Ballard Named Marlins New Hitting Coach

What a weird week for the National Hockey League.

A rash of freak injuries has overshadowed a great regular season thus far. Joe Corvo, of the Carolina Hurricanes, had his calf slashed open by an errant skate and is expected to miss 8-12 weeks (oddly enough, this is the same injury suffered by Hurricanes' number one goalie, Cam Ward).

It's surprising lacerations like that don't occur more often, considering every player in the game is skating around on two razor sharp blades. I always cringe when guys are checked ass over tea kettle into the bench and their skate blades fly towards unprotected faces like the guillotine favoured by the Jacobins during their Reign of Terror (where else on the web do you get equal doses of comedy and references to the French Revolution?).

Maple Leafs goaltender Jonas Gustavsson was removed from a game against the Montreal Canadiens on Tuesday due to concerns about his elevated heart rate. The precaution taken by the Leafs organization was understandable considering the ablation procedure Gustavsson underwent during training camp to fix his abnormal heart rate.

What I don't understand is that the concern this time was for his elevated heart rate. I mean, the guy is playing professional hockey--it's not like he's having a spot of tea and playing Internet scrabble. I would expect his heart rate to be elevated throughout the course of the game.

I was stapled to the bench for the majority of my hockey career, so my heart rate rarely got above resting levels, but I would imagine these guys are pushing the outer limits of their aerobic capacity, thus an elevated heart rate should be the norm.

The weirdest injury of the week was undoubtedly Keith Ballard's two handed baseball swing upside the head of Tomas Vokoun, his OWN goaltender. What was he thinking? Check it out here. The amazing thing is that Ballard doesn't even seem fazed that he almost decapitated his goalie. He just skates away like nothing happened.

If he did that to an opposing player, he would be suspended for the rest of the season and would probably face criminal charges. Luckily, Vokoun was not seriously injured. Should the Panthers discipline Ballard internally?

He should at least have to sit out one game for being a moron.

I'd love to hear a conversation between Elin Woods and Keith Ballard discussing proper swing mechanics. They are like the Ted Williams and Joe Dimaggio of assaults with a deadly weapon.

Ballard looks to be more of a line drive, singles type hitter with that flat, downward swing plane. Whereas I'm sure Elin has more of power hitter's uppercut capable of reaching the windshield of a Cadillac Escalade.

And, of course, Ballard is a purist who likes to hit with wood and Elin prefers the sweet ping of metal for added distance and power (not to mention rearranging the facial symmetry of a cheating husband).