I planned on waiting to weigh in on the Tiger Woods situation until all the facts had been determined but, if respected national publications like the New York Times have no problem pouring gasoline on the rumour mill fires, why should I? They have journalism ethics to worry about; I just have to remember to cover up my man area before I go outside to get the mail.
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
There are two possible stories circulating around the Web but both involve one established fact. Woods was involved in a single vehicle crash in his driveway when he struck both a fire hydrant and a tree.
There are only four possible ways a person could drive so badly: drunk, medicated, injured, pissed off, or some combination of all four. That's it. No person under normal circumstances could pull off such an an accomplished feat of terrible driving (unless it was a woman driver--Ba-dum-cha!)
After the accident, one story has us believing that Tiger's wife Elin smashed the rear window of his SUV to extract Tiger from the vehicle. I'm not a paramedic or trained in emergency services, but if your goal is to extract someone from the FRONT seat, why are you smashing the back window?
The other story is that the window was smashed BEFORE the accident as a result of a domestic dustup between Tiger and his Swedish wife. I wish there was some way the Florida Highway Patrol could figure out how to use a time stamp/CSI wizardry to determine the time of the window smash. Maybe get that math nerd from Numb3rs to come up with some complex club velocity/distance travelled by broken glass logarithm.
Why was Tiger in such a hurry to leave his Orlando residence? There are rumours of possible infidelity on his part. If that's the case, then maybe his reported facial lacerations didn't result from the accident but from the tiny fists of fury of Mrs. Woods.
Now, I have a theory about professional athlete infidelity that will most likely not endear me to my female readers (in fact, I ran the idea past Mama Tewks and she very nearly went Elin Woods on my forehead).
Having extramarital 'associates' is one of the unwritten rules of being a professional athlete. You're on the road the majority of the year and you have women throwing themselves at you in every city. It's inevitable that you would sample the forbidden fruit at some point.
Look, the wives of professional athletes know what they're getting into when they marry these guys. In exchange for the money, wealth and privilege of being an athlete's wife, you are expected to look the other way in such situations. What happens on the road stays on the road.
Unfortunately for these gals, this is not a two way street. Look twice at the pool boy and expect the money train to cease making stops at your station. Is this fair? Nope, but marrying a pro athlete is like making a deal with the devil.
There is one caveat to this unwritten contract. The guy has to ensure he is being discreet about his extracurricular activity. He cannot embarrass his wife by being photographed with a groupie or have rumours of his cheating hit the airwaves.
Once you're caught by the media for an extramarital tryst, all bets are off. You're on your own pal. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You screwed up your end of this great deal. Time to face the consequences.
This is what I think really happened with Tiger. He probably has stepped out in the past, but there were media rumours of a dalliance with a lady Down Under, so Elin rightfully lost her mind and probably beat the shit out of him.
That's why he was trying to get out of Dodge so fast.
(Tiger, one last bit of advice: tradeups only. I mean look at the pic of Elin at the top of the post. She is smoking hot. The alleged other woman looks like a dude. Come on man, get your head in the game.)
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Now as a female reader, I was unsure as to how to comment on this article. I was not as outraged as Mama Tewks may have been, as it is a valid point that many pro-athletes taste the forbidden fruit. Note the use of the word ‘many’. As a woman I like to entertain the hope that there are a few good men, in this case male athletes, out there that would never consider sampling the forbidden fruit tray. However, since it is common knowledge that many male athletes sample, women wanting to start dating an athlete should know what they are getting into. Heck, we could be just another piece of pineapple on that tray of forbidden fruit for all we know. Doesn’t say much for the character of these male athletes, but that’s the chance women take in that situation. Now I’m not condoning this behaviour, but let’s face it... it happens. When they have that much fame/power/money, men will do whatever they want. Women too for all I know, but if the roles were reversed is it socially acceptable for female professional athletes to take part in the same behaviour? Doubtful. It would be considered illicit and promiscuous behaviour. Ah, the fairness of the world today.
What I wonder is what the unwritten rule is for women who are dating or are married to a man who becomes a pro-athlete during the relationship. I would hope the rules would change. I don’t like the idea that professional sport can have that big of an effect on one’s morals. Another thought spurred by this article: In such a case as A-Rod’s... there is no way the unwritten rule applies to him, he’s dating Kate Hudson. Who in their right mind would even look at the forbidden fruit when they can have Kate Hudson?
A message to Tiger: If it was in fact a domestic dispute, I consider you in the same position as A-Rod: look at your wife man! She is smoking hot, how could you ever consider another woman? I would beat you with a golf club too for your stupidity.
"Now, I have a theory about professional athlete infidelity that will most likely not endear me to my female readers (in fact, I ran the idea past Mama Tewks and she very nearly went Elin Woods on my forehead)."
Laughed out loud when I read that because I can just imagine her reaction. Oh PLEASE I beg of you to say it to her again when I am around. The hilarity of the ensuing ass kicking you would receive would be truly awesome. You could consider it your Christmas gift to me.
Hit the publish button before I added my name to my comment above.
Allan
Forgot to put my name on the first comment
You're right - your attitude towards athletes and cheating will not endear you to your women readers. My problem is that men, including you, not just professional athletes, seem to believe the "what happens in a certain place stays in that place" mantra whenever you're so much as in a different city, let alone traveling all the time (I speak from experience, having grown up with an older brother and cousin to listen to, as well as their friends).
You guys seem to have completely disregarded the sanctity of marriage. And for what? A night of "passion"? How about this: don't get into any sort of relationship if you can't keep it zipped when you're away from your significant other. I don't care if you're a pro athlete, a garbage man, or a 20 something year old who writes blogs from his parents' basement.
Can't have it all, Tewks.
Perhaps Tiger Woods has been taking his promotional contract with Nike a bit too far recently. Dear Chump, when they say “Just do it” I’m fairly certain they’re referring to golf, not women and especially women who are not your wife.
As usual, I disagree with you and your view on the infidelities of professional athletes; it’s simple, if you don’t want a commitment don’t get married. I imagine classy ladies like your buddy’s nanny, Jenna Jameson and Kendra Wilkinson will still keep your company regardless of finger bling.
Think of the possibilities here, not only will be you be keeping your name out of the press; but the money saved on an elaborate wedding should be enough to purchase at least 2 or 3 ridiculous sports cars and score you an appearance on MTV’s Cribs.
Tewks Michael and I really can't see what all the fuss is about - thought you nailed the article - Dwight from Scranton
Rambo = Lame
Bestie = well, I haven't decided what this equals yet.
At least you're passionate about it. That I appreciate, and think more people should live for passion.
The problem I have is when you start referring it to the 'sanctuary of marriage'. It's got nothing to do with something that some dude wrote in the book of bible, or whatever it is they pass as religion these days. It's got to do with a commitment to one another. As a pro athlete, you're no different than a Hollywood star. A decision needs to be made. Do you John Mayer it up and bang all sorts of emotional wrecks? or do go at it Mel Gibson styles and stay eligible bachelor of the world your entire life?
I like where you're headed, I just get the feeling i'm up against a uber pro feminist, in which case, you're absolutely right, I'm sorry. But I do agree, just cause you're an 'athlete', you can't have the best of both worlds.
Rambo: I'm sure you're a very sincere and caring person, but lets face it, if you're gonna write a 6 page comment, at least take some sort of a stand. I like your mentioning of A-Rod tho. Unfortunately that's a different story.
I'm just sad I read all that and didn't get fired up about any of it.
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