The International Olympic Committee has decided to retroactively strip two athletes of their medals from the Beijing Games and disqualify four others because of positive doping tests.
I think it’s great that the IOC is so stringent and committed to punishing drug cheats, but waiting 16 months to do so seems a little ridiculous. According to reports, the athletes tested positive for CERA, which is an advanced version of the drug EPO (it has something to do with making your blood superhuman).
Apparently these guys tested negative in Beijing, but then tested positive in April when a more accurate test for CERA became available. Here’s where I have a bit of a problem. This retroactive punishment could get wildly out of hand in the near future.
Is the IOC doping agency going to start stockpiling all athlete samples and test them in the future as new and improved doping tests become available? Is Usain Bolt going to have his medals taken away in the year 2040 because they created a new test for some scientifically advanced super drug?
There has to be a statute of limitations on such procedure. We can’t have a rash of senior citizens being stripped of medals they won fifty years earlier because of overzealous anti-doping czars.
Imagine you’re in a retirement home trying to get your freak on with Ethel, the hot, young 70 year old new resident. From your wheelchair, you brag about your Olympic glory a lifetime ago, only to have some jerkoff come into the rec room at leisure time and take your medal away. I’d be pissed. The IOC just salted your game big time and dashed, perhaps, your last chance at sex on this earth.
Also, if the positive test came out in April, why did they wait until now to release the results? What else does the IOC have to do in the meantime: take bribes of cash and sexual favours from the Rio De Janeiro Olympic Committee?
The gold medallist caught in this scandal was Rashid Ramzi, a middle distance runner from Bahrain who won the prestigious men’s 1500 metre race. To no one’s surprise, it was Bahrain’s first ever gold medal in Olympic history.
Does taking Ramzi’s medal away at this point really matter that much? Imagine the accolades and attention Ramzi has gotten in his country for his epic win. Money, fame—I’m sure he’s a national hero. He had a good run as Olympic champion. Really, the only thing the positive test will do is preclude him from future competition.
He’s already climbed his sport’s highest mountain. Why not just retire and become an oil baron like everyone else in Bahrain (or whatever it is they do there)?The best part about this is the IOC ‘ordering’ Ramzi to give his medal back. I’d tell them to Go Fuck Themselves. He’s not going to get arrested if he keeps it. They have no legal recourse. He won’t run again anyway, so there is no incentive for him to return the medal.
The IOC is like the public library. They can make toothless threats (charge you a quarter a day for an overdue book), but if you want to keep your book, you can keep it. They are powerless to stop you. So they’ll take away your library card, big deal.
You already have the book you want.
I am writing about the Toronto Maple Leafs way too much (once is more than enough), but I feel it is my duty to be the voice of reason in the moronic world known as the Toronto sports media landscape.
When the Leafs lost their first eight games of the season, pundits blasted the team saying they were going to be the worst team in NHL history, and callers on the Fan 590 explored the possibility of the Leafs going 0-82. People couldn’t get off the bandwagon fast enough.
Then, when the Leafs won two games in a row at the start of the month, the news was all about how the Leafs had “turned a corner” and the scribes at the Toronto Star were breathlessly prepping Brain Burke for sainthood and guaranteeing a playoff appearance. The bandwagon, once again, was full.
Can we just all agree that the Leafs are a shitty team who will not make the playoffs this year? They’re not the worst team ever, but they have just as much of a chance to win the Cup this year as I do of pleasing a woman sexually.
The extreme polarity among Leaf supporters regarding the team’s chances has unfortunately carried over to their opinions of two of the team’s young stars: Phil Kessel and Luke Schenn.
Look, Phil Kessel is a very good National Hockey League Player. He has performed admirably in limited action this season and possesses one of the best releases in the game. However, to hear Leaf Nation describe him, you would think he’s Maurice Richard with one testicle.
Kessel will be a consistent 30 goal scorer in the league, but let’s hold off on planning his Hall of Fame induction speech, shall we? The reason he has looked so good in a Leafs uniform is that the players around him are terrible. I’m an awful soccer player, but if you put me on the pitch against a team of 6 year olds I’ll look like Pele out there.
I realize talking sense into Leafs fans is akin to telling a stripper to keep her clothes on, but I would appreciate if we could all temper our expectations on Mr. Kessel, at least until he’s played ten games or so.
At the other end of the spectrum is Luke Schenn. He can do nothing right in the eyes of the media right now. Everyone wants to know what’s wrong with Luke Schenn? Here’s a thought: HE’S 20 YEARS OLD!!
Do you realize how hard it is to play in the NHL as a twenty year old defenseman? He’s playing the toughest position in the game against the most skilled players in the world. Give the guy a break. When I was twenty, I spent the majority of my time skipping economics classes and trying to get freshman girls to touch me in my special area.
Schenn is going to have some growing pains, it’s inevitable. Unfortunately, last year, the media built him to be some sort of defensive saviour when, in actuality, he should be commended for playing a regular shift at this point in his career.You can see how the media attention and questions are starting to have adverse affects on young Luke. He’s trying way too hard to make the perfect play on the ice and “redeem” himself in the eyes of Leafs Nation.
Did you see the game in Ottawa where Schenn fought Senator’s tough guy Chris Neil? The kid was terrified before they started trading punches. He has zero confidence right now. Schenn should not be counted on to fight, but he was just trying to endear himself to the Toronto press.
Leave the kid alone.
I went on a heterosexual man date last night with a close friend of mine to see the newest entrant in the disaster-porn genre, 2012. Let me begin by saying that if this Roland Emmerich directed debacle is indicative of the cinematic fare Hollywood is poised to unleash to the masses, then I will welcome the Rapture with open arms.
(For those readers bemoaning a second consecutive post with nary a mention of sports, how about this: 2012 is like the Toronto Maple Leafs 2009-10 Season. I didn’t expect much going in, was hoping to be pleasantly surprised, but was ultimately left laughing at inopportune times and wondering how they could spend so much money on such a mediocre product.)
What a stinker. The movie was a complete mess from the beginning. Here is a spoiler-free rundown on my thoughts (warning: may contain spoilers):
At a robust running time of 2.5 hours, you would think there would have been more time spent on the explanation for the global catastrophe. Instead, we got two minutes of people saying “Oh my God” while looking distraughtly at computer screens and a half-baked explanation about neutrinos and solar flares.
Why is it that in every movie of this ilk the only people smart enough to figure out the doomsday scenario are Americans? This is how the US views the rest of the world. They sit there and use their brains to figure out how to save humanity while the rest of us sit there and fling our crap at each other.
The disaster scenes were incredibly cool the first couple of times, but after awhile you just get numb to all the destruction and laugh at how implausible everything is. The scenes were so obviously CGI’ed and on such a large scale that there was no emotional attachment to the thousands of people dying in these scenes. I was more attached to the fireballs and tsunamis.
The acting was atrocious. Danny Glover as the American President was the epitome of “don’t give a crap” acting. I would say his performance was wooden but that would be a disservice to trees everywhere. Woody Harrelson was the only redeemable actor in this film. He was excellent as always. Although, I’m pretty sure he didn’t know he was in a movie. He probably just thought he was on a bad acid trip.
Every formulaic emotional scene from every ‘end of the world’ movie is represented in this travesty: Stubborn old guy tries to make peace with his adult son, Divorced dad reconnects with his kids, ex-husband and wife rekindle their romance through tragedy, archetypal ‘jerk’ calls his infirm mother to say goodbye, evil Russian risks his life for his kids, etc.
It got so bad that I turned to my buddy at one point and said, “Hey, they haven’t done the dog narrowly escapes death yet.” Sure enough, ten minutes later, a dog miraculously snatches life from the jaws of death. Its owner didn’t make it. I did not see that coming.
By the end, I was openly cheering for the global cataclysm to kill everyone.
This is where this movie will find its niche. Go to an afternoon showing with a friend (so the theatre’s not too busy) and crack jokes for two hours. I had a great time. It’s a fun movie to see on the big screen with all of the effects and it’s a completely mockable farce.
One part I loved is when earthquakes rumble through the Vatican. The tremors split the Sistine Chapel in two. Where does the split occur? Right between God and Adam’s fingers in Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam. Of course. Symbolism, anyone? Emmerich doesn’t so much give the audience a lecture on the religious underpinnings of the end of the world as he does hit you over the head with it.Unfortunately, there will be a small, but retarded group of people who will view this movie as a documentary and make our lives hell for the next two years.
I hate society.
Last night, after watching House (a great episode by the way, much better than last week’s, which can only be described as craptastic), I was flipping through the channels searching for something to pique my interest.
I had no interest in Monday Night Football game as the Browns and Ravens engaged in an offensively-challenged contest only a mother could love. I don’t get the fascination with Brady Quinn. Sure, he’s a good looking dude and is very strong, but he completed more passes to guys on the sidelines than his actual receiving corps.
I stumbled upon Larry King Live and he was having a panel discussion on the 2008 Republican Vice-President nominee, Sarah Palin. The aim of the program was to discuss her new book and recent appearance on Oprah.
How hot is Sarah Palin? Look at the picture above. I mean she is absolutely smoking. I feel sorry for her daughters. It must suck for them to have a mother who is more desirable among males than they are. And it’s not even close. The daughter who got knocked up can’t hold a candle to the cougarific Palin.
The panel discussion revolved mostly around the possibility of Palin running for President in 2012. I’m indifferent to the idea but let me postulate something here. We all know beautiful women get whatever they want, especially from ugly men who are awkward around the fairer sex in the first place. You put Palin in the White House and she’ll be able to flirt her way into getting whatever she wants from other world leaders.
Do you think Kim Jong-il has ever talked to a woman who looks like Palin? Of course not. The guy’s a hobbit. Palin would have him abolishing his nuclear missile program and singing Give Peace a Chance from the White House front lawn after a 15 minute chat.
In the clips I saw from Palin’s interview with Oprah, she seems a lot more polished and articulate now than during the election, when she seemed to be flustered by all the media attention. Now she looks like a seasoned pro in front of the camera. She also had a pretty good sense of humour about a number of difficult topics, like her loser possible son-in-law posing for Playgirl.
If she keeps impressing me like this and keeps looking so fine, I may have to throw my considerable web influence behind the ‘Palin in 2012’ ticket.
There were a couple things about Larry King Live that made me laugh. King constantly pimped his blog and Twitter page, like he had an idea what they were. I’d be surprised if King knew how to work a touch tone phone.
Also, at the bottom of the screen, CNN kept promoting an article on its website about ‘5 Burning Questions with Oprah’s Trainer.’ Who in their right mind would take advice from this guy?
Um, yes I just have one question: why is your client still fat?
Sometimes, depending on the sports landscape the night before, I struggle to come up with interesting and engaging topics to discuss on this forum. I don’t think I’ll have that problem on Mondays.
A full slate of wildly entertaining NFL games (how about the Colts/Pats Sunday nighter?), a PGA Tour win by Canadian Stephen Ames, the first LPGA Tour win of Michelle Wie’s career (is she actually hot, or just athletic Asian hot?), and Captain Canada Steve Nash lighting up the Toronto Raptors.
I’m not going to touch any of the above and instead focus on two transcendent talents who created instant watercooler discussion on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon respectively: Manny Pacquiao and Adrian Peterson.
I’ve never been a huge fan of the sweet science (my favourite boxer is Rocky Balboa), and I’ve only had a cursory interest in the heavyweight division. This changed somewhat during my last vacation to Cuba. One of the benefits of a Caribbean trip (besides the free booze and women willing to make questionable decisions) is access to HBO.
While there, I watched a documentary on Pacquiao’s training camp leading up to his fight with Ricky Hatton. Pacquiao is absolutely incredible. Not only is the guy in tremendous shape but he hits insanely hard for someone so small in stature. Furthermore, the speed and velocity in which he delivers his punches is superhuman. When Pacquiao starts punching at full throttle, you literally cannot see his fists moving; everything is just a blur.
He could knock me out, revive me, and knock me out again before I had a chance to hit the floor.
Pacquiao dismantled Miguel Cotto so thoroughly Saturday night in Vegas that Cotto’s wife and young son left the arena in the 9th round as they couldn’t bear to see Cotto take any more punishment. That victory gave Pacquiao a record seventh title in seven different weight classes. He has dominated every division from 106 pounds all the way to 147 pounds.
The record in itself isn’t what impresses me most about Pacquiao; it’s the way he does it. When you watch Manny Pacquiao fight, you know you are witnessing greatness. It’s just hard to fathom that a guy his size is able to generate such punishing punching power at a breakneck pace.
The appreciation for such once-in-a-generation talent is a perfect segue to Viking’s running back Adrian Peterson. Yesterday against the Lions, AP racked up an impressive 133 yards on the ground. This gave him over 4,000 yards for his career in only 39 career games.
I’m not a math whiz but I’m pretty sure that averages out to over 100 yards a game. One hundred yard games are the benchmark of great running and all Peterson has done is AVERAGE 100 yards per start throughout his fledgling career.
Like Pacquiao, it’s not the stats that impress me; it’s how Peterson gains these yards. He reaches top speed faster and changes direction better than any other back in the game. But what sets AP apart is his unparalleled strength and power.
Twice yesterday, he looked to be tackled for no gain. Instead, he kept his legs churning and broke through a number of tackles for massive yardage. Once he even had a Lion draped around his waist and he still managed to rumble for a good gain.The best example of Peterson’s awe-inspiring ability took place a few weeks ago against the Steelers. He caught a pass from the Viking’s quarterback (What’s his name? You never hear much about him), turned around and just lambasted Pittsburgh cornerback William Gay. I mean completely crushed him. And he kept moving for significant yardage. Check it out here. Watching that clip gives me a testosterone-fuelled erection.
The International Olympic Committee has decided to retroactively strip two athletes of their medals from the Beijing Games and disqualify four others because of positive doping tests.
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