fans I can’t stand and I’m allowing that unbridled anger to affect my rational approach to this series.

The first period was reminiscent of the previous two games where Montreal totally carried the pace of play and had all kinds of offensive chances against Michael Leighton. This time they were finally able to break out with Michael Cammaleri potting his 13th goal of the postseason.

Cammaleri has been fantastic throughout the playoffs and he’s the key to Montreal’s offensive attack. He plays much bigger than his size and his propensity to score garbage goals close to the net are evidence of his heart and grit (I guarantee CSzem pleasured himself to that paragraph).

I think I got so caught up in the possibility of a Montreal sweep that I forgot an important nugget of information: the Flyers really aren’t that good. All I hear is how big and tough their defencemen are. Do you know what that is a euphemism for? They are slow, plodding meatheads.

The Habs finally decided to use their speed coming through the neutral zone and are just abusing the Flyer’s back end (Hey-oooo!). Philly’s defence was caught flat-footed at an alarming rate last night and, if Montreal can sustain that pressure, it will be a long series for Chris Pronger.

Pronger first began to draw my ire at the Olympics on February when he had no business being on the ice in key situations. He couldn’t keep up to the speed of the international game. To me, he looked like he was over the hill. Not just over the hill, I thought he should be taken out behind the barn and put out of his misery.

Last night, Pronger had a BRUTAL giveaway that directly led to the Habs second goal and catalyzed the Bell Centre crowd into a state of delirium (and more chants which shall not be named). I have a question: Pronger is obviously overmatched in the speed department. Players get slower once they’re tired. So, why the hell is Pronger playing 30 minutes a game?

You’re telling me that, at 36, Pronger isn’t running out of gas? It’s showing in his play. He can’t keep up. Why can’t Peter Laviolette spread some of that ice time around? Because Pronger is only going to get worse. I actually think he may be taking stupid penalties on purpose so he can get a respite in the box.

I said that I don’t hate any players on Montreal, but that is a bit of a lie. I can’t stand Maxim Lapierre. He’s a pest. He’s got a big mouth, but lacks the testicular fortitude to back it up. CBC’s cameras caught him taunting the Philadelphia bench late in the game. Now, I know the Flyers also have Dan Carcillo who is cut from the same cloth as Lapierre. I hate him as well.

Here is what I propose: on the first shift of Saturday night’s game, Lapierre and Carcillo drop the mitts on centre ice. They both land haymakers to each other’s temples, rendering them both unconscious for the rest of the playoffs. That way, we don’t have to see the ‘all talk, no action’ games they both love to play. They bring nothing to the table hockey-wise; they’re glorified carnival attractions.

Last night boils down to this: Montreal was not getting swept in this series and they were buoyed by the rabid home crowd. They’re still going to lose the series.

I hope.

No column on Monday because of the long weekend. Back on Tuesday with the first Bachelorette coverage of the summer.