A Tale of Two Leafs

I am writing about the Toronto Maple Leafs way too much (once is more than enough), but I feel it is my duty to be the voice of reason in the moronic world known as the Toronto sports media landscape.

When the Leafs lost their first eight games of the season, pundits blasted the team saying they were going to be the worst team in NHL history, and callers on the Fan 590 explored the possibility of the Leafs going 0-82. People couldn’t get off the bandwagon fast enough.

Then, when the Leafs won two games in a row at the start of the month, the news was all about how the Leafs had “turned a corner” and the scribes at the Toronto Star were breathlessly prepping Brain Burke for sainthood and guaranteeing a playoff appearance. The bandwagon, once again, was full.

Can we just all agree that the Leafs are a shitty team who will not make the playoffs this year? They’re not the worst team ever, but they have just as much of a chance to win the Cup this year as I do of pleasing a woman sexually.

The extreme polarity among Leaf supporters regarding the team’s chances has unfortunately carried over to their opinions of two of the team’s young stars: Phil Kessel and Luke Schenn.

Look, Phil Kessel is a very good National Hockey League Player. He has performed admirably in limited action this season and possesses one of the best releases in the game. However, to hear Leaf Nation describe him, you would think he’s Maurice Richard with one testicle.

Kessel will be a consistent 30 goal scorer in the league, but let’s hold off on planning his Hall of Fame induction speech, shall we? The reason he has looked so good in a Leafs uniform is that the players around him are terrible. I’m an awful soccer player, but if you put me on the pitch against a team of 6 year olds I’ll look like Pele out there.

I realize talking sense into Leafs fans is akin to telling a stripper to keep her clothes on, but I would appreciate if we could all temper our expectations on Mr. Kessel, at least until he’s played ten games or so.

At the other end of the spectrum is Luke Schenn. He can do nothing right in the eyes of the media right now. Everyone wants to know what’s wrong with Luke Schenn? Here’s a thought: HE’S 20 YEARS OLD!!

Do you realize how hard it is to play in the NHL as a twenty year old defenseman? He’s playing the toughest position in the game against the most skilled players in the world. Give the guy a break. When I was twenty, I spent the majority of my time skipping economics classes and trying to get freshman girls to touch me in my special area.

Schenn is going to have some growing pains, it’s inevitable. Unfortunately, last year, the media built him to be some sort of defensive saviour when, in actuality, he should be commended for playing a regular shift at this point in his career.

You can see how the media attention and questions are starting to have adverse affects on young Luke. He’s trying way too hard to make the perfect play on the ice and “redeem” himself in the eyes of Leafs Nation.

Did you see the game in Ottawa where Schenn fought Senator’s tough guy Chris Neil? The kid was terrified before they started trading punches. He has zero confidence right now. Schenn should not be counted on to fight, but he was just trying to endear himself to the Toronto press.

Leave the kid alone.