Talkin' with Tewks: I Love Team Canada, but . . .

Fresh off a glorious bachelor party weekend, I am refreshed and ready to write. Gretzpo and I completely dominated the blackjack tables at Casino Niagara; we were riffing, cracking jokes, making friends with dealers, pit bosses and other casino patrons; we actually had a crowd around us watching us play.

At one point, we were on such a hot streak (three blackjacks in a row) that we dubbed ourselves the BJ kids. For some reason, that nickname garnered quite a bit of attention from a couple of flamboyant fellas. They kept buying us apple martinis; nice guys.

A few of you expressed some anger in not getting your weekly Tewks fix and for that I apologize. The surgeon general should really put a disclaimer on the home page indicating the addictive properties of such journalistic excellence.

Before I dive in today’s topic, let me begin by saying that I am a huge supporter of Canadian athletes. I love all things Canada and will fiercely cheer on Canadian content in international competitions no matter how mundane or silly the sport. I have spent Olympic years transfixed by Canadian medal hopefuls in rhythmic gymnastics, skeleton and synchronized swimming.

That being said, I consider the hoopla surrounding Hockey Canada’s orientation camp for the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver to be nothing short of ridiculous. As a proud Canadian, I may be committing blasphemy with this next statement, but I do not give two shits about four days of practice in August for a tournament that is six months away.

I completely understand and agree with the necessity of creating team chemistry and unity among Canada’s top players; what I can’t fathom is the incessant and, more often that not, inane media coverage of the event.

All of Canada’s sports networks are equally guilty; TSN, Sportsnet and The Score have devoted dozens of minutes of their highlight shows to reporting on the mind-numbing minutiae of each practice.

All of these talking heads keep telling viewers that the team will made during the first three months of the regular season and to ‘not read too much into what goes on at camp.’ Ten seconds after that sentence escapes their lips, they excitedly make wild predictions that so and so might be on the bubble due to a lacklustre practice session.

Let’s use our brains here guys. Do you really think Mike Babcock will leave Rick Nash off the Olympic roster because he messed up a three man weave?

Not only do they report on the mood and efficacy of each practice session, but they discuss and dissect the off day team building activities. I actually had Pierre McGuire and his crack reporting tell me that Sidney Crosby sucks at fly fishing and Jarome Iginla is really good at golf.

In the words of Alex Rios, who gives a fuck?

I don’t care if Crosby clubs baby seals in his spare time; as long as he brings home the gold, I could not care less about his off ice exploits.

The main reason I’m so upset about the coverage of orientation week is the adverse effect it is having on my consumption of baseball highlights. We are nearing the first week of September, the pennant and wildcard races are heating up and I have to waste ten minutes of my morning listening to James Duthie breathlessly examine the possibility of Eric Staal playing right wing.

The nightly baseball recap should be the lead story on every highlight show, not some glorified shinny session which contained exactly zero hits and was just an excuse for Hockey Canada to make a few bucks off 16,000 gullible Calgarians.

Do I think Canada has a shot at the gold? Absolutely. I think we will have the most depth of any country in the tournament. Also, never underestimate the power of the home crowd. The only team that scares me are the Russians; they might have one of the best offences in IIHF history. Imagine this power play unit: Ovechkin, Malkin, Datsyuk, Gonchar and Kovalchuk. If I was a goaltender, those five names would keep me up at night.

I propose a moratorium on Olympic hockey talk until the first of February; or at least until a World Series champion is crowned.

Tewks is a frequent contributor to Gretzpo’s Sports Blog.