Talkin' with Tewks Live: NHL Playoff Roundup

(BOD - With an ass like that, does it matter what her name is?)

As promised, here is this week's edition of Talkin' with Tewks Live. I wanted to wait until last night to record it because I wanted the playoff series to get halfway finished so there would be more to discuss about each series.

Just a reminder, this will be the last new entry posted until May 3, when I return from my well-earned vacation.

Talkin' with Tewks Live - NHL Playoffs

Enjoy.

See you in 10 days.

A Great Time to be a Sports Fan

(BOD - Julianne Hough; with apologies to AC)

I have nothing to be upset about right now. I am in a good mood and there is nothing happening in the sports world that has sufficiently drawn my ire to write about today. I don’t know if it’s the weather or the fact I will double-fisting pina coladas in 72 hours, but last night I contemplated just how great it is to be a sports fan right now.

And by now, I don’t mean 2010. I don’t want to get into a philosophical discussion about how great technology makes following sports in the 21st century. The main reason I don’t want to discuss that angle is that I would be buried under a deluge of techno-speak once I got past High Definition feeds.

No, it’s great to be a sports fan in April. Why?

In Canada and the Northern United States, the weather begins a march towards the mercury-busting temperatures of summer. Nice weather just puts people in a better mood; and sports fans are people so this point applies.

The first golf major of the year takes place. Nothing kicks spring off quite like the schmaltzy music and vivid greens of Augusta National Golf Club. It’s the most entertaining golf tournament to watch in the world.

The start of baseball season. I could wax poetic for thousands of words about my love for America’s pastime. It’s the perfect summer sport. And with each of the 30 teams in Major League Baseball playing a 162 game schedule, it is possible to watch a game every day for the next seven months. How fantastic is that?

The NHL playoffs. I’ve been pretty brutal on hockey over the past year, but that’s only because I don’t care to watch the watered-down product that is a 30 team regular season. Every team in the league has at least three players who don’t belong on an NHL roster. The bad teams have even more. I’m looking in your direction, Toronto Maple Leafs.

But, I do love hockey when it’s played by supremely gifted players, which is why I followed Crosby and Ovechkin so closely during the year. I also loved watching the Olympics as that tournament featured the best players in the world playing with conviction and tremendous skill every single game.

The NHL playoffs, thus far, have done the same thing. The pace of play has been fantastic and every game has been entertaining. Is it a coincidence that the goon squad of mediocre players get zero ice time? Nope, because fighting is not a part of playoff hockey. The postseason is hockey at its best: playing on the edge with passion. It’s not picking a fight because you don’t possess another discernible hockey skill.

The NBA playoffs. Much like hockey, I don’t really follow the sport as a whole during the regular season, but I do keep an eye on transcendent talents like LeBron and Kobe. Too often, NBA players are disengaged during the regular season and just go through the motions (I watched Vince Carter do this night after night for years).

However, I do watch the playoffs because the level of play rises considerably and the games are riveting to watch. Case in point, the duel between Kobe and Kevin Durant in Los Angeles last night. Now that was exciting basketball. It’s not exciting to watch the Raptors lose by 10 in Memphis on a random Wednesday night.

What’s more, the previous three points can all be viewed every single night for the next two months. How great is that? It really is an embarrassment of riches.

Sports fans should count their blessings and remember this time when the dog days of August roll around and the only viewing option are baseball games where the players’ only goal is to not melt in the sun; batting average and ERA be damned.

Attendance Woes for Jays Continue

(BOD - Natalie Gulbis)

The Toronto Blue Jays continue to flirt with the .500 mark through the first two weeks of the regular season. And this is without having played any games against the three big dogs in the AL East. So, can all the moronic fans predicting an asinine 90 plus wins for this team please cool their jets.

If Toronto can stay within spitting distance of mediocrity until the first day of summer, then this 15th consecutive year of rebuilding should be deemed a success.

The big issue that has gotten a lot of traction over the past week has been the pitiful attendance number for the Jays’ first homestand of the season (save for the Home Opener when the Rogers Centre was filled with drunken hooligans like CSzem).

While I do think it’s a disturbing trend that the team is struggling to draw five figures in a building designed for 50,000, the situation isn’t nearly as bad as some media outlets would have you believe.

I don’t even want to address the idiocy of the comments made by that hack White Sox columnist and the reprehensible Alex Rios that there are no baseball fans in this country, baseball is dead in Canada, and the team should be moved to the United States.

Wasting my time writing about such ill-informed trash would be hazardous to my health.

The dearth of fans attending Blue Jays games this season has nothing to do with ‘the death of baseball’ in this country. It has everything to do with people not wanting to spend their hard-earned money on such a lacklustre product.

Canadian baseball fans are much smarter than Canadian hockey fans. How else can you explain the Air Canada Centre being filled to capacity for every single Leafs game when the team hasn’t been relevant in almost a decade?

Baseball fans will show up to the Rogers Centre when there is a good product on the field and there’s a legitimate possibility that the Jays will fight for a playoff spot. Also, every year the first couple of homestands draw horrible crowds. Why? There are a myriad of reasons.

I like baseball just as much as the next person, but if I’m going to spend three hours of my day at the stadium, then I need a couple of assurances: a hot sun, cold beer, and the opportunity to take my shirt off. They won’t open the roof consistently for another few weeks; once the warm weather is here to stay, the crowds will begin to increase. It’s a great afternoon activity for the whole family.

The team traded the best player in franchise history in the offseason. We will get over the departure of Roy Halladay, but it’s going to take some time. Also, the fact he might not lose a start the entire season isn’t exactly speeding up the healing process.

With 81 home games, baseball is a different animal than hockey or basketball. There is ample opportunity throughout the summer to see the team play. With hockey and basketball, you need to be proactive in obtaining tickets, but you can go to a baseball game pretty much any day or time you want.

At the end of the year, the team will still average 20,000-25,000 fans as they have for the last few years.

A memo to the Blue Jays brain trust: put a competitive product on the field and people will come. Oh, they will most definitely come.

Kick-Ass Kicked Ass

(BOD - Caroline Wozniacki)

I need to take care of some general housecleaning before I dive into today’s column. This week’s Talkin’ with Tewks Live podcast will be moved to Thursday. Also, Thursday’s entry will be the last column until May 3.

I am embarking on another heterosexual man-cation with my pal Gretzpo. We’ve been doing the same vacation for three years and in no way is that depressing. Once again, we will be returning to the Communist paradise of Cuba.

While most people like to relax and unwind on an all-inclusive vacation, we do nothing of the sort. We play sports for eight hours a day. We actually return home in superior physical condition than when we left (although this year, I’m not sure if it’s theoretically possible for me to be in better shape).

Also, it seems that I have something of a secret admirer. In Friday’s comments section, 'Anonymous' posted the following: “I’ve got the biggest crush on you right now (in the least creepiest way possible).”

Now, with my luck, that was probably posted by some dude, but it certainly won’t stop me from fantasizing about some smoking hot babe expressing her adoration for my work.

I saw Kick-Ass on Saturday night and I will be the first to admit that I was blown away. The movie was fantastic. I’m usually not a fan of superhero fare; I never really understood the attraction. I prefer my heroes to be real guys, like Rambo and Rocky Balboa.

There was a lot of discussion about how violent and gory the movie is, and how the foul language will be the moral undoing of America’s children, but it was all much ado about nothing. Sure, it was violent, but nothing really out of the ordinary. The edits during the fight scenes were so incredibly quick that any gruesome imagery didn’t make a lasting impression.

The cursing wasn’t too extreme either. It was pretty typical of a movie made in the post Superbad era. What most people were concerned with was the words coming out of the mouth of Hit Girl and how she’s a bad influence on kids.

Turthfully, I don't think she said anything that offensive. She let loose with a couple of f-bombs and said ‘cock’ once; nothing too crazy. One of the best parts of the movie was when she referred to a group of gangbangers as ‘cunts’; that part killed me.

Every scene with Hit Girl and Big Daddy (played by Nicolas Cage) had me enthralled from start to finish. They had a great father/daughter chemistry and somehow made bloodthirsty vigilantism seem sweet.

The filmmakers also made the movie much more realistic than I thought. The titular character was actually a pretty pathetic hero. The writers could have taken the easy way out and had Kick-Ass, uh, kick ass as soon as he put on his green and yellow wetsuit.

Instead, the first time he tried to stop a couple of dirtbag thugs from committing a crime, he ended up getting stabbed in the stomach and hit by a car. Actually, he pretty much spent the entire movie getting the shit kicked out of him. Even Hit Girl and Big Daddy weren’t immune to feeling the wrath of the bad guys. Hit Girl’s final fight scene was actually kind of difficult to watch. It’s strange seeing a grown man chokeslam a little girl (albeit one who could kick my ass).

My one problem with the movie was the completely unrealistic, and formulaic, romantic relationship. Shockingly, Kick-Ass was able to get the girl of his dreams. How? She thought he was gay, they became close friends, he told her he was Kick-Ass and that he wasn’t actually gay, then she had sex with him.

What?

Their entire friendship was based on lies and, not only was she cool with she it, but she banged him five minutes after discovering the truth. Completely ridiculous. Plus, she was way too hot for him. But, they did have a pretty graphic sex scene outside of a comic bookstore and it was pretty sweet. So, I’m torn.

Also, the end of the movie was set up perfectly for a sequel. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. The premise seems like more of a one-time thing for me. But, I can guarantee that if Kick-Ass makes $100 million at the box office, Kick-Ass 2 will be crammed down our throats sooner than later.

Verdict: 4 Therapy Sessions for Being Attracted to Hit Girl out of 5