Buckle your seatbelts ladies and gentlemen the acerbic and nasty sign has been turned on in Gretzpo’s Sports Blog, so expect to feel some major turbulence at your computer screen at a cruising altitude of great writing.Disclaimer: if you are Patrick Kane’s mother, grandmother, or any member of his immediate or extended family I would stop reading immediately. My rage over young Patty’s cab incident is palpable and I just washed down a fifth of Jack Daniels. Plus I’m writing in my underwear so literally anything might happen.
It may seem like I’ve waited a week to weigh in on the issue, so I could gather all the facts and then comment in a carefully prepared, well thought out manner. That would be wrong. I’m on a very tight schedule: Monday to Thursday I watch Youporn videos, Fridays I write for the blog and the weekends are reserved for partying and getting rejected sexually by members of the opposite sex.
It may seem like I’ve waited a week to weigh in on the issue, so I could gather all the facts and then comment in a carefully prepared, well thought out manner. That would be wrong. I’m on a very tight schedule: Monday to Thursday I watch Youporn videos, Fridays I write for the blog and the weekends are reserved for partying and getting rejected sexually by members of the opposite sex.
Also, I’ve never let little things like facts and journalistic accuracy get in my way before so I am not about to start now.
The Patrick Kane incident struck a chord with me because there is nothing I hate more than punk kids with a warped sense of entitlement who think they can treat people they deem inferior like crap.
Let’s be honest: no matter what the extenuating circumstances of the incident are, the issue can be summarized thusly: Patrick Kane, because he is a professional hockey player, is an arrogant, little twerp who thinks he can play by different rules than the rest of us. Rules of social morality and basic human decency do not apply to him.
If he got into a barfight because of the above (say he propositioned some guys’ girlfriend) then that would be a separate issue. Hell, if I was in the NHL I’d have the big wheels on whenever I went out drinking as well.
But Patrick Kane couldn’t try to start something with someone his own age. First, that would require him to not be a huge pussy, which, evidently, is asking a lot. No, he had to pick on an elderly cab driver. Did he start something with this cab driver one on one?
Of course not. He needed the help of his cousin to choke and punch the poor guy because of a fare dispute. Fighting mano a mano, even against a senior citizen, necessitates at least an ounce of testosterone flowing through one’s veins. Obviously little Patty doesn’t have any of that in his system; if he did, then he would probably be able to grow facial hair and weigh more than 150lbs.
The origin of the skirmish is what I find most vexing. Apparently, the two parties squabbled over the change for a payment of fifteen bucks for a $13.80 cab ride.
WHAT??????
Patrick Kane makes $850,000 a year and he’s willing to fight a cab driver for failing to come up with a dollar and twenty cents change? I am not a good enough writer to describe such frugality. That is just fucking ridiculous.
I don’t make any money and I would have let the cabbie keep the change.
What’s the matter Patty? Been spending too much of that entry level contract on convincing drunk teenagers to give you a handjob in the back of your Escalade? Is the extra DOLLAR AND TWENTY CENTS going to make or break this month’s budget? Or are Mommy and Daddy still looking after your finances and they’d be upset knowing you were out drinking underage?
You seem like a White Zinfandel or Bacardi Breezer guy to me. Am I right?
I recall from my university days that you are supposed to make your thesis identifiable in the beginning of your essay. I’m not sure if I did that, so let me do so now.
PATRICK KANE IS A SCRAWNY, LITTLE BITCH.
As I did with my lambasting of Chris Bosh, on the off chance that little Patrick reads this I am laying down the following challenge. Because I have ripped you mercilessly with never having met you, you deserve a chance at retribution. Email me (the link can be found in the Contributor section) and show me that you’re not everything I described above. Christ, you made it to the NHL there has to be a man inside of you somewhere (and your regular Friday night activities don’t count).
And for those readers who will call me a pussy for picking on two guys much scrawnier than me, with no discernible fighting ability, you are absolutely correct. I’m not going to call out someone like Kimbo Slice. Despite evidence to the contrary, I am not an idiot.
Plus I can’t risk having my face disfigured. It’s really all I have.
Tewks is a frequent contributor to Gretzpo’s Sports Blog.
The Patrick Kane incident struck a chord with me because there is nothing I hate more than punk kids with a warped sense of entitlement who think they can treat people they deem inferior like crap.
Let’s be honest: no matter what the extenuating circumstances of the incident are, the issue can be summarized thusly: Patrick Kane, because he is a professional hockey player, is an arrogant, little twerp who thinks he can play by different rules than the rest of us. Rules of social morality and basic human decency do not apply to him.
If he got into a barfight because of the above (say he propositioned some guys’ girlfriend) then that would be a separate issue. Hell, if I was in the NHL I’d have the big wheels on whenever I went out drinking as well.
But Patrick Kane couldn’t try to start something with someone his own age. First, that would require him to not be a huge pussy, which, evidently, is asking a lot. No, he had to pick on an elderly cab driver. Did he start something with this cab driver one on one?
Of course not. He needed the help of his cousin to choke and punch the poor guy because of a fare dispute. Fighting mano a mano, even against a senior citizen, necessitates at least an ounce of testosterone flowing through one’s veins. Obviously little Patty doesn’t have any of that in his system; if he did, then he would probably be able to grow facial hair and weigh more than 150lbs.
The origin of the skirmish is what I find most vexing. Apparently, the two parties squabbled over the change for a payment of fifteen bucks for a $13.80 cab ride.
WHAT??????
Patrick Kane makes $850,000 a year and he’s willing to fight a cab driver for failing to come up with a dollar and twenty cents change? I am not a good enough writer to describe such frugality. That is just fucking ridiculous.
I don’t make any money and I would have let the cabbie keep the change.
What’s the matter Patty? Been spending too much of that entry level contract on convincing drunk teenagers to give you a handjob in the back of your Escalade? Is the extra DOLLAR AND TWENTY CENTS going to make or break this month’s budget? Or are Mommy and Daddy still looking after your finances and they’d be upset knowing you were out drinking underage?
You seem like a White Zinfandel or Bacardi Breezer guy to me. Am I right?
I recall from my university days that you are supposed to make your thesis identifiable in the beginning of your essay. I’m not sure if I did that, so let me do so now.
PATRICK KANE IS A SCRAWNY, LITTLE BITCH.
As I did with my lambasting of Chris Bosh, on the off chance that little Patrick reads this I am laying down the following challenge. Because I have ripped you mercilessly with never having met you, you deserve a chance at retribution. Email me (the link can be found in the Contributor section) and show me that you’re not everything I described above. Christ, you made it to the NHL there has to be a man inside of you somewhere (and your regular Friday night activities don’t count).
And for those readers who will call me a pussy for picking on two guys much scrawnier than me, with no discernible fighting ability, you are absolutely correct. I’m not going to call out someone like Kimbo Slice. Despite evidence to the contrary, I am not an idiot.
Plus I can’t risk having my face disfigured. It’s really all I have.
Tewks is a frequent contributor to Gretzpo’s Sports Blog.
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1 comment:
Wasn't this guy so drunk outside of Joe Cools in London the week before that the bouncers wouldn't let him in.
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