Potpourri

Just a few quick hits today on a variety of topics as I have a big 72 hours coming up. This afternoon, I am embarking on the first session of my new life goal of representing Canada at the 2022 Winter Olympics in curling.

I have a ‘Learn to Curl’ class with Sister Tewks (Hey, even the best have to start somewhere). I am hoping that my session will be led by Cheryl Bernard. If that’s the case, I will do whatever it takes to obtain some extra credit. I’ll bring my rock straight to her button.

This weekend, I will be competing in the event that I’ve been training excessively hard for over the last four months, the details of which I will divulge in tomorrow’s column.

The Iditarod

For reasons that remain unclear, my good friend and avid reader, Thy Drunken Rookie, is a closeted fan of the Iditarod. For those of you not up to speed on the world of competitive sled dog racing, the Iditarod is like the World Series of this niche sport.

It takes place in Alaska every year and it’s basically just a test of who can’t die in the frigid, Alaskan weather while leading a team of 11 huskies through the wilderness for a little over a week.

I don’t understand the point of it either.

Apparently, this year’s winner, Lance Mackey, won his fourth consecutive Iditarod which is apparently akin to Roger Federer winning six Wimbledon titles in a row.

Congratulations, Lance! See a picture of Mr. Mackey here. Yikes. Now, I have a few other questions. Like what is the probability that Mr. Mackie does not engage in group orgies with his dogs at night? There’s a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.

Ron Washington Admits to Cocaine Use

At first glance, I was nonplussed at the revelation of Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington admitting to cocaine use. The guy played in the majors in the 70s and 80s when such drug use was a rampant problem.

Then I read the story a little more in-depth and found out that Washington failed a major league drug test LAST YEAR!

What?

The best part of the story is that Washington says that he only used cocaine once. I am calling supreme bullshit on that one. You experiment with recreational drugs in your twenties when you’re young and dumb. You don’t ‘try cocaine once’ when you’re fifty-seven years old.

I have a feeling this is not the last time we will hear about this story. Fifty bucks says Washington and Josh Hamilton took their nostrils to Santa’s village at some point during last season (Did that analogy make any sense at all?).

Argos Sign Canadian QB

The big news out of the Toronto sports world is that the Argonauts signed local boy, Danny Brannagan, to a three year contract. I actually went to university with Brannagan which makes this story hit close to home, as it reminds me of my failed dreams of professional sports glory.

I don’t really understand why Canadian quarterbacks are shunned so vehemently by the CFL. I can see that there is a talent drop-off from their American counterparts, but I would think playing in a Canadian system for four years would give the Canucks a competitive advantage.

Most Canadians don’t understand CFL rules, how are Americans going to?