Friday, November 20, 2009

With Gold Up, IOC Takes One Back

The International Olympic Committee has decided to retroactively strip two athletes of their medals from the Beijing Games and disqualify four others because of positive doping tests.

I think it’s great that the IOC is so stringent and committed to punishing drug cheats, but waiting 16 months to do so seems a little ridiculous. According to reports, the athletes tested positive for CERA, which is an advanced version of the drug EPO (it has something to do with making your blood superhuman).

Apparently these guys tested negative in Beijing, but then tested positive in April when a more accurate test for CERA became available. Here’s where I have a bit of a problem. This retroactive punishment could get wildly out of hand in the near future.

Is the IOC doping agency going to start stockpiling all athlete samples and test them in the future as new and improved doping tests become available? Is Usain Bolt going to have his medals taken away in the year 2040 because they created a new test for some scientifically advanced super drug?

There has to be a statute of limitations on such procedure. We can’t have a rash of senior citizens being stripped of medals they won fifty years earlier because of overzealous anti-doping czars.

Imagine you’re in a retirement home trying to get your freak on with Ethel, the hot, young 70 year old new resident. From your wheelchair, you brag about your Olympic glory a lifetime ago, only to have some jerkoff come into the rec room at leisure time and take your medal away. I’d be pissed. The IOC just salted your game big time and dashed, perhaps, your last chance at sex on this earth.

Also, if the positive test came out in April, why did they wait until now to release the results? What else does the IOC have to do in the meantime: take bribes of cash and sexual favours from the Rio De Janeiro Olympic Committee?

The gold medallist caught in this scandal was Rashid Ramzi, a middle distance runner from Bahrain who won the prestigious men’s 1500 metre race. To no one’s surprise, it was Bahrain’s first ever gold medal in Olympic history.

Does taking Ramzi’s medal away at this point really matter that much? Imagine the accolades and attention Ramzi has gotten in his country for his epic win. Money, fame—I’m sure he’s a national hero. He had a good run as Olympic champion. Really, the only thing the positive test will do is preclude him from future competition.

He’s already climbed his sport’s highest mountain. Why not just retire and become an oil baron like everyone else in Bahrain (or whatever it is they do there)?


The best part about this is the IOC ‘ordering’ Ramzi to give his medal back. I’d tell them to Go Fuck Themselves. He’s not going to get arrested if he keeps it. They have no legal recourse. He won’t run again anyway, so there is no incentive for him to return the medal.

The IOC is like the public library. They can make toothless threats (charge you a quarter a day for an overdue book), but if you want to keep your book, you can keep it. They are powerless to stop you. So they’ll take away your library card, big deal.

You already have the book you want.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Usually I pass by most of your articles 1) because I don't like you much and 2) because I think they are a waste of time :P..however this one caught my eye.
Not sure if you have written a column on it or not..but what are your thoughts on steroids in baseball..and removing or putting an asterisk beside those in the record books who have tested positive?

thy drunken rookie said...

8 years brah. that's how long the window's open to apply new tests to old samples. so medals from the 2008 games can be stripped until 2016. how many medal winners are counting the days until they get away unscathed?