Thursday, February 11, 2010

Housecleaning

So, there is a lot to discuss today. This is the first time since I started the blog (this edition at least) that I actually feel like my writing is making an imprint on this crazy platform called the World Wide Web.

For whatever reason, my Bachelor recaps have struck a chord with pregnant women all over North America, evidenced by the hundreds of hits this site has gotten over the last few days. I don’t know if these gals will be sticking around everyday (if not, show your baby daddies the sports stuff) or will just be tuning in for the recaps on Tuesdays, but I appreciate the support.

It will be interesting to see how I handle this newfound notoriety. Will I fold under pressure like Jean Van De Velde at the British Open or rise to the occasion like Tiger Woods every time he has sex with a woman who is not his wife? Place your bets now, as only time will tell.

Not only has Talkin’ with Tewks provided valuable insight on all things Bachelor and a forum for like-minded reality fans to get their fix of Jake and the gals, but we’ve had some serious sports discussion as well.

Yesterday’s question on LeBron versus Ovechkin produced a passionate response among the male portion of my readership.

I’d like to thank ‘John’ for kicking off the discussion in the comments section. Your additions were invaluable to the arguments put forth, and for that I will even link to your blog.

Unfortunately, my internet friend, this is where the pleasantries end.

I’m not sure where to start, so let’s begin with your first comment where you disagree with my assertion that James is better than Ovechkin and you implore that I ‘learn hockey please.’

Full disclosure: the majority of the long-time readers of this blog (myself included) are Canadian. We come out of the womb with little skates on and a stick in our hands. Don’t ever question our knowledge of the game. I’ve forgotten more about hockey than you’ll ever know.

After CSzem jumped in with his own, astute thoughts on the issue, you continued to bash us over the head with Ovechkin stats and fawning appreciation over Washington’s favourite Russian.

It was at this point that I knew something was amiss. I decided to check out your blog. Curious, I clicked on the Sports link.

What do I find? Every single article is about the Caps or Alexander the Great. Really, John? I mean it was obvious that you have a hard-on for the guy based on your comments, but your links show me that you all but jerk off to pictures of Ovie every night before you go to sleep.

Then I noticed that you haven’t updated your site since December 21st, 2009. Does this mean you actually spend your free time trolling the Internet for mentions of Ovechkin and defending his honour if someone doesn’t call him the greatest athlete to ever walk the face of the planet?

You’re a Capitals super fan, which is great, but don’t mask your man love for the guy by entering into an impartial discussion on great athletes. My buddy Teebs thoroughly put you in your place (I couldn’t have said it better myself), so I don’t want to spend a lot of time debunking your claims.

However, Johnny, you did show how woefully uneducated you are on hockey history with your quote that Maurice Richard was just a ‘skills player.’ Tsk, tsk, Johnny.

Richard was the greatest goal scorer of his time (first to get 50 in 50), but he also was one of the toughest guys in the league. He was his own enforcer. Richard didn’t need someone to fight his battles for him. He cleaned up his own mess.

If you were from Canada, you would know this. Why? From my second favourite Heritage Minutes commercial (the first being the one about Superintendent Sam Steele).

Watch this video. You will see that The Rocket, in one day, moved furniture with a bum shoulder, got in a fight, made some hits and got eight points against the Wings.

Could Ovechkin do that? Also, Richard would take Ovie out to the woodshed if he ever saw Ovechkin’s insufferable goal celebrations. Act like you’ve scored before.

Case dismissed.

2 comments:

Gretzpo said...

You can't do this to me! I'm an American!

WHY DIDN'T I SHOOT HIM?!?!

thy drunken rookie said...

well played today, tewks. after reading yesterday's comment thread i felt like ripping john a new one, but stopped myself after three lines of genuinely uncouth smack. a line like "learn hockey please" deserves a punch right in the mouth.

sam steele is an iconic figure of canadian law enforcement (i have read an excellent biography of his NWMP shenanigans), but clearly the best heritage minute is derived from the early days of basketball.

"mr. naismith sir, it sure slows things down havin' to climb up here everytime [someone drains a peach basket]."

also, there are way more heritage minutes out there than i ever thought possible - it's like there's one for every five minutes of canada's existence:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritage_Minute

with regards to the bachelor - since you've been elucidating its virtues atop your soapbox all season long, i decided to give it a chance. exactly 1:27 into the most recent episode, i threw up in my mouth and had to shut it off. my face nearly exploded at jake's lack of testicular fortitude. you've been taken down a peg for watching that smut.

love always,
TDR