American Idol Recap

Now that Idol is finally down to a manageable number and I can recognize the remaining singers at first glance, I figured it was time to give my uninformed opinions on the “TOP 10 UNDISCOVERED SINGERS IN AMERICA!!!”

I am nowhere near a music snob. I like mainstream, popular fluff; evidenced by my adoration of Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. Therefore, I will be dissecting last night’s performances based purely on what was pleasing visually and aurally (not to be confused with orally; I also like to be pleased that way as well). I don’t care if contestants take risks or ‘make songs their own’; I just want to be entertained.

(Quick aside: I want to address Teebs’ comment from yesterday’s post about the NBA scoring race. Teebs, when LeBron says “It doesn’t matter”, I don’t think he is referring to the scoring title. I think he is referring to the media trying to create a rivalry for the title between him and Kevin Durant.

I also disagree with your claim that LeBron says he doesn’t care about winning the scoring title. Would it be nice? Yes. Is it a necessity? No. Of course he wants to win it, but look at these (unsubstantiated) facts. Fifteen points separate the two players right now. That is one basket every ten games. A scoring title separated by such a miniscule margin is a big deal in name only.

Also, do you realize LeBron sits out the fourth quarter of one game a week because the Cavaliers are consistently involved in blowouts? That is almost one game a month that LeBron is stapled to the bench. Oklahoma City doesn’t have that luxury. Durant has to play big minutes every game for the Thunder to have a chance to win.

That is what LeBron means when he says he could be the scoring champion every year if he wanted. If he played 45 minutes per game, he’d be averaging 35 plus a night. But, he’s saving himself for a championship run. Therefore, fewer minutes equals fewer points. I’ll bet LeBron is dominating the hypothetical points per minute category)

Siobhan Magnus – Through the Fire

I rarely know what the judges are talking about when they critique a performance. Terms like ‘pitchy’, ‘runs’, ‘vibrato’ and ‘connecting’ with a song mean nothing to me, but I can tell if a performance is good or not. And last night, Siobhan was not good. She crushed the high notes, but whenever she sang the part that wasn’t the chorus (melody?) she sounded terrible.

Plus, she’s a complete weirdo. Have you seen her interview packages? She has dead eyes. Siobhan reminds me of Hannibal Lecter. Watch the next time Seacrest talks to her. It’s terrifying. Hello, Clarice.

Casey James – Hold On, I’m Comin’

This song is terrific. It gets me pumped up every time I hear it. Plus, the title always brings out the thirteen year old boy in me: Hold On, I’m Comin’ (That’s what she said. Hiyoo!! Who am I kidding? I’ve never heard that).

Casey sang it very well, but something is always off with his performances. They lack pizzazz and a certain je ne sais quoi. Plus, he smiles way too much. It looks fake and more than a little creepy.

Michael Lynche – Ready for Love

I think he might be the dark horse to win it all. He’s a likeable guy with a terrific backstory and he’s proved to be the most competent of all the male singers week in and week out. Truthfully, that’s not saying much, but it just exemplifies how weak this year’s finalists are.

Didi Benami – What Becomes of the Broken-hearted

Unfortunately, I cannot give an unbiased account of Didi’s performance for two reasons: 1. I love this song so much that I watch the Youtube video of Jimmy Ruffin’s original at least twice a week. 2. As the lone hot chick in the competition, I want to have sex with Didi which clouds my judgement of her performances.

So, I thought Didi was excellent.

Tim Urban – Sweet Love

He’s basically Sanjaya, but better looking. What else can I say? How about: why was Usher wearing sunglasses indoors? Can you imagine how dark it must have been in the theatre and this idiot has sunglasses on? What a moron. I’ll bet he couldn’t see anything but shapes for the entire two hours.

Andrew Garcia – Forever

A solid performance, but the most memorable thing about Andrew last night was the preview shot of him before the commercial break leading into his song. From a distance, he was waving his hand wildly and effeminately at the camera. That, plus his glasses, made Andrew look actually retarded. I’m talking Sean Penn in I am Sam retarded. Hilarious stuff.

Katie Stevens – Chain of Fools

I like Katie. She can sing very well and appears to have a poise and maturity beyond her years. She’s also cute, bordering on hot. So much so that I looked up the age of consent in Canada for, you know, research purposes.

Hint: I’m in the clear.

Lee DeWyze – Treat Her Like a Lady

Now this was a great performance. It was the first time that Lee showed he has some semblance of personality on stage. I was thoroughly entertained throughout and, if he keeps it up, Lee has a chance to dethrone Big Mike as the top male in the competition.

Crystal Bowersox – Midnight Train to Georgia

Crystal consistently brings the goods every week. And I like how it appeared she showered for last night’s performance. Her hair also looked significantly less disgusting than usual. The hippie, earth-mother goddess look has never really done it for me.

She’s undoubtedly the most talented performer in the competition and will win the title with ease if the thirteen year old girls doing the voting get a fucking clue.

Aaron Kelly – Ain’t No Sunshine

I don’t understand the draw of this kid. He looks like an elf. I suppose Aaron can sing in tune, but I expect more from my American Idols. Like the ability to lift twenty-five pounds over your head.

A new rule should be instituted that contestants should have at least started puberty before they can audition for the show. As soon as Aaron’s balls drop, that singing voice is going to fly right out the window.