I Hate Mike Fisher

Carrie Underwood is engaged.

Really?

This is the news I have to wake up to this morning?

This, after I spent yesterday pouring my heart out in tribute to a beloved pet—not only that, but I spent an entire column two weeks ago professing my love to Ms. Underwood.

Come on!!!!

Call me old-fashioned, but I do not appreciate my future wife getting engaged to someone else. I don’t understand why she would break my heart like this.

What? I’ve never met her before and she has no idea who am I?

Well, be that as it may, I am still a human being with feelings and stalker-like tendencies. I could have at least been consulted before that dickwad Fisher took it public when pressed by reporters yesterday.

I don’t really know who Mike Fisher is, but I suppose he must be a somewhat decent guy if my Carrie has decided to shack up with him.

Unfortunately, I am a small, petty man, so I am going to try a little experiment to see how powerful this World Wide Web truly is.

In this era of sensationalistic journalism, even the most ridiculous and untrue stories can have a brief stay in the mainstream media consciousness. Therefore, I have just been handed a hot little rumour from my spy in Ottawa.

He tells me that “Mike Fisher has been caught cheating with a Kanata-area Tim Horton’s employee.”

I repeat “Mike Fisher has been caught cheating with a Kanata-area Tim Horton’s employee. And she has the texts to prove it.”

There we go. Now, all I have to do is wait for this post to make it onto the gossip websites, have Carrie find out and go all Before He Cheats on Mr. Fisher’s Ford F150.

I love the internet.

I suppose I should at least pretend that I’m following the world of sports, so how about that Marty Brodeur? He has officially established himself as the greatest goaltender to have ever played the game with his record setting 104th career shutout (to go along with the record for wins and games played).

Why is it that Brodeur doesn’t have the same media cache as Patrick Roy? Is it because Roy is an attention-seeking blowhard and Brodeur is a consummate professional who keeps his mouth shut and goes to work everyday?

That, friends, is what is called a rhetorical question.

I actually just looked up some stats (Wikipedia) and Brodeur has completely re-written the goalie record book. The guy is #1 in everything, but he also seems to somehow be slightly underrated.

Also, do you realize that the Vancouver Olympics will be Brodeur’s fourth? And third as an integral part of the team (he didn’t dress in Nagano). Undoubtedly, he will be the number one guy in February because, at 37, he is on pace to have one of his best seasons statistically.

Martin Brodeur. Greatness personified.

I still hate Mike Fisher.