Tis The Season To Lift Heavy

Most people use Christmas Eve as an excuse to drink and eat to excess and sit around on their ass all day. I, on the other hand, have a Christmas Eve tradition that involves me, and a rotating group of friends, throwing some serious iron around.

Every year, I have an impromptu lifting competition on this day against my previous year's self and anyone else who has the huevos to join me.

The competition is a one rep max back squat, a one rep max strict press and a one rep max deadlift. This is better known as the Crossfit Total. You add the three weights together to get your score. If you can achieve a score over 1000, you are a complete badass. Anything above 900 and you are well on your way to having your posterior chain registered as a lethal weapon.

One caveat about the squat. I am talking about a true, deep, below parallel squat. To achieve this depth, the crease of your hip must be below your knees in the bottom of your squat. Anything above that and your lift does not count.

This will come as a complete shock to the globogym meatheads who are partial to inflating their squat totals by restricting range of motion. You know the guys I'm talking about. They load up a barbell with 405, put it on their back, bend their knees five times and say they can squat 405 for five reps. Um, I don't think so, fellas.

A quick tip from Tewks: 95% of the time, when a guy from a big box gym tells you how much he can squat, automatically take off 100-150lbs off of his answer. This rule does not apply for any Crossfitter.

The other part of my tradition involves watching two movies to get myself psyched up: Rocky Balboa and Rambo 4. That's right, Christmas Eve around the Tewks household is a testosterone and carnage fest. I usually tell women to stay at least 50 feet from me at all times today, because the 'eau de man' emanating from my sweat glands is enough to get you pregnant.

Check back around 3pm for my lifting results.

Update:

I had a total score of 900. A 315lb back squat, 155lb shoulder press and a 430lb deadlift. Plus, I got three girls pregnant. 

This is my last post of the week. 

Merry Christmas to all of my readers and I will be back with a vengeance on Monday.

A bientot.