Yankee Fans Born After 2000 Can Now Die in Peace

Am I happy the Yankees won their 27th World Series title last night? Yes and no. I’m happy for Alex Rodriguez; this has been a season of redemption for him and to see A-Rod finally get a chance to taste World Series victory after sixteen years in the big leagues was great to watch.

The talk today is that finally getting a ring truly cements Rodriguez’s legacy as one of the greatest players in baseball history. Um, no. He has always been one of the best to ever play the game. The acquisition of a world championship just legitimizes A-Rod’s transcendence to heroic levels in the eyes of insufferable Yankee fans who don’t fully embrace or respect players until they’ve won a ring in pinstripes.

That is complete bullshit by the way. Before last night, I implored anyone to try this exercise. Listen to a Yankee fan discuss how guys like Scott Brosius and Tino Martinez are better overall players than A-Rod because Martinez and Brosius have multiple rings. Then try not to punch them in the face for being so idiotic. It’s impossible.

This brings me to my point about not being happy New York won the World Series: it’s because of their fans (I made my feelings clear on Yankee fans and New Yorkers during my trip to NYC in the summer of 2008). Now the baseball world has to listen to these idiots preen on and on about how “all is right in the world” and the “World Series is back where it belongs.” Yeah, we’re all very impressed. You spent $200 million on a team with only three starting pitchers you can trust (one of whom is AJ “Choke Artist” Burnett). You have no chance of repeating; enjoy another 10 years of World Series futility.

When Pedro came out throwing his fastball at 85, you knew he was going to have to bite and nibble at the corners to be successful. Unfortunately, umpire Joe West was squeezing Pedro big time, which forced him to throw too many pitches over the middle of the plate and a 38 year old Pedro Martinez can’t afford to do that anymore. What happened? Godzilla jacked him up.

How does Hideki Matsui win the World Series MVP? I know he single-handedly won Game 6 with a historic performance and hit over .600 in the Series, but that number belies his true worth to the Yankees victory. He only played in three games! Matsui was stapled to the bench for Games 3-5 in Philadelphia because Girardi felt he was not one of the top nine guys on the squad offensively and defensively. How can the MVP of the Series be someone who isn’t trusted to play in 50% of the games? If you take away his Game 6 performance, he is a marginal contributor at best.

Also, as one of my astute readers pointed out to me, why does Hideki Matsui still need a translator after spending the better part of a decade living in the United States? (And did you get a look at Matsui’s translator? I’m pretty sure he was Italian). I mean, come on Hideki, let’s put in a little effort. Tom Selleck had to learn to speak Japanese in Mr. Baseball and he was only there for a few months. Absorbing your host country’s culture is a two way street.

Actually, I think Matsui can probably speak English fluently. If you watch his interview with Chris Rose, he nods along to Rose’s questions as though he understands. He probably just didn’t want to speak to Chris Rose directly and for that, I can’t blame him. Rose is just terrible — I mean cringingly bad to watch.

Mark Grace was the best interviewer on TV last night. He was calm, relaxed, asked good questions, and made some jokes. Grace was like the anti Chris Rose. Also, did you know Mark Grace coined the term ‘slumpbuster’, which is code for a ballplayer having sex with a fat girl to get out of a hitting slump?

Truthfully, I think Mark Grace just loves fat girls:

Mark Grace – Hey man, what about that one? She must be pushing 240. I want her bad; need to get out of this slump.

Teammate – Mark you’re hitting .500 the last month. You don’t need a slumpbuster.

Mark Grace – Nah, I could be hitting better. I don’t feel comfortable at the plate. I should probably sleep with her just to be safe.

Where else on the Internet can you get a World Series recap that somehow ends with a discussion of Mark Grace and his love of fat women? That’s it for baseball posts until spring training, unless the Blue Jays do something stupid and trade Roy Halladay in the meantime. Then I will be on suicide watch.