I need to take care of some general housecleaning before I dive into today’s column. This week’s Talkin’ with Tewks Live podcast will be moved to Thursday. Also, Thursday’s entry will be the last column until May 3.
I am embarking on another heterosexual man-cation with my pal Gretzpo. We’ve been doing the same vacation for three years and in no way is that depressing. Once again, we will be returning to the Communist paradise of Cuba.
While most people like to relax and unwind on an all-inclusive vacation, we do nothing of the sort. We play sports for eight hours a day. We actually return home in superior physical condition than when we left (although this year, I’m not sure if it’s theoretically possible for me to be in better shape).
Also, it seems that I have something of a secret admirer. In Friday’s comments section, 'Anonymous' posted the following: “I’ve got the biggest crush on you right now (in the least creepiest way possible).”
Now, with my luck, that was probably posted by some dude, but it certainly won’t stop me from fantasizing about some smoking hot babe expressing her adoration for my work.
I saw Kick-Ass on Saturday night and I will be the first to admit that I was blown away. The movie was fantastic. I’m usually not a fan of superhero fare; I never really understood the attraction. I prefer my heroes to be real guys, like Rambo and Rocky Balboa.
There was a lot of discussion about how violent and gory the movie is, and how the foul language will be the moral undoing of America’s children, but it was all much ado about nothing. Sure, it was violent, but nothing really out of the ordinary. The edits during the fight scenes were so incredibly quick that any gruesome imagery didn’t make a lasting impression.
The cursing wasn’t too extreme either. It was pretty typical of a movie made in the post Superbad era. What most people were concerned with was the words coming out of the mouth of Hit Girl and how she’s a bad influence on kids.
Turthfully, I don't think she said anything that offensive. She let loose with a couple of f-bombs and said ‘cock’ once; nothing too crazy. One of the best parts of the movie was when she referred to a group of gangbangers as ‘cunts’; that part killed me.
Every scene with Hit Girl and Big Daddy (played by Nicolas Cage) had me enthralled from start to finish. They had a great father/daughter chemistry and somehow made bloodthirsty vigilantism seem sweet.
The filmmakers also made the movie much more realistic than I thought. The titular character was actually a pretty pathetic hero. The writers could have taken the easy way out and had Kick-Ass, uh, kick ass as soon as he put on his green and yellow wetsuit.
Instead, the first time he tried to stop a couple of dirtbag thugs from committing a crime, he ended up getting stabbed in the stomach and hit by a car. Actually, he pretty much spent the entire movie getting the shit kicked out of him. Even Hit Girl and Big Daddy weren’t immune to feeling the wrath of the bad guys. Hit Girl’s final fight scene was actually kind of difficult to watch. It’s strange seeing a grown man chokeslam a little girl (albeit one who could kick my ass).
My one problem with the movie was the completely unrealistic, and formulaic, romantic relationship. Shockingly, Kick-Ass was able to get the girl of his dreams. How? She thought he was gay, they became close friends, he told her he was Kick-Ass and that he wasn’t actually gay, then she had sex with him.
What?
Their entire friendship was based on lies and, not only was she cool with she it, but she banged him five minutes after discovering the truth. Completely ridiculous. Plus, she was way too hot for him. But, they did have a pretty graphic sex scene outside of a comic bookstore and it was pretty sweet. So, I’m torn.
Also, the end of the movie was set up perfectly for a sequel. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. The premise seems like more of a one-time thing for me. But, I can guarantee that if Kick-Ass makes $100 million at the box office, Kick-Ass 2 will be crammed down our throats sooner than later.
Verdict: 4 Therapy Sessions for Being Attracted to Hit Girl out of 5
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1 comment:
Now come on don’t try and act like it would matter if it is man, woman or beast that made that comment because everyone knows you are a complete attention whore and any attention you get you love. You were probably giddy with glee when you saw that comment.
Wait a minute did you make that comment yourself? Start of some plan to use a “secret admirer” as an excuse to post a bunch of beach shots of yourself when you get back from Cuba?
AG
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